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FNTT Season 7: the If At First You Don’t Succeed… Round

Cover of the book "The Little Engine That Could"

Background on Feministe’s Next Top Troll is here. This round, we bring you the dudes who, despite multiple deletions and being routinely blocked, cannot stop leaving comments. They put in a good effort! Vote for your favorite below (posted below the fold because some of these comments may be triggering, particularly with regard to sexual assault).

1. PatRiarchy:

Hey cat = have you ever thought of DOING anything about it? You know – like taking control of your own life. Your freedom of movement is guaranteed under the law so you could MOVE. Go somewhere where being queer is normal maybe. Or create your own queer paradise. Lease an island and invite all the queers to live there. Then you could have as many babies as you wanted without any fear or retribution.
Look at the lot of you. All whinging and whining and none of you prepared to do anything about it except blame others for your own choices. Then you wonder why there are few females at the top.
Soon we men will no longer have any need of you at all and females will die out. By 2020 there will be the first full functioning android released onto the market. To be politically correct it will be a female. But economically it will be female becasue men would be prepared to pay a once off cost for never having to compromise and she would never take his kids. She can look like any female he wants and to his exact specifications. She will have great physical strength. Every piece of information ever recorded in human history at her fingertips. Including the Karma Sutra. She will be better than any natural Western female on Earth. She will be supportive of everything he does. And the cost to keep her is significantly less than any Western female. So as time goes on the investment becomes amortised. You’ve seen the latest public release a few weeks ago in Japan. This project is about 2 yrs behind the true pace.
Soon we will be able to create and grow perfect male humans in vitro without ever having to worry about what harmful things a mother may ingest.
The world will change for females and, by the very nature of this planet, evolution will drive you out. The weak perish and you have allowed yourselves to become weak by claiming to be victims and thus claiming privileges whilst never having to be reponsible for your actions. The time will fall upon you too fast for you to comprehend what is happening. When there’s no more mooching off men your fortunes will rapidly change and you will disappear. We’ve carried you for 3.5 MILLION years. Image what we can achieve with all the resouces that are saved from not having to support females. It’s a BRAVE new world dawning girlies and unless you grow up fast and stop whining and get doing you will fail. That means you are gonna be forced to work as hard as men or you will fail. There is competition coming that will run the lesser over in a generation.

Prey tell. What are the privileged Dudes privileged with? Is it a man is 400% more likely to commit suicide than a female? That’s quite a privilege I assume. Is it that men’s health is vastly inferior to females’ since wherever medicare is free females use it (in $ terms) 60,000% more than men yet they pay no extra which means men are being forced to support inferior females because females can’t look after themselves. That’s quite a privilege I assume. Is it that men are 1,500% more likely to be homeless than a female? Sounds quite privileged in a psychotic sort of way. Would it be that females demand to be paid for sex and so much so it is law. The privilege to pay a female for sex. Inspiring. Would it be that females have a choice to be a parent or not but not only do men get no choice but they are forced to abide by a woman’s choice. Clearly men and females are being treated differently. Why aren’t females in the streets demanding to be treated the same as men? What was that about psychosis again? Would it be the lower academic achievemants of men be a privilege? Of course it beggars the imagination that there could be any disparity at all since females have been screaming to be treated equally for 50 years. Clearly females are not treated equally but you seem not to notice these things. Hmmm. Psychosis. What is the exact definition again? Could it be the privilege of being killed at work since, like in Australia 500 men never come home every year. How many females are killed at work. You can guess. The hint is it’s a very round number. That’s quite a privilege isn’t it? Hmmm. Seems to fit the definition admirably.

But that is the whole notion of feminism. Females other than feminists are completely stupid. Feminists claim men oppress females. In a Federal election there were 132 female candidates out of a total of 155 seats. ALL would have won a seat if ALL females voted for them. Only 42 were elected. So a significant number of females are too stupid to realise that men oppress them and so vote for men and more oppression. Feminists know how stupid females are and it’s just lucky that feminists are around to save them.
But feminism is only about denigrating men to create fear and hatred of men and thence destroying our societies. Feminists claim that not only does a child not need a father but it is better off without one. Now we have a disintegrating society filled with violence both physical and psychological. Females have no sense of “honour” or “duty” to society and are only interested in “me”. Hence the feminist notion that bugger the kids if you’re not happy then rather than have an introspective look it’s best to kick him to the kerb and not allow the kids to have a relationship with him so that it hurts him. Doesn’t matter that it hurts the kids as every non-feminist child-developmental specialist says. After all it’s about what makes a femle happy isn’t it.
The over-riding FACT is that not one single negative claim about men ever made by any feminist anywhere at any time is actually true.

