Six questions for Feministe readers

82 thoughts on Six questions for Feministe readers

1. 1. Disco.
   2. Formerly homeless, now merely unemployed.
   3. Document everything.
   4. Who?
   5. Not a clue.
   6. Yes, don’t discuss politics. Ever.

   😉

2. 1. The Gossip

3. I love Ugly Betty; it’s my replacement for Gilmore Girls. The Betty-Henry-Charlie love triangle doesn’t interest me so much, but there are a bunch of other plot threads to follow.

4. 6. Is it possible to keep friendships with people who have extremely different politics than you do?

   Depends how you define “extremely.” I consider myself a liberal torn ever between centrist pragmatism and radical marxism, and I have friends who are Libertarians, Christian fundamentalist Republicans, totally politically apathetic … you get the idea. It’s difficult sometimes. But I have decided that these people contribute something positive to my life, and I am happy to treat them with respect when politics comes up, or to keep off the subject altogether.

   There are some “political” views I will have no truck with, however. I cannot be friends with people who are blatantly sexist, racist, homophobic, etc. — but the nice thing about that is, those people generally want nothing to do with my ass in the first place. 🙂 I also have serious reservations about befriending anyone who claims we ought to unquestioningly “support the President.” Barf.

5. 6. Yes, if you both a) have pretty thick skin, b) enjoy debating/arguing, and c) agree, verbally or otherwise, to not discuss certain issues. This is how my friendships with, for example, Republicans and Chinese people who really like their government, have survived.

6. 2. Is anyone working for a job that they absolutely love that they want to talk about?

   I really love my job working for an evil corporation, but that’s because I have a great group of coworkers. I’ve found that, at least at my level (low), that’s much more important than the job itself. Plus, I’m in showbiz! as an administrative assistant, and there are a few perks.

   4. What are your thoughts on Ugly Betty?

   Love. Love love love. I especially love the fact that her “ugliness” is specifically that she comes from a working-class family in a working-class part of New York, and she gets pressure from both sides to give up and go back to where she “really belongs.” Plus they allow even the villains to have depth (ie Vanessa Williams’ relationship with her teenage daughter).

7. 1. Daft Punk. One More Time is an instant dance party.
   6. I find it far more difficult. That especially applies to people whose politics are the polar opposite of mine, since those views tend to create people I just don’t get along with in any circumstance.

8. 2. I’m a professor & researcher (geophysics) at an urban public University and a mother of two boys whose father chose to quit his job and stay home with them full time. I’m tired most of the time, usually feel as if I am just getting by with all of my varied responsibilities, and worry about making ends meet as “head of household.” Despite all of that, I love my job. I love what I do because it makes a difference in the world (both teaching and research) and because our students are wonderfully non-traditional (older than typical, often first-generation, often changing life/work paths). I feel that I am really making a difference for these very motivated, hard-working students. How can you not love that?

   5. The academic path is not the easiest path for anybody. The expectations are high, the hours are long, and tenure-track positions are few and far between. Women have additional hurdles. Just landing a job can be more difficult for women than for men because people tend to want to hire folks who are like themselves (for obvious reasons, I guess) and so the male-dominated academy perpetuates itself, subconsiously or otherwise.

   Once you are in the door, the academic environment can feel hostile to women. You’d expect well-educated academics to have moved past narrow definitions and perceptions of gender roles but that is not always the case, even at my fairly progressive university. The situation may be different in the sciences than in the liberal arts but after many years, I continue to be surprised at the things my male colleagues say (like speculating about who might be the father of my children). It can be hard to find a supportive community of peers when there are relatively few of you on campus (though it can be done, I’ve been participating in a “raising feminist children” discussion circle this year and am very grateful for the little oasis we create once a month).

   The academy can be an uncertain, rough & tumble place. IMHO, faculty compete amongst ourselves far more than we should and at least to some extent, administrators encourage this because the adversarial environment keeps the faculty occupied and not acting collectively. I may be completely wrong but I have the impression that women, on average, feel less comfortable in this sort of environment than do men.

   OK, so all of that said, if the academy is where you want to be, put all of your heart and soul into getting here. For me, the effort was (and continues to be) well worth it. You will find some truly inspiring colleagues and students, and feel good about the contribution you are making to the world. The number of women in the academy is rising (slowly), we are working together to create an enriching environment that benefits everybody, and we need all the help we can get.

9. Oooh, Daft Punk. I got a DVD of the cool anime video clips that they made for One More Time and other songs. Purty.

   4. I’ve never watched it, but I got confused when I’ve seen ads for it – “Dude, she is NOT ugly.”

   6. Depends on the politics. Like others have said, if they hold views that support sexism/racism/classism/homophobia/etc, then no. Apart from that, maybe, as long as we never discuss it. XD

10. 1. What kind of dance? Lots of world music can be cool, if it’s to your taste. With any genre, though, you usually have to go with specific artists. Example: I love ska music, but some of the bands are hardly progressive in their outlooks.

    My personal preferences include some Cajun and Zydeco, soukous, rai, some bhangra, trip hop . . . there’s a lot of good stuff out there.

    6. Sure. It helps if you have other interests in common, you’re both reasonable people (e.g., neither of you takes disagreement as a personal affront), and you share values in a couple of areas. (I see values as one thing and politics more of a plan for implementation.) And sometimes you learn to avoid certain topics.

11. 6. Is it possible to keep friendships with people who have extremely different politics than you do?

    Certainly, provided the person with opposing political views is not tyrannically dogmatic about them, can engage in a heated political discussion without becoming excessively abusive, and is not about to use armed force on others to convert them.

    I have two friends who felt some of Mao Zedong’s politics and policies such as the Cultural Revolution were good for China. This is ironic as I am vehemently anti-communist due to the fact parts of my own family suffered through Mao Zedong’s 100 Flowers campaign, the Great Leap Forward, and the Cultural Revolution. During the Cultural Revolution, my great-aunt who was a physics professor at a Beijing area university was verbally abused and severely beaten by her students before being temporarily sent to the countryside. Though her stories filled me with great rage at the injustice of her brutalization, she also taught me the necessity of trying to find learning opportunities from people whose perspectives are different from one’s own.

    Though our discussions on the complexities of Chinese politics can get quite heated, I find them quite stimulating. More importantly, while we have our disagreements, we do not let that get in the way of our friendship.

12. 1. Le Tigre is totally danceable
    2.Ugh, no. I’m temping through summer break.
    3. I had a boss who had a problem with his hand “accidentally” slipping onto my ass. I told him the next time his hand slipped, it was slipping into a lawsuit. I have found that being very blunt about inappropriate behaviors works at stopping them most of the time.
    4. I love it! I love that Betty isn’t turned into a fembot to succeed, but just keeps muddling through like the rest of us and wins the day because of it.
    5. no answers there- but I work at a community college with a fair number of poc professors, though I wish more were women of any race. It’s not a glamor job in academia, but it is teaching people who wouldn’t have access to higher education otherwise.
    6. Politics is personal, so no. I can differ with people on the mechanics of politics, but the basic ideas of freedom, equality and fairness have to be there.

13. This is how my friendships with, for example, Republicans and Chinese people who really like their government, have survived

    Vinegar,

    Out of curiosity, did your Chinese friends like their government due to the high economic growth over the last decade or for political reasons? Are they members of the CCP political establishment or have relatives/friends who are?

14. 1. Disco, Pop, Alternative… I can dance to almost every song except for Techno
    2. Love my placement but still absolutely frustrated that all too often nothing works…
    3. Red Queen’s advice is a very good one.
    4. Love her. Hope she never drops a pound and stays herself forever. And Henry is cute 😉
    5. No job to make big money. But making a difference to many, many students.
    6. Never talk about it.

