In defense of the sanctimonious women's studies set || First feminist blog on the internet

Tag: Stupidity

Derby Names

Feministe friend Tricia sends on this article about the disgusting, often misogynist, names that have become common in derby culture. The creativity is laudable, I suppose, insofar as it’s ever laudable to come up with 10,000 different ways to equate sex with violence and abuse. “Pat McCrotch” and “Clitty Clitty Bang Bang”? Sure, ok. Juvenile, but I like a good juvenile genital joke as much as the next girl. But (trigger warning!) “Rose Hypnol,” “Fist Fucker,” “Chainsaw Guts Fuck,” “Cuntasaurus Wrecks,” “Smasher Indacunt,” “Scabby Gash,” “Mexicunt,” “Cunty McTaintStain,” “Ray Pugh,” “Barry McCaulkener,” “Dixon Syder,” “Buster Hymen,” “Grab’er Snatch,” “Turner Over,” and “Buster Muffinhalf”?

Guys.

When your jokes basically amount to either “vaginas are disgusting” or “sex is a violent thing that I do in order to hurt vaginas,” you have a problem and you also aren’t very funny or original. Gross and clever can be great. But “lol rapin’ cuntzzzz” is not really that clever, even if comments about destroying vaginas are definitely gross. And when your sports league is a series of rape jokes, I don’t think you get to complain that you aren’t getting appropriate national attention.

Also, when Bart Simpson’s prank calls to Moe’s were more original than your team names, it’s time to rethink things.

Feminists not getting “you-know-what”

What is it that feminists aren’t getting enough of, according to Andrea Tantaros? Dick. Lots and lots of dick.

After decades and decades and decades of feminists burning their bras, saying, ‘Make more money than men, do this, run over men, have sex like a man, tell your man what to do, don’t let them open the door –’ you’re not happy with the product, are ya ladies? A lot of them are older, they’re not married, and they’re not getting you-know-what.

I appreciate that Ms. Tantaros wants us all to get laid more often. I am 100% behind the “get laid more often” plan, and if Fox News is on board, then hey. But Tantaros seems to be under the impression that women having sex for pleasure means we get laid less often (or at least less well), which is confusing. Because if feminists aren’t having sex, how are we able to get pregnant in order to have ALL of the abortions? And who does she think makes up the ranks of lesbians who are in the slow and steady process of ruining both marriage and America? SO MANY QUESTIONS. Throw a girl a bone here.

Newsflash: Your ovaries are drying up and crumbling into internal bacon bits.

Ladies! I have some bad news that you definitely would never have suspected: It turns out that whitening your teeth, dying your hair and using really good anti-wrinkle cream will not in fact extend your fertility. I KNOW. My biology class taught me that if you’re pretty you can have babies forever, so this really blew my mind. Super glad the Times regularly covers the “you think you’re young, ambitious, happy and responsible because you’re waiting until you’re ready to have kids, but you actually have the ovaries of a shriveled old hag so better get to procreating yesterday” beat. Without it, women who are under the impression that they can get pregnant at 86 as long as they look like they might still menstruate would probably never have the chance to be quoted in a reputable news publication.

PETA to start a porn site, because of course.

Justin Bieber in a PETA ad
Next Bieber for PETA ad: "Animals Can Make U Hard. Adopt From Your Local Shelter." Right?

I don’t see what could possibly go wrong with this plan:

Instead of focusing on anti-fur, the porn site will raise awareness of veganism, said Rajt. “We really want to grab people’s attention, get them talking and to question the status quo and ultimately take action, because the best way we can help the greatest number of animals is simply by not eating them.”
…
So how pornographic will PETA go? According to Rajt, it will have enough adult content to qualify for the XXX domain site but also some other graphic images of animals that viewers may not expect to see.

Sure. Titties, titties, titties, CHICKEN WITH ITS BEAK SAWED OFF. Sounds hot. Definitely sounds like an effective way to get people to go vegan — associate animal cruelty with sexual arousal. I see absolutely no potential downsides.

Relationship Advice – Marriage 101

Okay…all the single women gather ’round and I will share with you the vast bounty of my relationship knowledge. I know the key to getting married! And since obviously every female person is desirous of a state sanctioned relationship with a single dude, I am providing this information to you.