When a female agrees to have sex she has enterd into a contract. It takes BOTH parties to negate a contract. So if a female withdraws her consent she hasn’t a leg to stand on with regard to rape. This has now taken over from the “withdrawl of consent” since a famous case where a female said she withdrew consent and he took 30 seconds to stop so she was raped. He went to jail. Subsequently, the complainant admitted she lied and the whole thing was cooked up by his ex and the “victim”. A judge sentenced both to 2 years in prison and it took him 14 years and over $1m to have his name cleared.

2. Courage the Cowardly Dog:

Once again my sound reasoning is silenced. God help us all if you people ever gain power, there will go our first amendment rights. You will pull a Dan Snyder and bar people from carrying signs on government property. I know you don’t who Dan Snyder is or what he has to do with the 1st amendment, but that is just another illustration of your profound ignorance, which if you had your way would rule.

Of course, my thoughtful analysis of these comments will not get posted, because they require you to face a reality you choose to ignore and so long as you do that the world will be well populated with anti-feminists.


3. Ryan:

Dear lord ladies do I have to route through one of the IP addresses from your own users to post here now?

Good thing women know nothing about how computers work… How’s the Affirmative Action working in the sciences by the way? Your Council on Women and Girls is working hard to route boys out just like you did in
sports programs…

Anyway, this protest is laughable, women don’t care about men in working industry, they care about the dead providers who were blown to smithereens… This is what they mean when they speak of the “victims”
in this disaster..

Come on now get serious, women don’t provide for the welfare of men you silly women, men have to provide to you….. You women sure are silly.

Oops I forgot all comments must go through the feminist censor….lol.. Women and their belief in free speech….I swear….

I remember when you fired the President of Harvard University for speaking about gender dimorphic differences and replaced him with Drew Faust your former women’s studies department head…… I swear you women can’t compete against men for sh*t but it still doesn’t make it right that you outright pass “women first” laws like Affirmative Action and Title IX….

I can’t wait until you matriarchs allow men equal rights in college admissions… We almost got rid of your “women first” law in my state by a 1% margin… Oh well maybe next year….

By the way I saw your “End of Men” article in The Atlantic… You cunts will surely pay for celebrating the devotion of the Stimulus Package to yourselves.. and the globalization of male jobs..

I liked the reference to matriarchy though because it sure is true, the black community is a full fledge matriarchy. I CAN’T WAIT until your actions catch up to you…

Reminds me of the last article you cunts put out on “The End of Men”

Take a look at this femicunt. She’s laughing now but when the system breaks down she’s gonna get her asshole raped out so she can obtain food.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IU3iQnIt6Nc/TA_zgUV45aI/AAAAAAAAAbg/SYY6X93x-wE/s1600/ScreenShot037.jpg

Wow, I know it’s very late, you cunts must have your femicunt censor
soldiers on station around the clock!!!

4. Rice:

I don’t think everyone would agree that critical thinking is a sign of privilege.

@prettyamiable
I’m not sure how constructive calling someone a pompous prick is, especially when their point is essentially “it’s human nature to exaggerate, and consequently also to suspect people of exaggeration. Not that that’s always right or appropriate, but hey, it’s another explanation for why it happens.” Also, “here’s what I think” reads to me more as a way of prefacing something as just an opinion rather than Truth From on High, which seems the inverse of a pompous prick behavior.

@EAMD
I never made any such claims that a total intellectual vacuum existed here. That’s simply an easy way to paint a very unfair picture of me and tie in all sorts of nice, discrediting generalizations in lieu of engaging me in an honest discussion. I was merely pointing out that responding with an opinion to someone else’s opinion isn’t an inherent sign of privilege.

There’s a very big difference between sharing a story with a friend in the expectation of them giving you empathy/support, and presenting a personal experience as anecdotal evidence to a point you’re trying to make about broader social issues.

@Jesurgislac
I’m glad you feel comfortable making such broad, sweeping assumptions about me, my life, and my experiences.

I found your evaluation of my perspective very inaccurate, and to be honest, I find your perspective to be part of the problem, albeit in a more passive way than you find mine. I think discussions like this lose credibility with privileged people who would otherwise be more sympathetic see their perspectives as being inappropriate, or that their input is unwelcome. That brings about a lot of disregard and cynicism about attempts to help marginalized groups. I really don’t want to try to derail, but I felt I should make my position clear. And for what it’s worth, I suspect you and I want two very similar omelets, but disagree on which eggs need to be cracked.

