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Feministe Feedback – Posting on the Internets Under Your Real Name

Jill

Feministe Feeback

I am a relatively active member of the message boards for my college newspaper, especially on stories about rape and sexual harassment. Recently, there was a very heated debate about a possible rape at a fraternity party. Most people rushed to the frat’s defense, saying the usual victim-blaming fodder. I, on the other hand, was defending the girl’s actions (which included going to get medically examined) and was trying to set the other posters straight on consent and alcohol. Anyway, when discussing rape and sexual assault, I have no problem with talking about my own experiences with rape, because I feel it personalizes the situation since many proponents of victim-blaming seem to imagine the rape happens in OTHER PLACES to OTHER PEOPLE. Also relevant to this, I always use my real name on the posts, since it is a school-based forum and I have no problem attaching my names to my ideas or writing.

Well, people must have run out of things to discuss about the case because they turned to personally attacking me. Now, this wouldn’t bug me so much, but the attacks are very hurtful regarding my experiences with rape. I worry that others who will read it will see my real name, may know me, and may start forming negative opinions about me.

I know I shouldn’t care what people say or think, but it’s hard when your personhood is under attack, even from strangers. My question is this: do I stop even trying? Do I stop using my name? Should I respond, and if so, how?

Thoughts? Do you blog/write/post under your real name? Do you switch to a psuedonym when you write about personal experiences? Do you not write about certain things if you’re writing under your real name? How do you balance sharing your experiences with maintaining your sanity in public, semi-anonymous spaces? Suggestions for this reader in particular?

50 thoughts on Feministe Feedback – Posting on the Internets Under Your Real Name

  1. Oh my god — I had an exceedingly similar experience this very week. And I also use my real and full name.

    There is a difference in that this is not resulting in repercussions in my offline life, and don’t expect it to . . . but the writer is right in the fact that it is very hurtful, and it’s amazing the things that people will say to one another. Knowing that your full name is out there and how horrible these folks are does make you worry, though.

    Personally, it’s important to me to not feel silenced and change what I’m doing based on the assholes out there, because there will always be assholes. Of course, I also fully understand those who can’t deal with it, and that here there is a stronger need to ensure social and physical safety. Your own emotional health is always the most important thing.

    To the woman who wrote this, I don’t have any suggestions. Sadly, I think this is something that I think you’ll have to figure out on her own. But I want to offer my solidarity and say that no person should have to go through this, particularly when the attacks stem from your trying to help other people. Please just know that you’re not in this alone and whatever you decide to do, know that they are the shitty excuses for human beings. And that you are right. If you’d like to talk about any of this further, you’re more than welcome to email me (anonymously, if you like).

  2. I decided to go pseudonymous years ago, mostly because when I write about BDSM, if I use my own name (1) the fishbowl practice area I work in will all titter and gossip and I don’t want it to be a distraction; and (2) my spouse did not sign on to be an ambassador for BDSM and if I used my real name, she would likely have to deal with our sex life with her family and her professional colleagues.

    It’s easy to say that’s controversial (and I notice a lot of temporarily-anon commentors when BDSM or sexual practice generally comes up. But lots of topics are controversial or hot-buttons to someone.

    They say there are old pilots and bold pilots but no old, bold pilots …

  3. I should add, because of my spouse’s sensitivity, on the blogs even pseudonymously I do not write about the specifics of what we do when I am topping. What I do as a bottom is really personal to me, but I’ll discuss it psuedonymously. My spouse does not want her deeply personal experiences as a bottom to be fodder for others’ discussion, even if nobody knows it’s her they are talking about.

  5. absolutely not. i do not blog/write under my real name. the reprocussions not only for me, but for people i care about are not worth it. i’ve taken crap for not using my real name, but sorry, my security and some level of privacy are worth it to me.

    i think it’s a tough decision to make, writing under your real name or not…even if not dealing with truly explosive issues and topics. however, a persons use of their real name or a handle makes no difference to me in how seriously i take them…after all, people have reasons to want that distance, that privacy.

  6. I blog and comment under my own name. I think I made the decision in part because it was easier than trying to be clever with an online handle :). It was also because I didn’t anticipate the need to blog/comment about things in a public space like the internet that I wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing publicly with people face-to-face. I tend to go for honesty as far as I can, and keep those things I want to stay private (or other people wish kept private) private.

    I understand the value of the internet for people to discuss difficult issues with a greater degree of privacy or distance than face-to-face interaction could provide, and I respect peoples’ decisions to post and participate in discussion anonymously or using a pseudonym. I’m really glad the internet has made those discussions more possible. It’s just not something I feel comfortable doing.

    But this does certainly mean that I’m aware of the fact that the things I write about are transparent: they could be traced back to me, an actual person, and–if I write about other folks–back to them, as actual people. And that does shape the way I write about certain topics, what I disclose about myself and them, and how I do that. (like, for example, asking permission before I quote them or tell stories with identifying details).

