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An American in Hamburg

Jill

There’s nothing like living abroad to make you feel like the biggest fucking moron ever.

I left Naples yesterday morning, flew into Berlin, and then took the train to Hamburg. After 10 hours of traveling I arrived in my apartment, where I’m living alone for the next two weeks while my German playboy room mate* is off vacationing. There’s absolutely no food in the apartment save for a few heads of garlic and some spices (there are, however, many empty alcohol bottles and every kind of alcoholic beverage glass imaginable), so I decided to go grocery shopping, which is always trouble when you’re doing it for the first time in a foreign country. This was no exception. I didn’t cry, but I came pretty close (think mean German lady yelling at you for not getting your things on the counter fast enough, then your card not working, then walking for 15 minutes in search of an ATM, then coming back and getting yelled at a few more times). By the time I returned home with my groceries, I was starving — and then I couldn’t figure out how to work the stove. It’s a gas stove, which shouldn’t be all that complicated, but I couldn’t get it to turn out. I figured out pretty quickly that there was no pilot light and so I had to light it with a match, but even that didn’t work — I’d turn the gas on, light the match, and as soon as I let go of the knob (you have to push it in and turn it to the proper heat setting), the fire would go out. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me how to get the knob to stay in (or the gas to stay on). And I only had two matches. So that was that, and cooking was out.

I emailed the GPR (German Playboy Roommate) and asked him how to operate the stove. He wrote back what may be the saddest email I’ve ever received. It started off with something like, “Well, Jill, it is a gas stove…” and just went downhill from there. Thoroughly humiliated, I replied and explained that I do know how to work gas stoves, but there’s something confusing about this one. I assured him I’d buy matches tomorrow and figure it out myself (and I will).

Luckily, I had purchased 1kg of bufala mozzarella in Italy, so I decided to have a nice caprese salad. And it was very nice, until I was trying to cut the tomato and I slipped and sliced my finger open. As far as I can tell, there are no bandaids or any other first aid tools in the apartment, so I wrapped it in toilet paper and hoped for the best. This morning, it was still bleeding, so that’s probably not good — and there are long streams of bloody toilet paper all over the place, so that’ll have to be cleaned before the GPR returns. It probably needs stitches, but I’m just not willing to go through the frustration inherent in trying to secure any sort of health care in a foreign country (even in a country with excellent health care). Hopefully my fingertip will still be attached tomorrow. It still hurts a lot, so at least the nerves are working, right?

Today was orientation. I didn’t have any time yesterday to explore my neighborhood, so I had no idea where the school is — all I knew is that it’s a 15-minute walk from my apartment. Of course I got lost and showed up half an hour late this morning. And did I mention that it’s fucking freezing-ass cold here? Because it is. According to my Mac weather thing, it’s in the low 60s, but I think that’s a lie, because it feels much colder to me. And it’s raining. All of this is a huge shock to my system after two weeks in hot, sunny Italy.

But other than that, life in Hamburg is lovely. Really. The school is great, the people are wonderful, and the city is really gorgeous. I just need to suck it up and deal with the cold and I should be fine. And at least they have pretty good coffee — I think I’ll be sucking down a whole lot of that this semester. I’m staying in the city this weekend to really have time to walk around, see everything, and get my life here somewhat in order, so I’ll take some pictures and post them soon. It’s a very impressive city. Incredibly clean. Really beautiful. And the best public transportation I’ve ever seen. My neighborhood is fantastic, with a lot of shops and restaurants and (thank God) a wide variety of food options. So it’s good. Classes start Monday, and while I’m not so much looking forward to school, I am looking forward to starting a life here.

