In defense of the sanctimonious women's studies set || First feminist blog on the internet

What Feminists Do In Their Free Time

Lauren

For whatever reason I’ve taken it upon myself to watch the entirety of “The Sopranos” this month, and tonight my goal is to finish up Season Five. Yes, I know what’s coming. My beloved Adriana is getting wacked, and even though Carmella was finally getting some she’s getting back together with fucking Tony. Damn. I have tons more to say about the series but I’m saving it until the whole thing finishes up on June 11th.

In the meantime, a little story and a littler complaint:

The subject of my tube-watching goal came up at Chef’s workplace the other night, and Chef reports that some of his coworkers were shocked. A feminist?! Watching The Sopranos?! And the kicker, She loves gangster movies??!

Why, yes. Yes, I do.

Which leads me to question what the hell people think feminists do, exactly, in their free time. Chant the lyrics to Meredith Brooks songs while dancing pantless over a runway of mirrors? By moonlight? Trade baby-cookin’ recipes, and then argue over why we always find ourselves in the kitchen? Discuss about Very Serious Things approved by Gloria Steinem, our glorious leader, with pen and paper in hand, brows knitted in Very Serious Concern? Get together (angrily) and glitter paint anti-man protest placards?

I don’t even know.

UPDATE: What the cool feminists are doing tonight: Radical Hot-Off — Bel Biv Devoe or NKOTB?

87 thoughts on What Feminists Do In Their Free Time

  1. Personally, I watch a lot of Heroes. Claire is, singlehandedly, about ten times more awesome than all the guys on that show.

  2. Get together (angrily) and glitter paint anti-man protest placards?

    See, that actually sounds like fun. I love glitter paint! Is there any man-hating we could do with a bedazzler?

  3. Play video games. And watch a lot of sci-fi and cartoons. And play video games. And occasionally read some Terry Pratchett. And play video games.

  7. Duaphine- I love Heroes and how cool was it when Claire freaked out the guy who tried to rape her by coming back from the dead? She is Teh Awsomest.

    My kid (12 year old boy) and I are also addicted to So You Think You Can Dance? I like the hip hop and the latin dances, but if I have to suffer through too many more hair swishing, rolling on the floor, overly earnest lyrical routines I may cry.

    I think we should bdazzel some man-hating jean jackets and start a gang.

  8. I don’t think it has anything to do with “what feminists do” as much as what you are thinking as you are watching these episodes and why you watch them? It must have more to do with just the entertainment value. Is it about power and how feminists create and use it? Or do you watch these shows to get ideas on how to control people and situations?

    I personally loved all the “Godfather” movies. I was fasinated by the whole hierarchy of the mobs and their lack of trust in ANYBODY!

  11. I think we should bdazzel some man-hating jean jackets and start a gang.

    I’m sure that my sanctimonious women’s studies set shirt would look *fabulous* with little pink rhinestone hearts over the i’s.

  12. Oh, my goodness. I actually think that the “sanctimonious women’s studies set” t-shirts do need to use some glitter paint and rhinestones. And loopy cursive!

  13. Gawd, a friend of mine had some idiot in her grad program tell her she was hypocritical to call herself a feminist because she liked to knit and cook. This is the same guy who came up to her one day and said, “So, explain this ‘feminism’ thing to me.” I told her about the feminism 101 blog, so she could send him there the next time he bothers her.

    Yeah, I love heroes, but I missed the last 5 episodes due to work so I have to wait till the first season comes out on DVD to find out how it ends. Please don’t spoil! (Though I understand I’m late to the party, so I won’t blame you if you do.)

  15. We lurk around on the internet, take photographs, spend hours in the darkroom, go to work, go sailing, read books, practice guitar, spend time with friends, travel… gosh we even have sex sometimes, too.

  16. Read blogs, read specfic, take naps, avoid homework, and try to make pouches n’ shit out of medium leather.

    Speaking of, does the bedazzler go through medium leather? It looks a little flimsy …

  18. Duaphine- I love Heroes and how cool was it when Claire freaked out the guy who tried to rape her by coming back from the dead? She is Teh Awsomest.