I know each of you must have been waiting with bated breath to discover how I caught Mr Kristen and manage to keep him from escaping through the nearest hatch (I’ve determined that relationships have “hatches” rather than doors…sort of like submarines). Well, wait no more!

Step One: Go to your local coffeehouse.
Step Two: Read an interesting book.
Step Three: ????
Step Four: MARRIAGE!!!!

Yup. Now I’ll just wait for the book deal to come rolling in. I think the hatch concept really sells it.

H/T to my mom for sending me yet another surrendered spouse book and reminding me how absurd relationship advice usually is.

P.S. Racialicious is sponsoring some fascinating conversations about interracial relationships that kicked off today. Go read it!

Stop putting bathing suit pictures on Facebook, you trollops.

You are encouraging men to think of you like screwdrivers:

Something I never really wanted to post about, but feel I have to, because I don’t think that young women quite understand the problem.

Yesterday when I logged onto Facebook, I had several pictures of college co-eds in bathing suits, who are friends on Facebook, come up on my feed. In response, I posted the following on Facebook as my status:

“A note to young women on Facebook, from a guy who works with young men struggling with pornography…you might look good in your bathing suit, but if you were able to see yourself through 20 year-old male eyes, which are struggling to see you as a human and not an object, you would never post that pic. Just a thought.”

I’m sure that went over splendidly.

Here, he says, is the science behind the “men view you as an object” thing:

Researchers used brain scans to show that when straight men looked at pictures of women in bikinis, areas of the brain that normally light up in anticipation of using tools, like spanners and screwdrivers, were activated.

Scans of some of the men found that a part of the brain associated with empathy for other people’s emotions and wishes shut down after looking at the pictures.

Susan Fiske, a psychologist at Princeton University in New Jersey, said the changes in brain activity suggest sexy images can shift the way men perceive women, turning them from people to interact with, to objects to act upon.

Or it just means that a lot of straight dudes (and a lot of ladies, including yours truly) get excited about using power tools, and also get excited about women in bikinis. SHOCKING NEWS, I know.

But look, if dudes see women as not-quite-human, what you wear isn’t going to change that. And if it does change it, then dude has a problem. Why do you want to hang out with a guy who sees you as a “full human being” only so long as you’re wearing a loose floor-length skirt and an oversize turtleneck? At some point, if you become romantically involved with that dude, or if it gets hot out, he’s going to see you sans cover-alls. At some point, you may wear an outfit that he disapproves of, and he is definitely the kind of guy who thinks it’s his role to determine what is and isn’t acceptable when it comes to your sartorial choices. It will be very unfortunate when you wear shorts and he takes that as an opportunity to see you as “an object to be used” instead of a person with thoughts and needs.

Also? Objectifying women as a class and throughout advertising, art, film and all visuals and aesthetics — centering the male gaze, making the active “watcher” the man and the being-watched object the woman — is a big problem, and one that feminists are not unfamiliar with. Finding a particular person physically and sexually attractive, though — “objectifying” them insofar as they make your pants feel funny and you’re not necessarily wondering what their favorite hobbies are or what they think about the ongoing debt ceiling negotiations — is normal human behavior. We find other people attractive; sometimes we just like the view (heeeey James Franco). And many of us like to feel attractive, or be perceived as attractive. Many of us just don’t think it’s such a big deal to be in a bathing suit, and if there are 20-year-olds who can’t see a bikini pic on Facebook without eventually falling into a masturbation-induced shame-spiral, they should probably get off the internet because jesus, the internet is basically a tool for immediate delivery of pornography and funny animal videos.

And if there are really that many 20-year-old men who can’t help but see women as the equivalent of screwdrivers and struggle to see them as human beings — and to be clear, I am quite skeptical of the conclusions this author draws from the “science” he cites, but for the purposes of this argument let’s pretend he’s right — that is a big problem in the psychology of those particular 20-year-olds. Perhaps they should address it, rather than insisting that women everywhere adjust to suit their particular needs. I mean, I have a pretty big boner for dudes with beards, talent, women’s studies degrees and cats, but I’m not insisting that Bon Iver never make another record, you know?

