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Newsflash: Americans Fuck

95 percent of them before marriage.

NEW YORK (AP) — More than nine out of 10 Americans, men and women alike, have had premarital sex, according to a new study. The high rates extend even to women born in the 1940s, challenging perceptions that people were more chaste in the past.

“This is reality-check research,” said the study’s author, Lawrence Finer. “Premarital sex is normal behavior for the vast majority of Americans, and has been for decades.”

Finer is a research director at the Guttmacher Institute, a private New York-based think tank that studies sexual and reproductive issues and which disagrees with government-funded programs that rely primarily on abstinence-only teachings. The study, released Tuesday, appears in the new issue of Public Health Reports.

The study, examining how sexual behavior before marriage has changed over time, was based on interviews conducted with more than 38,000 people — about 33,000 of them women — in 1982, 1988, 1995 and 2002 for the federal National Survey of Family Growth. According to Finer’s analysis, 99 percent of the respondents had had sex by age 44, and 95 percent had done so before marriage.

Even among a subgroup of those who abstained from sex until at least age 20, four-fifths had had premarital sex by age 44, the study found.

And what about those wholesome 1950s?

Finer said the likelihood of Americans having sex before marriage has remained stable since the 1950s, though people now wait longer to get married and thus are sexually active as singles for extensive periods.

Even your mom fucked before marriage:

The study found women virtually as likely as men to engage in premarital sex, even those born decades ago. Among women born between 1950 and 1978, at least 91 percent had had premarital sex by age 30, he said, while among those born in the 1940s, 88 percent had done so by age 44.

Oh, and marijuana is the biggest cash crop in the US. That’s right: bigger than soybeans, bigger than alfalfa, bigger than corn. And with no subsidies.

Unfortunately, all this fucking goes unacknowledged, so that the pearl-clutchers can purse their lips and wag their fingers at girls who dare get caught fucking and toking:

Donald Trump gave Miss USA a reprieve Tuesday, allowing the boozing beauty queen to retain her title after she agreed to enter rehab and undergo drug testing.

In a moment of television drama filled with redemptive tears and longing looks, a tough-talking Trump, co-owner of the pageant, turned soft and decided to forgive Tara Conner for her debauched behavior. . .

Conner won the title in April and moved to New York. Since then, she has partied hard, admitting she frequented clubs, where she threw drinks back — despite being underage. She turned 21 on Monday.

Miss USA is considered a role model, and her conduct must reflect that, and behavior such as underage drinking is prohibited, a Miss Universe Organization spokeswoman said.

At the news conference, in a tear-choked voice, Conner said, “In no way did I think it would be possible for a second chance to be given to me.”

Turning to Trump, she said, “You’ll never know what this means to me, and I swear I will not let you down.” . . .

Trump said Conner would be able to move back into her swank pad at the Trump Palace. But he also cautioned that if she screwed up again she would be jettisoned.

“She knows that if she even makes the slightest mistake from here on she will be immediately replaced,” he said.

Awwww, isn’t that sweet? She got to keep her crown (you know, the one that she got because she paraded around in a bikini so she could display her wholesomeness and purity), but she had to grovel at the feet of Donald Trump to do it, and promise to go to rehab, and tell some sob story about how it was The Big City that had corrupted her. I suppose the pearl-clutchers back home in Kentucky get to keep their illusions that way: New Yorkers may fuck before marriage, and drink when they’re just shy of 21, but that’s Not What Good People In The Heartland Do.

Except for the part where it is, in fact, What Good People In The Heartland Do. Frequently.

Yes, despite abstinence-only sex education, despite hellfire-and-brimstone from their preachers, despite True Love Waits and the Silver Ring Thing, despite Purity Balls and Purity Pledges and creepy covering by daddy, 95% of Americans — male and female — will fuck before their wedding day.

Not that everyone can believe it, or wants to (there’s no federal funding to be had for your abstinence-only program if you admit, despite overwhelming evidence, that it just doesn’t work). And, without the specter of those naughty, nasty girls having sex when they shouldn’t, what would the Concerned Women of America have to be Concerned about?

However, Janice Crouse of Concerned Women for America, a conservative group which strongly supports abstinence-only education, said she was skeptical of the findings.

“Any time I see numbers that high, I’m a little suspicious,” she said. “The numbers are too pat.”

Yes, I trust the “suspicions” that the numbers are “too pat” from a woman whose entire livelihood is wrapped up in being a panty-sniffing moral scold. What’s that quote — the one that says that a person whose job depends on not understanding something will never understand it?

