First off, this will be my last post of the week. It’s been lovely and I’m so pleased to have had the opportunity. So come by and chat at my blog if you’re so inclined.
I figured that for my last post, I’d go for a little navel gazing and then one last picture of Bronx.
When I went to go meet T’s extended family for the first time last Christmas, I knew in advance that they were a conservative lot. I also know that I am not all that great at keeping my mouth shut, smiling, and nodding. I can do it for short periods of time and then I’m forced to drag T aside and rant about whatever is chapping my hide at the present moment while he implores me to keep my voice down and agrees with me all in one breath. And when we were greeting at the door by T’s aunt, smiling and wearing a bejeweled God brooch, I knew that I was more unprepared than I realized.
As I was introduced to T’s aunts, uncles, cousins, and cousins’ kids, they were all very pleasant. They said how nice it was to meet me and how lovely the wedding was going to be. And then they stopped. I waited for them to ask about law school or working for the Army or my family or *anything*. Nothing. T kept on answering his uncles’ questions about school or what he was up to professionally these days, but every question posed to me was about the wedding.
It was then that I had an important realization: with one exception, all of T’s female cousins and the wives of his male cousins are all stay at home moms. (The one who’s not a SAHM is single and works in retail.) They all live in the same small town and belong to locally prominent families. They’re well educated and well off. And we have nothing at all in common.
Under normal family circumstances, I wouldn’t worry too much about this. I’d see them at holidays, smile, nod, and drink a lot of Christmas punch. But come September, I am going to have to chat with all of the women in T’s family for an entire afternoon during a wedding shower.* My wedding shower.
Every wedding shower I’ve ever been to has been awash in gendered traditions, giggling about sex, and some really, really bizarre ideas about the inherent nature of men and women, none of which I want any part of. I could deal with the giggling about sex, but probably not with this crowd. My future mother-in-law is throwing the shower and has promised that there will be no ridiculous games and similar, but I’m still nervous. Are there survival tips for dealing with people you barely know, must make nice to, with whom you have nothing in common? I’ve already made a note of not mentioning my own lack of desire to be a SAHM or waxing poetic about Linda Hirschman. But beyond that, I’m not too sure.
In my own way, I’m mostly worried about being judged for not changing my name, not planning to stay at home, and dragging T to all corners of the globe while I work for the Army. Reading what I’ve just typed, I still have a hard time processing the fact that any of those things would be controversial or cause for comment, although I know they will be. And I know who to blame.
*BTW, is there a purpose for wedding showers besides getting more gifts?
P.S. And before I depart, one last puppy picture:
