In defense of the sanctimonious women's studies set || First feminist blog on the internet

Month: October 2011

We Are the 53%. Or not.

Oh man this “We Are the 53%” movement. It is actually very sad! Basically, conservative pundit Erick Erickson has started a campaign called “We Are the 53%,” to counter the “We Are the 99%” and Occupy Wall Street movements. According to Erickson’s (very simplistic) math, 53% of Americans pay more in federal income taxes than they receive back in deductions or credits, and so 53% of people are subsidizing everyone else. Which is… where to even start? Even people who don’t pay federal income tax still often pay property taxes and payroll taxes; everyone pays sale taxes. And part of the OWS argument is that corporations and many of the highest-earning Americans are paying very little in taxes, due to a series of loopholes and tax breaks.

That aside, Erickson’s site is very very sad. It is full of people who are extremely unlikely to be in the 53% — people who work several jobs to stay afloat, who can’t afford health insurance, whose parents worked themselves to the bone while dying of cancer. Those stories are held up as “the American Dream.” It’s kind of sick, actually. There’s a nice parody blog dedicated to it.

Hippie-punching is fun, I guess, and that seems to be Erickson’s motivation — he’s more interested in telling the Occupy Wall Street folks to “stop whining” than offering any solution other than “poor people are lazy.” And he does it with a web site that includes a lot of poor people all talking about how the system has kind of screwed them, but they’re living the dream and they “did it themselves.”

I realize a lot of people don’t want to feel like victims, and part of the difficulty the left faces is categorizing experiences and exploitations in a way that still allows people to identify with a group — Sady’s post about, among other things, self-identifying as “middle class” hints at this. A lot of people want to be on the A Team, or at least the team of “most folks.” That was, to me, the brilliance of the 99% campaign — it recognized that there’s a lot of diversity of experience within the 99 percent, but it gave people a group identity to latch onto. The problem is, Erickson’s campaign, asinine and divorced-from-reality as it might be, appeals to a lot of folks’ view of themselves as better than the next guy — harder-working, not looking for a hand-out, subsidizing all of Those People who are complaining whiners. In reality, of course, a lot of the people on Erickson’s 53% blog are the ones being “subsidized” (if we adopt Erickson’s terms); they’re people who have received welfare and other social services, they’re people who are definitely not paying federal income tax, and they’re people who need more than they’re getting.

But they’re latching onto Erickson because I suppose it feels better to self-identify as a winner. I’m not sure how, besides the populist 99% message, we can change that dynamic. This comment by Richard Lawson on the Gawker post is interesting to me:

This air of the nobility of the underclass is so sad and, cornily enough, eye-opening for me. It’s quite a feat that the oligarchs (for lack of a less sensational term) really have convinced these people that their poverty is noble and righteous and, in this life or the next, will somehow deliver them. You think about that 16% of African Americans who are living in poverty, or the insanely high number of single women and children living as such across all races and ethnicities, and you realize how fully they’ve taken to heart the persistent message they’ve been fed, in ways both subtle and profoundly grand, that theirs is a necessary suffering, one endured so the country can continue to function in the supposedly just and impartial way that it does. To be teenaged trendy about it, these people have been glamoured by vampires, have bared their necks and welcome the pain as a gift. It’s so deep and so bedrock in national mentality that the only salve seems, honestly, to be some sort of genuine revolution. I kind of feel like a French person in 1788. I wish these people knew they had allies behind them.

And people like Erick Erickson are nasty, willfully blind classist monsters. To prey on people this obviously downtrodden is ghoulishness of the highest order.

It’s worth pointing out, also, that Erickson’s site features mostly white people. It features people who are used to being on the A Team. I don’t think anyone on that site would actually say that they feel an air of nobility for being part of the underclass; I don’t think they believe they’re part of an American underclass at all.

One woman is a total disaster; therefore, all women are total disasters

Dear God make this piece stop. Why, Cat Marnell, WHY?

GET IT TOGETHER, GIRLS: Every Goddamn Pharmacy in New York is Out of Plan B! Every ONE!

Yeah, I don’t want to go on the Pill or wear condoms either, but it’s like … come ON.

It is, like, come ON. Summary: Cat doesn’t like birth control. Any kind of birth control. Except Plan B. But she has noticed lately that lots of NYC pharmacies are out of Plan B. She concludes this is because too many women in New York are making irresponsible decisions, and they need to stop doing that. Cat Marnell’s evidence? Cat Marnell!

But WOMEN. We are clearly abusing [Plan B]. OK, at least I am. Once I took it three times in one month! And that is seriously extreme; I know; I know. So besides that horrible month — I was f*&king around with someone REALLY sexy; what can I say — I’d say that I take it once every, like two months, and OMIGOD I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M WRITING ABOUT MY SEX LIFE. I meant to be writing all of this to condemn all of YOU.