And just to clarify, I want and expect that sort of treatment you frame as “stomping all over” from people who have privilege over me, as well as people I have privilege over. As I said before, if I share a story with a confidant with the caveat “this isn’t about politics or society, this is about how I feel,” I expect a much more empathetic, listening-based response. And I will give one when someone shares something like that with me. However, the second I share a personal story as a way of making an argument about the bigger world outside, I anticipate people to call my interpretation into question. I think that’s very constructive, and hearing a marginalized person defend why they felt something was bigoted might do an awful lot more to broaden a privileged persons understanding of that very marginalization.

And I find it patronizing when someone disagrees with me but just spares my feelings and nods their head empathetically.

And if I don’t think I’m emotionally ready to defend my reasons for feeling a way, then I take that as a sign that I need to deal with that experience more before I put it up for debate. I believe in respect and restraint, but more I believe in everyone’s entitlement to respond when spoken to. To voice their opinions and ask questions, and offer whatever reasonable perspective they might, which itself is and should be open to criticism and counter-argument. My right to speak is more important than your feelings, and your right to speak is more important than my feelings. I don’t have an absolute right to not be offended.

And I say all that with the addition that when you approach the extremes, a fair amount of leeway on the above statement exists. The privileging of speech I mention above quickly erodes when we switch from honest, dissenting questioning to attacks. And I think maybe that’s part of what we don’t reconcile: where the line between attack and debate lies, and why it lies there?



119 thoughts on FNTT Season 7: the If At First You Don’t Succeed… Round

  1. PatRiarchy made my troll bingo card literally explode, but I voted for Courage as the only one to make me laugh (rather than stare incredulously at my monitor..)

  2. PatRiarchy for his wonderful rendition of how in 9 short years, women will be unnecessary. And for his understanding of “in vitro!” Because we definitely have the technology to allow for gestation outside of a uterus.

  3. Long time reader… infrequent (if ever) commenter here.

    Just had to say that PatRiarchy wins because of his “karma sutra” knowing android that will replace women entirely. Just….. wow.

  4. The winner is PatRiarchy: “When a female agrees to have sex she has enterd into a contract. It takes BOTH parties to negate a contract”

  5. Oh, rice, rice, rice. How you thrill me. For an even more complete presentation of rice’s fantastical trolling thrill ride, commenters can check out Chally’s inspirational Unreality and the Politics of Experience (a great post unto itself, outside of apparently being incredible troll-bait). Rice infests the entire comment thread, but things really get exciting starting at comment 139, in which rice confesses to possibly misunderstanding the entire meaning of the original post; this after a lengthy series of increasingly aggravating comments and exchanges with other contributors. And it only gets better from there.

    I hope I haven’t oversold it, but it’s truly the troll event of the season. Join with me know in basking in the warm glow of a thoroughly banninated troll.

    (Cheers to Courage, though – always nice to see a familiar, apparently totally oblivious face!)

  6. I’m torn. I really appreciate the smug victimhood of Courage, but the others are just breathtaking.

  7. Jeez, I don’t have the attention span to READ these incoherent comments, let alone the attention span to WRITE such drivel.

    I think they’re all worthy of an award based on such effort, but I voted for PatRiarchy based on the scientific method of “Eenie-meenie-miney-moe,” which is not to be confused with “Mene, Mene, Tekel u-Pharsin.”

  8. I voted for patriarchy simply because of length. It is obvious that he is not only a patriarch, but a narcissist, because only a narcissist would take that much time to construct and elucidate his idiotic thoughts.

  9. had to go with PatRiarchy for his excessive use of “females.” men are men, but women are “female.”

    i wish him the best of luck with his future fuckable android.

  10. Personally, I can’t wait for the day that there are female slavebots for cowardly dudes like that one. As fast as we can prevent them from having any contact with real live humans, the better. We’ll just tell him that the slavebot’s uterus will bear him children, so he doesn’t actually pollute the gene pool.

  11. PatRiarchy, by a mile. I love the repeated use of utterly wacky statistics, accompanied by the insistence that they’re both accurate and precise. You’ll always win my heart with statistics, trolls.

  12. I had to go with PatRiarchy because he’s just so statastic! Also he was able to refer to women as females (and men as men) throughout all his screeds.

