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Does this make me “abstiniphobic”?

Jill

One of the things I always find humorous about the anti-sex crowd is that they try to frame their regressive worldview as “radical” or “counterculture” — as in, the teevee sez everyone is having sex, and so they’re going totally against the grain by telling you you’re a huge whore if you open your legs. The argument that there have always been large groups of anti-sex control freaks telling women what to do with our lady-parts seems to fall on deaf ears.

But at least now we have some tangible proof: They’re borrowing their talking points directly from early-50s chastity manuals.

Posted in Sex

16 thoughts on Does this make me “abstiniphobic”?

  1. It’s wrong to insist women who have sex are whores. But it’s also wrong to insist all women who abstain are frigid, ugly, or brainwashed by abstinence propaganda. I know you don’t say so, but some liberals do, and it bothers me. The choice to abstain should be made freely and not pressured, but when made freely it should be respected.

  2. Interesting. Yes, in a lot of ways there are similarities between “radical” anti-sex and the far right. Good catch.

    I think a nuanced approach is certainly possible — highly recommend “The Lolita Effect” for parents, teachers and those involved in bringing up kids.

  4. Does this make me “abstiniphobic”?

    And if it does, does that make the people who push this stuff “abstinophiles”?

  5. I’ve never head of this ant-sex movement but it definitely sounds radical to me. Sure, its regressive in the sense that it includes lesser evolved creatures; but look on the bright side, at least its not aunt-sex.

  6. They’re completely right, abstinence is radical.

    The counterculture won during the 60s. 99% of people do have sex before marriage. It is thought of as unremarkable. Hell, the only icon of popular culture I can think of that embraces chastity is Red Sonja. The truth is that the abstinence movement are the outsiders.

    What I find humorous is that pretty much all the leading lights of the feminist blogosphere – Jill here , and Amanda at Pandagon, and Jessica at Feministing – seem convinced that they’re the radical embattled minority and that anti-sex crowd are the establishment. That’d be true if you were born 50 years earlier, but now it’s just delusional.

  7. What I find humorous is that pretty much all the leading lights of the feminist blogosphere – Jill here , and Amanda at Pandagon, and Jessica at Feministing – seem convinced that they’re the radical embattled minority and that anti-sex crowd are the establishment.

    Uh, no. But I do find it humorous that you are severely challenged in the reading comprehension area.

  8. “Uh, no. But I do find it humorous that you are severely challenged in the reading comprehension area.”

    Okay, maybe. I can’t see why you’d think it’s humorous that the anti-sex crowd think they’re “radical” and mock them for it, if you though their assessment was correct (as is actually the case).

    Which do you think is the culture and which the counter-culture? If they are the counterculture, then they’re perfectly right to say they’re radical, and I can’t see what’s so humorous.

  9. Um, james? The anti-sex stance goes back centuries and is supported by much of mainstream Christianity (the dominant religion in the United States). It is manifested by the increasing popularity of abstinence-only “education.” It’s main talking-points have not changed in 50 years. And the “slut” stigma is still widespread. This does not say “counterculture” to me.

    The fact that so many people do not follow it to the letter is merely a sign that it is ineffective.

  10. *its

    I hate it when other people make that mistake. This is why I should read things over before posting them.

  11. Which do you think is the culture and which the counter-culture?

    i know you didn’t address me, but i don’t see either as either.

    to abstain or engage in sex are both choices. they are both very personal decisions, both holding good merit if made freely by those involved.

    to call one “culture” and the other “counter-culture” diminishes them as valid choices. it is not the place of anyone not personally involved in the decision to shame someone for making one or the other. there are plenty of good reasons to abstain, just as there are plenty of good reasons not to. i don’t think anyone here is saying that sex is the norm or that not having sex is the norm (i could be wrong), but rather trying to figure out what the big damn deal is.

    some people have sex.

    some don’t.

    neither choice is unnatural or superior.

    just my $.02

  12. What we have now is a culture that appropriates almost schizophrenically and certainly in a very patriarchal way from both the sex-positive and pro-abstinence sides. Statistically, most people have sex before they’re 18, the vast majority have sex before they’re married (even if, before or afterwards, they publicly embrace abstinence.) If you read Cosmo or Maxim, if you watch any sitcom on TV, you get the message that naturally women sleep with their long-term boyfriends, and will probably have several one-night stands as well. Honestly, it’s easy to see why the right can construct a narrative that we now live in such an anything-goes culture that abstinence is counter-cultural.

    But actually we don’t.

    We’re now operating under the illusion that there’s some perfect amount of “acceptable” sex to have, and if you fall on either side of the line you’re either a slut or a prude. Or possibly both at the same time. And always, that perfect amount of acceptable sex is in service to male sexuality – aren’t almost all of the sex articles in Cosmo about how to please your man?

  13. The only article in that “Youth Magazine” that made me jump was some little blurb that said “The divorce rate rises 50%-100% if you live together before marriage!” which struck me as terrible journalism and absolutely rubbish – I remember seeing studies that pointed to the opposite.

    Here’s the thing; the part that makes us a ‘counter-culture’ is saying that its ok to have sex. The magazine that pandagon is clipping from keeps on harping about second virginity, second virginity, second virginity – you should STOP having sex, Jesus still loves you and you can still repackage your hymen…

    The idea that you can have sex without getting pregnant, an STD, heartbroken, or becoming a dirty, dirty whore is almost nonexistant in our culture.

  14. When I first saw that heading, I keep reading “abstiniphobic” as the irrational fear of drinking absinthe.

  15. Oh, dear…more busybodyism from the right. Is it too much to ask them and everyone else that an individual’s sex life is only the business of him/her and his/her partner(s)….or him/herself if doing it alone?

    Don’t these people have anything better to do with their lives?

    I know you don’t say so, but some liberals do, and it bothers me.

    I’ve experienced some of this at my undergrad when some of the socio-economically privileged classmates accused me of being “repressed” for not having much expressed interest in sex when asked.

    What was grating wasn’t the fact they were liberal…but that all of them were so secure in their high socio-economically privilege that they didn’t care that my reasons were due to prioritizing my studies so I could maintain the scholarship which made my education possible and thus, improve my odds of graduating. This was a serious fear of mine as an uncle and several older cousins came close to/were tossed out of college for overprioritizing their leisurely activities…including having sex at the expense of their studies.

    Unlike those classmates, my uncle, and those older cousins whose parents had the resources and connections to help them if they faltered in their undergrad career…..I did not have them and I knew if I f&^ked up this educational opportunity, that was it…no more college.

  16. Way O/T I know, but Jeez, there’s an ad up there for “Homeland Security Training in Israel” from Security Services International. What’s the training consist of? Torture a Palestinian or twenty? Shoot pregnant Palestinian women in the abdomen?

    Just creepy.

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