    The situation of an intracommunity blogspace (like this college site in the original post) is a tricky one. It seems like in a forum like that, it might be possible to enlist the assistance of the college administration to circumscribe the debate and affirm that it’s the college’s job to protect their students from personal attacks–virtual or otherwise. This doesn’t necessarily entail shutting the discussion down–but I would definitely look into the possibility of having, say, some members of the counseling staff participate in the discussion. No one should have to defend their personal lives in a public space all alone.

  7. I use a pseudonym for blogging. I use a different pseudonym just about everywhere else, as my real name could be linked to the other pseudonym, and I don’t want prospective employers to link my name directly to trans activism.

    Also, having seen how Ren’s “critics” have treated her, and considering how some of those same women have approached me, I see no reason to change my decision now – I’m sticking with this name.

  8. I got black mailed by someone in Pakistan who said that he was with the ISI and the whole thing was that he wanted me to send me pics of meself.
    Now I was using me own name and he got personal information on me cos the person i thought i was dealing with, she was gone, and it was him remain. Now what he was saying was like this, he can get me in big big trouble cos of drugs and stuff and get me arrest even in UK (it’s false, i got prescription depend and its from me doctor), he told it’s heroin etc and he, cos he’s a Inter Services Intelligence Officer can inform UK Police and get me arrest and sent to Pakistan and then, you all know what situation I will be in, of course. Another, he was telling me that he had tap line on our phone in me house and got me so paranoid I was sick with fear. Now for a Pakistani person, of course, we are afraid of ISI, so much so that I could not eat or drink even, never mind sleep cos I was convince that if I don’t photo meself and send- then I am going to get sent to Pakistan for interrogation, even though i done nothign wrong. And this guy would call me up on messenger and demand X, Y, Z, crazy stuff that I never even imagine in me life. BUt then I realize, if I giving in to this then that’s me end, he will have a pic and more reason to black mail me, not less, like what YOUTUBE is doing, Pakistani girls are getting mobile recorded then it’s posted and then they are getting blackmailed (this is another story anyhow, me and youtube, no way, they refuse to remove cos they don’t care what they doing- even though in Pakistan this can lead to the girl getting murdered by her family, anyhow). So then I thought, go to HELL, bring all ure lousy spies and wire taps and try to send me to Pakistan, no way, this is UK, I got me rights, this is not some place u can just exploit me fear of the state, and I stood up and screamed out, “Leave me alone!” And he was like a rat, just shock, cos he can’t believe I will shout like that. Then I disconnect me computer and sitting in me living room for hours, then days pass, then no knock at the door, it was just bluff, 100%, no police. But I didn’t know ofcourse. So i think no one should post under real name, this is why i want to use Pakistani Heretical Girl even on Feministe and I am sorry if this confuses also, but i got to look after meself, it’s like that.

  9. I think it can be hard enough to write/comment under the same handle everywhere. I don’t- my LJ is a different name than here and some blogs I go by my first name. Part of that is that I don’t particularly want everyone to have access to all those different aspects of myself- my atheism is different from my sex life and my feminism and my love of hobbies, even though they all inform each other. I think it makes it easier to be less consistent in my life, in the way people always are- I don’t want to write about my sex life and have it become fodder for how I am not feminist enough, or have my atheism be a reason that my crafting isn’t good enough. It isn’t always something I do on purpose, either- sometimes my chosen handle isn’t available, or I shift the name on a blog so that people don’t confuse me with other posters, or a different handle is better for a certain site because it works with the topic. I admire that people blog on one name, but it can be hard- a few weeks ago, here, there was a post about a woman in Illinois who got the right to have children even though her aunt sued. I commented, and was quoted as ableist. That seems fair, though I struggled with it for a while because I don’t think I am a bad person. I hope that in a few years I can look back at that and understand where I went wrong, but I don’t know that I want people to know what I struggle with- its a little bit too much like hanging up pictures of my puberty for all the world to see, if that makes sense. That is why I don’t blog under my own name- I don’t want people to see my struggles. It doesn’t help that I am a private person dealing with certain emotional situations.

    For the record, my first name-last name combo is unique. I don’t know how unique yours is, and I do think that can play into it. My only advice is that if it comes up, and you don’t want to be tied to that discussion, deny, deny, deny. Most people who don’t want to believe it is you (say, your mother) will come up with plenty of reasons it can’t be you anyway.

  10. Definitely always use a pseudonym. I have commented and written about personal things, like rape and abortion. While I am not ashamed of having been a victim of rape, or choosing to have an abortion, there are people out there who would judge me for that. And they might be interviewing me for a job. Maybe if I ever get tenure I will start using my real name.

    I actually have more than one internet pseudonym. One of them, which is, for instance, my Wikipedia name, is associated with my real name, as I met people in the flesh who then started calling me by my name instead of my pseudonym in internet-land, and I was vaguely using my qualifications for Wikipedia editing purposes. So I keep this pseudonym and that pseudonym separate, as that one can be traced easily to my real identity.