So I actually don’t really care if you take Plan B three times in one month. I would suggest that it’s expensive, though, at $50 a pop, and also stressful, and that there are better ways to prevent pregnancy. But the fact that one lady took Plan B three times in as many weeks? Not evidence that we’re all irresponsible sluts. Not even evidence that she’s an irresponsible slut! And even if she is an irresponsible slut (a term that could basically be applied to anyone, since no matter how responsible or un-slutty you believe yourself to be I promise there is always someone who is more responsible and more un-slutty and more holier-than-thou who would be thrilled at the chance to tell you just how much of an irresponsible slut you are), that’s not much of an argument against providing Plan B over the counter and without a prescription, as I’m sure anti-choice folks will use Cat’s article to argue. Irresponsible sluts deserve the right to prevent pregnancy too. And irresponsible sluts deserve the right to talk about their experiences and their choices, even if those choices make me, personally, cringe a little bit. It really is your body, and I will fight for your right to make whatever reproductive choices are best for you.

But I do care if you’re the health editor (HEALTH EDITOR, yes!) of a very highly-trafficked website and you (a) take the position that all of this science stuff is HARD and therefore you aren’t going to discuss it, and (b) you spread really dangerous misinformation about health issues. For example:

2) Birth control pills. NO. They will make me fat; they will make me “spot” (another thing I squeamishly just DON’T LIKE TALKING ABOUT; don’t worry, though, everyone else who works here does); they will give me acne; and quite frankly, they will NOT prevent me from getting pregnant! I know this because IT HAPPENED TO ME™.

No, I didn’t take my pills right; I forget things like this unless they are FUN pills, or what I BELIEVE, delusionally, to be a “fun” pill at the time; anyway, the point is, unless a pill gets me speedy or doped up as all hell I will NOT remember to take it, and then I will get pregnant! I JUST WILL. (IHTM™.)

So birth control pills are not my friend either, but Jesus H. THIS IS FACTUALLY INACCURATE. Not all birth control pills will make you gain weight or get acne or whatever. And frankly, they WILL almost definitely prevent you from getting pregnant, but you have to use them right. There are serious downsides to hormonal birth control — there are enough downsides to prevent me, personally, from taking the pill also. But that doesn’t mean every form of the pill is terrible and acne-causing and weight-altering for everyone and doesn’t work anyway. JESUS H.

Condoms. Nope! As if. I don’t know. I don’t sleep with that many people and so I just don’t do condoms!

This is actually scary to me. Cat. Girl. You need to use condoms! Even if you aren’t sleeping with “that many people.” It is totally your right not to use condoms, and I am usually the last person to be like “you really really REALLY should make this one particular choice pertaining to your own health” and plenty of people hate condoms and I understand that, but GIRL. PLEASE USE CONDOMS, OH MY GOD, I AM ACTUALLY WORRIED FOR YOU.

Abortion. This shouldn’t even be on the list though obviously I’ve had them. Abortions are not birth control and I hate them! I’m OBVIOUSLY pro-choice but I think they are terrible and wrong and I hate having them. And I mean terrible for everyone involved. It breaks my heart all around.

So before this paragraph I basically just thought Cat was sort of tragic and misguided, but really? Abortions are wrong and terrible and you hate having them? What, unlike all of the other women who LOVE having them because they’re so fun? CAT. GIRL. It is time for some real talk: You are totally entitled to your beliefs about abortion and anything else, and you are even entitled to be a huge hypocrite by believing abortion is morally wrong and is also murder but then have multiple. Believe me, lots of people embrace that same position. But you kind of veer into asshole territory when you go onto a highly-trafficked website and get all finger-waggy at other women for using Plan B or having abortions. Also, abortion is birth control — it controls the number of births you’re going to have. I know what you mean is that in your opinion abortion should not be used as one’s primary means of birth control, but that’s not what you said. IT IS YOUR JOB TO WRITE ABOUT HEALTH-RELATED THINGS. That requires actually doing some research and writing from a place of knowledge.

OK, my point is, I’m sleeping with someone new now and I’m going to be better about not letting anything happen. Women of New York City and the world: resolve to step up. Fifty bucks is fifty bucks — that’s practically a new fall fragrance! We should all stop letting dudes come inside of us and take some responsibility because I am feeling increasingly guilty about being an AVID participant in an abortion-friendly culture.

Head. Explodes.

I mean, yes, avoid abortions! They are expensive and not fun at all. If you are against abortion in principle, there’s another reason to avoid them! But oh my god “we should all stop letting dudes come inside of us” is not really the reproductive justice call to arms I was looking for, you know? The pull-out method can actually be ok at preventing pregnancy if you use it perfectly every time. That requires being with a partner you trust. That requires using it perfectly every time, which is something most people are not able to do. And even if you use it perfectly, you can still get pregnant. And it doesn’t do all that much for preventing the spread of lots of STIs.