15. 1. Faithless are brilliant – Maxi is a little political but the rifts are magnificent.
    2. I have the summer off as I’m a student of English and Philosophy. Enjoying the time with my kids and reading loads of brainless novels
    3. I too like Red Queen’s advice. Failing that eitrher ignore or complain if it is stressing you out. Only you can decide whether its important enough for you to bother about.
    4. Ireland is only now catching on to the great Ugly Betty
    5. if you want to do it then go for it. I’ve found that life has a way of accomodating most of our wishes.
    6. Again I agree with the Red Queen, but my best friend has spent the last 20 years looking for a man to mind her and while I may respect her a little less than when we were teens in footless tights, I still love her. Depends on the friend.

16. 1. People have listed plenty of options here, but disco is the one that jumped out at me from the start because its message is pretty close to anti-homophobia/racism/sexism. It encouraged people of all backgrounds and identities to come together, dance, and do some coke. Which is why I always thought it unfair that there was such a backlash against it, and especially wrongheaded that it got trashed in that mid-nineties documentary miniseries on the history of rock ‘n’ roll. The Village People are cheesy, of course, but a lot of the stuff, especially from single female singers (Donna Summer) and bands that play real instruments (KC and the Sunshine Band, Earth Wind and Fire), holds up pretty well. You can’t go wrong with a brass section in a rock band. On a related note, funk.

    But then, I get the sense you are looking for more recent stuff.

17. 1. Algerian Rai music. Since the odds of one understanding their rather unique arabic/french creole are so small just enjoy it. I have no idea what they’re singing about. North African music in general tend to have really good drum beats.

    2. Yes. It’s a stupid government job but, as someone mentioned upthread it’s the people who make the job fun, not the tasks.

    3. Try these:

    ” . . . Oh. How . . . (meaningful pause) . . . nice for you.”

    “Really. How . . . (meaningful pause) . . . interesting.”

    (in response to any racist/sexist remark) “I don’t get it.” Look genuinely befuddled.Ask them to explain the joke and why it’s funny. Continue to look befuddled. Then say (loudly, so others can hear, if the two of you are alone) “Oh, WOW. I had no IDEA jews/blacks/women were stingy/had big penises/smelled bad/couldn’t drive/whatever. How . . . (meaningful pause) . . . interesting. I guess I don’t get out much.”

    (in response to gross-out talk or behavior) “Maybe you should see a proctologist/gastroenterologist/psychiatrist. They have new drugs for that you know. Then you wouldn’t have to embarrass yourself like this.”

    “Please don’t touch me. I have a . . . condition.”

    4. Don’t watch TV.
    5. Academia is no more or less difficult than just about any other profession when it comes to race/gender. Cope with racist/sexist oppression or deal with low pay/prestige. Choose doors #1 AND #2 if you’re a masochist. There does not appear to be a door number #3. If I find it I’ll let you know.

    6.Only if you can tell them they’re ignorant assholes to their faces and know they’ll just laugh.

18. 4. Am confused by it. I’ve only seen an episode or two, but I found her family life annoyingly undeveloped. Am I crazy, or are they just a typical sitcom family? I mean, they’ve got the Friends style unafordably big place, two quirky kids, and a father who gives down to earth advice while not quite understanding his kids.

    The work (and her coworkers) seem stupid, but not stupid in a funny or interesting way.

    I realize that the show is making fun of the fashion industry, but it seems like a constant repeat of a handful of jokes.

19. 2. Is anyone working for a job that they absolutely love that they want to talk about?

    Amazingly, yes. I dreamed of being an editor for years, and recently got my chance. I got a job with an environmental consulting company in February and I’m still ecstatic about it. The workplace environment’s much much better than my horrible last job (see #3) and I’m getting to do exactly what I wanted to do in a field I’m interested in (the environmental part, not so much the consulting end of it). I still don’t have a lot of work to do, but that’s because people are having to learn to schedule editing into their project schedules and that shift in thinking takes a while. Like every job, it has its small irritations and petty gripes, but I’m enjoying myself immensely and I’m grateful for the chance to do it so soon.

    3. And along those lines, does anyone have any advice or stories about how they respond or deal with people who are extremely offensive in the work place?

    I had a lot of problems with my last workplace – gov’t agency, DoD contractor. I’m not sure, when you talk about offensiveness, whether you mean harassment or general offensiveness or what, but this place was the model of “bad workplace environment,” so it might be useful. The department I worked for at the agency was mostly older white men who were sexist, racist and ageist. Because I’m a young woman, they assumed that I was to be a personal assistant to all of them (I was hired as a technical writer, not admin) and generally treated me like crap.

    Honestly, as far as the general atmosphere goes, I finally just dealt with it by leaving. A year there was more than enough. The general animosity and petty politics weren’t exactly something that could be reported to HR.

    Specific instances were a little easier to deal with, though. One of my fellow contractors, a middle-aged man, ventured over the line into harassment. He’d hang out in my cubicle for hours every day, ignoring all verbal and non-verbal cues to go away. If I got up to go to the copier or bathroom, he’d follow me. He’d talk at me for hours on end. I think the really offensive thing was that he saw me as a passive audience for his opinions and ego-building. He wasn’t interested in a conversation. Once he told me that he’d never vote for a female President, because of course all women are completely debilitated by PMS for a whole week every month and he’d never vote for someone who was incapacitated half the time.

    For various reasons, my boss wasn’t really willing to do anything about it, but I had another co-worker who helped me figure out what to do. I started documenting every single thing he did, from the annoying to the downright offensive. Eventually he was doing enough to take to HR. I left before HR really got involved, but the documentation seemed to be be key.

    Assuming the system works, documenting a specific co-worker’s misbehavior should help. General offensiveness, though, I don’t think there’s really a solution for. Getting out worked for me, although it might not be the solution for everyone.

    Sorry for the long de-lurking post; my last job really gets me ranty.

20. 4. It would be nice if the American TV industry came up with an original idea once in a while (Betty la Fea has been a fixture on Latin TV for years).

21. I totally love Ugly Betty. It’s pretty realistic too (I work in fashion retail, the drama and the self-importance spans all things fashion, I think). I liked how they didn’t make Betty beautiful at the end (I’m in Britain, just seen season 1 – there isn’t any more seasons, are there? They’ve not done the make over yet?)
    I think I liked it for the same reason I liked Devil Wears Prada – I identified with it. And UB is piss funny.

22. 4. I adore Ugly Betty. It is in no way like a typical sitcom (sorry Ben). It’s a spoof on traditional soap operas and sitcoms and uses a lot of caricatured characters to new and entertaining ends. It’s over the top, but it’s supposed to be. And the actors are able to play those caricatures with such skill and elan, it’s delightful.

    5. A lot depends on what field you’re interested in. I can speak only regarding the humanities. I agree with a lot of what Truffula said. On the one hand, there are a hell of a lot of downsides. You give up a lot of control over your life – the knowledge that you’ll have dependable employment for at least the next 12-17 years (until you get tenure, assuming you haven’t yet started a PhD program); where you (and your family?) will live, etc. And it’s not the paradise of intellectual growth that some people might imagine, either; I’ve found it to be really parochial in a lot of ways, and people uninterested in discussing anything outside their very narrow areas of focus. Teaching can be really rewarding, or really depressing, depending on your students, your course load, and your personality.