  13. I’ll have to go with Courage the Cowardly Dog. Not because the post was anything to write home about–it’s off-the-assembly-line, “I am awesome and far more intelligent than you; you are censoring me, STALIN STALIN STALIN” bullshit. But the others are all TL; DR. Though I give them some points for coming back to post comments obsessively (and complain that they weren’t posted). The fruits of your hate reading are hilarious, trolls!

  14. No, no, no…the best part of rice was the faux-pology! After being banned, ze came back to say this:

    Having reread what I wrote before, I wanted to apologize to chally and any other readers I may have offended. It is clear to me, upon rereading my posts, that my comments were enormously more confrontational and personally attack-oriented than the other comments in that thread. I apologize for that. I do not expect to be reinstated in any way, and that’s fine. I simple wish to voice my contriteness for the inestimably hurtful comments, so much more objectively offensive than any other poster’s, that lead to my banning. I truly, truly, do voice my experience thusly.

    When Chally thanked him for the apology, he responded with:

    There’s something inherently profound about being sarcastic, and not having your response recognized as such. There’s some heavy-duty cognitive dissonance at play, and more than a spoonful of privilege. Reread my post, and pretend that “enormously more confrontational and personally attack-oriented than the other comments in that thread” was highlighted in bold, or italics, or somesuch. Then reread it. Perhaps the whole thread to arrive at the point.

    I do wish you all the best though. But I admit, I’m almost dumbfounded.

    It was beautiful.

  15. I had to go with PatRiarchy because he’s already figured out how to amortize the cost of his sex-droid.

  16. I think it was very cruel of Pat to inform us that female androids will be ready by 2010 but not give us the name of the company that will develop them. At least we could get in on the IPO.

  17. Hmm, this was a tough round. But, as always, robots win, so I went with Pat. Ryan gets honorable mention for being pretty much incomprehensible. Though, that could just be my puny female brain.

  18. PAT, although he gets points off for (counter-intuitively!) not having been able to work in the word “misandry” somehow, which would seem to have been a natural for him. I do like his delusion that once men have no need of women (because of the coming of the new Karma Sutra-brand gyn-droids), women will perforce cease to exist.

    I pity his ignorance, and despise him.

  19. Winner of the tl;dr round: nevermind, have I bothered to even read all of this? Come on trolls, get some writing skills!

    On another note, if a programmed robotic relationship can be as satisfying as a real one, then I seriously regret throwing away my Tamagotchi. Damnit!

  20. Kristen, I fear that we have backed a losing horse. Perhaps the world was just not ready for the likes of rice/1rice1. Maybe when 1rice2 is released, we will truly know transcendental trollism.

  21. Bushfire: Sorry! Too Long; Didn’t Read.

    After reading through the rest of the entries, I’m going to have to stick with Pat. That robot rant was just too great, as well as the part where he broke down supposed male privilege part by part.

  22. too long; didn’t read. it’s become a pretty funny dry inside joke type of thing on the web these days.

  23. I don’t know if Courage wins because of his ‘Once again my sound reasoning is silenced.’ Anyone else read that and think of some kind of Star Wars baddie voice, complete with glare and finger twiddling?

    Think I’m going with PatRiarchy, though. The android rant was downright hilarious.

  24. I had to go with PatRiarchy because while reading his rantings, I was picturing his fantasy robot as Sulla in Karel Capek’s play R.U.R. killing all humans.

    The R.U.R. robots are exactly as he was describing them, super strong and the memory of a computer.

  25. I had to vote for pat, because I love how he goes from my explicit self definition as queer and non-binary gendered to assuming I am a hetero woman and how he suggests I move in response to a comment about choosing to live close to my family being mutually exclusive with choosing to have kids (even assuming a queer paradise did exist, or that I wasn’t already putting maximum work into making them, it would not fix where my mother and siblings live). I am also curious how evolution will drive out females, considering, you know, reproduction, which was the theme of the post he commented on.

  26. I gotta go with Rice; being a troll is about more than just being outrageously offensive, it’s about worming one’s way into the core of one’s chosen troll-haunt and being exactly what it hates without being too obvious until the time comes to reveal your trollface.jpg. This person is exactly what I imagine when I look at Privilege Denying Dude.

  27. Maybe when 1rice2 is released, we will truly know transcendental trollism.

    I know! Let’s get Pat to design the 1rice2 android!

  28. I’m going with Pat simply because of the suggestion to move. What is it with people who suggest that anyone who dissents or disagrees with the government or some socially accepted negative behavior should move? I prefer the confront and fix approach, myself. It’s harder, but in the long run, it involves a lot less packing.

