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FNTT Season 7: the I’m Actually Just Worried About Your Health round

Fat cat watching TV and drinking beer

Background on Feministe’s Next Top Troll is here. Today we bring you commenters who are really concerned about the American obesity crisis and the potential health risks of being overweight, and because they care about you would like to make sure that you’re aware of the importance of exercise and a healthy diet.

Just kidding. They pretty much only want to tell you that you’re a fatty-fat-fat. Vote for your favorite below the fold.

1. Bobby:

I know plenty of men that prefer foreign women but it has nothing to do with them being more submissive. It has more to do with most foreign women being thin. I work for a major cable network and travel A LOT. I have noticed a huge difference in women’s (and men’s) weight in other countries compared to their American counterparts. The fact that many of these young attractive women will do anything to get an American man can make American women look bad in comparison. Most men in this situation are naive and think “Wow I’m all that because all these hot women want me, there must be something wrong with American women.” I used to think like that when I first experienced this in Brazil but now I put things in perspective. Unfortunately these men will easily find a slave / wife that will stroke their egos from one of these poor countries.

2. fuck@you.com:

LOLZ, Frank really riled up the fe-MOOOO-nists, didn’t he? I should think it’s obvious that the more brats you squeeze out, the dumber you probably are, in great part because you’re probably a religiot, too. Oh, wait, I forgot, it’s “oppressive” now to criticize people for not having two fucking brain cells to rub together.

3. Hans:

She like many feminists is so lacking for intelligence, reasoning and accountability that nobody with a developed human brain (like a man) to take seriously. If she had learned how to keep in shape, speak little but to say yes and dress scantily, put out and do her kagels…… then she may me a woman worth remembering.

4. Karina:

This is such a bunch of bullshit!!! There are millions of fat and obese women in the USA taking up WAY too much space than their pitiful, pathetic, fat-encased selves deserve. There have been many times when I sat next to grossly fat women on airplanes and had their sweaty, smelly hips, thighs, guts, and arms taking up my space. It disgusted me. I’d much rather sit next to a large man than a fat women any day. The men are routinely polite, the women crude and loud.

And did I actually read a poster say that men taking up space is abuse??? Wow, feminists say women are, “strong, smart, and feisty.” Only someone weak, stupid, and whiney would say this is abuse.



66 thoughts on FNTT Season 7: the I’m Actually Just Worried About Your Health round

  1. I gave it to Bobby for his unique combination of misogyny, racism, and fat hatred …

    … but I definitely give Hans points for his opening sentence: “She like many feminists is so lacking for intelligence, reasoning and accountability that nobody with a developed human brain (like a man) to take seriously.”

    And as others have said, Karina definitely accrues points for her obvious, visceral disgust at the fact other people have bodies.

  2. I went with Hans for the unspoken yet glaringly obvious assumption that all women exist to put out for his privileged self.

    Guess we’re all too smart for him.

  3. Karina gets it for her pure, unabashed hatred. But I’m disappointed that no one mentioned donuts or twinkies. Trolls just aren’t what they used to be.

  4. Quite hard to choose between Hans and Karina, for me. I’m going with Hans because I suspicion (hope?) he’s never talked to an actual woman for more than five minutes in his whole life.

  5. I get the vague impression that Bobby’s almost trying not to troll. I mean, he’s making an attempt to talk about beauty standards (I think) and how men who want submissive women are kind of pigs (I think). He’s nowhere near there, of course, but there’s a slight indication that this is at least his third or fourth foray into feminist spaces with possible intent other than trolling.

    Maybe I’m being far too generous, though. Probably being far too generous.

  6. It’s a tough decision between Hans and Karina. Hans displays a classic misogyny of the “look good, keep your mouth shut, and spread your goddamn legs” sort. And Karina for… her completely reasonable hatred of all those stinky fat women?

    I think I will go with Karina, because people like Hans generally turn out to be genuinely bad people as opposed to silly trolls I wish I could laugh at.

  7. Bobby really, really glossed it up right until the end… when he admitted that his ideal woman is a slave. Gives me the willies, thus Bobby gets my vote.

  8. Going with Hans. He has that sense of entitlement to sex with “hot” women who’ve done their “kagles”. I imagine him as an unattractive (physically as well as personality-wise) troll who probably hasn’t had much, if any sex, with anybody.

  9. I almost went with Hans….almost. But then I would be the kind of woman he would want me to be…submissive to his rantings. LOL

    So with Karina, I voted. As an overweight woman who loves to cook gourmet….I sat here, read the candidiates passages, and with a spoonful of hot, gooey, cheesy tangy French Onion Soup I made from scratch….I envisioned myself sitting next to Karina on a flight. Now my guts do not spill over the side….I fit in my seat, but I can imagine the flab that hangs in my front to be so repellant to her she would have a miserable trip. And that would be SO worth it.