There’s big money to be had in the War on Sex, just as there is in the War on Drugs. Not just federal funds for abstinence and drug-prevention programs, but cushy think-tank gigs, political funds, propaganda funds a la Maggie Gallagher, grants for studies, honoraria for presenting bullshit theories to eager audiences, consultant fees, slush funds, wingnut-welfare publishing deals, all manner of Scaife-funded initiatives, pundit jobs, ministries, pamphlets, and government jobs. And that’s just money — there’s power and influence to be had as well, as the old “family values” and “restoring morality” and “tough on crime” stances win elections. (And it always makes for a great sex=death narrative on teevee.))

But none of that stuff works. And I don’t think they really want it to, either. But they don’t want what does work to take hold here — stuff like comprehensive, nonjudgmental sex education and birth control, abortion on demand, comprehensive social support networks, the medicalization of drug addiction, working on reducing demand rather than supply, education and opportunity for all.

They don’t want that not just because there’s no percentage in treating people like sane adults, but also because doing so would mean that their particular obsessions with Everyone Else’s Behavior (and concomitant failure to Look In A Damn Mirror Occasionally) would be pushed to the margin and returned to the domain of tinfoil-hatted cranks, where they belong.


46 thoughts on Newsflash: Americans Fuck

  1. “Even your mom fucked before marriage”

    Thanks, I needed that image in my head.

    To tie this into the statutory rape story a few posts back, the entire common law reason for such strict laws were to keep women from “fucking” before they were married to preserve them for their “man.” If everyone is doing the wild thing before marriage, why have statutory rape laws that penalize even consensual sex between 16 &17 year olds?

  2. I suppose the pearl-clutchers back home in Kentucky get to keep their illusions that way: New Yorkers may fuck before marriage, and drink when they’re just shy of 21, but that’s Not What Good People In The Heartland Do.

    Jesus fuck, I grew up in the Canadian equivalent of the Heartland, and drinking and fucking is pretty much all anyone did in High School. Except for me, of course. I was too busy watching Star Trek and playing guitar in my bedroom.

  3. I think the “cash crop” claim is comparing apples and oranges (or rather, comparing both to pot).

    They arrived at that figure by using the “street value” of marijuana – to really compare, you’d have to be basing your valuation of corn on the price of an ear at the local market.

  4. It is a bit disingenuous to say that premarital sex is the same today as it was in the 1950’s. My grandmother, who has been married 55 years to my grandfather (WWII marriage after a 2 month courtship) candidly explained to me how it worked. You dated someone, and you fooled around. If you thought you wanted to get married, then maybe you had sex — it was premarital sex that often led to marriage within a short period of time. She was totally secular and typical of her generation, but today it is much different. People expect to have many partners before marriage, and to delay marriage until closer to 30 than 20: the rates of premarital sex may be similiar, but the overall tone of it is DRASTICALLY different.

    A cultural message that sex before marriage is taboo will not stop premarital sex from happening, but it will reduce the amount that happens and cause other shifts to happen. Similiar to how all the laws discouraging smoking in various places plus high tobacco taxes doesn’t stop people from smoking — but it does cut down on it.

  5. I did have to wonder about the ridiculousness of punishing Miss USA for acting like most 20 year old women (that’s not a value judgment on her actions, either). But then I realized that I don’t care; the entire pageant system is bullshit.

  6. In another survey it is found that at least 50% of Americans are hypocritical in judging other peoples sex lives! 😉

    You know they could have asked me about how many ‘Mericans have premaritial sex and I could have told them.

  7. Eshie: You also had the interesting phenomenon known as “technical virginity” that was really big in the 50’s. Anything short of penile penetration of the vagina was fair game…you were still a virgin if you didn’t actually have intercourse. And you could have more than one boyfriend during your dating career and still be a “technical virgin” but go rather far physically with more than one person. (And people blame Bill Clinton for the understanding that oral sex isn’t “real sex.”)

    So I really don’t believe things were all that different in the 50’s. My mother was born in the fifties so she’s a little younger, but she freely admits that she was in the minority for only having had sex with my father when she married him. Yes, the sexual revolution changed the way we view sex, but I don’t believe for a minute that the majority of people before that time only had one sex partner in their lifetime.

  8. What KnifeGhost said. I grew up in a small (pop. 2500) town in upstate New York (the real upstate, not Westchester County). Farms, corn fields, good, honest, salt-of-the-Earth working folk who toiled in the mill all the live-long day.

    All anybody ever did was drink and fuck (except me, who, like KnifeGhost, was pursuing my own geeky activities – and even I got in on the action once or twice). There were more churches than bars, but just barely.