Which, for the newbies, is why I’m here — to study at a German law school. The classes are in English, but I’m taking a German language class as well. I spent two weeks in Italy before coming here (pictures are slowly but surely being posted here), and it was fabulous. I’ve been thoroughly in love with Italy for the past few years, and I have a feeling I’ll end up there someday (even if it’s when I’m 80). Germany is pretty much the polar opposite of Italy. So when I was on the train from Berlin to Hamburg, I was feeling a little panicked that I would hate Germany and be miserable the whole time. Leaving Italy was really depressing, and being back in Florence only served as a reminder of a really happy time in my life that I know I won’t be able to replicate here. Leaving warm Southern Italy emphasized just how much I love the sun, the heat and the beach, and how much I hate the cold and the rain that Germany is sure to provide. To compound the issue, everything German-related reminds me of a particularly bad few months with a Germanophile boyfriend — so every time I read or hear German, I have some extremely unpleasant thoughts. I also applied to the Hamburg program largely at his encouraging (I was only going to apply to Buenos Aires, Florence and Amsterdam, but he convinced me that I’d love Germany as much as he did, despite my general disinterest; as it worked out, of course, Hamburg was the placement I received, soon after the relationship ended. Poorly). So I came into this with some… issues. Luckily, after a day here — even a cold and rainy day — I’m pretty damn happy. I’m sure there will be many more crying breakdowns and moments of utter frustration to come (what’s traveling and living abroad without that?), but for now I’m just feeling good and excited. And it’s nice to be back to blogging again.

Which, after all of that, is the main point of this post: I’m back, on a more regular basis. Although Project Guest Blogger has been so awesome (if a bit controversial at times), I’m tempted to stay away…

*Yeah, for real. He’s rad. He has great hair. And he has more good-smelling beauty products than I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

40 thoughts on An American in Hamburg

  1. If it is a clean, thin line cut, super glue is often better than stitches (which can further damage the nerve endings in your fingertips). It bonds flesh for a reason… Wide cuts or excessively deep ones are probably not good candidates, but i’ve done the tomato/knife/finger dance a few times and I’ve always had good luck gluing (fewer scars than stitches, too). Clean it as well as you can, and keep up the pressure to keep the blood back while you apply a thin line of glue over the wound to keep it closed. Maintain pressure while it sets, and then you’re back to the races. It will flake off with time, at which point the underlying skin should be healed.

    /not a doctor, but i play one on the internet

  2. My bf went to college with a German who confused the washer and the dryer the first time he tried to do laundry. He couldn’t get the dryer to run any water, so he decided you must have to add the water manually. Luckily, someone else showed up while he was filling a bucket with water (to put into the dryer, natch). If I remember properly, he hid and watched them, then, after the person was safely gone, he dumped out the bucket and put his clothes into the washer. Moral of the story: don’t let the German make you feel bad – at least you didn’t try to dump water into the clothes dryer.

  3. i understand those first days/months in a new place till you get the swing of things. but, as you know, you will. just be patient! it will happen!

    and even though you know patience is the key, it’s always beneficial if someone tells you now and then (ie. every time you wanna breakdown).

    im going through the same thing here in cairo, and believe me, it’s easier to tell you that things will settle down and get familiar than to remember it myself.
    you have my support. we can practice patience together!

  4. Viel Glück, Jill, but I don’t think you need it. Frankly, I’d like to go to Germany someday myself.

    Hell, I’d like to get off of the North American continent for a while someday.

  5. a) Ah, we can relate to your “interesting, but lacking the comfy zone of home” experience abroad — we had guest blogger week, remember? 😉

    b) You’ve got to be kidding me. I was in Berlin at the time, I woulda invited you for a coffee, or something.
    But hey, at least you’ve already worked out how to get your own! 🙂

    c) That leaves the stove. Somebody probably already explained this, but just in case: I had a stove like that once, and it had a … bi-metal, or whatever, so once you had the flame lit, you needed to keep the knob pressed for like twenty seconds or whatnot (until the thing was warm, presumably, so to prevent you from flooding the room with gas) before you could safely release it with the gas/flame remaining on. Yes, it’s kinda annoying. Maybe you’ve got one of those?

    d) Enjoy your stay.

  6. Ah, Deutschland. Things to remember:
    Germany runs on cash. You can get phenomenal amounts of cash from German ATMs, and you may need to.
    Store clerks don’t have to be nice to you.
    You have to bag your own groceries, and store bags cost extra.
    Most beverages come in deposit bottles. Stores have an automatic return, that gives you a credit slip.
    Carry a lot of change for when you have to pee. Not even department store toilets are free.
    Cyclists act towards pedestrians as American motorists act towards cyclists.
    When you’re hungry, get a doner kebab. Doner stands have veggie food too.
    In my experience people are much nicer in southern Germany. Except cyclists — they’re assholic everywhere.

  8. You should have taken Buenos Aires, for the season swap. But, the hall is rented and the band is struck.

  9. My first night in Italy, alone, in an apartment, I blew the fuses (shouldn’t have plugged in my hairdryer). So I had to find the fusebox. In the dark. The 2nd time I blew the fuse that night, I knew where the fusebox was. Then I threw out my hairdryer (I foolishly assumed that the plug converter was also a current converter).

    Later, I flooded the bathroom because I (wrongly) assumed that the laundry detergent sitting there on top of the washer was the right kind. It wasn’t. Thanks, previous occupant!

    I hope things get better for you soon!

  10. If you end up in Marburg or Stuttgart at any point in your stay, Lauren, let me know. My brother, sister-in-law, and neice are all there. My sister-in-law is pretty active in immigration politics.

  12. I had a few very stupid moments when I lived abroad, and I didn’t even (theoretically!) have a language barrier to deal with. You should have seen me the day I (horribly stuffed up and dalkin like dees) tried to explain to the chemist that I wanted — nay, needed! — psuedoephedrine. (aka Sudafed) I had no idea whether Sudafed as a brand name would be available, but I was accustomed to buying the generic anyway (this being before it got hidden behind the counter), so I knew the drug name. I got such a weird look and it took 15 minutes and much pointing (and dalkin like dees) to get this guy — who (theoretically!) spoke the same language I did to understand I wanted something for my cold.

    He handed me a 24-pack of Sudafed. *headdesk*

  13. So I’m suppose to feel bad for you for working a high-paying firm job this summer (I assume), traveling around Europe the rest of summer, naming off every corner of the world that you seem to have visited or want to visit, and then ending your European vacation by begining your studies at a German law school for a chunk of your 3L year (I’m assuming you are the same year as me, given previous posts)? Meanwhile, I’m sit here growing more and more anxious about the BAR at the end of this year and thinking about how the size of my loans and a job working for county government will basically preclude me from going to Europe (unless I want to stay at hostles) for the next chunk of my life?

    Hmmm . . .

    I guess the finger thing does suck. But you still managed to peck out this post, it seems.

  14. I’m sure things will get better. You’re obviously very adaptable and intelligent, and you’ll get the hang of things in no time.

    Being a doctor’s son, I echo the advice about getting your hand looked at. I’m sure, as someone else suggested, that your school can recommend some place, or they may have a student health service. And you probably want to buy some first aid supplies, just in case. It’ll be a great chance to practice your German!

  15. No, Tony, you aren’t supposed to feel bad for me, I was just telling stupid American stories. You’re supposed to laugh at me.

  16. You should have taken Buenos Aires, for the season swap. But, the hall is rented and the band is struck.

    I know, Buenos Aires was my first choice. But I didn’t get into the program 🙁

  17. I never could figure out foreign plumbing (neither in Greece or Yugoslavia — yes, I know the thing next to the toilet is a bidet and used for washing the genitals — I am talking about washing and trying) so everytime I lived overseas, I washed my clothing in the bidet and hung it out to dry in the sun.

  18. Oh, and by the way Tony, I’ll be in your position a year from now — $200,000 in debt, trying to take a public interest job, etc (if I can even find a public interest organization that will hire me in the first place). Yeah, I did work at a firm this past summer, and yeah, I am enjoying my earnings by traveling. But I’ve also been staying in hostels, eating cheaply, etc, because I’m not filthy rich and I have a lifetime of a public interest salary to look forward to. I’m not asking for people to feel bad for me; I’m incredibly lucky, and I’m certainly not self-pitying about any of this. Like I said in the post, I’m extremely happy — what’s there to feel sorry for? I’m asking people to laugh at me, because this shit is funny. And now, I’ll say that people don’t even have to laugh — I’d just appreciate it if they wouldn’t be total dicks.

  19. Germany is always a hard one at first!

    It will be cold, and get colder. Invest in a super-warm jacket, and a bicycle! They are awesome. An umbrella is also a good investment.