    On the other hand, it’s wonderful not having to punch a clock or be in an office from 9-5. It’s great feeling like even if you’re not making the world measurably better, you’re (hopefully) not making it worse, and you might even be opening some people’s minds. Finally, I want to encourage you, because (at least where I am) there are not nearly enough women of color in the humanities. However, I understand that that in itself could be both a discouraging fact and an indication of hostility (direct or indirect).

23. oh, 1. Tryo, a French reggae-ish band that I really like. They’re really fun and energetic and make me want to dance whenever they come on my ipod. However, since I don’t speak french, it’s entirely possible that their lyrics are homophobic/racist/sexist, and I just don’t know. It was recommended to me by a very dear French lesbian friend of mine, though, so if they are, I’ll be surprised.

24. 1. God, yes, loads. Try Scream Club and MIA in addition to the things namechecked above if you want something full-on dancey.
    2. I adore and live for my work, but I don’t really need to talk about it.
    3. Red Queen is right. Bluntness is the way forward, especially if you can summon up the funny bluntness. Her line about slipping into a lawsuit is a perfect example. Be prepared to get a reputation as a ballcrushing bitch. It won’t do you any harm, as long as you’re quick-witted and funny with it.
    4. Watched the first episode; shrugged.
    5. I can’t speak for the US, but in the UK, careers in academia are rapidly slipping in pay and status terms – you can always tell when this is happening by the exodus of white men to better-paid jobs. Having said that, I do actually think academic work is one of the best gigs around, in terms of being allowed time to pursue your own projects (admittedly under more pressure than there used to be). It also gives you a great base from which to start a media pundit career if that’s what you want to do. If you’re thinking in general society-improvement terms, I could really have done with being taught by fewer white men when I was an undergraduate.
    6. Yes, as long as both parties never let debates get personal.

25. Out of curiosity, did your Chinese friends like their government due to the high economic growth over the last decade or for political reasons? Are they members of the CCP political establishment or have relatives/friends who are?

    I believe it is more the economic factors, though to be honest I haven’t asked much about the other things. One is from Shenzhen, and the other is from a fairly well-off family in Sichuan.

26. 6. Is it possible to keep friendships with people who have extremely different politics than you do?

    Yes. One of my best friends in high school was very Christian and her beliefs were pretty much opposite from mine (anti-abortion, creationism, no sex before marriage, homosexuality, etc.). We had a few heated debates, but when we realized that neither of us coud change the other’s mind, we just stopped talking about those issues. It became sort of an unwritten rule that we just wouldn’t discuss them. I think in order to maintain a good friendship with people who have extremely different politics/religion/beliefs than you do, you have to be willing to not talk about certain areas of life, and remain open-minded. It may limit the closeness of your friendship, but it’s definitely possible.

27. 3. I remember one time I was working at an office job, for a smallish law firm. One of the guys stuck a cartoon on the break room bulletin board. As these things go, it was hardly outrageous – it was a black Batman Bat-signal, but altered to show boobs hanging down (i.e., Batwoman). The interesting thing was our reaction to it. Two of us women came into the break room, saw it, and frowned. (“That’s annoying. Why is it always boobs boobs boobs with these guys? Grow up!” A third woman came into the break room (I loved her, she was sassy), got her coffee, looked at the bulleting board, ripped off down the cartoon, tossed it into the trash, and left.

    The other woman and I started cracking up, laughing at ourselves. All we had to do was get rid of it. Without having thought it through at all, I guess we were reluctant to maybe hurt someone’s feelings or act aggressive.

    I realize this has nothing to do with “extremely offensive” behavior, but the pertinent point is to access your inner Elizabeth Bennett: “I am only resolved to act in a manner which will constitute my own happiness without reference to you or any person so wholly unconnected with me.”

    Pearlandopal, above, describes a difficult situation that maybe can only be solved by leaving. But before that, you may as well get some experience with being blunt but cheerful and implacable. Like when they seem to always expect you to unjam the copier. “Hey, I’m busy. I’m confident you can figure it out, though.”

    Or, “Sorry, I don’t have time to do event planning. You might ask someone in HR what to do about X’s retirement-birthday-get well card. Let everybody know what you come up with, ’cause I’m sure everyone will want to be there.”

    “You’re in my cubicle. You are always in my cubicle. I don’t know why. I don’t care why. But please go away. Now.”

    “OMG, I think there’s a hand on my ass!” (Turning….) “Phil! Your hand was on my ass! Don’t you know how dangerous that is? Dude, safety first. Nobody likes a sudden traumatic amputation.”

    But always, always: document. And watch your back.

28. 1. No. The only way I know to avoid the -isms is techno.
    2. I just got a job a week ago at the women’s clinic where I used to volunteer as an escort! The women I work with are fantastic.
    3. I have usually just told them to their faces to stop being such massive assholes or I’d get them fired. No lie. I’m only 20, so I’ve never had a job where saying that was a huge problem. Also, most of the jobs I’ve worked were for huge corporations that take complaints of sexual harassment and homophobia VERY seriously, so the idiots knew I meant it.
    4. I have none! I don’t pay for TV, so my television is only used for playing console games.
    5. Oh lordy. I have never even considered going in to academia. I will be purposely getting a doctorate that can’t be used for teaching so that I never go into it if being a psychologist not work out as I’ve planned.
    6. Yes. But with me, it is not worth the effort. Life is too short to spend trying to get along with people who you will never see eye-to-eye with, so I avoid associating with conservatives. Also, I’m sure most of us know how frustrating it is to have to deal with conservative family members. You can choose your friends, so why not avoid tense, unfriendly situations?

29. 1. Sorry, I love techno.
    2. I hope to get hired by a tutoring service — interview on Monday! I loved my old job, but it didn’t pay enough and I wanted to be in a city and clower to my family
    3. Depends on the level of offensiveness. My mom got a weird threat once from coworkers who’d just been fired, because they thought she was responsible, and the company never took action. I only ever had to deal with a guy who threw peanut shells on the floor of the office we shared with five other people. Mostly, I just scowled at him.
    4. She looks like a childhood friend of mine and, well, not really ugly at all.
    5. Go for it. GO FOR IT.
    6. Yeah, one of my best friends from college is republican. But I think it works because she’s not “republican” by today’s standards, and actually we agree on most social issues, and she hates GWB. So. Maybe not, since she’s only republican in name. I guess you can be Facebook friends with someone who has different politics?

30. 1) I see a trend in most of the responses so far… most of the music is *not* produced or largely consumed by people of color! I don’t think you can define entire genres of music as homophobic/racist/sexist or anti-homophobic/anti-racist/anti-sexist. There’s plenty of hip-hop, rap, reggaeton, reggae, salsa, merengue, etc out there that isn’t homophobic, racist, or sexist in its content and is thoroughly danceable.

    I say “in its content” deliberately, because while a particular track or album or even an artist’s entire body of work may not include a single racist, sexist or homophobic word within it, the way they live their lives in private or the way they speak on issues in public may be thoroughly ridden with those various isms. Do I want to dance to their music more than I want to dance to the more overt, in-the-music itself stuff? Tough question, that.

31. 1. How about something along the lines of Kia Kadiri, the Scissor Sisters, or silly ’80s pop (George Michael? Culture Club? Madonna?)?
    2. I wish.
    3. Take notes, state facts about what you don’t like, and report to HR.
    4. It’s boring.
    5. I’ve got nothing.
    6. Yes, although it can be difficult, and perhaps it’s best to keep conversation to other subjects.

32. 1. My favorite music to dance to is stuff like Le Tigre, the Gossip, and MIA. I also dig the Faint, but they’re getting pretty close to techno (and may have some questionable lyrics from the -ism point of view. They do have some songs about strippers on their 1st record, but their 3rd record is lovely.)