Blogs for women are bad for women

But they’re really good for Susannah Breslin, who has gotten her bills paid by ForbesWoman, The Frisky, and The XX Factor (and also Esquire and Playboy, which I’m pretty sure are magazines for men). Also:

Susannah Breslin is an American writer best known for creating the blog The Reverse Cowgirl and for her on-camera reporting for the Playboy TV program Sexcetera. Her writing and television work tends to deal with sexual and pornography-related topics. She has also written for periodicals including ‘Playboy’ and appeared on Politically Incorrect as well as CNN and Fox News. Her published works include “You’re a Bad Man, Aren’t You?”, a book of short stories. Time.com has identified The Reverse Cowgirl as one of the 25 best blogs.

Keep rallying against gender-segregated media, girl.

In the post about how women’s media is the worst, she writes,

If blogs for women existed in the real world, rather than a virtual one, what would they look like? Giant pink bubbles in which women floated through life, peering through the see-through pink walls at the big, bad confusing world out there in which men exist, things are complex, and not everything has to do with whether or not you have a pair of ovaries.

…and that post appears on her blog, which is titled “Pink Slipped.”

She also asks what online gender segregation has done for anyone lately. Putting aside the fact that feminist blogs are not exactly gender segregated and that rallying around a political concept is a little different than being like NO BOYS ALLOWED and catering to a specific set of interests is what a whole lot of media does so I’m not clear on how The Hairpin is way more offensive than Esquire, [COMMA], gender-related media has made Susannah Breslin’s career. And it’s definitely allowed her to be the cool girl in the room who just gets along with guys better than with girls, you know? It’s not like she does it on purpose, it’s just that girls are so annoying and they also weirdly get so jealous of her, and really she’s just more interested in guy things like whiskey and sports (Susannah Breslin, are you pretending to be 23 and writing to advice columnists?). I mean I think the point of this column is, “Boys’ media is so cool, right guys? I am so glad we’re friends you guys. Don’t you hate girls’ media? I SO hate girls’ media. Girls’ media, eew, seriously, it’s basically why I don’t hang out with girls.”

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Shut the f*ck up everyone who is not able to understand that sometimes, there’s nothing more complicated here than Funny Book Is Funny.

Nobody is suggesting that there’s a connection between Adam Mansbach’s book and child abuse or child neglect. Still, there’s no denying the reason “Go the F*** to Sleep” should be kept out of reach of children is because of its violent language and because of the way it demeans children.

Nobody is suggesting it, except for this entire article in which I suggest it.

“Imagine if this were written about Jews, blacks, Muslims or Latinos,” says Dr. David Arredondo. He is an expert on child development and founder of The Children’s Program, in the San Francisco metropolitan area, which provides consultation and training for those working with troubled youths.

Not to be Captain Obvious here, but the book was written about Jews, blacks, Muslims and Latinos — pretty sure there are kids who won’t go the fuck to sleep in all of those groups. Child abuse and neglect is bad (yes, I’m taking all the brave and controversial positions today), but that doesn’t mean that voicing frustration with child-rearing enables or promotes abuse. In fact, it is really insulting to suggest that normal parental frustration or the use of the f-word is in any way akin to abusing or neglecting a kid.

The irony, says Arredondo, is that the people buying the book are probably good parents.

I mean, probably.

Making your name as a Serious Writer by penning article after article about Thing That Everyone Thinks Is Funny: Not Actually Funny is a pretty lucrative journalistic (“journalistic”) endeavor these days (see also: Thing That Everyone Thinks Is Good: Not Actually Good). So I have some pitches for CNN.com (or Slate, maybe?):

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Not Funny, Because Seasonal Affective Disorder.
Funny or Die: Not Funny, Because Death.
Jon Stewart: Not Funny, Because Jew.
I Was Told There’d Be Cake: Not Funny, Because Obesity.
Caddyshack: Not Funny, Because Animal Abuse.
Cats Attacking Babies: Not Funny, Because Cats Attacking Babies.
Jill Filipovic: Not Funny, Because Feminist.

I have so many more, CNN, call me.