    Also, if you’re at the supermarket, they have those trays there, and you’re supposed to put your money on there, and the cashiers pick it up from there and give you your change there. Why, I’m not entirely sure, but I got yelled at by lots of cashiers when I lived there, until I figured that out. Your american debit/credit card isn’t the best thing to use there… withdraw as much cash as possible, go to the nearest bank, and create a “Konto” account, which will give you a card that will work most places. But to reiterate the above comment, cash does work best there. And yes, always keep change for the toilets!

    If you’re having any big issue/feel like ranting, try http://www.cultures-shocked.org. It’s mostly geared toward high school exchanges, but there are the couple of college exchangers there, and people who can help you with cultural difficulties!

    Oh, and if you can… try and go to Bremen sometime! There’s this good Irish pub called Paddy’s, cross the street from the Hauptbahnhof, It’s a door and a stairwell (right side of the road, first building), with the bar at the bottom. And they speak English 🙂

  20. Wilkommen in Deutschland and I hope it gets better from here. A couple of things, most of which have already been said, but…

    1. Go to a clinic for your hand. The doctors all speak English and are often happy for someone to practice their English on. And the medical care is not only good, but actually cheap. Even if you have to pay cash. Especially go if your tetnus shot isn’t current.
    2. Don’t worry about the grocery clerk. She may have been having a bad day, may hate Auslander, may be that mean to everyone all the time. It’s not your problem, it’s hers.
    3. When I first visited Heidelberg (with no knowledge of German whatsoever), I found myself wandering around town by myself and got thoroughly lost. Fortunately, I had a map. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that the street signs were on buildings, not freestanding poles on corners like in the US, so I couldn’t figure out what street I was on to orient myself. Just as I was getting panicky, I finally found one. I looked at the name, looked it up on the map. Couldn’t find it. Uh-oh, panic again. Then I looked at the “name” on the street sign more carefeully. It was Einbahnstrasse…even with my almost non-existent German I realized that Ein was one and strasse street…yep, I was looking up “one way street” on a map. Classic American in a foreign country error. The giggling over that calmed me down enough so that I could look around and realize where the actual signs were and then I figured out where I was. In short, you could have done far worse.
    4. It does, in fact, get sunny and warm sometimes, even in northern Germany. Don’t despair. It might also help to know a classic German saying: Es gibt kein schlectes Wetter, nur falsche Kleidung/There is no bad weather, only the wrong clothing.
    5. Get a bike. Be nice to the pedestrians.

  21. It’s not gonna get THAT much colder because this summer had decent temperatures in june and from then it’s just been autumn-like :/ And Hamburg has so much water (and more bridges than Venice) that it doesn’t get cold even though it feels a lot worse. For the people… Nope, we’re not friendly, just frankly and what you experienced as yelling is probably just loud talk. Heard that before, even when I was talking to my sister regularly everyone in England assumed we were shouting.

    Yes, cash is important because credit card companies change so much that shop keepers cannot be bothered to accept cards. Never say Doner, no one knows what that is, it’s Döner and those shops also offer Dürüm (not in Pide but Fladenbrot), Lahmacun (Turkish pizza) and Falafel. French fries are Pommes. Balzac coffee is better than Starbucks (not just because it’s a Hamburger company).

    For sightseeing a trip to Denmark is definitely a must because it’s almost around the corner (and you can drive through Schleswig-Holstein) and very lovely. And in Schleswig-Holstein you can decide whether to see the Baltic (Angeln/Lübeck) or Northern Sea (Sylt). On the other hand, Lower Saxony and Meck-Pomm are also around the corner 🙂 If the Bahn is too expensive try Mitfahrgelegenheit.de.

    Enjoy your stay!

  22. I never could figure out foreign plumbing (neither in Greece or Yugoslavia — yes, I know the thing next to the toilet is a bidet and used for washing the genitals — I am talking about washing and trying) so everytime I lived overseas, I washed my clothing in the bidet and hung it out to dry in the sun.

    Ahahaha. Bidets were so amusing to me when I visited the Balkans for the first time. Now, I find it odd when they’re absent (even in bucket and water-cup form). My biggest and most enduring plumbing gripe is with squatting toilets. Until heading to the Balkans, I really thought they existed only in Asia and some parts of Africa, but they’re the preferred toilet design in every non-urban part of Serbia, Bosnia, Montenegro and beyond, and they’re even in urban centres in the RS entity of Bosnia. A woman needs to be seriously limber and strong to use one without a) falling in, b) peeing on herself, or c) both. And worse still, when they flush (and they do this maybe fifty percent of the time) the gross water can shoot up and soak your shoes and pant-legs. Urgh, it’s a generally disgusting affair. My Balkan friends laugh at me, but I really prefer just peeing behind a tree if that’s my only other option. Oh, and it kind of goes without saying that the squatting toilets are an example of sexist plumbing, designed for men, and women who wear skirts.

    Jill, you’ve been to Serbia and Bosnia, right? Do you have any Yugotoilet horror stories?

  23. Hi Jill,
    I lurk on this site a lot and this story made me laugh because it reminds me so much of an email that my friend Kim wrote me when she went to study in the states for a year (we’re from the UK). The problems with stoves/buying food/not being entirely prepared for the climate etc are all the same! I think moving to a new country is always a bit of a challenge! Still, Kim had a totally brilliant year in the states once she’d got herself sorted out, and I hope you have a great time in Hamburg!

  24. As others have said, the Deutschers aren’t fans of credit cards, and in my experience most places won’t take them (even fancy shops in Berlin). Credit card use doesn’t seem to be common at all, and pretty much all non-cash payment seems to be done by just transfering money directly from your bank account, which is very sensible, really, if annoying when you’re not German-based – I subscribe to a couple of German magazines (if you want something entertaining to read in order to improve your Deutsch, I recommend Neon, a sort of general interest magazine for 20/30 somethings, which contains the odd silly article about gender roles but is pretty good as a rule and wonderfully designed) and although they all offer international subscriptions, paying for them was ridiculously complicated because I don’t have a German bank account. Even German ebay users don’t use Paypal – you pay sellers by money transfers. Luckily for Europeans (I’m Irish) they do take other European debit cards in a lot big shops, so if you do start a Konto you might get a debit card then, but cash is best as a rule.

    I studied German at university (in the Irish sense, which means I just did German and another subject – history of art in my case – for four years) and although I’ve never been to Hamburg, I’ve spent a lot of time in Berlin, which is by far my favourite part of Deutschland and which you should definitely visit while you’re in Germany! It’s the coolest city in the world. I first went there in ’95, when I was in college, and my friends and I sublet a gorgeous-looking but very uncomfortable flat from a couple who were yoga teachers and didn’t believe in soft furniture. It was our first time living away from home on our own, and we were so keen to be perfect subletters and leave the apartment as we found it that we didn’t take out the clothes they’d left in the washing machine (we assumed they must have left it there for a reason, and ended up handwashing all our clothes in the bath all summer. We were young and naive!). We thought the ensuing smell was a gas leak and ended up calling out the gas company. Oh, the shame. You could never, ever, be as stupid as we were!

  25. Yay! Hamburg! I was there earlier this summer.

    By the way, the Reeperbahn is the red light district. It has an underground stop and is mentioned on all the tourist maps, so my friends and I went there out of curiosity with no idea what it was.

  26. *good for you* to be able to laugh at all those problems!

    Regarding finger cuts: Someone recently taught me not to press down on the cut, but to put the fingers sidewise, parallel to the cut, firmly pressing the sides together, and to keep on for at least five minutes, the longer the better. And to use the band aid (or tissue paper and sticky tape) to continue this pressure.

    That works really well, no problems with the gaping-apart. OK, maybe y’all do it that way already, but it was completely new to me so I thought I’d share.

  27. Really? When I went to China, I loved loved LOVED the squattie toilets. I don’t think I ever wore a dress/skirt in that time. If I were building my own house, I’d probably try to put in a squattie.

  28. For the stove – try lighting the match first, holding it far far away from the burner, using your free hand to start the gas, and then bringing the match to the burner to light. That way you don’t need to let go of the knob to light the match.

