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FNTT Season 7: the Are We Text Messaging Now? Round

Jill

Welcome to Feministe’s Next Top Troll. Background on the contest is here. For those of you who are new, here’s how it works: We post a bunch of different troll comments that we’ve received over the past year, organized by theme, over the next few weeks. You vote on your favorites, and we have a troll-off between the winners, until only one is crowned Feministe’s Next Top Troll. As a reminder, these comments are nasty! They are mean! They are sexist! If you dislike that or find it triggering, I hear ya, and I would suggest that you skip the Top Troll posts. All troll comments will be posted below the fold, so you don’t have to read them if you don’t want to.

And without further ado, the Are We Text Messaging Now? Round, for trolls who feel like adding an emoticon or perhaps a nice LOL will make their message more clear:

1. Jimbo šŸ˜‰

1) This has no bearing on the merits of Wikileaksā€™s cause. This is obvious but people are idiots so it must be said. Repeatedly.
2) Itā€™s amazing you can type so many words without ever really clarifying anything, for example what the hell ā€œlack of consentā€ is supposed to mean, definitively. Learn critical thinking, woman. šŸ˜‰ Also congratulations on getting yourself highly ranked on google news for whatever reason.

2. Magh

Radical feminism should be banned ā€“ period. No one ever gave the right in the first place to those deranged failures of females to speak in the name of all women. Those pests need a proper beating up with a wooden rod and locking up in a mental institution and not be allowed to corrupt society any longer, with their phobic, man-hating paranoiaā€¦
And if they guys donā€™t do it, Iā€™m sure there is enough of us, ladies around who will.
Rape is about violence NOT ABOUT SEX! The vast majority of men arenā€™t at all keen on rape, because it is essentially against their own hunter instincts. In other words, it is demeaning for a guy to rape cause that means heā€™s failed as a hunter. However those radical feminist bimbos have gone so delusional they actually believe that the world is full of rape-hungry guys who are specifically interested in raping them. Sorry, bimbos, itā€™s only wishful thinkingā€¦ :p

3. Beth:

Maybe if this chick wasnā€™t such an annoying cunt she wouldnā€™t be dating her 300 cats LOL


66 thoughts on FNTT Season 7: the Are We Text Messaging Now? Round

  2. Oh, THAT was a hard choice. Because #2 was so eloquently hateful … yet #3 was so short and to the point! Decisions, decisions …

  6. Well, Magh gets style points for use of the phrase “radical feminist bimbos” and additional logic-fail points for arguing that men are averse to rape because it’s a sign of hunter-instinct failure (wtf?). And certainly myth-espousing points for invoking the “anyone who objects to rape just wishes they were raped” argument.

    Jimbo ;-), however, accrues mucho points for including the smiley in his name as well as in the body of his message. In addition, he wins at the “reading skills failure” for complaining that the post did not clarify that “lack of consent” actually means … lack. of. consent. as in: she did not consent. as in: consent was not given to the person in question.

    *headdesk*

    I just don’t think Beth’s ability to cram “chick” “cunt” and “300 cats” into a single sentence measures up to either of those, although rounding it all off with an “LOL” is a nice touch.

    In the end, I’m gonna go with Jimbo šŸ˜‰ for total failure to understand the English language. Though it was a close thing.

  7. Magh ftw cuz:

    * There’s a special place in my heart for anti-feminist women.

    * There’s a special place in my heart for women who can gin up such a high level of misogyny.

    * Lengthy, all-over-the-place rant. I value incoherence highly in my trolls.

    * There’s beatings! With a stick!

    * Ableism much?

    * Throws out the rape = violence line to prove her feminist cred. Even though she’s an anti-feminist. That’s a special achievement.

    * TEH MENZ R TEH HUNTERZ N DUN WANNA SPOIL DERE PREY!

  8. I had to give my vote to Jimbo ;-), for thinking critically about the meaning of the words “lack of consent.”

  9. Ooh, tough. I like Jimbo’s inclusion of a smiley in his username – that speaks to a serious dedication to fatuousness. Beth also gets high marks for pithiness.

    But I think Magh takes it with a very creative application of evolutionary nonsense, a ridiculous attempt to subvert “rape as exercise of power”, and the ever-popular “rape as compliment to the sex-desperate” classic.

  10. Too little hysteria, not enough creativity in Jimbo’s submission.

    Magh has excellent melodrama, but the radfems want to be raped line lacked wit.

