In defense of the sanctimonious women's studies set || First feminist blog on the internet

Q&A

Melanie from Just a Bump on the Beltway offered an interview to her readers. I bit.

1. Someone new is coming for dinner at your invitation. What will you cook and why?
I always grill out, vegetables mainly but sometimes a chicken with an awesome barbeque sauce. If it isn’t grilling out, it’s something simple like a homemade pizza with wine and salad. I prefer a comfortable, casual atmosphere above all else for both our sakes.

2. You are headed for the library looking for something new to read. What will you check out? Do you know?
Nope. When I go to the library, I hit up a call number that has something I’m generally interested in and comb the shelves for gems. Otherwise I’m in the new releases section judging books by their covers.

3. Your part of the world is about to be treated to a complete lunar eclipse at about 4 AM. What will you do. The range of options here is huge, by the way.
I’ll probably be the dork outside trying to get a premium picture for the blog.

4. You get a covetted invite to one of Bush’s Social Security roadshows. What do you do?
In a perfect world, I’d bring my dad along so I could mortify him by standing up and screaming something about Lyndon LaRouche, not that I care about LaRouche or anything. In reality, I’d sit there nicely and sip off my flask of ipecac.

5. When was the last time you wrote to one of your legislators, municipal or national? What did you write about?
I wrote about a month ago on the subject of the state bill outlawing gay marriage. I think we already have a law on the books defining marriage as between a man and woman, but they wanted a constitutional amendment for the state explicitly outlawing gay marriage. I wrote soon after that when state legislators threatened to have partnership laws banished, laws that would guarantee the right to gay partners’ insurance, etc., granted by private businesses.

I know that Indiana probably won’t see any sort of progressive light within the next few years, but I got so fed up with the homophobic tripe that I had to put an alternative voice out there. Also, whenever I write a letter to my legislators, I also follow up soon after with a letter to the local paper. The Opinions editor doesn’t like me too much — we once got in a two hour fight over the phone when I told him his newspaper was a piece of shit.

So, yes, local readers. Whenever you see me bitching about something or other in the paper, it has also been forwarded to a government official. Not that it does any good. All I get in return is a certified letter signed by a stamp, addressed to a Mr. Lauren B—-.

If anyone is chomping at the bit for an interview of their own, leave a note in the comments.

Personality: Quick and Dirty

And now, a gratuitous exercise in self-(non)reflection.

INTJ -The Mastermind
Your Type is 40% Extroverted, 37% Observant, 68% Logical and 50% Structured

You are more introverted than extroverted. You are more intuitive than
observant, you are more thinking-based than feeling-based, and you
prefer to have a plan rather than leaving things to chance. Your type
is best described by the word “mastermind”, which belongs to the larger
group called rationals. Only 1% of the population shares your type. You
are very strong willed and self-confident. You can hardly rest until
you have things settled. You will only adopt ideas and rules if they
make sense. You are a great brainstormer and often come up with
creative solutions to difficult problems. You are open to new concepts,
and often actively seek them out.

As a romantic partner, you can be both fascinating yet demanding. You
are not apt to express your emotions, leaving your partner wondering
where they are with you. You strongly dislike repeating yourself or
listening to the disorganized process of sorting through emotional
conflicts. You see your own commitments as self-evident and don’t see
why you need to repeat something already expressed. You have the most
difficulty in admitting your vulnerabilities. You feel the most
appreciated when your partner admires the quality of your innovations
and when they listen respectfully to your ideas and advice. You need
plenty of quiet to explore your interests to the depth that gives you
satisfaction.

Your group summary: rationals (NT)
Your type summary: INTJ

The Quick and Dirty Personality Test

Part of the quiz rings particularly true. I’m horribly mid-western when it comes to expressing emotions — I might as well not have emotions apart from indignation, anger, and amusement. I absolutely despise repeating myself. Once I’ve said something, I’ve said it, and that’s exactly what I meant. I choose my words carefully in my interpersonal conversations (sometimes to a fault — halting endlessly through a thought until I’ve forgotten what I intended to say). If you didn’t get it the first time, you are not only dim, you are also wasting my time. Furthermore, I’m not a big fan of listening to people’s endless ruminations on their problems without doing a thing to change any of them.