    It might sound bloodthirsty, but when she went driving with her attempted rapist and drove them right into a wall, that pretty much cemented my love for her. She’s amazing.

  20. Which leads me to question what the hell people think feminists do, exactly, in their free time.

    Personally? I get high on juicing LOLkitties.

  21. I thought we were supposed to be raising a humorless, hairy-legged army. We can be-dazzle our camos.

  22. We can be-dazzle our camos.

    I initially read this we “We can be-dazzle our canoes.” Which sounds way more fun.

  23. I initially read this we “We can be-dazzle our canoes.”

    I’ve been wanting to turn my car into an art car by covering it in rhinestones. If only I had a hairy-legged army to wield the glue guns.

  24. That sounds quite possible, Frumious B. I know of a car that was entirely covered with seashells, but I don’t think it lasted long.

    I just spent a few minutes on I Can Has Cheezburger and no doubt bolstered the patriarchy by doing so.

  25. I love the sopranos. It allowed me to grow personally and understand “society” in ways I never thought possible. I was going through a hard time when I watched the entire series and it really felt like therapy. I am so glad another feminist likes this show!

  26. i will totally join your hairy legged glue gun rhinestone car army. just the description alone makes me feel like ive found my real true life calling.

    i watch re-runs of gilmore girls and i watch ugly betty and i listen to old punk rock and i read comics and zines and lots of sociology books and biographies. i also dance around my living room to old petula clark records and i encourage my shi tzu to growl and try to kill his toys. besides that i take alot of naps.

    right now im watching a sonic youth dvd.

  27. Tonight I am rubbing my precious menstrual blood on my chakras. Tomorrow: topple patriarchy. And any other Archies that get in the way, yo.

  28. I love the bedazzler. I’ve been thinking of getting one, in fact. I would look *fantastic* in a bedazzled feminist shirt.
    Free time is slim in my house, but I do enjoy reading, listening to music and dancing in my kitchen. Also, baking…. I love to bake. I hate to cook dinner, but I adore baking yummy things. I could always find time to join the hairy legged army though, that sounds like fun.

  29. As a male feminist, I schedule a weekly symbolic self-castration ceremony, which I usually conduct between 9:40-10:15PM, unless Shear Genius is on, in which case I postpone.

  31. I love the Sopranos— and although I don’t think it’s a feminist show per se, I do think it offers a stunning critique of masculinity (and I blogged about it and got criticized of course by a bunch of men who were freaked out by the idea that their favorite show might not just exist for their entertainment). So Lauren, tell your co-workers that even though some viewers watch it for the “action,” Sops is actually one big fat ugly indictment of our empty, violent culture.

  33. Can men be feminists for the purposes of this thread? I play a lot of video games, read a lot of blogs, and baby sit for friends a lot (it’s like being a grandparent without the money but with one’s youth).

  35. Actually, right now I’m a little depressive (going to get meds on Thursday — yay!) so I haven’t been doing the things I enjoy, like watching Food Network. Hopefully I’ll start again once the Wellbutrin kick-starts my brain chemicals.

    I love horror movies. Preferably classics, but the American version of The Ring scared the ever-livin’ crap out of me.

    Oh, and knitting. I’m obsessed with knitting since I finally learned how. I mock you be-dazzlers and your puny projects! Ha!

  36. I can’t stand the Sopranos, but to each her own 🙂

    I on the other hand knit and drink hot cocoa while watching repeats of Sex and the City episodes or my favorite romantic movie “Circle of Friends”. Or I watch HGTV and fantasize about owning a home one day and decorating it.

  37. all the male feminist-allies (i find that’s the best angle to take, NBarnes) that i know spend their spare time lurking at Feminism 101, reciting passages to each other from the writings of Mary Daly, discussing the films of Lili Taylor, writing letters to ourselves with our opposing hands from our Animas, drinking fenugreek herb tea, going for naked full moon walks on Mount Tamalpais, and listening to “Mehn’s Music” CDs mailordered from the Ladyslipper Catalog. oh, and knitting. in earth tones.