  29. I went with ryan because as usual his grammar is terrible but on top of that he also plays the “feminists are responsible for rape” card and he even throws in some taunting about him being banned

  30. Agreed, robots win. More specifically, Pat won me with “She will have great physical strength.” I found that no one, no matter how trolltastic, could compete. Somehow, even his own comment about the Kama Sutra just didn’t stand up to the way he phrased this thought.

  31. Rice won it for me, for reminding me of a patronising, pseudo-intellectual shithead I know IRL. Well done sir. Well done.

  32. I’m going with Rice, who appears to actually be two people, one of whom is privileged, but reasonably polite, the other who is as pissed at the other user of the handle as he is at feministe.

    Seriously, how often do you see a troll troll themselves?

  33. I voted for Ryan because of this bit of outrage:

    “Wow, I know it’s very late, you cunts must have your femicunt censor soldiers on station around the clock!!!”

    Feministe, next time you’re hiring for the position, let me know!

  34. I went with rice, just for the pseudo-intellectual condescention (is that even a word, condescention? It should be!).

  35. Pat is comedy gold. I just love the whole thing. He’s kinda like a stream-of-consciousness science fiction writer who took too many drugs.

    I’m so happy that we’ve had another FACT. I just love FACTs from trolls.

  36. Pat has my stamp of approval, this bit made me snort Pepsi out of my face-holes: “When there’s no more mooching off men your fortunes will rapidly change and you will disappear. We’ve carried you for 3.5 MILLION years. Image what we can achieve with all the resouces that are saved from not having to support females”

    He gets bonus cockwomble points for asserting that the “Western female” will be inferior to his fembot. I’m tentatively armchair (well..bed actually) diagnosing that a rampant case of a particular kind of fever *cough* is ensuring that he sees all non-‘Western females’ as perfect submissive little dollies who live to serve Nice Guy neckbeards.

  37. I am torn between patriarchy and ryan>>
    Ryan wins with: “when the system breaks down she’s gonna get her asshole raped out so she can obtain food”
    No ryan, we are gonna eat man flesh before that happens, honey.

  38. I had to go with Ryan, because of his sudden discovery, two posts in, of the word ‘cunt’. He loved this exciting addition to his vocabulary so much, he had to work it into every practically every sentence!

    1. Just so everybody knows, we women who don’t know how computers work have added ‘cunt’ to the automoderation filter so that any comment which includes it is held for review rather than immediately published. Y’know, because we just happened to notice that the signal to noise ratio on comments which use that word was pretty abominable.

      So if you want to reference those comments without your own comment being held in the mod queue until someone gets around to reviewing it, you might want to munge ‘c*nt’ in your own writing.

  39. @Jadey- after reading through that comment thread I am stunned, once again, at how calm and sober Chally remained throughout. I’d be busting out caps-lock f-bombs at rice and their ilk if that were me. I couldn’t even manage a five-minute phone conversation the other day (where my lived experience was being doubted) without derisory laughter and angry sarcasm. Hats off to her.

  40. Opheelia: Somehow, even his own comment about the Kama Sutra just didn’t stand up to the way he phrased this

    You mean the karma sutra? *snort*

  41. I can never decide about such things, though I think I am particularly amused by trolls who decide to play superior and cite sources that they are sure you couldn’t possibly know or understand.

    I can find these funny because I know I don’t have to associate, work, or rub shoulders with any of these sorts of people, though I have to say I’ve known examples of each in my life.

  42. Oh, Ryan, I remember Ryan. I was the moderator – er, femicunt sensor soldier – online when he posted. And good old Pat! Good times, good times.

    groggette and Sheelzebub: LOL.

    It’s okay, Jadey and Kristen, we can have our own little rice fanclub. We’re capable of an empathetic, listening-based response, dontchaknow?

    Paraxeni: Thank you very much.

  43. I’ll have to cast my vote for Ryan, the “femicunt censor”-recogniser… “PatRiarchy”-dude is just trying too hard (booooooring!), I find Courage to be rather uninspired and rice is, well, a close second. Awesome first round, though :)!

  44. I’ll go with Pat, basically his rant is nothing short “yeah well in the future we’re going to have robots and won’t need you dumb wimminz so there!!!” LOL!!! I mean this dude seriously seems like he has issues.

  45. PatRiarchy, because I swear when I said no, I meant no. However, with his astoundingly sensible logic there, I now know it was really my own fault for saying no and attempting to breach that contract.

