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The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain. And, uh, support for Mike Huckabee

Jill

I’m with Ezra (and Andrew?) — this may be the greatest political ad of all time:

Pam has more. Apparently Chuck Norris is a raging conservative (shocking, I know).

Maybe if Huckabee gets elected, schools will finally have science textbooks that clearly state that there is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

(Also, I’m pretty sure Chuck Norris jokes lost Teh Funny a few years back. But I still love this ad).

23 thoughts on The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain. And, uh, support for Mike Huckabee

  1. I’m happy that Mike Huckabee got the prestigious Chuck Norris vote. It’s good to see Republicans are reaching out to martial arts movie enthusiasts.

    this may be the greatest political ad of all time

    Better than the Hillary 1984 ad? I beg to differ.Whether you are a Hillary supporter or not: the ad was well-conceived and generated instant buzz.

  3. Seriously, have you seen the real Chuck Norris’s own response to Chuck Norris Facts? It’s knuckle-gnawingly awful. I would quote from it here, but it needs to be read in its entirety. Well, okay, here’s one bit:

    “Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries. Ever.”

    There was a man whose tears could cure cancer or any other disease, including the real cause of all diseases – sin. His blood did. His name was Jesus, not Chuck Norris.

  4. Wow. If I had no political thoughts, I would totally buy this ad hook, line, and sinker. Pretty awesome.

  5. Feministe readers who are currently around, anyone care to help me out a bit? I’m a terrible debater, but there’s a discussion brewing elsewhere that I’m getting sucked into, and the premise is this:

    Guy 1: I was in a locker room and there were guys with shaved chests and legs! What has happened to manhood? Woe!
    Woman 1: Welllll, is manhood losing its meaning since we no longer have hunter-gatherer roles?
    Guy 2: “It’s all part of the feminist movement. It’s a shame, because the whole movement is intent on placing value on the sexes rather than celebrating their differences and their different roles in society/relationships. As a result, everybody has moved to the center, and now the ideal is some sort of amorphous, non-commital androgenous character with no substance.”

    What do I say to this? I’m a terrible debater (regular readers will note that I provide mostly light snark in comments) and I don’t even know where to start.

  6. (Should we be answering that here or discussing it somewhere else?) I think the main point I’d make is that feminism doesn’t mean that there are no “different roles” in society, it just means you’re not forced to play one role or the other depending on the shape of your genitalia.

  7. “It’s all part of the feminist movement. It’s a shame, because the whole movement is intent on placing value on the sexes rather than celebrating their differences and their different roles in society/relationships.”

    Em, I wrote on the Progressive Blog Alliance how it was (to my knowledge) all men posting. I said that it would be nice to have more women on the blog. Nick Lewis took exception with my specifying gender. I responded that it’s hard to express the desire to have more women bloggers on PBA without specifying gender. Feminist can me classified as a woman or man supporting equality amongst the sexes.

    I wasn’t wading into the Kevin Drum “where are the women bloggers debate. The PBA had Lindsey Beyerstein and Roxanne Cooper and many other women/feminists has members. I was simply pointing out that the PBA group blog should have more female voices. I have two women, a former Green Party member/Red Sox fan and a comic strip writer on my blog. My desire is for different progressive voices to be heard. It makes things more interesting.

    As for guys shaving themselves: I don’t get that. Not that there is anything wrong with it.

  8. Which feminists demanded that men start shaving their chests? Was that in one of Friedan’s books?

    As far as the ad, I think it’s pretty tired, actually. But what else are you going to do with a Chuck Norris endorsement? This is all code for “Huck will send us in his time machine back to the wonderful world of the 1950s, only with more guns. Yay!”

  9. I don’t know Mamanel, I know it’s off-topic, I just figured that someone would throw something out there to give me a start, and you did, so thanks.

  11. But Bruce Lee kicked Chuck Norris’ ass in one movie! Should I not then follow the political pronouncements of the ass-kicker’s heir (Shannon Lee) than the ass-kickee?