    And Eshie, Blitzgal is right. The term demi-vierge is very old, after all.

  9. A cultural message that sex before marriage is taboo will not stop premarital sex from happening, but it will reduce the amount that happens

    Do you have any evidence to back this up? Seriously. A bald statement is not convincing.

    In the past, the cultural message that it was taboo simply meant that people lied. That people had sex but claimed they didn’t. That people had sex but claimed they were going to get married, but then backed out on the so-called engagement. (Look up British lawsuits for “breach of promise of marriage”; there’s an excellent book about it.) That people got pregnant but sneaked off to have the baby “secretly”.

    With 95% of people having sex before they get married, I think it highly unlikely that you’re going to convince them to tell their children that they shouldn’t follow suit. Feel free to try. It’s not like drunk driving — nobody ever killed an innocent third party by having nookie.

  10. I think it’s better to be honest with ourselves about the amount of premarital sex everyone is having. If one is in denial, and acts like premaritial sex is some sort of taboo, then it’s harder to inform teenagers and young adults of how they can keep themselves safe..

  11. “Any time I see numbers that high, I’m a little suspicious,” she said. “The numbers are too pat.”

    I thought the way the original press release I read was worded, the 95% figure did seem a little suspicious (and then I realized that was 44-years olds upon further reading). But she doesn’t even say it was suspicious because of the data or the research methods or anything logical like that … no, its because the numbers were “too high,” i.e., didn’t fit with what she wanted them to say. “This doesn’t agree with my delusional worldview, and therefore I find it suspicious … ”

  12. Yes, safety is key. Some recent studies suggest that kids who are taught under “abstinence only” programs that treat sex as a shameful sin are just as likely to have sex, but more likely to not use any protection and therefore be at risk for venereal disease. They are also very creative in getting around the “having sex” definition…again, right back to the technical virgin bullshit. So you see more oral and anal action.

  13. You didn’t quote the best part of the whole article:

    The Bush administration does not believe the government should be regulating or stigmatizing the behavior of adults.

    Wade Horn, HHS

  14. Do you have any more on the marijuana thing?

    One of my professors researches long term marriage, and she told us that in all of her research, the number one determining factor as to whether or not someone had premarital sex in the 40’s and 50’s was if the guy had access to a car.

    Even your mom fucked before marriage

    Go Mom!

    Also, one of the best bits in Al Franken’s “Lying Liars” was his bit about sending letters to all the abstinence only proponents asking them what techniques they themselves used to stay abstinent until marriage. Since most of them probably didn’t. Did any of these pricks advocating abstinence only wait until marriage? I doubt Dubya did, or any member of his staff. What bothers me the most about the abstinence only mentality is that it’s ok for the elite to do as they please, since their mistakes can be erased with money, but the poor should have to just suck it up and do without sex.

  15. My mom was a nun before she married, and, uh, I’ll not have you suggesting that those of the cloth ever engage in such filthy, filthy behavior, thank you very much.

  16. One of my gutsiest moments was when my mother found out I’d had sex and was going on about how premarital sex was bad. I yelled back that she and my father had been having sex before they got married and she was stunned into silence.

    I am glad the data’s on my side. =)

  17. Jesus fuck, I grew up in the Canadian equivalent of the Heartland, and drinking and fucking is pretty much all anyone did in High School. Except for me, of course. I was too busy watching Star Trek and playing guitar in my bedroom.

    Are you from Saskatchewan too? Or did you grow up in the movie New Waterford Girl?

    I think cultural taboos against marriage do work in certain places, where there’s actually a threat of death if someone finds out you weren’t pure, and where your reputation can be easily destroyed. My mom grew up in Pakistan, and she told me that her mother didn’t even tell her what sex was before she got married. I neglected to ask what happened when my mom found out about it, because my brain just can’t handle the mental imagery.

  18. Prairielily, in places were premarital sex is punished by death, people just practice sodomy.

    I remember a judge (a woman) in Montreal who decided not to send an incestuous rapist to jail. The mitigating circumstances were that since the Muslim father had raped his daughter by sodomy, the girl remained pure in her community.

    I’m also reminded of something a Lebanese friend told me about his parents (Christians). Back in Lebanon, all the guys were looking for a virgin girl to marry (most of the guy weren’t virgins though). His dad didn’t care that much if his future wife wasn’t a virgin anymore. As his dad said, “better a girl that has some experience than a virgin who got fucked in the ass by the entire village.” I think it’s clear what that meant.