    3. And along those lines, does anyone have any advice or stories about how they respond or deal with people who are extremely offensive in the work place?

    Well, in my graduate program there was a fellow who liked to send letters to the student newspaper about how women who had abortions were murderers and deserved the same fate. I simply refused to work with him, which worked since I was better liked than he was.

    5. Any tips for figuring out whether or not to pursue a career in academia? as a woman of color?

    Well, I can tell you I have hated my time in graduate school and academia so far. Graduate programs are long and mostly miserable. Can you keep your eye on the abstract end goals for long enough to get through it? One of the big parts of academic life that more or less has me dropping out of it is the “relocation” aspect, since while (in my field) the academic job market is okay, the competitive graduate programs and the difficult places to get jobs fall into categories like “urban areas” and “west coast”. Between graduate programs, post-docs, and an assumed one or two professor positions before you settle into one, that’s a lot of relocation, and it’s only between pleasant, easy to live places if you’re truly genius material and can work the old boys network.

    6. Is it possible to keep friendships with people who have extremely different politics than you do?

    I have not been able to. As I may have revealed above, this has not boded well for making friends in the red-states where I have had the opportunity to further my academic career.

    I just can’t avoid talking about politics. No matter what I do.

33. 1. The Gossip, Le Tigre

    2. I manage an all-female skateshop. I love it, am I allowed to talk about it a public forum, doubtful.

    3. We’ve gotten a few people who didn’t really mesh with the crew transferred to another store. Most of our problems have jsut worked themselves out though because it’s a small office, if we’re not all friends, it’s awkward.

    4. Cliched, moderately funny. She’s not ugly – she’s plus-size, has glasses and dresses badly, difference.

    5. Doing what you love doesn’t always have a corresponding financial payout (I’m an anthropologist, go figure). I’m more motivated as a woman of colour – you can basically call a lot of your accomplishments ‘pioneering’.

    6. Definitely, I’m a feminist, but I’m also in a sorority. Those two don’t always mesh but we’re not on a jury, we don’t all have to agree as long as people respect differences of opinions.

34. 1. right now, my favorite song to dance around my apartment to is Mahjongg’s “Hot Lava.” I don’t know how you feel about myspace, but you can hear it on the band’s page. I am also really loving the Mary Jane Girls’ “In My House” and Natural Selection’s “Do Anything.” I work at a radio station and we play a lot of the music that time forgot.

    4. Love it, though Betty is frankly the least interesting thing about it. If the show revolved around any of the other characters (except Daniel) I’d love it even more! Also, I fully intend to do a bit of cultural appropriation when the time comes and name my first born Ignacio. Or my first gold fish. Whichever comes first.

35. 1. Instrumental big band swing.

36. 2. Is anyone working for a job that they absolutely love that they want to talk about?

    I’m an attorney. Its definitely not for everyone but I love it. My clients provide me with challenging problems and for the most part they’re trying to do the right thing…they just aren’t sure what the right thing is. Plus they basically subsidize my pro bono work.

    3. And along those lines, does anyone have any advice or stories about how they respond or deal with people who are extremely offensive in the work place?

    Depends on the level of offensiveness. Just rude: I usually respond with an eyebrow and a toxic, “Excuse me?” Touching: I once responded with nearly dislocating the guy’s elbow. He was mifted, but I don’t think he’ll do it again. Harassment: Noen’s advice.

    5. Any tips for figuring out whether or not to pursue a career in academia? as a woman of color?

    I think it depends on your field. My husband is a man of color who was in philosophy. That wasn’t all that hard for him in terms of race or gender, but the job market is brutal. I for a while pursued economics (and may go back) but it was really difficult as a woman to be in a field where there were virtually no women. Anyway just some thoughts.

    6. Is it possible to keep friendships with people who have extremely different politics than you do?

    I think it depends on what you mean by friendship. The people I hang out with regularly generally have to have a similar philosophical bent. Otherwise there are so many things we can’t talk about and the friendship sort of devolves into an acquaintanceship.

37. 1. the gossip!!! there’s a GREAT remix of standing in the way of control if you find that the gossip alone is not upbeat enough.

38. 5) We certainly do need more WOC in academics, but, as others point out, attitudes about women can be really bad, and POC attitudes may be bad too (the reason one cannot tell is that POC are missing or invisible). A scary reality, but not a reason to abandon a dream.

    If you are planning to go Humanities, I’m sure you’re aware of the slashes in departments and budgets. However, there may be a better picture in sciences. I would think about a life in academia rather than a career. You may have to finagle work, location, etc, but if you really want to study a field, you should go for it.

39. 1. My friends and I like dancing to fast punk music–Matt & Kim is really bouncy and fun. World/Inferno Friendship Society has some danceable stuff too. THough, this is mostly if your preferred dancing involves a lot of jumping around and bumping into people.

    3. The best method I’ve ever heard for dealing with Unwanted Touching, though this works better for the subway than for the office, is to yell really loud, “WHY IS THERE A HAND ON MY ASS?”

40. 3. I just started working for a data entry job that I hate, but I’m using it to pay the bills until I find a better job. My boss is an 80-year-old, half deaf woman who (I found out in the FIRST HOUR of working for her) doesn’t like Mexicans, people on welfare, or women who hyphenate their names (“You have to look through the documents and see which name they’re supposed to be using”). By the second day, I could do nothing about these offensive remarks but laugh. (She didn’t mean them to be funny.) Everyone else in the small office thinks she’s a nut too, and since she can’t hear too well we talk about what a bitch she is all the time. Not saying that it’s a great solution, especially not for sexual-harassment cases, but I just laugh when she talks about young people (like me!) “moving around like fleas”.

    4. I don’t own a TV, but I love watching Ugly Betty online.

    6 . My boyfriend used to be quite conservative, but now he’s an Obama supporter, as am I. Sometimes it gets frustrating, but I think it works because we have the same core values and beliefs–we just put it into different words sometimes. If you’re both willing to actually listen, it can work.

41. 1. Dance music: my favorite categories fall into either the industrial/EBM category and what I think of as bubbly Euro-pop. Some of the industrial is kind of techno-y, but I really like VNV Nation, Apoptygma Berzerk, and Wumpscut (though that last has really, really dark, disturbing lyrics, although not homophobic/sexist/racist). KMFDM and MDFMK are also good, as are a whole mess of German industrial groups, all of whom I am drawing a blank on. For the bubbly music, which tends toward, well, vapid lyrics, and isn’t quite as fast-paced as the industrial: Kylie Minogue, ATC, Gigi D’Agostino, and maybe Eiffel 65. Oh, and Aqua. Aqua is awesome.

42. 1. Goldfrapp, especially Black Cherry and Supernature

43. 1. Why has no one mentioned Cibo Matto? “Know Your Chicken” is great.

    2. I did love my job but I’m disillusioned with it now.

    3. I don’t have a good suggestion, but the ideas everyone else is putting out there are great. Even if it’s not actionable, documentation is key. Low-grade offensiveness might be the warning sign of harassment to come.

    6. I did have good friends who were politically conservative, but I recently went too far to the left for their taste, and we decided that we’d just grown apart. Not talking about politics worked for a long time.

