In defense of the sanctimonious women's studies set || First feminist blog on the internet

Blogs for women are bad for women

But they’re really good for Susannah Breslin, who has gotten her bills paid by ForbesWoman, The Frisky, and The XX Factor (and also Esquire and Playboy, which I’m pretty sure are magazines for men). Also:

Susannah Breslin is an American writer best known for creating the blog The Reverse Cowgirl and for her on-camera reporting for the Playboy TV program Sexcetera. Her writing and television work tends to deal with sexual and pornography-related topics. She has also written for periodicals including ‘Playboy’ and appeared on Politically Incorrect as well as CNN and Fox News. Her published works include “You’re a Bad Man, Aren’t You?”, a book of short stories. Time.com has identified The Reverse Cowgirl as one of the 25 best blogs.

Keep rallying against gender-segregated media, girl.

In the post about how women’s media is the worst, she writes,

If blogs for women existed in the real world, rather than a virtual one, what would they look like? Giant pink bubbles in which women floated through life, peering through the see-through pink walls at the big, bad confusing world out there in which men exist, things are complex, and not everything has to do with whether or not you have a pair of ovaries.

…and that post appears on her blog, which is titled “Pink Slipped.”

She also asks what online gender segregation has done for anyone lately. Putting aside the fact that feminist blogs are not exactly gender segregated and that rallying around a political concept is a little different than being like NO BOYS ALLOWED and catering to a specific set of interests is what a whole lot of media does so I’m not clear on how The Hairpin is way more offensive than Esquire, [COMMA], gender-related media has made Susannah Breslin’s career. And it’s definitely allowed her to be the cool girl in the room who just gets along with guys better than with girls, you know? It’s not like she does it on purpose, it’s just that girls are so annoying and they also weirdly get so jealous of her, and really she’s just more interested in guy things like whiskey and sports (Susannah Breslin, are you pretending to be 23 and writing to advice columnists?). I mean I think the point of this column is, “Boys’ media is so cool, right guys? I am so glad we’re friends you guys. Don’t you hate girls’ media? I SO hate girls’ media. Girls’ media, eew, seriously, it’s basically why I don’t hang out with girls.”

Spanking Children

Time has a fascinating article on the first “real-time” spanking study, and the results are… disturbing. Bring up spanking among upper-middle-class college-educated coastal parents, and the agreement is that spanking is abusive, full stop, and parents who spank are absolute monsters. Bring it up around folks who grew up more middle or lower-class (as I did) and the mentality seems to be, “I was spanked as a kid, so what?”

The reality is that most parents spank their kids. (The reality also is that “most people” doing something does not necessarily make it right). Research from the 90s showed that 70% of college-educated mothers spank their kids, and other research puts the figure at 90 percent of parents generally. I was spanked very occasionally as a child, although I use the term “spanked” loosely — I was swatted on the butt a handful of times when I was being particularly bad or on the hand when I was trying to grab for something I should not have been grabbing, but I was definitely never hit hard enough to hurt and I was never hit on any other part of my body, and I would guess that the “spanking” happened fewer than five times in the course of my childhood. “Go sit on the stairs” was a much more common punishment. There’s a big difference between that and being routinely beaten by your parents. Unsurprisingly, studies indicate that routine beatings have the most negative impacts:

Children who are spanked occasionally are not thought to be significantly impacted later on, but those who are spanked regularly are more likely to have behavior problems that may escalate into antisocial behavior. They may also be at greater risk for anxiety disorders or depression and ultimately may be more likely to engage in domestic violence and child abuse as adults.

Even though my basic view is “do not spank your kids ever,” I can understand the impulse, when you’re exhausted and your kid is being a terror, to hit. I’m not going to call every parent who has ever smacked their kid’s hand away when the kid was hitting them an abusive asshole. But some of the stories from this study are a little disturbing:

The data are particularly unsettling because many of the infractions that led a mom to hit involve petty misbehavior, like turning the page in a book before it was time. While listening to his mother read The Tortoise and the Hare, for example, one boy began touching the pages, garnering a slap.