  19. For a brief time while planning my wedding, I frequented a wedding-planning message board (yes, I went briefly insane… but you’d be surprised at the wide variety of people and wedding plans that showed up there). There was a very long, ongoing “virgin brides” thread. This made me curious and I did a poll. Obviously, this is not particularly scientific, but the results were interesting nonetheless. And I don’t remember the numbers exactly, so if someone finds the old thread and my numbers are wrong, well, sorry.

    The question: “When did you have sex with your now-fiance?”
    -Haven’t yet, waiting for marriage: ~20% (this was in an area frequented by the virgin bride thread posters, remember)
    -After dating for >6 mos: ~5%
    -After dating for 3 mos: ~5%
    -After dating for 2wks: ~10%
    -After dating for

  20. What happened to the rest of my comment? Anyway, here it is:

    -On the first date: ~ 25%
    -Before we were officially dating: ~25%

    I, btw, fell into the last category, that is, sex before romantic relationship.

    So in addition to “why buy the cow when you get the milk for free” being insulting, it’s also just plain wrong. Most of us these days start our long-term relationships with sex.

  21. Missed some of the middle this time. Gah. Here’s the whole table.

    Haven’t yet, waiting for marriage: ~20%
    -After dating for >6 mos: ~5%
    -After dating for >3 mos but 2wks but

  22. Oh, it’s my notation! It thinks I’m doing html. I’m sorry for all the clutter, but now I feel I have to put it just so it makes sense.

    Haven’t yet, waiting for marriage: ~20%
    -After dating for more than 6 mos: ~5%
    -After dating for less than 3 mos but more than 6mos : ~5%
    -After dating for more than 2wks but less than 3mos: ~10%
    -After dating for less than 2wks: ~10%
    -On the first date: ~ 25%
    -Before we were officially dating: ~25%

    Oh, and I just remembered I had one more category, which was “we’re married and we still haven’t had sex” which had about 1%

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  24. Lynn,

    I don’t know if you’re married or not. This was exclusively of people planning weddings. Many of them said they *usually* put off sex but in this one case they made an exception.

    So, either a) People are very good at figuring out who they’ll be paired with eventually and have sex with them right away, or b) Having sex with someone early makes it more likely you’ll end up on a wedding-planning board. I think it’s a combination of both.

    Not in my case, though. I’m just a big slut who sleeps with lots of people I have no intention of being in a relationship with. This sex was good. Really good. So I had more of it and then figured out that I also liked the guy, and he liked me. A lot. So we got married.

  25. Dear cooper: try feministe (at) gmail (dot) com.

    Prairielily, in places were premarital sex is punished by death, people just practice sodomy.

    Among Catholics, it’s known as “Virgin in the front, martyr in the rear.”

  26. Hey, I’m just sharing what my mother told me. I guess they didn’t do that in her circle, because I’ve never heard of it.

  27. Virgin in the front, martyr in the rear.

    That’s just awful. I was raised Catholic, but I never heard that term. I don’t think my peers in high school were having anal sex. They had lots of other sex, but anal wasn’t on the radar. Anyway, that’s awful. No wonder women get turned off anal, when it’s equated with stoning and other wonderful ways of becoming a martyr. The mindset of the men martyring these virgins is truly egregious.

  28. I’m just a big slut who sleeps with lots of people I have no intention of being in a relationship with. This sex was good. Really good. So I had more of it and then figured out that I also liked the guy, and he liked me. A lot. So we got married.

    Chuckle. I met my wife more than ten years ago, and we have several children. She was at a party with a woman she had a crush on, who was paying her insufficient attention. So she got hammered and made out with me to make the other woman jealous.

    When she sobered up in the morning, we went on a date, which went badly. But we were horny. So we had sex. Then we had lots of kinky sex and spent all our free time in bed together. And we worked well spending time together. Then I broke it off with my other girlfriend and agreed for the first time in my life to actually limit my sexual conduct to one relationship. Then my lease ran out and we moved in together. Ring, marriage, suburbs, children, minivan …

    Anybody claiming that sex before or without committed relationships is antithetical to marriage and family is probably arguing from ideology rather than data.

  29. THANK YOU for posting this! I too was disgusted by Donald Trump (of all people) acting like he was the King of Morals and deigning to give this girl a second chance. PLEASE. It’s so sickening to see the hypocrisy.

  30. Why can’t the government just say to people, “If you have sex then you accept the potential consequences. Don’t come crying to us if anything bad happens.” I don’t agree with abstinence-only education. I don’t agree with any kind of forced education on children (unless their parents want it for them) or adults. Many people do just fine figuring this stuff out on their own. Seriously, anyone who is old enough to have sex and doesn’t know that you can get a girl knocked up or get an STD has got to be among the dumbest people on Earth. Sometimes people simply deserve what they get. That idea drives big-government lovers nuts.

