In defense of the sanctimonious women's studies set || First feminist blog on the internet

a world of spheres

Guest: A.H.M.K.

Imagine a slightly deflated balloon.  Squeezing the air around can be entertaining for a little while, but eventually hands become tired, and the mind starts looking for something else to do.
You have to squeeze one side of the balloon to fill the other side.  Then, to correct, you squeeze the inflated side giving air to the wrinkled side.
Partially participating in many worlds, but unable to find wholeness in any one world is where I’m struggling.  I want to breathe the air of all sides.  Each world is nourishing, but individually, each world is suffocating.
Many times the worlds don’t fit together in daily life.
Sometimes the grass is always greener even when I’ve just arrived from the other side.
My mental is tired.

I can understand why some people think Americans aren’t connected to what’s important.
I can understand why Americans are seen as materialistic, immoral, and petty.
I can understand why Americans are thought to be loud and obnoxious.

I also find some comfort and Identity in those things that shape the American stereotype.
At the same time, I’m completely ashamed to tell people where I grew up.

In the same breath, I want:
to wear whatever I want without harassment,
roll around naked and shameless in my sexuality,
be loud and obnoxious in a café.

I want for all my worlds to remain intact at all times.  I fear that one may permanently shrivel if I give another world air for too long.

cross posted at Texas and Egypt

4 thoughts on a world of spheres

  1. Finding peace and balance within one’s self is difficult, especially with the dynamics of various cultures within- yet awareness of same must be a good first step. I think many people strive for it, yet feel the pulls of their upbringing, both positive and negative, pulling them back and forth as you describe.

    Your balloon analogy is very good, actually. It makes sense. Consider this- if the balloon were completely full of one scenario or the other, trying to flex it would cause it to burst- but because there is space for change, the balloon is able to adapt. It’s still intact- maybe your journey will be figuring out which of both worlds you wish to retain within yourself and dumping the rest.

    Neither world is perfect- you are in the unique position of being able to value from both sides those things that should be valued, and reveal the differences to each. At the same time, you can point out those things that are damaging or negative- perhaps awareness can change them to a degree.

    BTW: I like your writings very much; you make me THINK. The most ashamed I ever have felt as an American on a personal rather than global level was a few years ago, while travelling in the Caribbean. Rather than respect the people of the area (whome I considered our hosts), fellow travellers littered as if they were back in the good old USA- the unnecessary rudeness of it and lack of concern for the safety of others made me want to SCREAM. Until then, I never fully understood how unnecessarily stupid and thoughtless some Americans are and why we’re so hated- but I do now.

  2. I kind of know what you mean, I think, about understanding why people think Americans suck, and I mean sometimes I think we suck for the same reasons, but at the same time I am by nature a loud & obnoxious person and I don’t know that that’s going to change.

  3. I can understand why some people think Americans aren’t connected to what’s important.

    I can understand why Americans are seen as materialistic, immoral, and petty.
    I can understand why Americans are thought to be loud and obnoxious.

    A.H.M.K.,

    I can relate to the three points you made above. This is often underscored when I have conversations with Chinese from overseas or older generation immigrants and they are surprised that we have some common ground regarding those three points even though I am American-born and am in a much younger generation.

    I’ve also felt this way whenever I’ve passed loud obnoxious drunken college students on university campuses while visiting friends, temper-tandrum throwing American tourists while travelling abroad, or when some co-workers accused me of being “cheap” for doggie-bagging restaurant meals/not buying the latest “must have” item. One funny thing about the last group is that they have the chutzpah to then constantly whine about their being deeply mired in debt.

    However, as I’ve also had the opportunity to closely observe life in the Chinese cultural context, I would find that sometimes those three points could also be applied to many Chinese, or many other nationalities I’ve encountered if one looks closely.
    The only difference I’ve found from my admittedly limited experience is that the frequency and the severity of those exhibited three points tends to be greater among Americans. I surmise this has had to do with the longstanding American political and economic dominance in international affairs giving many a feeling of perceived superiority over the indigenous inhabitants of the country being “toured”.

    Personally, I try to take the best from both my Chinese and American cultural identities and modulate them depending on the situation and context much like your balloon analogy. Sometimes, this is nearly effortless….other times it can be a painful ordeal.

  4. i appreciate the feedback. Louise, i like what you said about the balloon being able to change and adapt because it’s not fully inflated. I think change and revision is always nessesary. contorting in spaces to arrive to new places expands experience for sure.

    exholt, im appreciating your input as well. it’s encouraging to see such strong connections between chinese-american and arab-american experience.

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