“At 2:03:31, the mother says, ‘No, Justin,’ and continues reading,” according to a transcription describing the incident. “Then at 2:03:34 she smacks him, and says, ‘No, Justin. If you want me to read, quit messing with the pages. Cause you’re moving it while I’m reading.'”

Yikes. I’m not going to jump on parents for getting frustrated or being imperfect; a light smack on the behind, or swatting a kid’s hand away from something dangerous, does not qualify as abusive in my eyes. But slapping a kid because he’s touching the pages of a book? When you know you’re being recorded? That is really not ok.

Posted in Uncategorized

Of course.

More “my religion means that I will refuse to do my job” nonsense.

Citing her moral and religious beliefs, a town clerk in upstate New York has stated that she refuses to sign marriage certificates for same sex couples. Barbara MacEwen of Volney, NY, located in rural Oswego County, says that her name will not appear on any of the certificates, according to Politico. The town clerk’s signature is required to validate a marriage certificate.

Honestly? If there were other town clerks who could sign the marriage certificate and MacEwen could just send the same-sex couples right over to their window, I wouldn’t really care if she wants to play bigot-face. But from what I can tell, she’s the only game in town when it comes to getting these things signed. And if she’s not willing to abide by the law and carry out the requirements of her job? I’m not sure why taxpayer dollars should keep funding her salary.

Don’t worry though, she’s pretty sure there aren’t any gay couples in her town.

This, by the way, is a new Thing among conservatives:

The ultraconservative Heritage Foundation is also pushing for “conscience rights,” which they call the “new front line in the culture war.” This is a definite sign that Conservatives know that the legislative battles over gay marriage is all but lost. The new conservative tactic is to play the victim by claiming that gay rights are limiting the rights of those that object to them.

Like so many other aspects of modern right-wing life, you can thank the anti-abortion movement for paving the way here. But sure, there’s no problem compromising with them when it comes to allowing hospitals to refuse to provide life-saving abortions or allowing pharmacists to refuse to fill prescriptions for birth control. Conscience!

In fact, the Campaign for Children and their Families, a wholesale anti-gay lobbying group in California, has equated the issuing of gay marriage licenses to mindless compliance during the Holocaust. “Ask your county clerk if they were a Nazi officer during WWII and had been ordered to gas the Jews, would they?”

Two people joining their lives together and pledging to love and care for one another for the rest of their days: Kind of like gassing Jews.

Rain on my Pride Parade

On Sunday I went to my first ever Pride Parade in new york city, an experience that began with sunshine and happiness, and ended in frustration and blistered heels.

I’ve been to and participated in Pride Parades and events when I was living on Coast Salish Land in vancouver, so I have seen how a community project becomes overtaken by corporate entities and state agendas. The new york parade was no different- the procession was a mixture of local and national grassroots organizations, and enormous floats sponsored by banks, international conglomerates and franchises, along with quite a helping of local and national politicians gearing up for re-election. Obviously the issue front and centre was the recent passing of marriage equality at the state level, and even though marriage is not at the forefront of my own personal and political battles as a queer woman of colour, I couldn’t help but become emotional, recognizing and respecting that this is a significant victory for many people.

But then this happened:

A troupe of gorgeous and talented queer women of colour burlesque dancers twirled their tassels my way, and the white man behind me turned to his partner, also a white man, and said:

“Wow. It’s just like national geographic.”

Thus endeth my day at the parade.

In a haze of anger, I marched myself past rainbow and glitter bedecked revelers, back home. Once again, I had been made to feel unsafe in the very environment that is not only supposed to cater to my safety, but be a celebration of the person I am, of my community. I don’t know why I am always surprised by these situations- they happen so often. But I don’t want to travel through my life expecting the worst of everyone, so I keep my hopes up, glue them back together when they are dashed, time and again.

Queer people are people after all; flawed, prejudiced, we all carry and perpetuate the effects of injustice in our marginalized communities, whatever they may be. I’ve experienced racism (and all sorts of other “isms”) in queer communities before; I myself am continuing to unlearn the effects of internalized oppressions and prejudices, many of which I have no idea I am even participating in until someone calls me out, so I know the work is hard and painful and never ending. I know that no community is completely free of oppressive forces, but the point is that we work through this, that we are reflexive and respectful and humble and honest. And willing to do the work.