And vulnerabilities? Shit, I don’t have them. Unless you count the Achilles heel as a vulnerability. And I don’t.

Needless to say, my commitment to being more compassionate in my personal interactions (as opposed to my activist self, a piece of me inherently compassionate) has been a trial. Unless you’re in my “in” group, you’re unlikely to see a raw, uncensored emotion in me.

One major fault in this personality quiz, having effectively stripped myself of subjectivity, is my ability to cry on the drop of a dime. Nobody cries alone, whether you’re on TV or right in front of me. Unless you’re crying because you’re frustrated with me, in which case I stop caring because I’m always right. Always. No, really.

And parenting. It’s a process.

More on the iNTj, which is a fairly accurate analysis of my approach to relationships and the world.

Grab the Febreeze, Honey

I know Mac has written about this before, but now it’s my turn.

I got hungry last night and poured myself a big bowl of Kashi cereal. I ate it in front of a movie, not thinking too much about my mild lactose intolerance or the cereal that will henceforce be known as “colon blow.” But you can be sure I’m regretting that bowl of cereal this morning. Ethan and Pablo are wondering about it, too.

Pablo has only two jobs in this household: 1) wake me up at 6am every morning with a shrill meow and tail or whiskers dangled just above my face, and 2) take the blame for our farts. He does both quite well.

“Exhaustion” Is Fair

Ethan regaled the finer points of tornado drills in the car this afternoon. They have to go out in the hall, he said, and kneel in front of their lockers with their hands over their heads. And when the teacher calls their names, they must say “here” or “present.” I asked him if he knew what “present” means, thinking of explaining the ultimate coolness of synonyms. “Present,” he said, “is when we have a president.”

I giggled. It’s too bad our president isn’t present himself. Nonetheless, we did touch on homophones even if the example at hand isn’t a homophone at all.

*

It’s fair to say that I’m exhausted. For several weeks, I’ve been resisting the urge to say I have mono. Or maybe I’m just bored.

Although I continue reading blogs, I’m having a hard time coming up with my own words and leave my own posts half-finished and sloppy. I’d rather nap and knit and cook things in my filthy kitchen that will get cleaned this weekend goddammit along with the rest of the house. But I feel so lazy and distant, unable to connect with the tasks at hand. I was able to finagle a load of free time for myself this past week and spent most of it asleep or working furiously away on looming deadlines.

As of late, if I could sleep 18 hours a day I would. Is this better than the insomnia?

One Rumor and One More Injury

While waiting for my project partner to show up at my house (dude, where the hell are you?), I took a long walk to campus to get some iced chai. When I walked into the coffee shop, by this point dripping sweat down my forehead and off the upper lip as I tend to do when I get off my ass and start moving every Spring, two women sitting nearby on a couch looked at me and said, “Is that her?”

“I think so.”

“Go ask.”

“No!”

I looked over at them and the two broke out into shit-eating grins. They looked like grad students or fresh faculty. One said hello. I said hello back. Then I got my coffee and sat outside on the patio for a few minutes before I left. Though tempted to talk to them, I didn’t.

I’ve had a bit of paranoia lately about the blog and about people recognizing me on the street, especially since my full name is more visible now than ever and because I’ve gotten email from several people on campus inquiring about me. I’ve only been approached about this blog by one person and it was an uncomfortable experience. Sometimes I forget about the publicity of this thing, and just how different I feel in person as opposed to the somewhat planned and guarded nature of online writing.

I walked home and mused about the evening, wondering if my project partner would ever call me (still hasn’t), and realized as soon as I walked in the door that I had a massive blister on the bottom of my foot, buried under one of the thickest callouses on my feet. And yes, it fucking hurts.