    There’s one particular Wikipedia troll who is both somewhat disturbed and also very misogynist. He had a website where he criticized certain Wikipedia editors, said sexually suggestive things about the six-year-old daughter of the founder of Wikipedia, and railed on various MRA-like topics. He particularly dislikes Wikipedians with administrator privileges who self-identify as women. He did, however, have a list of two “good” women administrators. I was on the list. His criteria? We didn’t try to “hide” behind pseudonyms, and our real names were common knowledge. He also sent me e-mail to an e-mail address which I don’t publicize on Wikipedia, but that is available in a directory that also included, at the time, my address and phone number. And he wonders why some women hide their names?

  11. I’m sorry you had that happen. That’s horrifying and depressing.

    It’s brave of you to make the issue real by using your own name and experiences in discussing it. That can be a great contribution to the discussion. But it obviously brings dangers as well – and makes you a magnet for hatred and misogyny. You have to decide what balance of freedom, activism, and personal security you need to strike; nobody would criticize you wherever you finally come out on the issue.

    I offer just one word of advice: You are not obligated to sacrifice yourself to make a contribution. We face large-scale, long-term issues, and no one person can change them; letting the assholes harm or destroy you just to play your part is not a price you are required to pay.

    Good luck.

  12. I should add that the above-mentioned Wikipedia troll became obsessed with a certain editor, called her, her employer, and her father repeatedly, and generally stalked her as much as he could, given that they lived on different sides of the Atlantic. The police contacted me to ask for e-mails in connection with that harassment.

  13. There comes a point where you are definitely doing yourself more harm than you are doing good. I don’t argue with trolls or idiots because it leaves me shaking, frightened, and hating humanity (or wandering around the streets listening to really loud music and scaring small children by accident).

    There are safe spaces to argue with trolls & idiots – feminist spaces where they decide to come in and attack and you’re surrounded by friends and allies who will eat them for breakfast while discussing particle physics and 16th century fashion choices.

    I think you’ve done what you can – you’ve made your points, you’ve argued, you’ve put yourself out there, and you were brave. But it’s okay to back out without backing down.

    You need to keep yourself safe – mentally and emotionally.

    I do blog under my “real” name (Anna is the name I use – my parents named me something else), I’m rather free with my address, and I know that I’m taking a risk with that. I don’t blame people who don’t take that risk – my partner does not. (Of course, my partner has received death threats over blog posts, which may be influencing that decision.)

    I think deciding to blog under your own name, an assumed name, or something obviously not your name is a decision you have to make on your own, and whatever decision you make is the right one. There isn’t a right or wrong answer.

    Good luck. You did the right thing by getting involved, and whatever decision you make from here is the right one as well.

  14. See for this person, it’s a balance between telling ure story and dealing with people who aren’t worth it. Like me, I get called all bad stuff by Pakistani men and can not blog in me own language, it’s impossible, even me blog site was getting swamped by hate mail. These people they can take whatever I told and use it against me to insult, negate and just try to bully me. So i can write any amount of stuff in response to them and all their religious rubbish, and all they got to say is, “You’re mental cos of what happened to you in Arab country X,” or, “You need help,” or, “You know ure sick and this is why you hate Islam, go and take ure meds.” And on and on. But this is just a trick cos they trying to shut me up, this is shaming, not just negation, these people in me community want to shame me into silence, but no way, cos if we ever going to confront abuse- we got to talk about it. Me mental health problems, I never shy to talk, why did I get like that, that’s the real question. And they even stoop so low as to try and really hurt me, saying like this, “Hey, ure girlfriend who got sent to NWFP, she’s happy, married and she’s not a downclass freak like u.” Me, I know the truth, she’s in a forced marriage, but no matter how personal me pain is, these people out to exploit it, and what u got to do is switch off, cos if you stop to think how cruel people can be, you just never going to want to speak out, but you can’t speak out unless you tell the truth also about personal stuff. Does that mean we don’t tell? No, we got to tell, otherwise they win, cos even as they mocking our stories- they are also afraid of word getting out on what’s really going on in our comunities. Bat annonymous is better, cos u can not confuse blogging even in a supportive environment- with counselling, the two is totally seperate, and even for me, the line blurs constantly. Now if you build up trust on line, of course, you can reveal ure name, but this takes months and months, when u are sure that this person doesn’t want nothing, just gives you a safe space, but generally, counselling is personal, blogging is annonymous. Now one more angle, this is real also, we got retaliation, (for us as Pakistanis) so this is another reason why any person, specifically who is a ex-Muslim, can not post in her own name, not even in the Feminist blogosphere (I just discovered).

  15. As suggested in one of the other comments, I use my own (damningly unique) name, but am careful about the manner in which I use it. I only very infrequently comment on an unmoderated board, for example, and I won’t read or reply to inflammatory comments. It is not my opinion that doing so would change anyone’s mind in any case. Perhaps that is something you can keep in mind for the future.

    I too have experienced some trauma that shapes my opinions, and have often referred to personal experiences in my public writing. There’s a reason that using your own name gives what you say more weight–because doing so says that you have the courage to stand behind your words.

  16. I write and blog under my real name. In doing so, I know I must be prepared to face repercussions.

    However, I would tell whoever wrote this not to worry – choosing to talk about one’s experiences with sexual assault under one’s own name is a good thing. It’s not “better” than using a pseudonym, but it IS a positive contribution. It’s a brave act to put your name out there, and it challenges the taboos we still have around this topic.