  46. Jadey: Kristen, I fear that we have backed a losing horse. Perhaps the world was just not ready for the likes of rice/1rice1. Maybe when 1rice2 is released, we will truly know transcendental trollism.  (Quote this comment?)

    See, NOW I have voter’s remorse! I went with Pat, because, well, as a STEMI gal I am distracted by bright shiny robots and statistics and evolution and such. Then I went back to the Rice thread you linked. DANG!!!!!!

  47. Jadey: Kristen, I fear that we have backed a losing horse. Perhaps the world was just not ready for the likes of rice/1rice1. Maybe when 1rice2 is released, we will truly know transcendental trollism. Jadey

    Sad but true. No one appreciates high art any more. 🙂

  48. Oh fuck me, I feel like I’m obligated to vote for Rice.

    Pat terrified me in a “he’s so fucking scary, I can’t laugh” way. It wouldn’t matter regardless because I think “femicunts” is the obvious choice. Ryan FTW!

  49. Ryan all the way. I loved how he began his first comment with talk about routing through someone else’s IP address like some kind of super-suave computer expert or something, but then ended his final comment by establishing that he does not know how a moderation queue works.

  50. This one was tough. PatRiarchy almost had me when he was frolicking merrily from Queer Separtist Utopia Island to the coming sex-bots and mad science. He got a little bogged down in the THOUSANDS OF PERCENTS!!11! WOE IS ME!!1111 section, but had me back when he refuted feminism based on the absence of a female hive-mind. His final screed against the concept of consent, though, was so canned and predictable, that I dropped him in favor of rice’s “But I *like* privilege!” willful ignorance.

  51. 1, 1, A THOUSAND TIMES 1. His glimpses into the future are the most astounding things I have ever read. Psh, fuck Asimov, I think i’m gonna start goading this guy into more sci fi. Knowing how shit works? THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT. What’s important, is he’s seen Blade Runner and Surrogates, and that’s just as good as a background in science, amirite??

  52. Had to go with PatRiarchy for a few reasons: Loved the opening “hey cat.” Mmmm purr. Loved his predictions of the android takeover because they’d be “super strong” and not talk back–until the android punches his face in for being obnoxious. LOVED the rando statistics that come from absolutely nowhere, and his rhetorical, nonsensical questions, but most of all absolutely adored his assumptions that females are “not interested in honor or duty, only interested in ‘him.’ HA! Love.

  53. Wow–what a boring group of trolls. Way, way, way too long.

    Not rage inducing. Not even sad. Seriously demented, but really dull.

    Like a bunch of Jared Lee Loughners.

    Better trolls, dammnit!

  54. groggette: He gets 700% of my votes.  

    HAHA

    PatRiarchy wins, hands down. I love that he thinks that “the Western female” will actually die out if “the Western female” stops having sex with him. Also his stats are hilarious. 15,000%?? Really??!!>!

    That said, Ryan definitely gets point for perseverance because hasn’t be been a contender in this competition before?

    I also love rice’s condescending pretend-intellectual-speak; I never knew someone could say so many words without actually saying anything. What the fuck is he talking about? My lady brain doesn’t understand.

  55. Darn, I’m completely torn between PatRiarchy and Ryan. Pat because, well… isn’t it obvious? But Ryan wins me over with his constant use of the second-person pronoun when talking about any woman, ever (or any vaguely somewhat feminist man, for that matter). Thanks, Ryan, I’m actually overjoyed to know that, as a woman, I personally fired Larry Summers as president of Harvard.

    And since this comment thread is giving me the impression that PatRiarchy is going to get 60,000% of the vote, I think my vote will go to Ryan.

  56. PatRiarchy, just because he can say “Clearly, men and females are being treated differently,” with no apparent irony.

  57. I had to go with Ryan, for “femicunts.” Dehumanising and derogatory in one fell swoop. Well done, lad! Now let me wash your scent off my keyboard.

  58. I found that PatRiarchy had a lot of promise, what with his clear hatred towards women, his grand fantasy of a perfect robot woman, his delusions that men “carry” women through the world (because women just sit on their asses all day LOLS), his fake statistics, his rape apology, and his overall incoherence. But I am of the opinion that whining entitlement to post whatever offensive, misogynistic crap you please in a feminist space is essential to any true anti-feminist troll. For this reason I went with Ryan, because he combined the inarticulate, woman hating rage that we saw in PatRiarchy’s comments, and the whining entitlement present in Courage the Cowardly dog’s comments. My favorite part was his assertion that women don’t know anything about computers, combined with his clear frustration that he wasn’t able to figure out how to post his screed on feministe without getting caught by the mods!

