June 2008 – Page 2

Introduction

Before I introduce myself, I’d like to thank Feministe for giving me the opportunity to blog here.

My name is Fatemeh Fakhraie, and I’m the founder and editor-in-chief of Muslimah Media Watch, which analyzes and critiques images of Muslim women that appear in the media. I also write for Racialicious. Both of these sites have very intelligent, dedicated women writing for them, and I highly suggest you check them out.

Bio: I’m a twentysomething biracial Muslim woman who was born in Utah and now lives in the Pacific Northwest. I identify as an Islamic feminist, which for me means that I don’t see any contradictions between the idea of total equality among genders, sexualities, races, socioeconomic classes, etc., and Islam. I’m interested in racial activism, dispelling myths about Muslims and feminism to both groups, and complaining.

Fun fact: I don’t own a microwave. Not because I’m against them; I just never got around to buying one. I don’t really want one, but I occasionally reconsider when I crave popcorn.

Via Married to the Sea.

Countering Teen & Tween Magazines: Part Two

I appreciated all the great comments about Part One of this post. Needless to say, it was great fun to hear from those of you who had read New Moon when you were that age. If you want to hear the latest about New Moon, there’s a Facebook group for former & current readers of New Moon, started by a former reader.

And here’s Part Two:

My daughters are 27 now (twins) and never acquired the habit of relying on fashion magazines for advice about life. That’s not to say that they never read them! In their early teens, they read Seventeen and similar publications even though we had started New Moon magazine as an alternative to the typical girls’ mags.

At first, I agonized about whether or not to let them read those magazines because I knew firsthand how damaging they were. I’d been a girl who looked to Seventeen, Ingenue, and later Glamour for instruction on how to be prettier, more popular, more confident, and all around different from who I really was.

Of course, every time I read one of those magazines I ended up feeling worse about myself instead of better. Each copy was filled with contradictory propaganda and advice. The quizzes pinpointed my personality shortcomings and the fashion spreads showed clothes I knew I’d never own. I saw myself in the “fashion crimes” photos and faithfully tried each new diet (and faithfully failed at each one). One year, most of the money I earned babysitting was spent on a secret stash of new makeup products recommended each month that were touted as so much better than what I had bought the previous month. (And I barely ever used them as I could only put them on in the bathroom at school since my parents wouldn’t let me wear makeup.)

Even the advice columns made me feel inadequate since I didn’t have the problems (mostly about boyfriends and I didn’t have one) they gave advice about! As a mom, I obviously didn’t want my daughters to be subjected to the undermining propoganda in typical girls’ magazines. But the magazines are everywhere and I knew that trying to prohibit them (the way my parents had tried to ban makeup) would just lead to sneaky reading.

So when they asked for the magazines I bought them. But I didn’t stop there. I also read them and talked with my daughters about them. That’s what led to these strategies about how to help girls resist the harmful influence of popular tween & teen magazines.

Ask her what she thinks is real and unreal in each issue. It can be a game to score how much fakery there is from month to month – is the magazine getting more fake or more real?
Are the photos altered? (Show her this example of how photo manipulation makes an average looking woman into the fake perfection we see in magazines.)
Count how many of the total pages are ads (often more than 50%). What are the ads selling?
In its subject matter, does the magazine leave out things that she cares about and that are on her mind? What are those things?
Ask her what effect she thinks an article or ad is trying to have on readers.
Ask her how she feels (different from what she thinks) after looking at or reading an article or ad. Listen without judging or arguing about what she says.
Tell her how you feel (give her your feelings – angry, sad, afraid, guilty – not your thoughts) after looking at or reading a different article or ad.
Express your opinions (thoughts) about the articles and ads.
Provide her with alternative magazines like New Moon and Teen Voices by subscribing and keeping them in the house all the time. Having them available is like having healthy food in the kitchen. Even if she might always want to eat pop tarts, it’s not the only food we provide!

These resistance strategies helped me stay connected to and support my daughters as they learned for themselves that they didn’t want the propoganda churned out by most teen girl mags. It was a happy day for me when I noticed that they had stopped asking me to buy the magazines. After a while, I asked them about it and Nia said, “Reading those magazines made me feel so depressed. I don’t need that!”

Please let me know what bothers you most about the messages in teen & tween magazines by posting a comment.