    [i used to work at a goddess worship/ecofeminist bookstore and got slapped with an “honorary lesbian” bumper sticker by a co-worker, so i have a license to make jokes. but if anyone was offended, send me an email and we can process.]

  39. Video games, reading, Not Writing The Goddamn Story I Nevertheless Can’t Get Out Of My Head, refereeing feline sibling abuse, abusing poor confused men who come in late to very long threads about rape and asking “Why should men be the ones to do all the work to stop rape,” not putting my books away, reading smut purely for research purposes really (I think I have all the Best Lesbian Erotica for this century on my nightstand right now), avoiding housework, feeling vaguely guilty about not playing World of Warcraft…

    Shit, I had no idea I was this busy!

  40. Come on. The Sopranos has awesome female characters! Livia, who tried to have her son whacked, Janice, who stole Irina’s leg, Irina, who’s just all kinds of awesome, Adriana, who threw up all over the FBI, Dr. Melfi, Rosalie, the list goes on. Even Meadow.

    Plus, I recognize a lot of the locations from my childhood, so that’s cool.

  42. I give offerings to the shrines in my room–Jane Fonda and Hillary Clinton. Because I hate babies and our troops and stuff. I take naps on my mattress stuffed with dead fetuses.

    Actually I go outside and read, mostly. Or watch episodes of L&O: SVU.

  43. Flea- abortion parties are the first Tuesday of the month and are potluck. I’ve gotten the best baby recipes at them, really.

    And Moira- thanks for abusing the confused boy in that thread. It takes a much stronger shit deflector than I have to read all of his crap.

    I feel so out of The Sopranos loop.

  44. LOLcats/ I Can Has Cheezburger are very feminist! Finally, mainstream society realizes that crazy cat ladies are not so crazy– the cats are the crazy ones.

  45. If you enjoy The Sopranos you should check out the new anthology edited by Merri Lisa Johnson, Jane Puts It in A Box. It’s third wave television criticism and her contribution to the anthology is on The Sopranos. (She’s the editor of Jane Sexes It Up.)

  46. i I schedule a weekly symbolic self-castration ceremony, which I usually conduct between 9:40-10:15PM, unless Shear Genius is on, in which case I postpone.

    Until What Not To Wear is over, I presume.

  48. Sniper – are you talking about the aquamarine Jeep Cherokee that lived in Pittsburgh covered in seashells? Because I used to live NOT TWO BLOCKS AWAY from that automotive work of art.

  49. I’m afraid not, soupcann314, although that sounds interesting. This was a big four-door American car (I’m lousy with names) that had been covered with tar and then the seashells. This was in White Rock, British Columbia and I used to see the car in different places, but never witnessed any actual driving.

    White Rock is at least right on the coast, so the shell them kind of made sense. A shell Jeep in PIttsburgh? That’s just art for the sake of art.

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  51. I like to drink beer.

    I also like watching and participating in theatre, playreadings and such. And photography. Mostly of myself because I’m such a goddess, and when I do nudes it’s not for the titilation of some dude out there but an expression of female strength. And it’s very empowerful 🙂

  53. *snicker* I love the Sopranos (bet that’s a big surprise). Anyway, it’s not about the Cosa Nostra; it’s just using that as a foil—it’s not exactly a state secret that David Chase based the series on his dysfunctional family-of-origin (especially Livia).

    Aaannnd, you don’t have to be Italian-American to appreciate the show, but it sure does help. The name itself, for example—“the Sopranos”. Chase is singing like a canary throughout the whole series, breaking the silence (or should I say omerta) on the family (as opposed to “the Family”).

    Also, there’s a lot that could be said about the Godfather w/r/t feminism; Mario Puzo based the Don on a composite of women in his family. (And a good comparison can be made between Michael Corleone’s slipping to the dark side and joining the Family business—something he originally fought against—and Mario Puzo’s writing on the Mafia, but that’s a whole ‘nother conversation, too).