    Trolls have attacked me too. Hell, I had one person threaten to get me fired a couple of years ago – but nothing came of it, because, honestly, sane employers will not fire you for having an opinion on the Internet.

    There are university professors that blog under their real names, such as Mark Anthony Neal, for example.

    Blogging under your real name is not for everyone – and people have good reasons for doing it, and for not doing it.

    Keep the faith. As Anna suggested, it might be good to alert a counselor to what’s happening on that message board and have them contribute to the discussion.

    Finally, I’d like to point out that none of us are truly anonymous, unless we are using proxies (and even then, our IP addresses can be traced for legal reasons).

  17. I never post under my real name for a number of reasons:

    1. My Family – I have a small little boy, with a daughter on the way. Also, it is not fair to my wife to post in a manner where some crazy could find out who they are and do something harmfull.

    2. My Opinions are Mine – My opinions are entirely my own and may not reflect the same opinion as my wife or immediately family members. There is no reason to create confusion for them if someone knew my last name.

    3. Career – It is not so bad since I have left my old law firm and moved in-house, but some people who have a say in your career path may use it against you if they read your postings. Not fair in my book, but it is a reality.

    4. Crazies – Let’s face it. There are a lot of dangerous crazy people on the internet. For instance, I write a lot on my atheism and other religious issues. Frankly, there is no reason for me to believe the fundamentalists in my home city won’t do something stupid.

  18. I use a close approximation of my real name when posting on not very controversial subjects, and totally random pseudonyms when posting about anything controversial or personal. The reasons for this are manifold but largely to do with growing up in a small town: If I want to talk openly about things, I want to do so knowing that I am not going to have to put up with RL harassment because of a blog post.

    In a small community particularly, it’s far too easy to single someone out for bullying because of their perceived difference – and when that person vocally challendges the status quo, the first impulse can be to try to shut them up – usually by attempting to intimidate them.

    That said, I admire your fortitude and openness in using your real name. I hope your detractors are at least able to do the same and meet you on open ground. If not, you know you’re *definitely* dealing with a bunch of cowards.

  19. If you feel as though you are ever in danger – physical, emotional or mental – switch to an assumed name. There really isn’t any shame in doing that – shame should be reserved for the cowards who hide behind an “anonymous” tag and post the most hateful things they can think of at the moment.

    I blog with my real name, my website states my real name, and I generally comment with my real name. I’ll occassionaly switch to my online handle if I am on a friend’s blog who doesn’t want to be internet-outed with my real name, or discussing certain topics.

    When you get into justice and activism, people will take it upon themselves to try to attack you, to try to figure out your identity, to try to take you down. I take it as something that comes with the territory, but if having people attack your personhood bothers you that much, you may be more cut out for real-world activism. People are assholes there too, but they don’t have the luxury of hiding behind a digital wall of anonymity.

    Finally – and I know this is hard – try not to take it too personally. Almost every blogger I know has been attacked harshly for something. Even people like the guy who runs Problogger or Kathy Sierra – they weren’t writing anything controversial, but someone decided to make it personal. Would they still say these horrible things if they had to look in my face while they say them? Probably not.

  20. I blog anonymously because, like Thomas’s wife, my partner did not sign up to have his laundry aired. I think in some ways it would be better if I were not anonymous, since it’s sort of hypocritical given my trope that we would all be a lot happier and saner if we were more open and less ashamed about money, debt, and the like. But I don’t think there’s inherently anything wrong about pseudonyms on the internet, as it does provide a measure of security.

    In a very different context, though, I have had people troll the internet for my real-life name to basically create a dossier on me for creepy political purposes. I am no one special or high profile, just a private citizen with opinions who signs the occasional petition. I signed one that pissed some freepers off, and all of a sudden there were web postings listing my employer, birth date, education, and other random details gleaned from publicly available sources where I had used my real name. It was designed to be intimidating, which it was, though I was more infuriated than intimidated. But it really hit home that there are total assholes out there, and that assholes often lack scruples, and that unscrupulous assholes just do not give a shit about whether they damage someone’s job prospects or reputation, or even whether they are factually correct. And that you don’t have to run for office or otherwise deliberately open yourself up to commentary to be the subject of one of their little projects. I respect the hell out of people who write under their real names, but I don’t begrduge anyone their self-preservation.

    That’s a lot of mememe. I’m sorry this woman is being shamed like this. In my case, I decided responding would exacerbate the situation, but it drove me crazy to not respond. I don’t know whether that was the right choice or not, truthfully.

  21. I post with a screen name on blogs like this. There is one blog by a columnist for my hometown newspaper where I use my real first name (a very unusual one). He knows who I am and sometimes gives the other posters some details about me if they ask (without revealing my identity).

    Another poster to that blog, a conservative with whom I often disagree, once addressed me in a post, saying, “I think I know who you are.” I debated revealing my full name in the blog but decided against it. Instead, I told this guy to e-mail my Gmail account, promising to send him my full contact information and adding, “If you like, you can then call me up and we can yell at each other in real time, without annoying the other posters.” I never heard from him.

