This is what happened when Tamara Nopper got on a plane recently:
Shortly after sitting down, an older white man sat in the seat next to mine. He then proceeded to spread his legs wide open as if, to quote a wise person I know, “he thought he had balls the size of pumpkins.” In response to the uninvited pressing, I requested room for my legs. The man then proceeded to imperiously point his finger to the floor to emphasize that his feet were within the boundary of his seats. He never addressed the fact that his legs were spread beyond them so as to invade my space and press up against my body. Instead, he said to me, “You’re a big girl.” Talking on my cell phone, I interrupted my conversation to calmly tell the man “Don’t fucking talk to me that way.”
With his right hand, the man reached across himself to grab my left arm. With my arm in his grip, he looked me in the eyes through his glasses and replied, “I’m going to slap you in your mouth.” I freed myself from him and then stood up.
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
I had a hard thinking of what I could possibly title this post. Headlines like
Southwest Airlines to passengers: “Help us sweep racist, sexist harassment back under the carpet!” (or else we’ll throw you off the plane)
occurred to me, or maybe
“How dare you cuss at that nice white man?!” Three easy steps for turning a victim into the accused, especially if she says “fucking”
or how about
“What’s this world coming to when even the little china-dolls starting acting like loud, ‘violent’ Black women?!” A racist’s guide to pissed-off people of color who refuse to just shut up and take it
Honestly, I can’t add that much to Nopper’s impassioned and detailed excoriation of the situation and its cast of helpful “settle down now” white folks. A lot of people would be shocked and upset by the events that I quoted at the top of this post. But most of Nopper’s story focuses on the assholes that came along afterwards: the Southwest Airlines employees and the helpful “civil rights attorney” who was eager to explain that everything was really all right. I can understand why.
The knee-jerk reaction of far too many people in these situations is to blame the victim of harassment for “making such a big deal out of it.” Heck, I’m sure if we wait around someone will show up in the comments on this post, claiming that the whole thing was no big deal. Unfortunately, that’s exactly why it is a big deal. It wouldn’t have been as big of a deal if the creepy, racist asshole was rebuked, led off the plane, or had charges pressed against him at the end of the flight. That’s what should have happened. It wouldn’t have been as big of a deal if any of these people had actually listened to and sympathized with Nopper against a racist, sexist violation of her person, instead of feeling threatened by her. And certainly, the outcome would have been very different if a white woman had been grabbed threateningly by a black man — or God forbid, an Arab man.
In fact, I have a feeling the scene would have gone differently if a man were complaining about a woman invading his space and threatening him — such a woman would probably be treated like a lunatic, instead of the usual expectation of Yet Another Privileged Old Boy. And in fact, when confronted with two women acting obnoxious, allegedly yelling and acting threatening, a Southwest Airlines crew had them arrested upon landing. Maybe that was just because the disruption was too big to cover up? Oh wait, and Southwest Airlines also kicked a woman off a flight because they thought her miniskirt was too short, then tried to clean up the PR debacle with a joke about offering “mini” fares. But I guess telling the woman next to you that she’s a “big girl” and then grabbing her and threatening her with a slap is just fine, huh?
Good job defending and covering up the entitlement of old white guys, Southwest Airlines.