I think this moment was just the cap on an experience that was already grating on my nerves.

“Pride” has become an opportunity for corporations to pander and condescend to queers like they actually care about us, not our money. The presence of these so-called benevolent corporations in the parade actually contributes to a culture of false security in a “post”-homo/transphobic society; certain companies tell us that they do not use homophobic hiring and firing practices, in order to distract us from the fact that many of these same companies continue to exploit marginalized peoples (many of whom are queer and/or trans) in our own nations and the global south. Rainbow window treatments do not an ethical company make.

Politicians work for our rights often only when it’s convenient to their own agendas, and even if they are our true allies, we cannot forget that they are players in a game with the rules stacked against marginalized people- systems and ideologies of governance that historically benefit rich, straight white men. People often wax on about the ideals that form nations: freedom, equality, justice. But we forget the historical context in which these words were used, a context in which not all “people” were considered “people” or even human, and that those words, those principles, still carry a legacy of blood within them. This nation, like most nations, was founded upon the genocide, displacement and enslavement of Indigenous peoples, people of colour, women, queers, immigrants, the poor- while espousing principles of freedom, equality and justice. And this nation, and most nations, continue to build and survive because of this same process. We cannot forget this, we cannot ignore this. We are not post anything.

Starved and exhausted queer community organizations are fighting to survive in an economy backed up by a capitalist state that treats corporate bodies as if they are living and breathing, and actual human beings as if our living, our breathing, means nothing. Because when we cease, there is simply another army of consumers and producers to take our place. So when Wells Fargo, Mastercard, Delta, and Kiehl’s get louder cheers when they march in what is supposed to be our parade, because they can afford music and prizes and matching shirts, we are losing. Because these corporations are stealing and exploiting and oppressing- and distracting attention, money and support from incredible and vital organizations like Fierce, the Audre Lorde Project, Las Buenas Amigas, and The Bronx Community Pride Center.

Community and arts organizations and collectives are the first and foremost victims of budget cuts, and they/we are the ones working to save, love, advocate, change the world for us. Do we really believe that corporations have pride? We need to take back our parade. We need to reject the money and the flash that corporate sponsors bring to organizing, because that flashiness is just covering up our concessions to systems that are broken, that are rotten to the core. Pride was born out of resistance and revolution, and now the corporate colonial police state who kills and oppresses us is marching with us.

It’s not about the individual cops, the individual politicians- if their footsteps follow mine towards justice, then I welcome their company. But as long as they and we continue to uphold a state founded upon colonialism, a corporate empire that exploits the world, then we can never find justice. We give ourselves our rights, and we either watch or fight when they are taken away from us. We cannot and should not depend on our elected officials to give or maintain our humanity, we need to work them, remind them that their power is only the result of our own, and we will take it away if they threaten and abuse us with bigotry.

It’s not that I don’t think that queer and trans communities don’t have anything to celebrate- my elders and my contemporaries are incredibly brave and have made great changes for me/us in this world, and I am so grateful for that. We need to celebrate those victories, and ourselves. And I don’t want to disrespect the work of those marginalized activists and allies within institutions- I respect that fact that we are probably fighting for the same world, though our strategies differ. This year I have found myself becoming more and more radicalized (I don’t feel comfortable calling myself a radical, since I make my own concessions to systems every day, and have cis, class, academic and ability privilege, and probably more that I’m not thinking of). This probably makes me a hypocrite and at the very least contradictory and I’m trying to work through that, and not speak for others, or assume I know best, or even close to it. And I don’t have one or even any strategy in anti-oppressive activism that would be completely holistic or exist outside systems of exploitation, or offer a totally equitable and egalitarian alternative. Basically, this was a rant more than anything else. I guess what I’m saying is that the first step is knowing what doesn’t work for us, what we don’t want, so we can work towards creating movements and communities that are more inclusive and representative.

I think this might be my last Pride Parade for a while. Or maybe I will treat every step I take as a one person parade in Pride. Pride for myself. Pride for the world I want, the world I will try my best to make; pride in my successes and the mistakes I make and the lessons I learn from them. Pride in my shifting politics, in my steadfast beliefs; pride in my incomplete knowledge and unfinished work as an ally. Pride in being queer every day and in queering everyone I share my life with, my communities, my allies, my family, friends and lovers. Pride in working towards giving myself and my communities someone to be proud of.

links for 29-6-2011

This Swedish school is awesome.