I have no problem with pulling out being Cat’s go-to method of birth control. I’m not sure forgoing condoms is the best idea if you and your partner haven’t been tested for STIs and if you aren’t monogamous, but again, totally her call and her business. And I have no problem with her writing about her life and her experiences, as messy as they are. It is a True Fact that women are not perfect, and we sometimes (often) (always) make decisions that, when put on paper, look irresponsible or problematic or troubling. We shouldn’t deny the existence of certain experiences and choices, just because telling those stories could be anti-choice ammunition, or because we feel that one woman’s experiences make all of Womanhood look bad. We are human, and humans make mistakes, and what’s even a “mistake” is pretty variable depending on who you ask. So I’m not saying that women, even very public women, need to pretend to be perfect on the internet.

However. I have a big problem with the health editor of a major women’s site suggesting that all birth control except Plan B sucks, and so the women of New York should collectively have dudes come on our tits. Discussing one’s own experiences is one thing; universalizing one’s experiences and spreading misinformation is another, especially when the person doing the universalizing and misinforming is in a position of relative authority and influence.

Cat: Your honesty is commendable. But there’s some responsibility that comes along with an editorial position, you know? Please consider being a little more accountable to your readers. You don’t have to be PlannedParenthood.com, but at least don’t spread bad information.

On loving, and losing, little creatures

This weekend, I put my cat to sleep. It was not expected, and I’m pretty heartbroken. I also feel silly. There are larger and more important tragedies every day. We had three great years together, and for that I should be grateful. I know I gave him a really good life. He was just a cat. I don’t even like cats.

But oh man do I miss my little cat.

Percival was the first adult decision I ever made — my first real, long-term commitment. I got him a few weeks into my first real grown-up job as a lawyer, working at a law firm in Manhattan — a job I never thought I would be doing, and that still makes me feel far more serious and responsible than I actually am. I’m not sure why I decided to adopt a kitten; I wanted a dog but didn’t have the time, I guess, and a cat-creature seemed better than no creature at all. So I went on PetFinder and found the most perfect black-and-white tuxedo kitten named Che. He was super handsome, so my room mate and I went to the shelter to get him; she decided she also wanted a kitten, so she was going to get his brother. When we got there, there were four kittens in the litter — three healthy, shiny, gorgeous tuxedo kitties, and one teeny-tiny filthy grey kitty who didn’t match at all. The shelter lady swore up and down that the little grey was part of the same litter, but I suspect she was lying; I think he was probably from a later litter, but either all of his siblings had been adopted or for whatever reason didn’t make it, and she didn’t want prospective cat-adopters to think he was a lemon and look past him. Either way, my room mate and I each picked up the tuxedo kitties, cooed over them, and played with them, trying to select which ones to take home. The little grey one kept scooting towards our hands every time we reached into the cage. Unlike the other kittens, he was legitimately dirty, and his eyes were full of gunk, and his nose was runny, and he was slightly cross-eyed. The shelter lady told us he had ringworm, so we should be sure to wash our hands after touching any of the cats. I took pity on him, because it was clear that the pretty kitties got all of the attention and no one ever bothered to hold the messed up little grey one.

I picked him up and scratched him. He stretched his little face up toward mine, flipped his whole body into a reclining-on-his back position, nuzzled his face into the side of my boob and fell asleep purring.

He was mine.
Percival sleeping

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Kosher sex toys

I mean sure, why not.

According to the site, KosherSexToys.net’s mission is “to provide married adults with products that can help enhance their intimate moments without involving crude or indecent pictures or text,” and promises to send all purchases without any crude packaging or inappropriate accompanying materials.

The site stresses that it is “obviously only for married adults”, and prides itself in containing no “crude or indecent pictures or text”.

“We believe that only two people belong in the bedroom – and bringing pictures of others in can only harm a marriage,” the site says.

KosherSexToys.net claims to be the only “kosher” website for sex toys on the internet, and promises that “you will never see something on this site that will make you blush. When we need to use descriptive terms for our products, we use clinical and clean language.”

Great that more people can experience the joys of sex toys, and basics like lube.

Bad that this is being positioned as a “clean” alternative to the dirty sex shops that recognize human beings are using their toys.

Confusing that it’s “obviously only for married adults.” Are they going to require proof of marriage to order online?

Interesting that the best-selling item on the website is furry handcuffs.