44. 1. Well, Le Tigre’s been mentioned, so I third it. There are many others, though:

    a. The Go! Team – They sound like every great 80’s pop-rap hybrid mixed up with schoolyard jump-rope anthems. Insanely fun.

    b. LCD Soundsystem – Pretty much perfected the punk/disco hybrid so popular of late (produced most of it, too). Impossible not to dance to. Also, please enjoy this collaboration that will be stuck in your head all day.

    c. Black Moth Super Rainbow – OK, they’re more psychedelic electronica, but I think you can dance to it.

    d. The Blow – Bedroom dance music. Very feminist in nature. Also check out her musical collaborator Y.A.C.H.T..

    e. Four Tet – More experimental and textural. All instrumental.

    f. Future Bible Heroes – One of many Stephin Merritt side projects.

    g. The Glove – Long lost side project from Robert Smith and Steve Severin.

    h. I Am the World Trade Center – Unfortunately named electro-pop duo in the Elephant Six/Orange Twin vein.

    i. The Juan Maclean – LCD Soundsystem acolytes, but trancier.

    j. Ladytron – Sort of Kraftwerkian.

    k. Liquid Liquid – Hard to find proto-punk-dance music from back in the day.

    l. Maximum Joy – Lost New Wavers. Relatives of This Heat and The Pop Group.

    m. Out Hud – Relatives of !!! but without the annoying vocals.

45. 1. I fucking love the Scissor Sisters. Half of the members are gay and they are just plain awesome. I secretly want Jake Shears. I guess it’s not so secret anymore.
    2. pff, I’m working at Lowes. I hate it. Especially since I get called baby doll and honey pie and pretty all day long by old men.
    3. I go straight to the person in charge and let them know what’s happening. It’s worked every time so far.
    4. Meh, never watch it.
    5. Do it, you can’t go wrong with an education!
    6. I find it too hard to do. That’s why I no longer have ultra conservative bigots for friends. If anyone mentions being pro-life, I completely lose all respect for them and make it a point to ignore them. It’s possible to have them as friends, but I find I hate them less when I can just separate myself from them.

46. 1. The Gossip is great – I also love Lily Allen right now…
    2. I don’t mind my job, but I wish I had a nicer office with a window… and a better cubicle mate.
    3. Luckily, I haven’t had any notably bad encounters at work. Wow, maybe I do love my job after all??
    4. I’ve never seen it, but I like the premise. And I do love America Ferrera.
    5. I’m really glad you asked this question, and I really like truffula’s advice. I’m in the same boat right now, trying to decide if it’s where I want to go. I actually enjoyed (for the most part) my grad school experience, and to be honest I almost feel obligated to pursue academia simply because there are not many women in my field (I think that’s just a leftover from my mother’s parenting though – ‘no honey, you should play hockey with the boys, not do ballet’; ‘well, writing is great, but don’t you want to make a difference for women? Why not pursue science?’ and the like..). But I think it’s great that you’re thinking about and talking about these choices, I know I have been lately too.
    6. This has been very tough for me, and I don’t have a great answer. My boyfriend and I have similar political views but different ideas about sharing them (I want to talk it out and debate and enact change, and he wants to ‘live and let live’), and we certainly spend more time than is probably healthy talking about those issues… his friends and I differ in MASSIVE ways, and we’ve had heated arguments before. I would say that now I just try to avoid the topics, but I’m seething under the surface…

47. 1. I love swing music

    2. -Linsay, I feel your pain, I used to work as an auto parts delivery person…ugh.

    3. Documentation!!! I really wish I had realised how important and helpful this can be when in a previous job. When I had to try and explain all the problems having the examples already there for me would have helped me make my case. Bluntness can work too, however, it really depends on who is being offensive and if they got the “hint”.

    6. Yes, but it really depends on the people. A lot of people I know don’t talk politics at all so it doesn’t matter all that much. I think my libertarian friend is completely bonkers but I still enjoy talking politics and sharing articles and opinions even though we often disagree. I guess its because we go into it knowing we will disagree and it doesn’t result in hurt feelings or anger because we understand people will never agree on everything. Or something like that.

48. 1. So many great suggestions on here! M.I.A., Lily Allen, The Go! Team, Le Tigre…May I suggest, BASEMENT JAXX and Sugababes (while they are a pop group and have their very typical moments, they also have songs chock full of feminist ideology) They’re absolutely incredible.

    4. I love Ugly Betty. I never miss it. I especially loved the story line with Betty’s nephew Justin and his father coming to accept him.

49. 2. I’m a stand-up comic. Best job in the world.

    and

    3. Anyone gives me sh!t at work, I spend the next five minutes making jokes about them to the rest of the crowd. Easy.

50. Nuts. I just discovered I put in the wrong link for one of those songs (Kick Out The Chairs by Munk and James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem). You want the WhoMadeWho remix, which can be found here. (If you can’t link directly to that page, try here and click the link above the video). They add a sweeeet funk bass line that you could ride from here to the horizon.

51. 1. I’m really into asian eurobeat stuff, may be a bit too pop-techno… I’m not really sure.
    A piece of Heaven by Cascada sometimes you can find it listed as by Akira
    I got into them while doing parapara dancing night of Fire
    Disco Moscow
    Velfarre200
    Fan performance with lots of different songs
    a lot of people campare the music to Aqua so that’s what it mostly sound like ^^;

52. 2. I make candy…mostly involving chocolate. All day long. Some one actually pays me for this and lets me play with his (very expensive) equipment and materials. I not sure there’s anything better than chocolatier, except possibly rockstar.

53. 3. Find a better job, then quit the job you have. If you can’t or don’t want to quit:

    If you mean offensive customers or vendors or something, just put up with their crap and laugh at them later. People like that aren’t just doing it to you, they’re jerks to everyone. Soon they will have no friends and will be banned from many restaurants. The corporation I work with has a policy: tell the customer you find what they just said very offensive, then offer great customer service. (“I’m very offended by what you just called me. Can I help you find something?”) If they do it again, tell them a manager will be with them shortly, explain what happened to the manager, and make them deal with it. If they start to freak out, call the police.

    If you mean a coworker-peer who is just a jerk, just don’t be their friend (limit the small talk, don’t accept favors, be barely civil.) Most people who are just jerks will leave you alone. If it’s actual harassment, document everything and make sure your boss or the police know from the get-go. If it’s safe for you to do so, tell the offending party bluntly to stop. “I don’t like X. Stop doing X. If you do X again, I’ll do Y.” Get your boss or corporate involved, if possible, and the police if necessary. If it’s not safe for you to do that, or if nobody believes you, just make sure that your coworker gets in trouble for every stupid little mistake, accident, or omission. There are ways to make it look like you’re not a tattle while still making someone’s life very difficult. Maybe you can work your schedule so that they’re the person who has to clean the bathrooms every night. Maybe they’re in the habit of phoning in certain duties that really ought to be done right. You’ll think of something. That’s passive-aggressive and mean, but if nobody else is going to help you, I think you’re entitled to subtly encourage someone to get a new job.

    If it’s your boss, go over your boss’s head, again, documenting everything. Get corporate involved, if possible. With sympathetic witnesses (preferably someone who outranks or is equal to your boss), be very direct about what behavior it is that is not acceptable. “I feel X when you do Y. If you do Y again, I will do Z.” Sometimes, when it’s your boss, calling them on their crap will get you fired, so make sure you’re not alone and that you make it into a big deal, but remain, on the face of it, respectful. People are more likely to take the high road when there are witnesses. Make it really embarrassing and obvious, make sure other people see what your boss is doing. And then never be alone with that person again unless you have to be. It helps if you have another manager who is sympathetic, even if they are in another department.

    One of the only good things about working for a huge corporation is they tend to take serious harassment (sexual, racial, etc) very seriously and will believe you if you immediately take it to a corporate/HR level.