  59. Going with Ryan, as the “category” of the initial rounds is how I decide where there’s no clear winner. Pat may have had more delightfully moronic things to say, but Ryan really showed that he knew he was getting caught for a reason, but thought he could outsmart moderation with persistence.

    Still, dude, robots to replace women. Sounds like someone is very threatened by the gazillions of sperm on ice. Projection is so cute in FNTT!

  60. I chose Pat because he mansplained things so well, using those manly statistics-thingies that I have just NEVER understood!

    Though Ryan was a close second, simply because he kept saying “route” instead of “root.” I was waiting for him to say something about us females “loosing” this battle, or our minds, or something.

  61. As a Redskins fan, I so desperately wanted to vote for Courage because of the Dan Snyder reference… but PatRiarchy was basically the perfect storm. I mean, he actually talked about replacing women with androids! Who does that non-ironically?

  62. I think Pat was purposely trolling. Nothing is better than Rice’s hurt feelings we won’t take her points seriously and treat her special WITHOUT condescending to her dumbassery.

  63. I voted for Ryan because I interpreted his final comment about “Femicunt censor soldiers” being perpetually on guard (presumably referring to his posts being caught in moderation) being directly at odds with his first comment about how women don’t understand how computers work. I like things that end cleanly, and I think that had a very nice circular element to it.

    It was a close call, though. PatRiarchy probably would have won my vote simply because I like his optimism regarding 50+% of the population being rendered completely obsolete in 9 years, but like I said, I like circular endings so I was biased towards Ryan from the start.

  64. PatRiarchy, because 60,000% ANDROIDS!

    Not to mention “Karma Sutra” “thence destroying our societies.” Priceless!

  65. The clear choice is between Ryan and Pat. Pat got my vote because it seemed every time that I thought his comments were venturing into the realm of camp there was a turn of phrase that removed all doubt as to the seriousness of his rant. Pat wins because his trolling walked a line by being so self-consciously absurd yet so serious.

  66. Going with Pat because of the idea that evolution will get rid of women, the rape apology (shudder), and also, the “famous case” that he doesn’t reference by name, or link to, which leads me to question whether he made it up on the spot, because it just sounds so ridiculously exaggerated .

  67. I don’t know that I have ever had such difficulty voting in a round of FNTT. I hope this bodes well for an epic season.

    I went with PatRiarchy. “The world will change for females and, by the very nature of this planet, evolution will drive you out.” I mean…as phenomenal as “femic*unt” is, it really can’t compete with “nature hates you.”

  68. No, see, what Pat meant by Karma Sutra was /not/ the text on erotics but a much lesser-known one on work. He means that his exxxotic robofriend will be aware of all the ritual duties of Man as codified in the 12th century Kashmiri work of Kakadantin.

    (I made that part up. There probably /is/ a Karma Sutra, and it’s probably eye-bleedingly boring; sucks to be you, Mr. Riarchy!)

    Going with Rice, though, for the same reason as #32 Sarah.

  69. I voted for Ryan for his claim about women and computers (I guess he never heard of Grace Hopper.). Pat nevertheless made an effort, first with his locution “female androids” (Hint: the “andro” in “android” means “male”) as well as his claim that he can reproduce using in vitro fertilization (Where will he get the ova?).

  70. Ryan strikes the perfect balance of deliberate trolling, unhinged anger, and sheer stupidity. While they both offer some amusement value, Pat tries way too hard to troll and courage tries way too hard to be stupid. Rice is just a tedious whiner who’s no fun to read at all.

  71. I had to go with Ryan, for this thoughtful reminder that I fired the president of Harvard. I had no idea!

  72. The comments made by Ryan were very thrilling and horrible. I say, splashing a couple if words like “femicunt” and justifying rape is something that made my troll-radar antennae twitch. Good job, Ryan, you’re trolling winner.

  73. Yeah, I had to go with PatRiarchy. I mean, I was stunned at my lack of knowledge of science…I was not aware that only one gender could die out-and that this would have no impact on the ability to reproduce.

  74. It was honestly a tough choice between androids and thoughtful analysis 😛

    I don’t really think Rice belongs here, though – he’s a bit pompous, a bit wrongheaded, and it’s true he doesn’t seem to know when to quit, but that covers SO MUCH OF THE INTERNET that I don’t really think he’s special enough for this competition. Surely there must have been someone else who Just Couldn’t Quit with more hilarious opinions?

  75. Ugh, these ones were so painfully long. I had to give it to Courage for his concise and laughable reasoning: Blog comment moderation = government censorship, for realz!