    It warms my heart to watch the credits and see all the Italian names—not just of actors, but the rest of the crew.

  54. I Netflixed the first four seasons of The Sopranos after my twins were born, and I was stuck at home as they worked their way through the so-called “fourth trimester.” Since the fourth trimester involves a lot of screaming about the injustice of being expelled from the womb before they were actually ready to leave, I credit The Sopranos with saving my sanity in the face of first-time twin-mothering. All those things I thought about doing my babies to stop the screaming, I could just sit back and watch Tony do to with 10 times more style than I could have every managed.

  55. Well as a bisexual feminist I spend most of my free time alternating between going postal on the evils teh manz who want me to make out with a girl for them, while *at the same time* willfully breaking the heart of every lesbian I encounter by leaving them for teh manz.

    In reality, I watch a lot of Scrubs on DVD (on season 3), garden, play old school SNES, make excuses not to clean the messy office, and play dominos. Mock not my dominos, my girlfriend and I bought a set at Big Lots and now we are completely addicted.

  56. all the male feminist-allies (i find that’s the best angle to take, NBarnes) that i know spend their spare time lurking at Feminism 101, reciting passages to each other from the writings of Mary Daly, discussing the films of Lili Taylor, writing letters to ourselves with our opposing hands from our Animas, drinking fenugreek herb tea, going for naked full moon walks on Mount Tamalpais, and listening to “Mehn’s Music” CDs mailordered from the Ladyslipper Catalog. oh, and knitting. in earth tones.

    And you call yourself an ally?!

    There are two weeks of laundry to fold, Mr., and a load in the washed that needs dried; the babies need changed and put to bed, the kitchen needs cleaned and the night bottles need made and all the toys need put away; put the garbage out without being asked because it would be nice it there were just ONE THING she didn’t have to think about. Don’t make her nag you to get this shit done — what, your job is more important just because you get paid more? You’ve got the privilege to get tracked into the more remunerative jobs and you thing that makes you LESS responsible to keep the house running?! That woman is god damned tired from making a living, raising a family and putting up with your shit with the patriarchy on her back. Now get off your ass, get her some iced tea and turn the television to “Take-Home Chef.”

  57. Fibbers! Not one of you mentioned the boiling cauldron, etc. Hah! We know the truth. Why will you not admit that each an everyone of you have a voodoo doll of our Dear Leader with which you spend hours a day?

    I, for one, am just not buying. With all of your ‘destruction of Democracy’ work and sharpening you castration knives and other insidious deviant activities you surely don’t have time to watch Sopranos. If it wasn’t for feminist machinations the Rapture would have already happened. Cooking, hah! We know you exist solely on bile and baby blood.

  58. I enjoy reading blogs when I should be working, napping, reading books I hear about on blogs, pretending I can play the guitar, doing yoga, watching lots of West Wing and X-Files, baking delicious desserts, but I mostly enjoy sneakily getting my boyfriend to think it was his idea that he borrow my bell hooks books. I wonder how she would feel about me bedazzling her book jackets once he’s done with them?

  60. I make foam-padded swords. I guess that could be a symbol of “subverting the patriarchy’s fetishistic violence paradigm”, or something. Couldn’t it? Please don’t take away my feminist card!

  61. Well, lemme see . . .

    Drawing, painting, writing pornographic Pirates of the Caribbean fanfiction, reading, driving, acting in a weekly production in which I pretend to be a devout Christian (known as “my parents dragging me to church”) while either mentally changing the words in the hymns to praise the Goddess or brainstorming for my next piece of pornographic Pirates of the Caribbean fanfiction.

    Also, I am at present cursing my showerhead, as it suddenly and inexplicably refuses to let its massage-jet motor be disrupted to send out a single, stable jet of water that I can masturbate with.