  22. I have personally always used a pseudonym whenever writing and it wasn’t until starting our political blog that my wife convinced me to use my real name. Yes I see the irony in using my pseudonym on a comment about how I post under my real name lol 🙂

    Like everyone we weighed the risks of exposing our names to the public verses the benefits. At the end of the day we decided that posting under our names was worth the risk. This has a lot to do with our community and the primary topic of our blog. I feel it is very important to take the decision seriously because it is very hard (impossible) to remove your name once its out there.

  23. I blog under my real name, but I doubt I would do so if I didn’t have tenure at a public college. Even though my job is never in jeopardy, it does lead to some interesting family conversations — and occasionally, to very direct nastiness and the very occasional threat. I’d recommend a more vulnerable blogger use a pseudonym.

  24. it’s definitely a different issue for those of us who enjoy patriarchal privilege, but like Dr. Confused i also have multiple personalities online for whichever use happens to be ascendant at any given time. when i’m trying to promote myself professionally, or write things i want to get paid for later, i use my real name, fully interlinked with my social networks, etc. pretty much all other uses fall under the rubric of fake name, covered tracks, etc. one friend of mine demonstrated rather alarmingly just how easy it is to find out who i am through a minimal amount of sleuthing, and i had to allow that any motions i make at anonymity online are paper-thin. eventually one has to negotiate with the reality that safety is not a solitary effort, but a community one. find support, gather friends, maintain relationships. that’s all anyone can do.

  25. I blog anonymously, because when I started, my blog was fairly anonymous in the blogsphere and I didn’t want to use my name at all in the blogsphere for safety reasons. It wasn’t intended for wide exposure but where a blog is written, it can be found and mine was.

    But the funny thing is, I’m mostly local and anyone who’s come to my site locally knows it’s me and they know who I am. The hate mail I receive also makes it clear that people know the blog’s author.

    Three months after starting my blog, I received my first comments from anonymous individuals who knew my identity. Six months later, I was outed in a sense as the blog’s author after the comments written on it became the focus of an investigation by a police agency’s internal affairs division. The press began asking me for its address because they had heard about the blog from local police officers including one who had caused me quite a few problems over the years. That officer’s comments made it clear to the reporter that he knew who wrote the blog.

    I went home to holiday with my family and they had all read about it or saw it on the news and I had some explaining to do because no one even knew I had a blog and some of the coverage bothered my mother because some of the comments were threatening in nature.

    After the investigation was conducted, the cyberstalking worsened including from some individuals who were upset by the investigation. That lasted for a while.

    That was two years ago and I’m still blogging.

    If you feel as though you are ever in danger – physical, emotional or mental – switch to an assumed name. There really isn’t any shame in doing that – shame should be reserved for the cowards who hide behind an “anonymous” tag and post the most hateful things they can think of at the moment.

    Word. Along with slander and threats. What you were wearing, doing, where and when. And so forth. There are some scary people out there for sure.

  26. I use a pseudonym. I have an LJ under a different name, but I tend to use this handle or another quite similar when in the blogosphere. It’s recognizable to the people who know me (or know me under my other name), but still far enough that work/family/crazies don’t figure it out necessarily.

    Overall, I agree with r@d@r, in that it’s really not a lot of protection.

    That, and the mechanical allusions in my pseudonym suit and describe me at least as well as my own full name.

  27. Well, my given first name is so generic that it might as well be Jane Doe, so yeah, I use it and it feels like a psuedonym 😛

    My last name is somewhat less generic. I leave it off things, though my full name is so common that I’m pretty well un-Googleable unless you know what to look for.

  28. I use my real name.

    My website is searchable, has my resume and portfolio on it. (although it just occurred to me that maybe I should take my address off my online resume.)

    Lately I’ve been thinking about starting another blog that is anonymous that I can write about personal things, but I realized that I can also just write a diary.

    I had a net-stalker. A woman who was dating a man I had been seeing called me at work, showed up there, and continually emailed me–and then she found my blog. She’s only left me one nasty comment, but every time I check statcounter I see her IP address there. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to let her shut me up.

  29. I use a number of pseudonyms but all of them, with a little bit of searching, can be linked directly to me (or at least a picture of myself since I’m not sure that there is a direct link to my address, phone number, or any of that stuff… I move like, once a year). I almost never use my real name on the internet but via myspace or facebook it’s pretty easy to find me. Because of this I never write about anything super personal involving family or my relationship. Sometimes I REALLY, REALLY want to but I overcome the urge because I wouldn’t want it to come back to bite me.

    However, I am unafraid to post my opinions about other non-family related subjects. I have not come under attack for any of my views (yet) though I know that is a real possibility.

  30. My blog is lowly-trafficked, so it doesn’t make a difference to me if I use my real name or a pseudonym. But I do post under a nickname that contains my real first name. The other contributor on the blog posted under her own name, but she’s getting harassed online, so she had to go on hiatus. To me, if it becomes a problem, it just makes sense to post under a pseudonym. It’s not a sign of weakness or anything like that. It’s just a way to get your message out there anonymously. It’s more important to express your feelings than to use your own name.