    Sometimes you can call OSHA or something and get a harassing boss in trouble for something else they’re doing wrong that isn’t really related to you. Just make their life as difficult as is possible while not doing anything that could get you fired. It’s important to be a really good employee– on time, polite, and competent, and it’s important that they never have proof that it’s you that’s doing it. Again: passive-agressive, mean, and risky. Don’t make mischief unless it’s your last option.

    If you take any action whatsoever, you risk an amping up of the offensive behavior. So while you’re doing all this…be looking for another job. Yeah, they cannot fire you for someone else’s behavior, legally. Except, they totally can and will. They know you probably can’t afford a lawsuit. Have another job lined up, it doesn’t matter where, so you’ll still be making money in the gap period if you do get fired for no good reason, or if you just up and quit.

    If the particular workplace sucks that much, it will eventually implode upon itself. They’ll offend the wrong person and never be able to work in this town again, eventually.

54. I love love love Ugly Betty, but as especially as a Black woman the portrayal of Ignacio’s Black female immigration worker was a little offensive. They made her loud, controlling, dominating, overweight, and aggresive. They played the stereotype to the tee. And whats worse was that even before her “craziness” surfaced the second she put a move on Ignacio it was made obvious that she was undesirable if not repulsive, and that he could never be attracted to her, and that the very idea of them being together was laughable. This might have been more forgivable if in fact the actress was ugly, but she actually looked like a normal, overweight-yet-attractive middle aged African American woman. But I guess in Hollywood that’s a crime. And in my opinion Vanessa William’s character isn’t enough to ”offset” such an irresponsible exploitation of a tired stereotype.

    Any thoughts?

55. 1) Flogging Molly is always danceable, as is most Irish folk/pop/punk. If you are a geek like me, that is.

    2) If you’d asked me 2 weeks ago, I’d have said yes, there is nothing I’d rather do than be a trucker, except write GLBT romance (which I also do) Tonight… I don’t even want to think about it

    3-4) No suggestions

    5) Academia is great. If you like petty theft, in-fighting, back-biting, undermining and lots of false smiles. (I used to be a university librarian)

    6) Talk music and movies and food

56. 1. Does anyone know of any catchy dance music that is not homophobic/racist/sexist? that isn’t techno?
    Classics: Alison Deejay, “Better Off Alone.” Madison, “Don’t Call Me Baby.” Destiny’s Child, “Bug a Boo.” Queen, “Another One Bites the Dust.” Daft Punk, “Around the World.”
    The Gossip, “Listen Up.”

    4. What are your thoughts on Ugly Betty?
    Other than hating their constant use of anti-female slurs in a derogatory way (of which I’m sure I’m one of the rare few, if any), I enjoy the show. Notice: they refuse to use anti-gay slurs in such a manner. Of course not: homophobia is wrong; misogyny is cool. Not all bigotries are created equal.

    6. Is it possible to keep friendships with people who have extremely different politics than you do?
    God, no!

57. 1. I second Go! Team. I’m a fan of “patterned” dances too, like swing, foxtrot, waltz, etc. I have a feeling, though, that those were not what you meant by dance music.

    2. Not yet. I’m a graduate student, which is a kind of job, but I don’t love it right now.

    3. Tough one. My usual approach is a diplomatic one; I think of a way to point out what that person has said or done in a way that makes the situation a teachable moment. Most of the people who I’ve confronted in this way aren’t really assholes, they just haven’t had to think about what they say or do very much. If the honey approach doesn’t work, then I try vinegar: just flat out saying what’s offensive and why. If that doesn’t work, I do my best to avoid that person.

    4. I don’t watch “Ugly Betty” (who is not ugly from the clips I’ve seen). I watch very little television.

    5. Hoo-boy. I could write a whole essay on this, and others have written entire books. I could give you some references if you would like them.

    If you really love it and you find that academia is the environment for you despite its drawbacks, then go for it. Academic work is one of those careers that when it’s good, it’s very good.

    As others have pointed out, the politics of academic departments are generally no better or worse than in other work environments. You’ll still run into racism or sexism, and the disputes among faculty members can be very petty and very ugly at the same time. You will need to get used to the fact that some of your students (depending on where you work) will be unenthusiastic yet will expect high grades for average performance; the students you do “reach” may well be worth the trouble. If you’re going into the arts or humanities, the pay is rather low given the standards required for the job until, perhaps, you get tenure. The sciences aren’t a whole lot better, but there are more resources available.

    It will also be quite likely that the available academic jobs will be in places in which you may not want to live or in places that you can’t afford on your salary.

    One piece of advice I have that I would like to stress is this: Even if you enter graduate school with an academic career in mind, do not feel bound to that path if you find midway through the journey that academia isn’t for you. Academic culture is often very unkind to those who decide against an academic career when they are in fields that traditionally produce academics. If you have doubts about whether or not academia is for you at this point, be judicious about with whom you share these doubts. You’ll probably be having your own crisis of confidence, and academic culture tends to reinforce the notion that those who leave their programs or (to a somewhat lesser extent) those who don’t go into academia after finishing are “failures”. Because of this, a lot of people stay in grad school/academia, aren’t truly happy, but have tied their sense of self-worth to getting that Ph.D. or that professorship. They’ve bought into the idea that if they were to stop, it would show that they were less able, less competent individuals.

    Never, ever let anyone or any place make you feel that you’ve failed if you change your mind. That sounds like obvious common sense, but it’s easy to lose sight of it once you’re steeped in academia. Your training makes you qualified to do more jobs than is apparent, jobs that you may find more satisfying, change the world for the better just as much as any academic does, and pay you better to boot.

58. 1. If you search out some italian disco from the early 80s like valerie dore and doctor’s cat, it’s pretty interesting and very danceable. There is also stuff like liquid liquid, lizzy mercier descloux, bush tetras, and esg, all of whom are disco/funk-based. Also, J.J. Fad – All girl rap group from the 80s. Dr. Dre made their beats and they’re posi. Annie is another option. Also, you should look into more soulful chicago house artists and two-steppers like artful dodger, and early a guy called gerald. It doesn’t thump and it’s plenty danceable. Also, I have to put in a bid for Romeo Void. all of it isn’t danceable, but the danceable stuff is very good for such purposes.

    4. This show is genius. I really like it. I got my mom hooked on it. I think that, while there are some problems with the representations, the stories alone make it worthwhile. It’s definitely worth your time to watch it…if you haven’t before.

    5. I can’t speak as a woman of color, but if you get any ideas of what it’s like to be a person of color in academia, I’d love to hear them. I’m considering the same path but wondering about my ability to be effective in affecting change and addressing issues important to me as a Black male.

    6. Yes, but it requires you to talk about something other than politics. I knew apolitical kids in college who would glaze over in intense political discussion, so I got used to talking to them about art, music, books, essentially anything but politics. The same thing will get you far with people you don’t agree with. These will be the people you party with or do other non-political things with because they will be the most fun for such activities.

59. To figure out whether to pursue a career in academia, I’d start reading some blogs written by academics. It’ll give you a good sense of what the life is like and whether it would be satisfying work for you.

    http://suburbdad.blogspot.com/ – A community college dean writes about big issues in higher education; this will tell you lots about the job market.

    http://www.profgrrrrl.com/ – A really successful single, female social scientist, newly tenured.

    http://professingmama.blogspot.com/ – A married mother in the humanities on the tenure track.

    http://phantomprof.blogspot.com/ – A bitter adjunct.

    Academia isn’t just a job; it’s an entire life. The point of graduate school is not just to train you or educate you, but to socialize you into being a certain type of person – which I think is why it’s so hard for people who come from a background not typical of the people who currently run the academy.

    If teaching and research is the only life for you, it’s perfect. If you can do anything else, you probably should do that.