Over at Tigerbeatdown, s.e. smith writes a sobering piece on why the increasing corporatization of education in america means that graduate’s degrees mean less and less for a financially secure future.

A young Muslim woman has won her suit against abercrombie and fitch after she was fired for not removing her hijab on the job.

It’s the latest employment discrimination charge against the company’s so-called “look policy,” which critics say means images of mostly white, young, athletic-looking people.

a&f’s classic american style = white.

Ugh, MORE of these racist anti-choice billboards targeting women of colour.

Monday was National HIV Testing Day in the united states. Colorlines breaks down some truly devastating statistics about which communities are most affected by the illness and why.

In somewhat related news, the alberta government finds new and idiotic ways to stigmatize and isolate people living with STIs and STDs with a tired, tired, old strategy- scaring the shit out of youth!.

Hanne Blank reminds us that there is no wrong way to have a body, and all human beings are real.

Via angry asian man:

Within Every Woman is a documentary featuring the stories of thousands of women who were kidnapped from their homes in Korea, China, the Philippines, Taiwan, Burma, Japan, Indonesia, by the Japanese army during wwii and coerced into sexual slavery. Though most of the world knows these survivors as “Comfort Women”, they are respectfully referred to as “the Grandmothers” by their community, as most of them are in their 80’s and 90’s. The film captures their resilience and demands for justice, and it needs your help! It is still in production, and you can make a donation to bring the work to completion via kickstarter here.

In an effort to reduce incidents of sexual harassment, Guatemala is introducing women only buses. But while this may prove to offer temporary safety for women, it’s just a band aid.

For more nuance and detail into the intersection of rape culture and other forms of violence, Yifat Susskind, Executive Director of Madre, details the ways in which violence against women in Guatemala and Iraq is a legacy of war.

Lady walks topless through Central Park

This is awesome.

I’m not gonna lie: when I wrote up that item about Topless Bowery Lady a few weeks ago, I got a bit jealous. To be able to walk around New York City all careless and fancy free like that, breasts unfettered, the cool breeze rushing across your chest…it all seemed so wonderful, yet unattainable. I would never have the gall to do that, I thought. Social conventions being what they are, there’s no way I could possibly carry that off without attracting an incredible amount of unwanted attention, making people mad, scarring children for life, potentially getting harassed by the cops, etc. Why, oh why, can’t I just air my tits out like it ain’t no thang? STUPID AMERICA.

And then I was like, well, why the hell not? What’s the point of having toplessness be legal in New York City if you can’t taste of its sweet nectars? Social mores don’t just change overnight; someone has to go first and make it look like fun, and then, with any luck, the rest will follow, and someday it becomes normal, right? In the name of being the change I want to see (as well as anecdotal sociology), I decided to swallow my fears and hang out topless in Central Park Sunday afternoon.

…and the only people who gave her a hard time were parks employees and cops. And that was Because There Are Children Around.

Not to make this post all Debbie Downer Serious Feminist Stuff when it could really just be like “look, titties, awesome!”, but it serves as a nice anecdotal point when it comes to discussing a woman’s responsibility to do X in order to avoid getting raped. I’ve had dozens of conversations with women and men where I argue that being drunk / wearing tiny clothes / going out to bars / whatever doesn’t get you raped; the come-back, without fail, is something like, “Well sure, no one deserves to be raped, but it’s just stupid to take those kinds of risks, since they make you more vulnerable. I mean, it would be nice if you could just walk through Central Park naked without having anything bad happen to you, but that just isn’t the case.”

…except when it is the case.

DTMFA.

I should really be an advice columnist for all those people who write letters being like, “My husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/friend/wife is really great and wonderful, and I love them so much, and everything in our relationship is completely perfect except they always tell me to go make them a sandwich bitch / stomp kittens to death for fun / have never tried to make me come / are completely repulsive / hide in porta-potties at yoga festivals but only sometimes.”

Dump him.

Dump her.

Throw that one out like yesterday’s trash.