    As for your experience, you are not wrong in this. The people who are belittling your experience and feelings are the ones who are wrong. It’s obviously still bothersome that these people are assholes to you, but you are 100% right in your feelings, and you have people here who support you.

  31. The most important issue for me related to online communication — before deciding whether to use your own name — is to support laws — both criminal and civil — which address the behavior of those who make terroristic threats or who decide to stalk.

    If people cross the line from communication to intentional harm or threat of harm their real identities should be revealed to those they are trying to harm or scare and those people should be prosecuted if they make terroristic threats (even backhanded ones).

    Owners of online forums should ensure that those forums don’t become a haven for the violent or the threatening. Anonimity shouldn’t be used on these forums as a way to escape legal accountability.

    Without accountability any person who posts online is in unnecessary danger whether they use their own name or simply call themselves Anonymous.

    Being anonymous is no guarantee of safety from those who decide they want to harm you which is why I believe we need to have the law keep up with technology and part of the reason I decided to blog under my own name while being careful about the identifying information I give out.

    Writing under my own name has made me more careful about what I write, especially when I am angry. This has made me a better writer.

    I won’t tell anyone which choice to make but I do know that I have a lower tolerance for hostility and less trust when someone is posting anonymously.

    I have deleted anonymous comments which made specific legal claims and told the commenters if they want their claims to be published they needed to provide their legal names and enough info so I can verify their identity. If they weren’t willing to be legally accountable, they weren’t welcome to make specific claims on my blog.

  32. I have a lot of respect for people who write online under his/her own name but after reading what the OP had to go through (I could be wrong but I’m pretty sure I stumbled upon the story she’s referring to yesterday and the details seem too similar to be coincedence) I wouldn’t begrudge her for a second if she starting using a pseudonym, at least for some topics.

    If I was in the public eye at all I probably would post under my own name, following the guidlines Latoya does, but since I’m not I figure the less information that can be traced back to me, the better. I’ve been stalked before and that was by someone who knew me in real life, I don’t need anonymous online people finding out personal details about my life. Even my myspace/facebook accounts are under derivations of my name that I usually don’t go by and real life.

    The only thing that worries me about someone potentially finding out who I am is that I was attacked last year (attempted rape) and in the reports available online, they use my initials and the orginization I was involved in. It wouldn’t be that hard for someone associated with my attacker to figure out my real name from that.

  33. I blog pseudonymously but a number of people know who I am. I do this partly because my co-blogger wishes to remain anonymous and partly because I blog about my patients, and I feel an obligation to in some ways protect their privacy, even though I change most details in those stories. No one who lives here knows this is mine except for my husband. The fact that he knows about the blog and that many of the people who know it’s my blog also know him keeps me from posting things I wouldn’t say to him directly. That’s in line with my general values about lashon hara or evil talk; I work hard to make sure I don’t say something about someone that I wouldn’t say to them.

  34. Being anonymous is no guarantee of safety from those who decide they want to harm you which is why I believe we need to have the law keep up with technology and part of the reason I decided to blog under my own name while being careful about the identifying information I give out.

    Writing under my own name has made me more careful about what I write, especially when I am angry. This has made me a better writer.

    I won’t tell anyone which choice to make but I do know that I have a lower tolerance for hostility and less trust when someone is posting anonymously.

    </blockquote.

    That’s true. Since about 99% of my commenters were local and about 99.9% of those were anonymous themselves, about 95% of whom were anonymous cowards, and about 100% of these individuals know who I am certainly now after the press coverage, I don’t really think about using my real name or not. It’s assumed that most of my audience knows who I am.

    I get harassed enough by people who do know me even if I don’t know them or can’t prove I know them, I’m not sure I want to add anonymous individuals who don’t know who I am. It’s scary to be harassed, especially not knowing who they might be.

    Comments are off and have been for about a year now. It’s a shame because I either got nasty stuff I didn’t want to approve under moderation or comments that weren’t nasty but informative that I couldn’t post because of who reads my blog (according to the stat counter). The harassers simply moved to other forums of harassment including through an email account.

    But being local, I have conversations about the blog a lot, by people who aren’t anonymous and who aren’t harassing including several that some of my anonymous harassers used to defend their choice to harass me.

  35. Being anonymous is no guarantee of safety from those who decide they want to harm you which is why I believe we need to have the law keep up with technology and part of the reason I decided to blog under my own name while being careful about the identifying information I give out.

    Writing under my own name has made me more careful about what I write, especially when I am angry. This has made me a better writer.

    I won’t tell anyone which choice to make but I do know that I have a lower tolerance for hostility and less trust when someone is posting anonymously.

    That’s true. Since about 99% of my commenters were local and about 99.9% of those were anonymous themselves, about 95% of whom were anonymous cowards, and about 100% of these individuals know who I am certainly now after the press coverage, I don’t really think about using my real name or not. It’s assumed that most of my audience knows who I am.