  31. My mom didn’t — but she married him 3 weeks after she met him, and as I said to her “Anyone can keep their legs crossed for 3 weeks.”

    WWII.

  32. Not in my case, though. I’m just a big slut who sleeps with lots of people I have no intention of being in a relationship with. This sex was good. Really good. So I had more of it and then figured out that I also liked the guy, and he liked me. A lot. So we got married.

    Sporfle! Reminds me of my old roomie. She and the guy who eventually became her husband were in dorms on the same floor, and one night they had a one-night stand. And then a few weeks later they had a one-night stand again (no actual date involved. Just happened to come home at the same time and she invited him in on the grounds that the first occasion had been pretty decent, and it would be more fun than homework). And then at some point they decided they might as well date.

    He’d never been in a booty call relationship before. In fact, he’d only had one serious girlfriend before, and was kind of shy, so he’d never done the casual dating/one-night-stand thing. Apparently he was horrendously mortified and confused in the weeks in between stand #1 and #2, blushed and mumbled whenever they ran into each other in the elevator. She thought it was awfully cute.

  33. I don’t know if you’re married or not. This was exclusively of people planning weddings. Many of them said they *usually* put off sex but in this one case they made an exception.

    Actually, I did go further, faster than usual, with the man I eventually married. It’s just that my version of moving faster than usual still involved several dates before we actually kissed. Given that I hadn’t kissed anyone for years – after the traumatic experience of the sudden accidental death of the guy who had been my last boy friend – that was moving fast.

    So, maybe I really could have been a nun :-). But I wasn’t quite nun-like enough to be a virgin bride.

  34. Why can’t the government just say to people, “If you have sex then you accept the potential consequences. Don’t come crying to us if anything bad happens.” I don’t agree with abstinence-only education. I don’t agree with any kind of forced education on children (unless their parents want it for them) or adults. Many people do just fine figuring this stuff out on their own. Seriously, anyone who is old enough to have sex and doesn’t know that you can get a girl knocked up or get an STD has got to be among the dumbest people on Earth. Sometimes people simply deserve what they get. That idea drives big-government lovers nuts

    Er, how are they supposed to find out about contraception and STDs and so forth? Osmosis? All this knowledge about the hazards of sex just descends from heaven unto the minds of the young and horny?
    The reason for mandatory sex ed, including contraception info, is that if they don’t learn it right somewhere they will assuredly learn it wrong somewhere else.

  35. Er, kids are supposed to learn this stuff from their parents. Along with the wisdom that people aren’t supposed to sleep around like sluts.

  36. So, Robert, you teaching your kids about safe sex? How babies are made? Which brand of condom is the most reliable? How to ask for your partner to respect your limits?

    And, pray tell, what is your definition of “slut”?

    If I couldn’t see your IP address, I’d swear you were the other Robert.

  37. That is, unless you’re actually that one, and you’re just using a different IP address and email to get around being banned. But the pompous edge just isn’t there.

  38. Along with the wisdom that people aren’t supposed to sleep around like sluts.

    It’s funny how people will say on the one hand that kids are supposed to learn about certain topics from their parents, and then simply assume that all parents have the values advocated by the speaker. If they knew what my values were, I suspect these people would begin saying that it was the school’s job to teach sexual morality.

  39. One of my professors researches long term marriage, and she told us that in all of her research, the number one determining factor as to whether or not someone had premarital sex in the 40’s and 50’s was if the guy had access to a car.

    In Rabbit Run, this dynamic is portrayed pretty accurately. Rabbit and Janice go on car dates and she gets pregnant, so they get married.

  40. Re: Sluts finding love. I’m not surprised that 25% slept together on their first date. Sleeping together on your first date strikes me as probably a lot more common than people think. Most of us would prefer to marry someone who made us so horny we were mauling them by the end of the night.

  41. Trump’s a hypocrite, so I hate to defend him, but the problem of underage drinking is actually a pretty bad one, and the fact that the Bush twins, Lindsay Lohan, and Miss USA have been able to do it openly at trendy bars without anyone losing a liquor license or having to close is actually quite troublesome, because quite a few ordinary people lose their lives or get raped due to underage drinking. This is a big social problem, and while I’d rather see the bars that are serving Miss USA get shut down by the authorities, there probably is some value in her being told to tone it down a bit.

    I don’t give a crap about how promiscuous she is, however.

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