Really, if you are writing these letters? Think about why in the world you would ever want to be with…

People who don’t brush their teeth or change their clothes for days on end and reside in a place that reeks of cat piss and where “there is a layer of dirt, hair and scum on practically every surface in the kitchen and bathroom.”

People who you are in a long-distance relationship with, but then ignore you when you come to visit them.

People who are condescending and mock you for your interests.

People who write to advice columnists whining about how their stay-at-home wives — who iron their shirts, make their lunch every day and care for the kids — sometimes leave shoes in the hallway.

People who snoop in your email and then use your sexual history against you.

Basically, if you are writing to an advice columnist and your letter starts off by swearing up and down that the person you’re complaining about is really nice and so great except they smell like a puppy mill and call you “cuntface” when they’re mad, just… stop. Stop stop stop stop stop.

Marriage Tip:

If you’re freaking out before your wedding because your fiancé wants strippers at his bachelor party and the idea of your fiancé hiring strippers makes you uncomfortable, you should probably just tell him that. And if he still insists on having strippers at his bachelor party even after you tell him it’s making you really really miserable for whatever reason (you don’t want him touching other naked women, you object generally to the idea of men paying women for sexual services, you thought he had more sophisticated taste in recreational activities), perhaps he is not the dude to be marrying. Seriously, if there are “a bajillion fights” over strippers and you’re so stressed out you lose 8 pounds and can’t sleep for days because for him it is A Matter Of Great Importance that there be bare titties at his bachelor-fest? He’s a jerk, don’t marry him! If he’s the kind of guy who might cheat on you (or attempt to cheat on you) at his bachelor party? He’s a jerk, don’t marry him! If your future husband tells you that he’s not interested in having strippers but all his friends are calling him a pussy for saying no and so he has to go along with it? He’s a jerk and also a coward, don’t marry him!

But, sorry girl, it ain’t the strippers’ fault that he’s a jerk. But also, while I’m all for demystifying what goes on at bachelor parties — it’s true that it’s rarely sexy and probably does not threaten your relationship and is actually incredibly cheesy — maybe it’s not so cool to make fun of women who are distressed because their future husbands think it’s super fun to pay other women to get naked.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Shut the f*ck up everyone who is not able to understand that sometimes, there’s nothing more complicated here than Funny Book Is Funny.

Nobody is suggesting that there’s a connection between Adam Mansbach’s book and child abuse or child neglect. Still, there’s no denying the reason “Go the F*** to Sleep” should be kept out of reach of children is because of its violent language and because of the way it demeans children.

Nobody is suggesting it, except for this entire article in which I suggest it.

“Imagine if this were written about Jews, blacks, Muslims or Latinos,” says Dr. David Arredondo. He is an expert on child development and founder of The Children’s Program, in the San Francisco metropolitan area, which provides consultation and training for those working with troubled youths.

Not to be Captain Obvious here, but the book was written about Jews, blacks, Muslims and Latinos — pretty sure there are kids who won’t go the fuck to sleep in all of those groups. Child abuse and neglect is bad (yes, I’m taking all the brave and controversial positions today), but that doesn’t mean that voicing frustration with child-rearing enables or promotes abuse. In fact, it is really insulting to suggest that normal parental frustration or the use of the f-word is in any way akin to abusing or neglecting a kid.

The irony, says Arredondo, is that the people buying the book are probably good parents.

I mean, probably.

Making your name as a Serious Writer by penning article after article about Thing That Everyone Thinks Is Funny: Not Actually Funny is a pretty lucrative journalistic (“journalistic”) endeavor these days (see also: Thing That Everyone Thinks Is Good: Not Actually Good). So I have some pitches for CNN.com (or Slate, maybe?):

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Not Funny, Because Seasonal Affective Disorder.
Funny or Die: Not Funny, Because Death.
Jon Stewart: Not Funny, Because Jew.
I Was Told There’d Be Cake: Not Funny, Because Obesity.
Caddyshack: Not Funny, Because Animal Abuse.
Cats Attacking Babies: Not Funny, Because Cats Attacking Babies.
Jill Filipovic: Not Funny, Because Feminist.

I have so many more, CNN, call me.