  62. My only real free time is Friday nights, which I typically spend at my gay boyfriend’s weekly bash, drinking while my husband plays pool. I alarm some fellow revelers with my armpit hair and try to stay out of debates with drunk biologists about whether or not men really are biologically incapable of behaving well. Drunk biologists are not effective debators, but they get pissed easily.

  63. June 1st, 2007 at 10:27 am
    And you call yourself an ally?!

    There are two weeks of laundry to fold…

    oh…i meant after i did all that stuff. but i didn’t mention it because i didn’t expect to be congratulated for it. 😉

  64. i never got into the sopranoes, but am all about the jack bauer pauer hauer. i used to feel slightly guilty about my 24 obsession, as it obviously feeds on terrorist hysteria and showcases a man shooting lots and lots of people. i still can’t really rationalize it, but i’ve mostly stopped trying.

    also, i read, and blog, and write. and play roller derby. and spend a lot of time walking my ginormous dog. and occassionally make a zine.

  65. read blogs
    read books
    watch TV (BSG when it was on, Heroes, Mythbusters, Deadliest Catch now that the Gilmore Girls is over, pretty much anything on the Food Network)
    go to the movies
    volunteer at the local art events
    slowly rot Western Civilzation from the inside out by having a job and not marrying my sex partner
    play with the dog
    cook

  66. You know what freaked me out? I had a male roommate for awhile and I was renting Entourage, Rescue Me (though I am pretty well sick of that show now), 24 (ditto) and stuff like that, and he said I watch a lot of misogynistic television.

    And I was all, “omfg, I do. Shit.” Then I started bemoaning the losses of new quality female-emphasizing television shows.

    I love Heroes, but THEY NEED MORE MAIN CHARACTER CHICKS THAT ARE NOT BLONDE THANK YOU.

  67. Good luck with it, Mnemosyne! I hope the fog lifts soon.

    Thanks, Betsy! It’s not too bad now, but I’m trying to get out ahead of it before it gets bad and starts really interfering with everyday life.

    Triggered by my multiple trips to the dentist (with more to come). How lame is that?

  68. Kyra

    Oh man, I love pornographic Pirates of the Caribbean fanfiction! Care to share some links?

  69. By the way, Lauren’s a liar. We all know she really spends her free time making up good fart jokes.

    Personally, I am overly fond of making castrating remarks about men, having an orgy in the bathroom of the bar, and then slipping into the back alley for my abortion. (If the bar is good, I can accomplish all this well before last call.) Then I go back inside for another shot of whiskey.

    It’s a tough, tough life.

  70. And occasionally read some Terry Pratchett.

    Me too! We need a feminist discussion thread somewhere on Terry Pratchett. I want to be Granny Weatherwax when I grow up.

    Oh, and in the rest of my spare time I eat babies and dress up my cats in cute costumes.

  71. Hmmm…

    Okay apologies for this but… what is a bedazzler?

    Is it like this thing my cousin got for her 6th birthday, which is a big clunky contraption with a dome over the top- you put glitter in the bottom, cover your glittery-to-be item in glue and wack it in the dome, turn it on and….

    PRESTO!

    a big gluey sticky glittery mess and, if you’re a fool like me and lifted the lid with it still on, enough glitter in your eyes, hair, carpet and cats that you’ll be picking bits of it off of yourself after a month.

    Last time I got drunk I was soooo tempted to just turn it on with the lid off in the room and dance around it getting all glittery…

    Ahem…
    Okay I go away now.

  72. Hey all- I know this isn’t the right thread for this-but I just started a livejournal for support for the victim of the De Anza gang rape. Here is the link:

    http://de-anza-support.livejournal.com/

    I don’t know that she’ll ever read it, but I feel the need to put something out there that is support for her.

    Carry on!!!!

  73. Why will you not admit that each an everyone of you have a voodoo doll of our Dear Leader with which you spend hours a day?

    Don’t be silly. That’s what microwaves are for: all the voodoo in a tenth of the time.

  74. Read alot of sociology and politic books. Think of ways of degendering my daughter 🙂 .. oh and I cook … At the moment I’m organising travel for women to attend the national women’s conference here in Australia.