    I get harassed enough by people who do know me even if I don’t know them or can’t prove I know them, I’m not sure I want to add anonymous individuals who don’t know who I am. It’s scary to be harassed, especially not knowing who they might be.

    Comments are off and have been for about a year now. It’s a shame because I either got nasty stuff I didn’t want to approve under moderation or comments that weren’t nasty but informative that I couldn’t post because of who reads my blog (according to the stat counter). The harassers simply moved to other forums of harassment including through an email account.

    But being local, I have conversations about the blog a lot, by people who aren’t anonymous and who aren’t harassing including several that some of my anonymous harassers used to defend their choice to harass me.

  36. I’m so sorry that things like this happen, to the posters here, and the question-asker.

    I don’t blog, but when or if I do, I won’t do it under my own name. Threats and stalkers are probably the main reason I don’t have a blog, and I may never be able to deal with the risk and blog. If I do, it will definitely be under an assumed name.

    Why am I so cautious? My name is unique to me, something I know with almost absolute certainty because it’s unique to the ethnic background I come from. I only just recently traced my extreme caution online or dealing with my name to this root. Ironically, I was examining my white privilege, and realised that xenophobia and the way I have been singled out in the past both made me much more able to relate to and want to be an ally of POC.

    It also made me realise that my caution is something I’ve evolved for a very real reason, as a minority. My ‘otherness’ has been the cause of negative attention in the past, and it has always singled me out as me, leaving me feeling personally vulnerable. I always envied people with common, Western names as a kid (and my online handle is pretty everyday, though I regret stealing it from all the Annes that seem to be online… maybe I’ll change it to something different eventually) because they can use their names without someone making as many judgements about their background, and without being able to specifically trace them and target them with abuse.

    That’s had me growing up with a lot of issues about using my name, because it is always traceable to me, directly to my private life. I love my name, and wouldn’t change it for the world, but it, and my background has formed the way I see the world, and how I have adapted to survive. I’ll always be ‘different’, and being different has led to my feeling isolated and vulnerable. Although I’m much better at dealing with it than in my childhood, I don’t think I could take the risk of opening myself up for attack or personal abuse that could very well get back to me directly, and also my family, who I would not wish to get involved in anything.

    If I blogged, I’d be fairly blunt, and not everyone wants certain things they discuss on feminist sites to be searchable by employers, because unfortunately, people are still very judgemental.

    Maybe I’m still very, very sensitive because of my status, but I just don’t think I could do it. I only post on sites I feel trustworthy, because even IP addresses and emails are farily traceable. I can’t imagine having the guts to post on some misogynist troll’s blog, because the thought of them knowing my IP address makes me almost sick. My posting here or on any site is a sign of the huge trust and respect I have for the people who run the blog, because I have identified myself in any way to them. This does not mean a lot to some people, but to me, it’s a huge deal, like taking a step in combating a phobia. I guess my (not at all irrational) concerns really do have a huge impact on how I live, and how I interact, and if I did use my own name, my very real anxiety over the risks I would be taking would have a very real impact on me, even if there was no abuse. I’ve never really thought about how fragile I am in that respect until now, so it’s a really good question that’s really made me think.

    I have so much respect for people out there who blog under their own names, and wish I could do the same. But I really, really feel uncomfortable with the thought, and there are a millon real reasons why I shouldn’t. That said, I fully support bloggers who post under their real names. I wish them all the best, and believe that they have the same rights as anonymous bloggers to not be harassed or stalked.

    I’d personally advise someone to be cautious, and not do anthying they don’t feel comfortable with. There’s no shame in being very afraid to expose yourself or your family to threats or abuse. There’s no shame in using your real name, either. Just do what you feel best to survive, and what you think would make you happy. 🙂

  37. Hey everyone–
    I am actually the OP and I wanted to say thank you for all the great advice and support. This happened a little while ago and it had sort of even slipped my mind awhile. As AnnajCook said: “I didn’t anticipate the need to blog/comment about things in a public space like the internet that I wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing publicly with people face-to-face.” and that was drove my orginal choice. That’s not to say people who don’t blog under their real name DON’T feel that way, since there a lot of good reasons not to blog under your real name.
    And, I do have a very um, rare name: Kacie Versaci. I am pretty sure I am the only one. At least the only Kacie Sioux Versaci for sure.

    I don’t feel in real danger…maybe I am already jaded–and of course dealing with trolls is driving me a bit nuts…but I am just over it, to be honest.

    Anyway, thank you eveyone again.

    Best,
    Kacie

    PS: Sorry if I am not supposed to reveal myself as the OP, but I really wanted to say thanks.

  38. This may strike many people as weird, but it’s true. I rarely use my real name – this blog is one of the few places – for psychological reasons. A shrink friend has a name for it, but basically it boils down to fact that certain aspects of my personality are stronger than others and more capable of certain things.

    I write under one name, because that person isn’t embarrassed to write porn. I blog politics under a totally different name, have an LJ under yet another, a craft blog as well as a store on Etsy and Ebay under another, and use various nicknames for message boards. My LJ ident rarely talks about crafting, my political ident doesn’t write porn and on message boards I am leaps and bounds away from the naive farm kid I grew up as. Even Rebecca is an older, more mature version of that farm kid.