Red Flags

Why am I watching “Kim’s Fairytale Wedding,” about Kim Kardashian’s nuptials? I don’t know. Why do I even know who Kim Kardashian is? No idea. And yet here we are. And *SPOILER* Kim’s husband (who is some basketball player, I think? Unclear, I’m not watching that closely) wants her to change her name, and she says ok, and then she says wait I am Kim Fucking Kardashian and my name is a brand so maybe not? and then he acts like a big whiny titty-baby. But then Kim’s dad isn’t alive anymore, and Kim is sad he’s not there, and so her husband is like Well I guess it’s cool if she keeps her name because it was her dad’s and it’s one thing she can have of his.

So, look: I actually do have a fundamental problem with the expectation that women change their names. Yes, I know we all choose our choice and blah blah, but I think it’s really fucked up that it’s really only a “choice” that’s offered to women and that there’s so much pressure about “tradition” and “family” and unspoken expectations that you’re Really Committed and Really Love Your Husband, and that in 2011 the whole concept of marriage still involves dissolving your own identity into your husband’s. I am not going to pretend that I am a fan of the name-change. I am not even going to pretend that I don’t get a tiny bit internally judgy, or at least frustrated, when I scroll through my facebook feed and see all of these names I don’t recognize. But also — and this is not a new observation — we all make compromises in our lives, and we all do the best we can against the very strong tide of social norms, and a lot of really unfeminist social norms can also make us feel good, as name-changing reportedly does for some reason (something I honestly don’t comprehend, but people are different). Some battles aren’t worth fighting, and some people tie a lot to tradition even if those traditions are totally fucked up, so ok. I mean, my feet are all fucked up from years of wearing high heels and I continue to wear them anyway, so, glass houses and whatnot.

But you know what is a huge red flag? If your fiance pitches a fit about you hesitating to change your name. Actually, I think it’s a pretty big red flag if your fiance pressures you in any way to change your name. Having a discussion is one thing; having him be like, “You should take my name” and then getting salty if you push back is kind of a dick move. And I know, I know, I just called a whole lot of dudes dicks on the internet, so cue comment blow-up about how maybe all of these dudes are just really nice guys who want a family unit and tradition and and and and. Fine. If a dude pressures you to take his name, suggest he take your name and watch him literally laugh in your face. A dude who wants you to subvert your own identity for his because you are The Lady is probably not the most woman-friendly dude, you know?

Peace for women is world peace

The 2011 Nobel Peace Prize today was awarded to Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, Leymah Gbowee, and Tawakkul Karman “for their non-violent struggle for the safety of women and for women’s rights to full participation in peace-building work.” These women are three of now 15 women to have won the award in its 110-year history and the first to win for work centered largely around the female 50 percent of the world population.

A brief note (so brief as not to do these women justice): Johnson Sirleaf is the president of Liberia and the first woman ever to be elected president of an African nation. Gbowee has brought women together across ethnic and religious lines under Women of Liberia Mass Action for Peace. Karman is a longtime Yemeni activist and chair of human rights group Women Journalists Without Chains; at the time the award was announced, she was sitting in her protest tent in the middle of Sanaa, as she has been for the past eight months.

In acknowledging these three women, the Nobel committee also acknowledges something that seems to escape a lot of notice in global activism: Advancing women’s issues is advancing world peace–not because freedom and democracy in Liberia and Yemen benefit men as well as women, but because half the world is made up of women. Women’s concerns are global concerns. Johnson Sirleaf, Gbowee, Karman, and the women who take risks to support their causes aren’t significant because they support women but because they take action to promote peace through avenues and populations that many other activists and leaders have neglected. And as I am far from qualified to speak about any of this, I’ll give over to Leymah Gbowee instead.

[The message I hope to send is t]hat the other 50 percent of the world–the women of the world–that their skills, talents, and intelligence should be utilized. And I think this message is a resounding agreement to all of our advocacies over the years. That truly women have a place, truly women have a face, and truly the world has not been functioning well without the input, in every sphere, of women.

Well, okay, out of context it does look a little silly.

A man poses coyly next to a bicycle like a vintage pin-up
Totally sexy, right?

Sexy images are sexy, right? Okay, bad question–sexy images are subjective. But sexy images are supposed to be sexy. To someone, anyway. It turns out that without that air of objectification, sexy images are… kind of weird, frankly.*

We’ve seen how Batman just isn’t quite the same in bustier and cocked hip. And now photographer Rion Sabean shows us that a gender-bent approach to the classic pin-up girl loses something in translation. Could it be that photographers back in the day–and right now, frankly–portrayed “sexy” with coy, nonthreatening, ultrafeminine poses? No way, right? Discuss. (See the whole “Men-ups” set on Flickr. I like Mr. December, but then I’ve always been partial to the mountain-man beard.)

Next up in the “you know, it seemed to work in the magazine” category is artist Yolanda Dominguez, who “works from what is disquieting”–in this case, the awkward and uncomfortable poses that are apparently meant to be sexy on fashion models in magazines.

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