    And do be careful about that cut – maybe you can get one of your new classmates to go with you to a clinic to have it seen to. Navigating European health care is not as hard as you might think, esp. if you have someone who speaks the language.

  29. The “Turkish” toilet is old school in France. Googling shows that French school kids would rather hold it in all day than be forced to use them.
    Not disgusting photo
    Disgusting photo

  30. This safe for work Frenchvideoshows that Turkish toilets have perils even for guys, including the necessary flushing strategy.

  32. Ha, my first weekend in Germany (a few years ago now, in Bochum) was spent without toilet paper as I had no idea the shops close from Saturday 3 PM or so until Monday afternoon…. Joy!
    If you visit the Netherlands, I’ll buy you a drink here if you like (am in Groningen now after 4 years of Ireland: another set of culture shocks). Try holding down the gas button for a few seconds before you release it.

  33. Jill, I admire you. I am in awe of your writing ability, and your clarity of thinking. I read you everyday. I say this as a middle-aged, mid-career male feminist who has a graduate degree in journalism, and who worked for the better part of a decade as a journalist in Chicago and Washington.

    Things will get easier. It is very hard to adjust to a foreign culture, language, and environment when you are alone. Make friends who will guide you… that will be easier now that you are no longer doing the tourist thing. Think about what you are learning NEW each day. Imagine what our grandparents went through during the heyday of mass immigration.

    Communicating in a foreign tongue is particularly hard for someone who is accustomed to being so facile with her native language. Just take the hit in self confidence and move on — knowing that it will get better day by day.

    And keep on documenting. You will look back on these experiences with amazement and awe. At its best Life is an Adventure: You are experiencing it now at its fullest. You will grow from the experience.

    Take care,
    Geof

  34. Pingback: Feministe » I am a genius.

  35. Jill!!

    Wow, I can’t believe how tone of voice really matters. I was joking and laughing at your post, and not trying to be mean. I’m not sure how I offended you, but because you responded to me twice, and insinuated that I was a “dick,” I can see that I did. I’d apologize, but I really wasn’t trying to offend you.

    I feel your pain on the public interest thing. Watching everyone go to On Campus Interviews while I try to figure out which organization I want to apply for that starts at 35K and is almost as competitive as the firms to boot is not fun. Let’s not even get into the loans on a public interest salary.

    I’ve sort of settled on local government for now though, but I’m not so sure I’m happy with the compromise . . .

    Anyway, I was just being jealous, you’re in Germany and everywhere, I’ve never left California. Damn it, if I’m going to offend someone, I want to at least intend to do it!

  36. And by the way, knowing that you could get the firm jobs if you wanted them but still letting all the lower-ranked operators take them anyway is the WORST.

  37. Tony (may I call you John?),

    Anyway, I was just being jealous, you’re in Germany and everywhere, I’ve never left California.

    FWIW, many Germans would probably love to be in California rather than Germany. Maybe not the California you’re in but the one they see on TV, but hey, at least a California, eh?

    By that token, it must strangely suck to actually live there, like, hey, I’m in the place from the show, but my life still isn’t that fun/exciting, clearly, I’m a total loser! From afar, it must be much easier to pretend that you too would be a superstar, if only you lived in Random Cool Place. 🙂
    It’s kinda interesting by contrast how the heroes of the better of the British shows aren’t people you’d trade places with in a heartbeat (Cracker, McCallum, UltraViolet, Hamish Macbeth spring to mind, but I guess it would pertain to shows like Only Fools and Horses as well, and maybe even to Torchwood).

    OK, I’m rambling, off to bed I go! 🙂

    Jill,
    Glad the stove thing worked out.

  39. Wow, I can’t believe how tone of voice really matters. I was joking and laughing at your post, and not trying to be mean. I’m not sure how I offended you, but because you responded to me twice, and insinuated that I was a “dick,” I can see that I did. I’d apologize, but I really wasn’t trying to offend you.

    Ah, sorry Tony! I think the tone just came across poorly. So I apologize for my snappy reply.

  40. epic fail references to past boyfriends tend to fail, jill.
    not to mention be uncharacteristically mean.
    and make dan rhys cry.

    English, please. K thx.

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