    It takes courage to blog/comment using your real ‘identity’. I’m a coward. 🙂

  39. Being attacked for my opinions doesn’t bother me. Losing a potential job because the employer’s not down with trans people does.

    There’s other stuff with regards to disclosure and friends. I hate it when I’m outed against my will by so-called “friends” who think that knowing my history gives them the right to tell everyone else. Being outed because someone googled my name is really not much more fun.

  40. It’s interesting how much different this discussion is on a feminist blog than when I’ve seen similar discussions in primarily male geek circles. There’s a lot of personal-security male privilege going on in this issue, and because of it, a lot of men who take anyone pseudonymous less seriously.

  41. I’m fine with using my real first name in comments. I also have a livejournal and myspace, which are friends only. I never link to either from another forum or blog comment, because they still have a lot of info on my identity viewable to the public. I do post in some myspace groups about some personal and political stuff, but i am ok with that, since all those people can see is my username and picture. I also NEVER use my last name if i can help it.
    I’ve been thinking about starting a blog this summer, and debating on whether to use existing nicknames or create a whole new pseudonym.. I think i’ll make a whole new pseudonym.

  42. There’s a lot of personal-security male privilege going on in this issue, and because of it, a lot of men who take anyone pseudonymous less seriously.

    Yes, I’ve noticed this. Cyberharassment and cyberstalking seems to largely impact women, especially women of color who blog.

  43. I always use a pseudonym. I’m a teacher and I really don’t want parents doing a search on my name and finding even something innocent like a posting of a really good recipe under my name. Even if I wasn’t a teacher, I don’t think my colleagues need to know which blogs I read, what I do or where I go. And finally, you never know when some weirdo from Sweden is going to develop a creepy sick obsession with you and attempt to stalk you across the net (not that this has EVER happened to me…)

  44. knowledge is power & you dont want to be handing power over to anyone who can just google you. this also means that you should be keeping your aliases secret as much as your real name.

  45. And finally, you never know when some weirdo from Sweden is going to develop a creepy sick obsession with you and attempt to stalk you across the net (not that this has EVER happened to me…)

    this has happened to me, though!

    it makes me ill to see how many ppl also think nothing of popping their faces on the net. it just isnt safe if youre a woman/minor. what does it gain you to take a chance? especially on a forum, where people get somewhat intimate with you(r brain).

  46. I’ve alwas signed my own emails to lists, forums , blogs, and USENET postings.

    If anybody decides they don’t want to give me a job because of that, I have absolutely zero interest in working for people like that. Better to find out now.

    If somebody stalks you or makes threatening remarks online or in person,, tell your college police or the office that deals with harrassment. Doing that is solidarity in action., and it demonstrates respect for the people who had to deal with that before schools figured out protecting their students is good idea.

    Do what you think is right, but that;s what I’d recommend to any friend of mine.

  48. I edited this story and I can assure you that Mary did not get fired for this story or any other. Mary decided to leave the paper to take a job with a local documentary filmmaker. She gave her notice before the Wikipedia story was published. She disclosed to me early in the reporting process her sister’s fights with Griot and her sister’s role is mentioned high up in our story. Bottom line: We stand by the story.

    Comment by Will Harper, Managing Editor, SF Weekly on Feb 26th, 2008, 13:55 pm

    “It’s funny that Griot complained about getting personal, because I first learned of this particular user, who is reportedly San Francisco–based, during a conversation with my sister, Jeanne, about the plethora of anonymous online vitriol. We were discussing how many in cyberspace write things to each other — often using pseudonyms — that we couldn’t imagine saying to people’s faces. I mentioned that San Francisco seemed to have a lot of what some call “Internet rage.”

    That’s when Jeanne, who is also a writer, told me of a debate over the entry about her in Wikipedia — and of one particular user, Griot, who seemed to be on a no-holds-barred campaign to delete her page after he blamed her for making dubious edits to Ralph Nader’s page (which she denies). One Griot note on the talk page of a user called Calton, dated Aug. 27, 2007, reads, “Is there anything we can do about Jean [sic]? It’s tiresome. Maybe we should give her back her personal page on Wikpedia so she isn’t so lonely.” He also accused her of creating several online identities to make a flurry of changes to the Nader entries. “Spicuzza is on the warpath again,” Griot wrote to Calton, and made a snarky offer to Calton about my sister: “If you ever need help fending off this multiple personality disorder, don’t hesitate to ask.”

  49. That’s fucking ridiculous. Why should Mary Spicuzza have to resign just for that. It’s sick, mysoginist, and sexist!

  50. I edited this story and I can assure you that Mary did not get fired for this story or any other. Mary decided to leave the paper to take a job with a local documentary filmmaker. She gave her notice before the Wikipedia story was published. She disclosed to me early in the reporting process her sister’s fights with Griot and her sister’s role is mentioned high up in our story. Bottom line: We stand by the story.

    Comment by Will Harper, Managing Editor, SF Weekly on Feb 26th, 2008, 13:55 pm

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