60. 6. Is it possible to keep friendships with people who have extremely different politics than you do?

    of course it is!

    some people of the opposite political persuasion will always be racist, sexist, bigoted, homophobic, mysogynist assholes, but others of them will be good and decent and intelligent people who will disagree on how we should run the country.

61. 5. I’m not part of the U.S. system, and I also happen to be in one of those trippy phases in the process where it seems like it was all a good idea after all (just about to finish my PhD), but I can’t think how there could be a better job than academia.
    Not saying there’s not a whole lot of crap involved (sexist supervisor (why on earth did he ever want to supervise a feminist thesis?), inadequate administrative support, petty politics, have to find a proper job soon, MARKING (blagh!)), but in the end, I’m being paid to read and write about stuff I find endlessly fascinating AND to give my opinion (at length) to a bunch of smarter than average young adults and redress all the imbalances in the traditional way of presenting the material by telling them what I think is important (did you know that the first post Classical playwright on record in Europe was a woman?), so sometimes I feel so lucky the whole gig feels like a scam.

    p.s. 1. I love French hip hop, but as my French is too rubbish for me to work out how to say to the shop assisstant “nothing misogynist, please” god knows what I’m listening to. Ignorance is bliss.

62. Anu, Yes. I had trouble with that too. Also with Vanessa Williams character. However, unlike the former Williams’ character has depth. She has moments of warmth and unselfishness, etc..

63. 4) I haven’t watched Ugly Betty here in Switzerland, but I’ve seen a lot of pictures of her and I don’t get it. She is not ugly!!! I think it’s cruel to call her ugly just because she doesn’t fit the standards. I don’t think this is empowering. At first I was really glad that America Ferrera won an award for her role, but then I was shocked to hear her acceptance speech. I remember her thanking the audience for giving her the award despite her body! This just reinforces a beauty standard that excludes so many people.

    5) I am a student working on my final thesis in Switzerland and I feel that one of the most important things is to see through the academic values, which are often patriarchal values, to not get intimidated and to value one’s own thoughts.

    6) I keep arguing with friends and family about sexism and try to “educate” them ;-). However I ended a friendship with an old friend because he thinks homosexuality is bad and not natural. I realized that I can’t be friends with someone who judges and excludes other humans like this. This is a cruelty I cannot tolerate and cannot see irrespective of the person. So for me the acceptance of homosexuality is like a touchstone.

64. I can answer the last one – I have a friend who came to my school for a few years before returning to her native country of Saudi Arabia, and we’ve kept in touch. A while back, we were discussing our respective beliefs, and I mentioned my feminism. She feel that, if men and women were made entirely equal, then a struggle would break out as one party tries to gain dominance over the other – thus, it is better to have them ‘complementary’ to each other, and have one more powerful. Of course, I disagree entirely, and it is like this with a number of other factors. But we are good friends because, despite our different views on religion, politics etc. we treat each others views with respect and are willing to debate them, rather than just ignoring what we don’t agree with – you could say it gives us something to talk about! So yes, you can be friends with someone whose views on such matters aren’t your own, provided that they aren’t a complete pig about them.

65. but in the end, I’m being paid to read and write about stuff I find endlessly fascinating AND to give my opinion (at length) to a bunch of smarter than average young adults and redress all the imbalances in the traditional way of presenting the material by telling them what I think is important (did you know that the first post Classical playwright on record in Europe was a woman?), so sometimes I feel so lucky the whole gig feels like a scam.

    Orlando: I understand totally what you mean here, and I have colleagues who have said the same thing. Maybe it has something to do with being at a public university, but I wince when I hear this because I fear that our state legislators, and their constituents, are coming to the same conclusion: “What? We’re giving millions in state money to help pay people to spout off on long-dead playwrights? Surely that money can be put to better use.”

    In an era of declining support for public higher education, I don’t want to say that what I’ve been in training to do is part of a scam.

66. 4. What are your thoughts on Ugly Betty?
    Completely underwhelmed. For the most part the writing really isn’t that clever, and for all the attention in the press that’s given to how “ugly” Betty is (she isn’t) and how transgressive and empowering the show is, it doesn’t do much to subvert standards of beauty or gender stereotypes. It’s okay as a first step, but it could definitely be better (both in its message and as a compelling/funny show, period).

    5. Any tips for figuring out whether or not to pursue a career in academia? as a woman of color?
    If you find anything, pass it along! I’m in the same boat (I’m a white woman, though). I just graduated from college a month and a few days ago, and I’m taking the next year or two to figure out whether to pursue a PhD in sociology. Whenever I get an idea in my head, I obsessively research and read things on the internet, so thanks for the blogs, Laura–another one that hasn’t been updated for a few years, but has some interesting writing on it, is http://www.invisibleadjunct.com. Most of what I read is frightening, but I haven’t been completely scared off yet, so maybe it’s a sign.

    6. Is it possible to keep friendships with people who have extremely different politics than you do?
    Two of my best friends, who are among the most thoughtful people I know, are anti-choice. It’s heartbreaking, and we simply don’t talk about it. Religious dogma plays a big role, I believe, but at least for the friend I’m closer to, she recognizes the ridiculousness of anti-abstinence programs, efforts to curb access to contraception, and general misogynist bullshit. It’s kind of a mystery to me, but whatever. I get really passionate when I talk politics, so it’s difficult for me to tolerate conversations with other people whose views differ radically from mine as far as responsibility to others, sexism, racism, homophobia etc.

67. 5. One potentially unpleasant aspect of academia is that there’s no generally no concept that a work/life balance is important or desirable. Many other professions and employers will say that a work/life balance is important, and then you have to figure out if they are lying. In academia, I don’t think I’ve ever even heard a suggestion that such a balance is important. So if you’re going into academia you should really love teaching or research (or ideally, both).

68. 1. The SSION
    2. No
    3. My BFF/enemy at work is hardcore republican…she has kind of a big mouth, and I am trying figure out how to deal with some of the ignorant ass shit she says…blank stares usually evoke lots of backpeddaling, though
    4. Never seen it
    5. Don’t do it – it looks all la-la and interesting but it’s a whole lot of bullshit asskissing and selling out, which I learned after my first semester of grad school
    6. If that friend is a family member…see #3…it’s pretty strenuous

69. 1. Ska
    2. Yes, I recently started a new job, as an online ad trafficker. I’m the evil person that makes ads appear on websites. But, it’s a fun job, and it’s good to see the number of women in the field. I see much more diversity in online advertising than in traditional print, television, and radio.
    3. I used to work with this person who had no clue, who would say things like, “once one woman in an office gets pregnant, they’ll all get pregnant.” I dealt with him by just telling him in a firm un-emotional voice to “walk away from my desk.”
    4. Never seen it.

70. Pursuing an academic career would be a very personal decision, and I’m not sure anyone here can give you much useful advice without knowing a lot more about your reasons, field, expectations, etc. On the other hand, I did post this in a “Lost Highway” type of vein (if nothing else, the cartoon is very funny).

71. Linnaeus, you’re absolutely right, and it makes me cross with myself now I look back and see how thoroughly I absorbed the trivialising of what I do (grew up in the country: very anti-intellectual culture), and how long it took me to fully realise that what I do is highly skilled work. But that’s only make me a fiercer stickler now for that work being recognised properly, and (yes indeed) paid appropriately.

    Incidentally, the places I’ve taught being Ireland and Australia, there is no public/private university parallel system. Almost all tertiary institutions (with the odd exception) are public. Can’t begin to describe what an important difference it makes for broadening access, and people not ending up ransoming the rest of their lives to pay for it. There are moves afoot to “corporatise” and increase fees, and it’s vital we keep fighting this.