    Two strikes against her as far as Huckabee’s concerned:

    1. She’s female. Huck wants a “real man”.

    2. She’s part Asian….Huck wants a “real American”.

    /snk over

  12. Chuck Norris is an asshole. His columns make me seriously ill.

    Em:
    Guy 2: “It’s all part of the feminist movement. It’s a shame, because the whole movement is intent on placing value on the sexes rather than celebrating their differences and their different roles in society/relationships. As a result, everybody has moved to the center, and now the ideal is some sort of amorphous, non-commital androgenous character with no substance.”

    This person does not understand feminism or how binaries work. Not all women are the same and not all men are the same, and when we refuse to consider individual differences (for example, thinking stupid things like the sexes are different and thus have justified different roles in society), we oppress anyone who isn’t wholly “feminine” or “masculine.” Which, by the way, is almost everyone.

  13. Oh look, Mike Huckabee just discovered the Internet! Isn’t that adorable? If he runs again in 2012, can we expect a series of lolHuckabees adds? “I’m in ur executive branch, pwning ur right to choose!”

  16. Chuck Norris Facts were completely ruined the second the real Chuck Norris a) found out and b) turned out to be a psycho fundie Dominionist.

    “Guy 1: I was in a locker room and there were guys with shaved chests and legs! What has happened to manhood? Woe!”

    Dude knows that the aesthetics of human appearance have and will continue to change drastically throughout the course of human existence, right? And that there’s no really universal concept of male beauty, let alone one that requires as much he-man body hair as possible? I mean, seriously, even the chest-beating war-mongering mores-of-society-past-bemoaning Romans thought it was just good hygiene for guys to shave their pits.

    Not to mention that a fair number of gym-hitting guys like shaving because it shows their muscles to better advantage, so it’s not even a given that this is actually a case of woe unto manhood.

    “Guy 2: “It’s all part of the feminist movement. It’s a shame, because the whole movement is intent on placing value on the sexes rather than celebrating their differences and their different roles in society/relationships. As a result, everybody has moved to the center, and now the ideal is some sort of amorphous, non-commital androgenous character with no substance.””

    That doesn’t even make any sense. Feminism is intent on placing value on the sexes? Does he mean equal value? Otherwise it sounds like it’s just a different wording for his own take on things, with men and women being Different with a capital D. It also doesn’t seem to have occurred to him that a guy shaving his legs hardly qualifies as androgynous unless you buy into an ideal in which manhood is defined primarily by the prominence of gender markers, with the guy who looks most like a cross between a Tom of Finland sketch and a silverback winning the Dude Prize. And even if you roll with the patriarchy, that’s a crap way of defining manhood unless that’s literally the only card you’ve got to play.

  17. Chuck Norris jokes are FAR better then the real Chuck Norris. The real Chuck Norris is a douche and we can ignore him.

    Because really, i’m sorry, but Walker Texas Ranger (or as I call it, Touched By A Ranger. I had a roommate that watched WTR and Touched by an Angel every day. I started combining the two and just call them both Touched by a Ranger. I think it’s far wittier then both shows ever would be) sucked a lot.

    He might have a list of jokes, but he got pwnd in The Ultiment Showdown! Mr. Rogers won that one!

    (I hopwe this doesn’t double post. It messed up when I tried before!)

  18. *dies*

    That really is the greatest political ad ever. Stephen Colbert himself couldn’t have done better.

  19. “I’m in ur executive branch, pwning ur right to choose!”

    TG, I’m having a tough day. That made me smile. Thanks!

  21. My son had to explain the Chuck Norris jokes to me (I am very very old) but once I got the background this ad is indeed hysterical. It also kind of shows that Huck isn’t a very serious candidate; someone who thought they had a prayer would never take a risk like this.

  22. Another “macho” man is endorsing Huckabee: Ric Flair. Huckabee is the scariest of all the candidates thus far. I hope that he doesn’t become president, or else, the government will pwn the lives of every traditionally beleaguered group.

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