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I know how hard it is to be you

Alley Rat

My blog is called Redfish for no particular reason. I’m a student at the University of Toronto majoring in classics and classical civilization. I love everything about the classics program. In fact, I love it so much that I’m aiming for grad school (fingers crossed!) I’ve just started to visit feministe, but I love the idea of an open blog day. So I had to put in my two cents:

I hate it when people tell me they understand how hard it is to be a black woman. It’s usually people who are otherwise fairly progressive who do this, and it drives me nuts.

Let’s get one thing straight: it isn’t hard to be black. It isn’t hard to be a woman.

What can be hard is the way people in this society treat me because I’m a black woman.

It seems like such a small distinction. Most people I’ve explained this to dismiss it with “it’s really not that big of a deal.” But you know what? It kinda is.

I don’t experience racism because I’m black. I experience it because some people are racists. Likewise, people don’t make sexist remarks to me because I’m a woman; they do it because they’re sexist. True, racism and sexism wouldn’t impact me in the same way if I wasn’t a black woman, but my being a black woman isn’t the problem. Racism and sexism are the problems.

This is just as true when it comes to the more invisible, systemic forms of oppression. The discrimination existing in society today is not intrinsically connected to the identities of groups being oppressed.

I know that it can be hard to acknowledge that the lives of women or black people can be incredibly, horribly difficult because of oppression without saying that it’s hard to be black or that it’s hard to be a woman. I don’t, actually, mind it when people use that shortcut–as long as they recognize that it is a shortcut.

I had this argument for the first time in high school. I wish I could say that it’s only teenagers who just. don’t. get it.

Being myself isn’t hard.

It’s the way some people react to my self that makes my life difficult.

Enyo Harlley
enyo_harlley@yahoo.ca

6 thoughts on I know how hard it is to be you

  1. Hello Enyo,

    Your post reminded me of my first prolonged contact with black women as a young college rookie in 1974. Coming from a small Minneosta town and an even smaller Michigan town before that, I had rarely met anyone who wasn’t white. A friend finally sat me down and said, “Your problem is that you look at me as if I was exactly the same as you.”

    I agreed. Of course! I’m supposed to treat you as if you weren’t any different from a white person. That’s being anti-racist! Thank heaven this amazing woman had the patience to educate my ignorant white assf! Your post bring back good memories!

    BTW, I adore Toronto. Hope you enjoy living there!

    Ravenmn

  2. Thanks, Ravenmn.

    I love Toronto–it’s my hometown, and so far I’ve never been to a place I’d rather live.

    I’m glad my post brought back good memories for you. It’s important for people to speak up and educate others, especially friends. It seems unreasonable to me to expect people to undertand racism (or any other form of oppression) if they haven’t ever experienced it or heard about other people’s experiences.

    It’s unfortunate that so many people suffering under discrimination of all forms, but perhaps especially racism, lack the sense of entitlement it sometimes takes to fight oppression. In high school, if I felt a teacher or a member of the admin was being unfair to me, I would speak up right away. I knew my rights, I believed in my rights, and I knew that if it came down to it, my parents would back me up. A lot of other students didn’t have that sure belief that if they did the right thing, everything would eventually turn out in their favour because they had justice on their side.

    I realize that pretty much none of this had anything to do with your comment, but…it just jumped out of my head. And it’s sort of relevant…

  3. “I don’t experience racism because I’m black. I experience it because some people are racists. Likewise, people don’t make sexist remarks to me because I’m a woman; they do it because they’re sexist. True, racism and sexism wouldn’t impact me in the same way if I wasn’t a black woman, but my being a black woman isn’t the problem. Racism and sexism are the problems.”

    Perfectly expressed. Thank you.

  4. “I don’t experience racism because I’m black. I experience it because some people are racists. Likewise, people don’t make sexist remarks to me because I’m a woman; they do it because they’re sexist. True, racism and sexism wouldn’t impact me in the same way if I wasn’t a black woman, but my being a black woman isn’t the problem. Racism and sexism are the problems.”

    Like wix says, that’s so nicely expressed, and so true for many other social problems that somehow get pinned on the people they affect rather than the people responsible.(ie rape and homophobia…)

    thanks for the essay.

  5. Yup: I’ve had people tell me I should tone things down, because I’m “intimidating.” Ummm, just because you’re intimidated doesn’t mean I’m intimidating.

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