    So Karina, you win in my book! Hope to see you in the friendly skies sometime soon :>) I’ll omit my deodorant JUST to make it that much more special…..ahahahahaha

  10. femoonists clinched it for me. Is it too much to ask to have the trolls use spellcheck, because Hans needs it.

  11. Gotta go with Hans for pure lols. His “developed human brain” clearly doesn’t enable him to string a coherent sentence together. My guess is he hasn’t used it in years, and with that attitude, it’s probably not the only organ seeing very little action these days.

  12. At first I wanted to vote for Karina because of “smelly hips,” but I had to give it to Bobby since he was trying to play both sides of the aisle and will be shocked (if he ever returns here) to discover the degree to which we just don’t “get” his contempt for female slave/wives from poor countries and the benighted men who are fooled by them.

  13. Wow, tough round! But between the amazing “Fe-MOOO-nists” (“hey, hey, mom – look what I’ve come up with, hahaha”), Bobby’s “let me tell you something about my vast experiences with slim foreign slaves, uh, wifes… yadda, yadda” and Hans’ rather embarrassing rant about his manly, shaply brain cells (which are clearly not holding any articulation abilities), I say: Karina FTW: checking all the clichés about dirty, smelly, loud, stupid fat women like me who dare to take up more space than she does even though tis reserved for men. and may i say: my pleasure :).

  14. Karina, for her overwhelming hatred for (what she percieves to be) obese women.

    Especially because she goes out of her way to say that she doesn’t mind “large men” but “fat women” disgust her.

    Makes me wonder why an overweight man is large but an overweight woman is a fatty-fat-fat.

  15. I appreciate Bobby’s worldly perspective… clearly he understands the ways of the world better than I do so he gets my vote.

  16. Hans won my vote with the sublime “speak little but to say yes”.
    And the picture almost made me cry… the cat looks so much like my cat when I was a teenager. Yet another living proof that you can be fat, fit, gorgeous and intelligent.

    1. And the picture almost made me cry… the cat looks so much like my cat when I was a teenager. Yet another living proof that you can be fat, fit, gorgeous and intelligent.

      Aww 🙂

      That cat actually represents my Friday night.

  17. You’re on a hiding to nothing with this, fatphobe trolls are unmitigated bores. The whole discussion of ‘obesity’ in general is tedious as it favours the ignorant graceless, confident of their own righteousness.

    And that’s just those who try to be ‘sympathetic’.

    Is there ever going to come a time when we can discuss something real about fatness?

    Where we all have to dig a bit deeper and really question ourselves, put ourselves on the line to make progress, to learn something? To get somewhere.

    I wonder when we’ll ever talk about things in ways worthy of fat people’s experiences. I’m not talking about “boo hoo I’m fat, please be my friend Ms Thinny snooze etc., ”

    I mean what it feels to realise that your body is being used by others to degrade their own, how it feels to be more or less healthy yet to be described as diseased and what that tells you about the burden of having an actual disease, ditto eating disorders. Even whether body shaming habits are something to do with policing women into the limits of ‘feminity’ etc., and whether some of us are clinging to them because we are afraid of not having them as limits to our expectations and actions.

    Something real, something interesting please.

    Screw the trolls.

  18. Wow, holy crap, I’m seriously having a hard time deciding between 3 and 4. They’re both so perfect! I think, though, I’ll have to go with 4. 3 is a close second, though!

  19. I was split between Hans and Karina. But I had to give the edge to Karina for the sheer hatred. Oh, and also the double-standard that fat DUDES are okay, but fat CHICKS are disgusting because, haven’t you heard?, we don’t bathe or anything!

  20. Had to be Hans for his complaints of “lacking for intelligence” and inability to write a coherent, grammatically correct sentence. Kagles? Really?

  21. I didn’t think a single one of them exhibited any sort of “I’m concerned for your health” vibe… and Bobby being considered a troll is just confusing. To call someone a troll would imply that there is some kind of deliberate attempt to be trollish, but he just seems a little clueless, and a little attempted-ally.

    I voted for Karina. What an unabashedly cruel asshole.

  22. This was really close, but I had to give it to Karina because I am a big fatty fat fatterson and I am actually going to be on a plane today, and I always love being reminded that some people find my very presence to be horrifying. OH NOES A FATTY IN A TINY SPACE IT IS THE END OF THE WORLD. Yep, I’m fat, and yes, I’m getting my fat ass on that plane, and no, I don’t feel bad for taking up space. Things take up space, it’s sort of a physics thing, sorry darlin’.

  23. Karina was tempting, but Hans won over for originality in spelling and grammar and punctuation. Accusing others of underdeveloped brains while in desperate need of a spell-checker is classic trolling of the kind that never goes out of style.