  76. Pat. I love it when people mangle book titles. He deserves a fembot- because she’ll probably murder him horribly. (Have we learned nothing from science fiction and the Simpsons?)

  77. gretel: I can’t even bring myself to read these. I fear I will end up punching the monitor.  

    Yeah, same here. I waded through PatRiarchy’s and some of Courage the Cowardly Dog’s and then was sort of like, “Whaaaaaat? Stop being sooooooo dumb! Uuuuugh.” I mean, seriously.

    That being said, I think I have to vote for PatRiarchy for his use of “men” for men and “females” for women, as someone else mentioned. That’s just incredible.

  78. Definitely Pat. I’m straight-up in love with his comments. I cast longing glances at his “Karma Sutra”, flirted shyly with his “statistics”, fell in love with his “The over-riding FACT is that not one single negative claim about men ever made by any feminist anywhere at any time is actually true.”

    But it was his completely unabashed statement that men needed to get them some of their own fully functioning “in vitro” (!) uteri because “We’ve carried you for 3.5 MILLION years” that had me completely swooning. Yes, when talking about evolution and pregnancy, it makes total sense to say that men have been doing all the “carrying”… 😀

  79. Voted for Rice without remembering the original context, then went back and read Chally’s post and comments and remembered how much of a tool I thought that commenter was the first time I read it.

  80. Patriarchy, just for the sheer length and amount of rantings. I also hold Courage the Cowardly Dog at 2nd, for besmirching Courage’s good name.

  81. Ryans back again! I love his tasty, tasty bitterness – it sustains me from one TT to another. Sadly (for Ryan) I’ve gotta betray him (as so many women have clearly done before) and vote for PatRiarchy and his beautiful dream of a world populated with android super women.

  82. This is an epic season.

    I actually have to go with Ryan for the “LOL women no get computers” followed by the inability to get past the mods.

    Pat is kind of amazing, though, and Rice’s “nice guy” schtick works but seems off for this topic.

  83. Ryan got my vote, because the “Civilization will collapse AND THEN YOU’LL BE SORRY!” rallying cry is always good for a laugh.

  84. I am late to this party, but while PatRiarchy was just AMAZING, my vote would go to Courage for:
    1. Of course you don’t know who Dan Snyder is. No woman possibly could. I’m sure he thought he was going to make you whither away by his impressive display of super secret man knowledge.
    2. Trying to demonstrate someone’s ignorance of the first amendment by bringing up an example that has FUCKING NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FIRST AMENDMENT. Please dude, show us where in the bill of of rights it says, “Private entities shall make no rules abridging the freedom to bring signs into football stadiums.” I bet it’s right after, “Bloggers who moderate comments are infringing your constitutional rights! Wah!”

  85. I have to go with rice for the absolute love affair with the words “I”, “me” and “my”.

  86. The Karma Sutra sounds like something Robert Rodi would have come up with for the malaprop-laden sisters in *What They Did to princess Paragon* – priceless.

  87. Boring long ones this time…Ryan reminded me of those Trix commercials: “Silly femic*nts! Computers are for men!” But the stupidest one has to be PatRiarchy, aka Mr. Science.

  88. Pat made me laugh, with his inability to understand basic science, but I voted for Courage the Cowardly Dog because he doesn’t understand basic government — being banned on a private blog has nothing to do with free speech as guaranteed by the US Constitution.

  89. So, I think PatRiarchy should probably win this whole contest, but I also wanted to say to Ryan: Larry Summers is a plutocrat who went from being president of Harvard (and losing a billion dollars of harvard’s money in the stock market), to making 5 mil a year working one day a week for a wall street firm, to a position in the Obama administration, and now he’s back at harvard. So don’t cry for that arrogant idiot too much.

  90. Tough one…sooooo much ignorance and so little time. But I vote for PatRiachy…I mean his name says it all! Pure ignorant ridiculousness at its worst.

  91. Clare: PatRiarchy made my troll bingo card literally explode, but I voted for Courage as the only one to make me laugh (rather than stare incredulously at my monitor..)  

    I wanted to vote for PatRiarchy just because of how much I loved “karma sutra” but I gave to Courage for his persistence in blockade running.

  92. Trish W: I went with rice, just for the pseudo-intellectual condescention (is that even a word, condescention?It should be!).  

    “Condescension” is, in fact, a real word. You’re just spelling it wrong. (See what I did there? I can’t help it, I just know I could top all these troll wannabes if I tried.)

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