The Last Straw

So we’ve all heard the rumors: Obama is a Muslim. Obama isn’t American. Obama hearts terrorists (and gives terrorist fist-jabs). Obama is too black. Obama is not black enough. Obama is a thug. Michelle Obama is Barack Obama’s baby-mama. Obama wants to give up all of our rights to the Muslims, and probably the French, too. Obama is every right-wing scare tactic ever:

“I think Obama would be a disaster, and there’s a lot of reasons,” said Pollard, explaining the rumors he had heard about the candidate from friends he goes camping with. “I understand he’s from Africa, and that the first thing he’s going to do if he gets into office is bring his family over here, illegally. He’s got that racist [pastor] who practically raised him, and then there’s the Muslim thing. He’s just not presidential material, if you ask me.”

But… for serious?

Yes, for those of you foolish enough to click over, that headline does in fact read, “Is Obama devotee of monkey-god idol?”

And I know it’s on WorldNet Daily, which is where the most paranoid and hateful wingers tend to congregate. it’s the same site that sells a “Darwin led to Hitler” video — in other words, not exactly the most reliable source of news and information.

But it’s nonetheless a widely-read site, and their take on the story isn’t unusual (just check The Google to see what the other right-wing sites are reporting). Basically, the truth is that Obama maybe carries a good luck monkey charm, and so an Indian group decided to send him a religious Hindu statue. Apparently this is evidence that Obama really isn’t a Christian, and that he instead worships a monkey-god (a convenient narrative, no?).

Personally, I think it’s pretty great that people around the world are engaged in international politics (can most Americans name the leader of India right now?), and that Barack Obama is inspiring hope across the globe. Not surprisingly, though, that’s been perverted into another “OMG Obama is totally not Christian and TOTALLY not white!” scare story.

Who knew that what you carried around in your bag or in your pockets is evidence of what God you worship? Judging by my keychain alone, I am a staunch believer in Astor Wines & Spirits and New York Sports Club.

via the Goddess.

Shameless Self-Promotion Sunday

Yay for Pride in NY! Anyone else get caught in the rain?

Between Sunday brunching, gay pride parade-ing, and bar studying, I’m getting this up a little late. Apologies. As always, feel free to continue shamelessly self-promoting here throughout the week. The rules: In the comments, post something you wrote recently, with a link and a short description. Make it specific — not a link to your entire blog.

The Feminist Sibling

I have a little brother and I want him to be an ally to feminists, at the very least. He’s at that age where he’s discovering the ladies, and the ladies are discovering him, and it’s important for me that there isn’t any sexist bullshit going down. Unfortunately, some of his friends are all about the sexist bullshit, which means that when Big Sister (me) rides into town, she has her work cut out for her.

Baby Brother: If she’s seeing anyone else, I’ll have to kick that guy’s ass!
Natalia: Mmmkay… Do you really think that she’d like that? Or that it would solve anything?
BB: Not really. But I have to! To preserve my reputation!
N: That’s not the kind of reputation you want. An intelligent girl won’t go for that.
BB: But I have to prove myself!
N: You can prove yourself by being nice and polite and chilled-out.
BB: But I’m a man!

Read More…Read More…

Lock Her Damn Ass Up

Before I get into the post, I would like to say thank you to everyone at Feministe for giving me the opportunity to guest blog here. It has been a very bumpy ride but I will take a few lessons away from it. Thanks to everyone who took the time to read my work and remember that I will continue to post daily at womanist musings about bodies that matter in this world.

61 year old Joyce Biddel, decided that the appropriate action after finding her granddaughter in bed with another girl, was to beat the poor child with a cane until it broke. Not satisfied with the pain and humiliation that she inflicted, she then proceeded to walk her granddaughter to her lovers house so that her parents could be informed that the pair were having sex. Apparently that was still not enough to quench her rage as when the pair returned home she began beating the child with a belt. The police were called to the house on charges of child abuse and the grand daughter received medical treatment for injuries. When questioned Beddell responded, “that she had done nothing wrong and said she should have been allowed to discipline her granddaughter as she saw fit.”

This incident enrages me for two reasons. One, corporal punishment has no place in the life of a child. It does not teach them to respect you, or that their actions were wrong, it inspires hatred and leads to feelings of depression and low self esteem. Two, this incident was clearly motivated by the fact that the girl was engaging in sex with another girl. You cannot control the sexuality of another, nor do you have a right to discipline in this way an activity that is a natural desire of ALL human beings.