Thwarted

Plans for the day were thwarted when I decided to slice my left hand open in myraid ways: knife, tin can, nail clippers. Too many band-aids to knit, clean, or type.

Maybe I’ll nap –can’t hurt myself too badly while sleeping.

Where’s The Party At?

Took a break from cleaning the kitchen to sit down at the computer with a cup of coffee. I opened up by bloglines account and took a look at what’s going on at Alternet. The first article that shows up is titled “Where’s the Party At?

One of my best friend’s mothers is a Toastmaster. Every time I went over to her house as a teen, she good-naturedly corrected our grammar, specifically if she overheard sentences like, “Where are they at?” A shrill answer would float in from the adjoining room: “Right before the at!”

Years later, when the group 702 released their single “Where My Girls At?” I bristled and grit my teeth. Your girls are right before the at. Same with the Democratic party, Alternet. The party is right before the at.

With my mood today, Alternet should be glad they didn’t get a certified letter of complaint.

Basketball and a Bad, Bad Mood

I’m in a sour mood today, therefore holing myself up in the house and making some garbage soup. Fresh okra is available this time of year, and that’s one thing that makes the soup so damn good. That and the tobasco sauce.

I’ll also be working on Clapotis, cleaning house, and drinking coffee even though I practically gave it up months ago. Pablo also informs me that his litter box needs emptied (he must have learned to read, write, and type when I was out last night – and with such good grammar!).

On days like this my mood requires a quarantine. It may very well be contagious.

In the meantime, read about feminist conflict over Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University women’s basketball team becoming part of the Sweet Sixteen. Roni sent me this story, but being no sports expert have very little to say on the subject. Roni says,

So a man who hates feminists, hates political correctness, and rejects socialism was seen sitting courtside and cheering on his women’s basketball team. Talk about Twilight Zone.

Remember Title IX, anyone?

There is also an interesting discussion taking place at Women’s Hoops regarding (presumably) anti-feminist women taking advantage of feminist advancements in athletics. Women’s Hoops is a very cool site that talks about everything from women in basketball to athletic politics to Title IX.

Dr. B weighs in as well on the subject with Women’s Sports and Sexuality.

Tattooing and the Ideal Female Body

No pictures; don’t ask.

Kameron Hurley points out this Livejournal thread on tattooing and the ideal female body:

This past weekend, the Women’s Studies department at my university held a conference, and one of the presenters read a paper that she’d written about the female tattooed body. She talked about some historical aspects of tattooing and how she believes that tattooing has been co-opted by mainstream culture and has therefore lost a lot of its spiritual meaning. She also commented on how because tattooing has traditionally been viewed as a male-only venture, women who do get tattoos feel compelled to:

a) get a tattoo with traditionally “feminine” imagery; e.g. a flower or a butterfly
b) get a tattoo that can be easily concealed, e.g. on the lower back, so as not to compromise femininity

I’ve noticed that this is largely true, and I found the paper quite interesting. While many women may not explicitly be choosing tattoos based on this reasoning, it seems like women, when considering tattoo designs and placement, have really been influenced by what society expects a woman’s body to look like.

For the record, I call those small-of-the-back tattoos butt-staches, visual kin to the moustache. Also known as ass-toppers.

Having had reasonably close ties to the local body modification community from adolesence onward, I must say I generally agree with these points. However, I don’t find it much of a stretch to say that the vast majority of people who get tattoos and piercings have little to no appreciation or knowledge about the history and art of bodily modification. Those who find themselves outside of this community tend to get the requisite bellybutton piercing or butterfly tattoo. It is rare to find a person with a large, obvious tattoo who a) is not well-informed of the depth of body mod culture, or b) got it for intensely personal reasons.

My own tattoo is indeed rather feminine and in a place where it is easily hidden for professional consideration, but it is also much larger than the average bear’s. Anyhow, I can’t speak for most women on this point because I got my tattoo for explicitly feminist reasons.