    Beth was direct, offensive and referenced cats. I’m going with Beth on this round.

  11. Also voted for Magh, because a) that was some well thought out bullshit about …hunting? evolutionary biology? Something like that. I especially voted for it, because we feminists are not usually accused of being bimbos. So wait, are we hot now? We’re not just lesbian shitasses anymore? I am confused as to how I should present myself now so that people know i’m a man hating amazonian wannabe. :-/

  12. Magh because rape is degrading to men’s hunter instincts and surely there are enough ladies to beat radical feminists with wooden rods WTF!

  14. Magh, for her creative use of a comma (“And if they guys donā€™t do it, Iā€™m sure there is enough of us, ladies around who will”), her propensity to dream big (radical feminism should be BANNED! BANNED I TELL YOU) and her creative new way to argue that rape doesn’t exist because it isn’t natural. After hearing evo-psych bullshit that argues the opposite, this is kind of refreshing. Also, I’d love to know what a radical feminist bimbo is like. I thought radfems and bimbos were mutually exclusive.

    Jim šŸ˜‰ would have gotten it otherwise, just for his “This lack of consent stuff, I DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS” cluelessness. And his annoying use of the wink emoticon.

  15. Gotta go with Magh for both the oh-so-tired “women as prey in the great hunt of smexxy tiems” thinking and cheerful allusions to abuse of the mentally ill. So glad Magh decided to share that with the wortld. (retch)

  17. Beth was direct, offensive and referenced cats. Iā€™m going with Beth on this round.

    I’m convinced. Beth has my vote.

  19. Yes us men really spend a lot of time evaluating our success as hunters. Just the other day i brought down a sabertooth tiger, so i figure women will be throwing themselves at me now.

  21. I’m going with Magh on this one. She’s in favor of beating women with rods and she’ll do it herself if she has to. She advocates banning radical feminism, and has sympathy for those poor, mistreated hunter men. Plus, the tongue smiley is my fav.

    šŸ˜›

  22. I like Jimbo – ‘Learn critical thinking, woman!’ Classic shit, subtle – not all flashy with the trolling like magh.

  25. Jimbo šŸ˜‰ gets my endorsement for the first two sentences of his #2 point. It’s amazing that his brain can fail him so completely while at the same time spelling “definitively” correctly and executing a condescending wink. Absolute poetry.

  27. Wow. Just wow.

    ā€œThe vast majority of men arenā€™t at all keen on rape, because it is essentially against their own hunter instincts.ā€

    There was me thinking that it was because it was essential against their instincts to attempt to meet the minimum requirements for ā€œdecent human being.ā€

    That sais, my vote goes to Beth. Something about the alliteration of chick, cunt and cats, combined with the LOLBESTIALITY makes Beth pip the others to the post.

  28. I;) went with Jimbo;). I’m having second thoughts after reading others’ rationales for their votes, but what drew me to him was that he was able to write decently and be brief, and yet still come out an utter waste of space.

  29. maugh for insinuating that rape doesn’t exist and bonus points for her evo psych justification of that!
    oh and triple cookies for the tired “I blame feminists for rape” trope
    although jimbo should get a special acknowledgement for being able to criticize you while congratulating you, that takes skill

  30. Magh…. for “radical feminist bimbos.” I swear I thought we were all hairy ball-busting lumberjack types.

    And as a psych major, people who can have that many psychological terms yet still completely show no knowledge whatsoever of actual mental illness have a special place in my heart.

  31. Oh wow, Magh, I’m really sorry to have to tell you this, but you have your stereotypes wrong. Radical feminists aren’t the bimbos! We’re the unshaven butchy sapphic cat ladies who hate the bimbos.

  32. Easy victory for Magh.
    Possibly because she was given enough space to really make her point, but the others were just pointless insults with no creativity.

  34. In other words, it is demeaning for a guy to rape cause that means heā€™s failed as a hunter.

    Magh, for the notion that rapists are victims.

  35. Magh, for every single word, but especially for the phrase ‘aren’t keen on rape.’ Ugh. Makes it sound like a vaguely inconvenient dinner option for deliberation and not, you know, *rape.*

  36. Wow, there’s some tough competition this season.
    It was a tough decision between magh and Beth, but I think I’ve gotta go for Beth’s pithiness, or something quite close to pithiness.

  39. magh is the winner because: FEMINISTS = DELUSIONAL BIMBOS WHO WISH TO BE RAPED! As well as the idea that feminists should be beat and locked up for corruption! There is a special place in hell for women who hate women. Nope, you can’t top that.