  24. hans or katrina. katrina or hans. Hmmmm. I really want to go with katrina because fat men are so very polite while fat women are horrific. Not to mention: “This is such a bunch of bullshit!!!” just makes me smile to know katrina throws weblog tantrums. However, Hans is special to me in so many scantily ways… This one’s tough for a fat girl.

  25. The second one, clearly. So far, “fe-MOOOO-nists” is second only to “She will have great physical strength” on my list of classic moments for the FNTT end-of-season clip show.

  26. I went with fuck@you.com out of nostalgia – wasn’t there a great competitor from a previous season of FNTT who went by the handle “fuckyou@yourass.com” or something similar? But, really, they’re all winners in my book.

  27. Oh Hans. Kegels has two Es in it. Now all I can think about is vagina bagels, and I’m not even sure how that’d work. I’m slightly worried that a ‘kagel’ involves a yeast infection, and that’s not fun for anybody.

  28. I voted for Karina because she seemed the most contemptuous, but I’m still wondering WTF a fe-MOOOO-nist is.

  29. At first, I thought Kagel was a bowling reference, we need to make sure that we can at least bowl our weight, ya know, but after looking it up, I see that he wants us to be sure that we are capable of performing the appropriate theatrics when we perform chamber music. Of course! He’s just explaining that the way to catch a man is to go beyond the standards set in Jane Austen novels – it is no longer enough to be able to play the music, we have to do the theatrics as well. Makes perfect sense, we just need to keep up with the times!

    Because, honestly, the odds that he’s had enough experience to only be able to remember the women he’s been with who were diligent about doing their Kegels just seems lower than the odds that he was referring to an Argentine-German composer that I’d never heard of previously.

    That being said, going for Karina, myself, but it’s such a close call!

  30. Gembird: Oh Hans. Kegels has two Es in it. Now all I can think about is vagina bagels

    omfg I had no idea what he was talking about. Hahahahaha, thank you for clearing it up.

  31. Anna: I get the vague impression that Bobby’s almost trying not to troll. I mean, he’s making an attempt to talk about beauty standards (I think) and how men who want submissive women are kind of pigs (I think). …

    Actually, yeah; I got that impression, too. He seemed… almost sympathetic. In the end, I gave it to Karina for her out-and-out hatred of “grossly fat women”. Ugh.

  32. I had to hand it to Hans. Perfect 10 of hypocritical bull. He wants us to shut up but he picks a feminist website as reading material.
    Someone, cough~Hans~cough, does really want to hear what we say but can’t admit it to himself.
    He’s like the guy that makes fun of guys that are dandy’s, but in his heart of hearts, he really wants to try on a cravat.
    Kagels /Bagels = gold

  33. “Smelly hips” is hilarious. In fact, it’s so funny that I’m reasonably certain “Karina” is an intentional parody troll. Nice work, whoever you are!

  34. Hmm, “kagels” almost did it for me (the bagel imagery was, as y’all might guess from my name, particularly horrifying ;D) but I ended up going with fuck@you because of his excellent grasp of biology. Did you know that women apparently lose a little bit of their brain matter every time they give birth? (Perhaps the placenta is actually secretly formed out of frontal cortex…?) Who knew, right?

  35. sooooooooooooo hard to choose!
    Hans is so… incoherent. almost discombobulated.
    But Karina – her sheer bigotry! and she reminds me of a hateful girl i used to go to school with – she might BE said hateful girl, all growed up! so, Karina it is

  36. It was a tough decision, since Hans was pretty… something… but I had to go with Karina. The scale was tipped when I learned that the word “fat” is only meant for the ladeez – men are, instead, “large.”

  37. Karina, for sure. Such skillful blending of fat-hatred and misogyny. Would that I could reach such heights. But I’m fat, so I think I’ll go have another doughnut instead.

  38. Karina for using such imagery to describe her hatred of fat people. Nothing is more obnoxious, than someone who goes into an artistic rendering of how disgusting fat people truly are.

    Seriously, they might as well say they have no life, or are closeted “chubby chasers” with the way they discuss the fat body in such a fetishistic manner.

  39. Bobby wasn’t even in the running for me, as I too thought he came across as trying to be an ally, but not quite understanding yet what all is wrong with his post.

    Hans and Karina were the obvious ones, but after a rereading I decided to go with fuck@you.com. The name, “fem-MOOOO-nists,” and the anti-mother sentiment worked together to create a delightful, understated yet still so terrible troll post.

  40. Hans, for going on about how unintelligent we are, and then showcasing his manly intelligence by writing incomprehensibly.

  41. Tough one…but Hans won for the “kagels”. I actually thought it was like Elena Kagan’s Super Supreme Court Workout or something…

  42. Hans. Just…WHAT THE HELL IS A KAGEL?!

    Oh god, I can’t stop laughing. Is it a Kegel but with a barrel roll added on to every squeeze?

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