72. 1. The Blow, Digable Planets, Of Montreal, Tilly and the Wall,

73. 1. Does anyone know of any catchy dance music that is not homophobic/racist/sexist? that isn’t techno?

    Yep. Disco was my first thought too — as much as people make fun of it, it really is the ultimate dance music: anyone can dance to it, yet good dancers can still strut their stuff … and there is much of it that’s non-offensive.

    4. What are your thoughts on Ugly Betty?

    I’ve not seen it. I don’t get the title. Well, I do and I don’t. I know that the character is supposed to be ugly, but I fail to see how that “stage ugly” is actually un-attractive. As a male pig, if it weren’t for the fact that I’m engaged … I’d hit it, as they say.

    5. Any tips for figuring out whether or not to pursue a career in academia? as a woman of color?

    Can’t answer the last question, but I’m still pursuing a career in academia … we’ll see if it works out …

    6. Is it possible to keep friendships with people who have extremely different politics than you do?

    Yes. I’ve done so for years. The key is to find those one or two bits of common ground. A friend of mine I’ve known since kindergarden is rather socially conservative. But we’ve found common ground in having certain joint concerns about economic issues (even if he’s not as economically liberal as I am), in terms of media bias (even if he interprets the incidents of bias differently than I in terms of the effects on the body politic, we still agree as to the fundamental nature of the bias — the media just don’t get certain things because they are getting too insulated and “elite”), in our mutual dislike of the (Protestant — my friend’s a religious Catholic) religious right (as well as the, in his view heretical, Donohue crowd of “Catholics”) … so there are some common grounds so we can discuss politics in an agreeable way (although we usually avoid it) even though he’s fairly conservative, and I’m a moonbat!

74. I wish I could answer 5. for you. I’m still trying to figure out if academia is right for me. And academia is still trying to figure out if I’m right for it.

75. 2. I’m an advertising copywriter for a major medicine and research university in Alabama. I will say that part of the reason I love it is simply the contrast with my last job (writer for a fashion industry publication – I lasted for two years before the stomach ulcer, the eating disorder, and the conflict with my own personal societal ideals forced me out of it), but I also love being a part of something that actually does good. In the year that I’ve been here, I’ve gotten to work on a projects promoting and raising money for a new diabetes center, a minority women’s health initiative, a student-run radio soap opera addressing community health issues, AIDS research, discovery of a drug to treat RSV, a new treatment for stroke victims, new therapies for children with CP, and the list goes on. This is the first job I’ve had, and I’ve had a few, where no matter how tired I am at the end of the day, no matter how frustrated I get with clients and/or coworkers, and no matter how plum boring some of my individual assignments are, I can still say that everything I do at work is something that I enjoy. Yes, it’s advertising, which is, by its very definition, evil, but it’s nice to know that I’m actually promoting stuff that’s beneficial to society, rather than $400 chinchilla-trimmed silk tank tops.

    6. One of my best friends is an evangelical Christian in the Navy. We can generally talk religion fairly safely, but we never, ever, ever talk about politics. Wish I could tell you more, but that’s about the extent of it.

76. (in response to any racist/sexist remark) “I don’t get it.” Look genuinely befuddled.Ask them to explain the joke and why it’s funny. Continue to look befuddled. Then say (loudly, so others can hear, if the two of you are alone) “Oh, WOW. I had no IDEA jews/blacks/women were stingy/had big penises/smelled bad/couldn’t drive/whatever. How . . . (meaningful pause) . . . interesting. I guess I don’t get out much.”

    Hedonistic Pleasureseeker, that is absolutely brilliant. For all the times I’ve been in that kind of situation, I’d never thought about that approach, but I’m absolutely making a mental note.

77. 2. I am a technical editor for an engineering firm. I love it. Its interesting work plus lends itself well to flexible work schedules and telecommuting, which I really appreciate being a single mom of two boys.

    3. Try to remember to just stay above it. I heard a saying once, something along the lines of …. “don’t fight with a pig, you’ll only get muddy and the pig likes it.” I try to remember that. Once you start going head-to-head with someone like that, its hard for onlookers to figure out who is the victim.

    Remember too that just because someone is difficult, doesn’t mean that the company won’t side with them. I worked in a law firm for a while and there was this horribly difficult and even crude lawyer. He had a series of very competent and professional legal secretaries that worked for him, who he was awful to. But he stayed, and they were let go or transferred. Why? Because he was a Big Fish who Made Money for the Firm. It would have been harder/more expensive to replace/retrain him than the secretary. Not right, but the reality in business is that everything–including employee relations–comes back to the bottom line.

    4. I wouldn’t watch Ugly Betty at first, on principle. Because, dang, is she really that ugly? She seems very normal. But eventually I watched it and liked it.

78. 1. If you don’t know Spanish (like me) Raggaeton is a good bet. I love the music and am blissfully unaware of what they’re saying. If anyone wants to try it I highly recommend Salio El Sol by Don Omar.
    2. Sadly, no.
    3. Stand your ground and stand up for yourself if it’s being directed to you. Don’t internalize it and take it home with you.
    4. Never saw it, one of those meant to but never did deals
    5. Can’t help there I’m still on the student end. But coming from that angle we need more diversity.
    6. Probrably not during election season if you’re both really into politics. I have had friendships with conservatives but I draw the line at sexism, racism, elitism, etc. Not that only conservatives can have those views…

79. One Brown Woman, you wrote:

    There is so much wrong with the show (in simplest terms, it appears that transgendered people are malicious, gay people are kiss ups to women of color who will do anything to get to the top, and blonde women are promiscuous idiots…).

    Whatever gave you those ideas? There’s no textual basis to suppose that Alexis is meant to represent transpeople in general, or that Marc is meant to represent gay people in general. Nor am I convinced the show reïnforces the “dumb blonde” stereotype. Of the regulars, I count two blond ciswomen, Christina McKinney and Claire Meade, neither of whom is promiscuous or idiotic (although Claire is probably too old to be a target of this particular stereotype).

    It’s true that Alexis acts maliciously due to her vendetta against Bradford, but she is not portrayed unsympathetically. She’s lashing out against a father who disowned her—that’s television drama fare, not a slur against transpeople. I even think the natural analysis of the situation is a trans-positive one: if Bradford hadn’t completely rejected Alexis for being trans, then Alexis wouldn’t have to act so maliciously. She is not vicious out of pure villiany, like Wilhelmina is; Alexis is vicious in reaction to antitrans bigotry.

80. Pingback: Feministe » Recapin’ Your Ass

81. I can only answer one third the questions.
    4. I always thought “Ugly” Betty was kinda cute. I’ve never watched the show.
    6. I find it easy to keep friends of different politics so long as I respect their beliefs and they respect mine. If they don’t respect me, then I have no interest in being their friend. I merely ask them about their politics and hold back on telling them about mine. I comment on why they are right and never tell them that they are wrong. When I am comfortable, I usually come out and mention that I disagree, but always reassure them that they might be right and I might be wrong. Because I disagree does not make me correct.

82. 1. thegoodreverend, you’ve gotta remember, while disco/funk/the like started up quite some time ago, there are many bands out there still groovin old school, and incorporating some more modern musical ideas too.

    lately, i’ve been listening to a lot of the RH factor (jazz+funk+hiphop), soulive, big organ trio. and let us not forget, erykah badu and jurassic five have many seriously danceable tunes.

    you get yourself some really jammin, funky jam bands and you don’t have any lyrics at all to debate. nothin but the music.

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