  41. Lucas: Beth. Brevity is the soul of wit.  

    That was also my reasoning. Plus a “feminist women date cats bc they can’t get teh menz LOL” throwback was pretty awesome.

  43. Okay, I go with #2. Gotta love the opening sentence – period.

    Jimbo, dude–is that really the best you’ve got? Weak.

    And Beth? Cats and cunts–really old references. Keep it fresh next time, sister.

    Were the trolls really this pathetic this year? Is the recession hitting the troll market?

  44. JImbo ran it close, but I had to go with Magh, because it’s one of the rare times a FNTT has given not only myself but my significant other the shivers. Beatings? Really? If that had been a phonecall, I’d have been asking my service provider for a track and trace on her number. Yikes!

  45. There was a lot of appeal in Magh; the classic “RADICAL FEMINISTS ARE THE WORST THING EVER, WILL TAKE DOWN SOCIETY AND NEED TO BE ANNIHILATED!” trope is one of my favorites, and the made up “biology” lesson was a nice touch. But I went with Beth, because she made me LOL hard, and I believe that’s what the best troll does; makes us laugh.

  47. Had to go with Magh ’cause she was all explaining what exactly rape is, and finished with how all us feminist bimbos were foolishly wishing to be…raped. Seriously? Seriously.

  48. Magh wins because my hunter instincts require it, otherwise I would be ashamed. Beth almost won simply for formulating the trolliest sentence that I’ve ever read, but alas my hunter instincts – they govern my votes in FNTT almost as much as they dictate how I choose my mates.

  50. This was very tough, but ultimately I went for Magh for the hilarity of calling anyone else a bimbo. Yes…. yes, it is we who are the bimbos…

  51. Magh, for interesting new evopsych ideas! Usually the hunter/caveman thing is used to justify rape, so a new interpretation is always amusing.

  52. It wasn’t to hard to settle on magh; she packed so many illogical concepts into the post. I can’t decide if she would have gained or lost points if she had added that the beating-sticks should be no larger in diameter than the husband’s thumb. Also, magh sounds vaguely like it could be Indian or South Asian. And I watch a lot of Bollywood films, and many of them have scenes where people come out of their houses and start beating some guy with sticks for one reason or another. Also, if a woman gets arrested for anything, there are these tough jail and prison matrons, and it’s hilarious to imagine magh as one of these whacking somebody with a stick and yelling, “I don’t want to hear anything! Radical feminism should be BANNED.”

  54. day-ummm this one was hard. My initial vote was for Jimbo because he couldn’t figure out what “lack of consent” means, but then Magh blew me out of the water with her simple, utter hatred of feminists. Also, as someone else mentioned, I like (…not really) her creative use of commas. Beth was, indeed, short and to the point and bringing up cats just made me laugh because… seriously?

    Still, I’ve gotta give it to Magh because I kinda feel sorry for her in a way. If things were like “the good old days” when women were property and couldn’t vote, etc. etc. then she wouldn’t be so angry at TEH FEMINISM either, I suspect. Or she would and would say that voting messes up a woman’s duty to her children… or something. /facepalm

  58. Just so we’re clear, I was ‘+1’ing Allison’s comment:

    I like Jimbo ā€“ ā€˜Learn critical thinking, woman!ā€™ Classic shit, subtle ā€“ not all flashy with the trolling like magh.

    The ‘quote’ link didn’t work as I thought it would. My apologies.

  62. I love feline orgies as much as the next girl, but I’ll have to go with Magh. “She” just packs so much in! “She” advocates domestic abuse and psychiatric abuse, comes up with an original evo-psych explanation for rape and tells us we’re bimbos that want to be raped, all within the same post! Gotta love such ambition.

  63. annajcook:(…)
    Jimbo ;-), however, accrues mucho points for including the smiley in his name as well as in the body of his message. In addition, he wins at the ā€œreading skills failureā€ for complaining that the post did not clarify that ā€œlack of consentā€ actually means ā€¦ lack. of. consent. as in: she did not consent. as in: consent was not given to the person in question.*headdesk*(…)In the end, Iā€™m gonna go with Jimbo šŸ˜‰ for total failure to understand the English language. Though it was a close thing.  

    I agree with Anna about that.

  64. “Jimbo ;-)” for kindly broadcasting the fact that he hasn’t actually bothered to read much more than the article he was (badly) attempting to criticize.

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