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Porn and politicians

evil fizz

The weather here is terrible (wind, rain, ice, thunder, you name it), so I thought I would share one of the silliest things I’ve seen on Slate in awhile: porn by politicians!

Match up sordid excerpts with the politcians who penned them.

My personal favorite below since it’s mildly NSFW

“She romped on top of Simolzak’s huge frame, straddling him with her hands on his chest, her back arched and her breasts flailing wildly in the air. Her back was to him and her long hair swung from side to side as if accentuating the abandonment of her screams.”

Yeah, that would be Jim Webb, current candidate for Senate in Virginia.

Answers here

14 thoughts on Porn and politicians

  3. …oh, yah. Scooter Libby, not Skipper. How quickly we forget. This article:

    http://www.newyorker.com/talk/content/articles/051107ta_talk_collins

    And, finally:

    He asked if they should fuck the deer.

    The answer, reader, is yes.

    So, how does Libby stack up against the competition? This question was put to Nancy Sladek, the editor of Britain’s Literary Review, which, each year, holds a contest for bad sex writing in fiction. (In 1998, someone nominated the Starr Report.) Sladek agreed to review a few passages from Libby. “That’s a bit depraved, isn’t it, this kind of thing about bears and young girls? That’s particularly nasty, and the other ones are just boring,” she said. “God, they’re an odd bunch, these Republicans.” Unlike their American counterparts, she said, Tories haven’t taken much to sex writing. “They usually just get caught,” she said.

  7. I was expecting something more explicit from Winston Churchill. Don’t know why.

    Actually, I was torn between wanting to assign that one to Jimmy Carter (because he seemed as if he’d be at the less explicit end of the porn writing politician continuum) and wanting to assign it to Winston Churchill. On the one hand, I kind of did expect something more explicit from Churchill, but on the other hand, something about the language or phrasing somehow sounded more right for Churchill than most of the others did.

    Incidentally, I remember, in college, reading a sort of political novel by William Safire, about a President who goes blind in an accident, which featured somewhat explicit shower sex scenes between the President’s mistress, who was named something like Buffy, and some reporter named Jonathan.

  8. Yeesh. Song of Solomon these ain’t.

    Now that I’ve read porn by William F. Buckley about Ayn Rand, I may never have sex again.

    Ya damn skippy. I didn’t need to have those words in my head. Though, to be fair, it wasn’t any worse than the sex scenes written by Ayn.

  9. Yea, I agree with kactus – “breasts flailing wildy in the air” is beyond odd. It makes them sound like Flying Spaghetti Monster tentacles or something.

  10. It makes them sound like Flying Spaghetti Monster tentacles or something.

    Don’t you want to be touched by that noodly appendage? What could be more gratifying than that?

  11. Perhaps Webb has been hitting the hentai a little too hard recently.

    I like the idea of refusing to vote for a politician who writes awful pornography. “My opponent’s sex scenes are tepid and risible, unlike those in my recent novel Hot Nuclear-Submarine Officer Babes!”

  13. Something about the breasts quote made me think of the idea of strawfeminist porn: “She ripped off her bra and threw it into the campfire. While I was watching it burn in flames as delicate as the now-incinerated lace, she leaned close to me. “I’ll do this for you,” she whispered, bringing her head down below my waist, “but I promise I won’t like it.” Later that night as we made love she cried out in passion all the names of the children we wouldn’t be having thanks to our condom…”

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