    In my sleep I plot how I will over throw the patriarchy with my fellow sisters! 🙂 Ok … that one you forgot on your list … oh the shame.

    Oh and I gave you all an award … that I hope you like …

  75. Why would feminists(TM) hate the Sopranos? Because bloody Camille bloody Paglia wrote on Salon about how she liked the show, IIRC. So it does make sense, after a fashion. 🙂

  76. Sarah,

    Oh man, I love pornographic Pirates of the Caribbean fanfiction! Care to share some links?

    Oh, boy. Lemme see.

    Not sure I have anything that normal people would like . . . I’m a Davy Jones fan and my porn fics tend to reflect that—most of them feature Davy and an original character that I stole from another fanfic writer.

    However, if you’re not into that, I also know of many, many fics that involve other characters, which I can direct you toward.

    The link on my name goes to my livejournal. Somewhere up top there’s a link entitled “user info,” which has a list of communities of which I’m a member and there’s fic to be had at most of them. Pirategasm is a general fic site; Sparrabeth and Barbossabeth and JackandAnamaria are pairing communities; my work is at DavyJonesPOTC and BeforetheBeard, with some at Sparrabeth and Barbossabeth and Pirategasm waaaay back in the archives.

    I’ve noticed a trend in my pornwriting to feature the guy in some position of authority over the woman (as the guys I write about are usually the captains from that fandom); however they act as someone with power SHOULD in a sexual encounter, making sure not to abuse said power. So fair warning, in case the former detracts for you from the hotness of a piece of porn. I hope the latter makes up for it, but just so you know.

  77. The responses to this are way amusing.

    Personally, I read a lot, go to amusement parks (when I have a lot of time), work on teaching myself to play guitar, and lately, watch a whole lot of The West Wing…

  79. Just now, this feminist is swearing at the goddamn tick that not only latched onto her belly but required eight tries to remove, leaving a nicely-irritated red spot. Damn ticks.

  80. Me, personally, after a long ass day of Patriarchy Blaming and Technical Support for Gettin’ Ur Emails, I like to relax with a nice punch to the balls of my live-in male lover, a chot of Patron silver, and then I make up conversation to my cat’s meows. She is as vocal as her feminist cat-mama.

    Nah. Mostly I watch a LOT of movies, foreign especially (Almodovar rules me! OMG Jeunet et Caro!! It improves my french); I learn furrn languages (I’m on number 4!); the occasional video game; book learnin’ when I haven’t totally turned my eyes to shit at work; sitting around in the backyard grillin’ shit on our grill; sexin’ my sexy lover unix-admin feminist boy; singing karaoke; taking long showers; long walks on the beach.

  81. Spare time? Video games. PS2 and PC. Despite the obvious sexist issues of Final Fantasy, I’m a loyal fan of the series.

    Am considering getting a Wii, eventually. The commercials make it look like fun, but 3 systems seems like overkill so IDK.

  84. Am I the only one here who likes Sopranos and football?? ALOT??

    Was at small bar in Amherst MA decades ago, in my early 20’s, drinking a draft and watching football alone, reading the newspaper- had laundry washing in next building. Quiet night; just me and the bartender there. In walks a fella in his 40’s who decides to try to hit on me. But when I didn’t respond, he took one look at my flannel shirt, cut-off jeans, ponytail and no make-up and loudly proclaimed me a lesbian as he left.

    If I was- what business of his would it be? And if I wasn’t- same answer…

    Should have thanked the jerk- he inspired me to find out about feminism. Been a helluva 20 years since!

  85. Louise, you’re certainly not the only one here who likes football a lot. Though I prefer the college game to the pro game.

  86. I’ve also gotten to be a big college football fan over the past few years; it seems more like REAL football vs. the headline-grabbing, “overpaid vs. talent” spectacles…

    And the way my fave baseball team is losing BADLY, I can’t wait for September!!!

    Although watching the Democratic debate right now on CNN works, too…

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