Groucho, as Captain Spaulding Spalding:
Hello I must be going.
I came to say
I cannot stay
I must be going.
I’m glad I came
but just the same
I must be going.
Margaret Dumont, as Mrs. Rittenhouse:
For my sake you must stay.
If you should go away
You’ll spoil this party I am throwing.
Spalding:
I’ll stay a month or two.
I’ll stay the summer through.
But I am telling you
I must be going.
But before I do leave, I wanted to give my answers to the interview questions Lauren asked me. Questions in bold, answers not (apologies to Lauren; I gave you my answers in the e-mail, then stupidly didn’t save them, so these might be slightly different from the ones you have):
1. You wake up one morning and realize your penis is gone. What do you miss the most? ( 😉 I had to.)
Hmm…Unfortunately there’s not a lot for me to miss. Girlfriends and I tend not to mix. So I suppose I would miss being able to pee standing up the most.
2. When you were a kid, your favorite book was ____. Why?
I’m cheating a bit, because I can’t single out any one book from the Berenstain Bears books. My parents got me a few of the books when I was very young, and so I read any that I could find. In my elder childhood days, it was probably a book called Class President (I think). It was about a 5th grade Hispanic boy who, through a couple of coincidences and an impressive display of leadership when he stood up to the principal, is elected the president of his class.
3. You can only eat and drink one thing for the rest of your life. What are they? Why?
I would eat well-made fried rice, because that has all the nutrition anyone could ever need, and it tastes incredibly good. Because alcohol tends to dehydrate, and therefore would quickly kill me, I would stick to water. If alcohol suddenly developed magical hydrating qualities, then it would probably be Shiner beer. (Yeah, I’m still in college…meh.)
4. You get to have a sit-down dinner with Dubya and the Mrs. What one topic will you bring up to discuss at length? Why?
This is a tough one, because I want to be able to make a difference if I talk to someone this important. Unfortunately, I almost certain I would only be frustrated by the president and first lady if I tried to discuss something political, and in this case, my disagreements with them about everything from religion to politics to history run very deep. I’m so very hard-headed when I’m convinced of my rightness on any issue that I would at some point or another attempt to hurt the president, or else accuse him of having improper relations with Barbara the elder. That would be…erm…very bad for me. So, I would probably discuss baseball.
5. When did you realize your political self?
My political self first peeked out in the weeks and months following September 11. I became disgusted with all of the faux displays of patriotism, and with the lack of debate on the Patriot Act. After spending a few months being revolted by the flag waving and especially by everyone everywhere singing and saying “God Bless America”, I wrote “God Bless the Afghans” on my backpack. Surprisingly, no one actually tried to kill me. I first took real action last spring and summer, beginning with getting myself elected as an alternate delegate to the Texas Democratic Convention (I later became a full delegate), and then working for the county party and two congressional campaigns. It was during the summer that I realized that I wanted to work in public policy, and so I became a political science major. It’s first major I have kept more than one semester, so I think I’m onto something.
Here is my obligatory final plug for my own blog, which I promise will be updated more frequently, especially after finals in May: Random Liberal
Robert, aka randomliberal