Read More…Read More…

I Sing Like A Girl

Regular readers know that I am the mother of two darling boys, who I have nicknamed Mayhem and Destruction (nicknames more apt than you know) At any rate, Destruction my 7 year old is incredibly arts centered. He paints, draws, sings, dances, and has recently taken up photography. He is fluent in French and English, and is never shy at expressing himself in either language. So I am thinking to myself I have this wonderfully gifted, fun loving kid, I must be doing something right. Over this past winter I have really begun to pay attention to his singing, and noticed that he actually has a good singing voice. Those are his fathers genes by the way, Simon Cowell would not give me even two seconds to audition.

Every morning Destruction can be heard singing I’m a Barbie Girl in the shower at the top of his little lungs with a Broadway flair that is unbelievable. This kid loves to sing, and can even be heard downstairs singing on the throne as he has his morning constitutional. So supportive mother that I am, I get the brilliant idea to sign him up for voice lessons. I thought, he loves to sing so much and he actually has a talent, why not support him in what he loves. His father and I discussed the idea and we both agree, great now I am excited. Dinner comes along and I announce to little Destruction my big plan for him, and he looks at me and almost cries. He doesn’t want to go to singing lessons it seems, because the kids at school tease him for singing like a girl, and can he do karate instead.

Read More…Read More…

Black Women Are Worth 10K

I came across this story at The Root but it was originally posted at Aunt Jemima’s Revenge. Chiman Rai So hated blacks that he hired a hit man to kill his black daughter-in law, Sparkle. The case was labeled an honor killing. Eight years ago Rajeeve came home to find his daughter unhurt, and his wife brutally murdered. When asked by police during the investigation of his wifes death about his parents, he referred to them as “a little racist”. This from a man that told his wife, and her family that his parents were dead, rather than deal with their racism.Eight years later the prosecutor is seeking the death penalty, and a little girl is growing up without both of her parents. Yes I said both, you see since the death of his wife, Rajeeve has remarried an Indian woman, and has not bothered to see his daughter. It seems that Sparkle’s death taught him which bodies matter in this society.

When I first read this story, I must admit to openly weeping, not only for the light that was so sadly doused, but for the child that is now denied the birthright of her mothers love. Once I moved past the sadness, rage settled upon me, like fog rolling across a series of hills. A rage so deep that it leaves me nearly inarticulate. As I have said many times before, black women occupy the bottom of the racial and gender hierarchy in the western world. That we continue to pay for this positioning with our very lives, is evidence that this so-called post racial society is non existent. What was this young mothers crime, but existing as black and female in this world?

Read More…Read More…

Feministe Feedback: My nurse mother won’t help with abortions

An interesting question from a reader:

my mother (in her mid-50’s) is an OB/Gyn Nurse Practicioner. she refuses to have anything to do with abortions. as anyone can imagine, we fight about this a LOT. the screwy thing is, she actually agrees with most abortions. everytime i point her to this or that abortion related travesty(such as the EMT, or those poor girls in Romania and Poland) she gets as mad as i do. but, years ago, she had to help in a 3rd trimester abortion, and at the time, as the surgerical nurse, she had the job of taking the fetus parts and putting them together and making sure that none of them had been missed. she admits freely that this is her entire “problem” with abortion – it grossed her out. (which, btw, is just WRONG, this is the woman who petitioned my surgeon to scrub in on my next hip surgery because she thought it was an interesting surgery. she wanted to perform surgery on her eldest daughter. just… morbid…)

how can i get her past this image? she KNOWS most abortions aren’t like that, and that damned near any “late-term abortion” is to save to woman’s life, she doesn’t agree with “moral clauses” (she just won’t work someplace that does abortions, and she took a salary hit to do so), she believe that abortion is a right, as is birth control. the thing is, in my experience, most people who wont do abortions don’t do them for the same reason my mother won’t – its squicks them out. maybe we can find a way to get them all past that?

Ideas?

Guns are a feminist issue?

Ever notice how the only people who claim guns are good for women are anti-feminists? As Megan at Jezebel points out, guns aren’t actually all that effective at protecting women from violence.

Quite honestly, gun control isn’t that important of an issue to me. People want their guns; I get it. But, despite the Feministe logo (it’s irony, people!), framing gun ownership as feminist is nonsense. And you don’t get to play the “this is a feminist issue” card when you don’t actually give a crap about feminism.