When I was pregnant, I suffered from the delusion that once the boy was born my body would just “snap back,” that the day he was born I would be back to my flat-bellied, pre-pregnancy eighteen-year-old body. One night shortly before the illness took over and labor was induced, I was reading “The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy.”

This book should be burned, not because it contains inaccurate information or anything of the sort, but because one of the very last chapters of the book — the chapter following all those other chapters that tells the mother-to-be that she is beautiful, glowing, healthy, goddess-like, etc. — is titled “The Ol’ Grey Mare Just Ain’t What She Used To Be.” Ouch.

This chapter is the one that finally informs the pregnant woman in question that she will

  1. Always have stretchmarks,
  2. Have droopy breasts no matter if she breastfeeds or not, and
  3. Will probably never get back to her pre-pregnancy shape unless she indulges in an obscene amount of plastic surgery.

This coming from a former Playboy playmate. Thanks a lot, lady.

I remember reading this chapter and breaking into hysterics. The tears are probably attributable to the third trimester hormone rampage, but I chose to hold onto my belief that all it would take was a diet and some exercise to “get my body back.”

Needless to say, I never “got it back,” but not for lack of trying. I developed an unhealthy preoccupation for diet and exercise, sometimes starving myself and sometimes exercising to excess. I got down to my lowest weight ever, but did not look like I did before. I don’t know if I would go so far as to say that I had an eating disorder. All it took to reform myself was a conscious change in attitude and the first taste of real mayonaisse in two years. Good god, that mayo.

Despite my reform away from the self-inflicted abuse, I resented my inability to reverse the toll pregnancy had taken on my body and took it out on the other young women around me wearing skimpy clothing all summer long, while I settled with jeans, t-shirts, and bras big and pointy enough to put Marilyn to shame.

One day I decided I had had enough with the resentment and shame and disappointment about my body. Once I realized I would never have the ideal female body, and that I had never had the ideal female body, I felt the need to do something to “get my body back.” I needed to make it mine — not my son’s, not my partner’s, not some stranger’s. Mine. I stopped pining over the ideal that never was and never would be and settled on making myself into my own ideal.

Within the month, I took the money I had scrounged from spare change and set aside for a possible future vacation and put it toward my new tattoo. I was done honoring the bodily expectations of others.

The night I came home from getting the outline done, an eight-hour session I should add, I pained over the web of hardening scabs across my back, slept on my stomach, and bitched all the sleepless night about my aching kidneys. But when I woke up the next morning, I went to shower and, shocked, stopped dead in front of the mirror. I looked at myself in a way I hadn’t in a very long time: beautiful.

Such was the beginning of the long journey to self-love. But better.

Today the tattoo feels like less of an anomaly and more like a part of myself that should have always been there. Before I got the tattoo, my skin, my visual self, was a text always in need of a good edit. Swipe off a paragraph here, add some descriptive language there, in need of a better introduction or a more polished end. Now, instead of the constant self-criticism that plagues many and once plagued me, I have a beloved visual reminder of the value of accepting one as he or she is.

That’s as good a reason as any to submit to some ink.

On my other tattoo: Stars.

Projects, Illness, Etc.

Thanks to everyone who participated in the Open Blog Wednesday! We had some awesome posts here, and if I get some time, will highlight them individually.

I’ve been busy completing a Super Top Secret Web Project that will be all of cool, awesome, and funny, in addition to taking care of E who has been sick with an unidentifiable fever for the last 2-3 weeks. Since no one can decide what is going on, I have officially diagnosed it as either hay fever or ebola.

In the meantime, I’m still seeking submissions for the project I outlined yesterday. Other topics I’m thinking of having people cover are how to start and maintain a container garden, ways to find cheap everythings, and technological innovations that help us circumvent or cut down on monthly bills. I’ve had a few takers already and am trying to figure out how we’ll do this in an egalitarian manner.

As soon as this and a few other projects are done, I will be back to my regular blogging schedule.