In defense of the sanctimonious women's studies set || First feminist blog on the internet

A blue sky with scattered fluffy clouds reflected in the waters of a lake

Open Thread with Clouds and Lake

tigtog

Some fluffy clouds reflected in a placid lake (photo taken by moi during a walk last week) featureĀ for this week’s Open Thread. Please natter/chatter/vent/rant on anything* you like over this weekend and throughout the week.

A blue sky with scattered fluffy clouds reflected in the waters of a lake
Blue sky and clouds reflected in Lake Macquarie, NSW, Australia

So, what have you been up to? What would you rather be up to? What’s been awesome/awful?
Reading? Watching? Making? Meeting?
What has [insert awesome inspiration/fave fansquee/guilty pleasure/dastardly ne’er-do-well/threat to all civilised life on the planet du jour] been up to?

* Netiquette footnotes:
* There is no off-topic on the Weekly Open Thread, but consider whether your comment would be on-topic on any recent thread and thus better belongs there.
* If your comment touches on topics known to generally result in thread-jacking, you will be expected to take the discussion to #spillover instead of overshadowing the social/circuit-breaking aspects of this thread.

43 thoughts on Open Thread with Clouds and Lake

  2. I know that people come and people go all the time on websites like this, so I don’t generally believe in Internet farewells. And I haven’t participated much here anyway of late. But I’ve been here long enough — almost four years now (which is actually difficult for me to believe!) — that I do want to say something, at least. Anyway, I’ve been trying for a while to reduce my online presence. Not simply because I’ve been spending too much unproductive time on the Internet, but because instead of helping me deal with being depressed, I’m convinced that it’s been making the situation worse. I won’t mention all the reasons for my state of mind, but they certainly include having been unemployed for 15 months now and my increasingly dire financial situation, as well as (although I haven’t been directly affected) what I see as an epidemic of anti-trans violence, especially against TWOC, and — not that it’s gotten as much publicity — trans suicide/attempted suicide, which seems to cut across all ages, races, and genders among trans people. (Hardly a week goes by without my hearing about someone else, including some people I knew.) All the recent attention to trans women, specifically Caitlyn Jenner, may do some good in the long run in increasing acceptance, but I don’t believe it’s been particularly helpful as yet. Societal transphobia may not have gotten worse lately overall, but it’s definitely gotten louder. At least, it seems so to me.

    In addition, some of my long-term health problems (arising from Crohn’s Disease) have been recurring lately, and I should really be devoting more of my limited functionality to applying for jobs than reading and posting, here or elsewhere. As well as to continuing to unpack after my move a few months ago — I’m still surrounded by way too many boxes!

    So, for example, I deleted my Twitter account more than two months ago, and am glad I did. The stress it caused me, from the generally unpleasant atmosphere, far outweighed its positive aspects. I’ve kept my Facebook account so I can see what’s going on with relatives and a few old friends, but the only place I’ve really remained active is a private trans-related message board, which I do still find helpful, and towards which I feel something of an obligation because I’ve been a moderator there for many years.

    In any event, I won’t be commenting here anymore (with one possible exception; see below), and probably won’t be reading much either, if at all. I wish all of you happiness and good fortune, and do hope that I’ve made something of a positive contribution here, especially early on when I did my best, along with others, to help change the general tone to be more trans-affirming than I felt it used to be. As well as — and I hope I’m not being presumptuous in saying so — helping educate some people on trans issues, with whatever patience I was able to muster. (End of Part 1.)

    1. Part II:

      I do feel slightly guilty about leaving (less so now that Feministe seems to be becoming more active again — especially with EG’s welcome return* — so I don’t think I’m leaving a “sinking ship”!), but it’s something I think I have to do.

      The only possible exception is that if and when I do ever find another job — something that feels increasingly unlikely (although I do have one rather remote possibility still open) given both my age (approaching 60) and my history, the former probably more than the latter — I may come back at some point just to mention it. I always did like happy endings, and perhaps there are people here who feel the same way.

      Thank you to everyone for your kindness to me, especially the moderators for the wonderful job they’ve always done.

      Donna

      * I tried to post the following comment on the previous open thread in response to EG’s announcement of her return, but was unable to do so, so I’m putting it here: I’m so happy that everything’s going so well now. I wish you and your baby, and all your family, the very best. You certainly deserve it, with everything you’ve had to deal with.

      1. I wish you the very best too, Donna. I’m sorry things have been so wretched for so long, and I hope you see a turnaround very soon.

      2. I’ll miss you Donna, and I do hope you make an appearance sooner rather than later to tell us a happy ending. Please feel that you can come back just to chat or vent or rant sometimes if the urge strikes you, you’ll always be welcome.

      3. Best of luck, Donna. I hope you know how meaningful we’ve all found your voice, and I really hope the job situation gets sorted out. I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself, and you’ll absolutely be in my thoughts.

      4. Donna, you’ve done so much for this place, as far as I have seen since I started hanging out here (back when I was 16 and still deep in the closet). And personally speaking here, I will always remember you as the first trans woman I ever talked to. For lots of people, coming out as trans is a gradual process that involves many stepping stones, and surely in my case your insight and wisdom surrounding trans women’s issues were among the influences that helped me on my path to coming out to myself – when I was 18, two years after I started visiting Feministe. I doubt that I would have had the guts to call myself female – or at least I would face much more difficulty and confusion – if I hadn’t known you here.

        And for that and so much more, I’m very grateful. I would be lying if I said that your leaving this place wasn’t heavy news for me, but these things happen and your reasons make lots of sense to me, and I’m very sorry to hear that you have been going through this and so much more these days. What matters more than anything else here is your own mental well-being. And as someone who is also overwhelmed by news about racist transmisogynist violence I definitely understand why you have such a need to distance yourself. It’s so fucking painful and depressing and overwhelming.

        I will definitely miss you, and I will send prayers and well wishes your way. Take care!

    2. I will miss you, Donna. Be well. I hope you find a job soon, and can take care of your medical issues.

    3. Sorry to see you go, Donna. You’ve always been one of the more passionate, interested and informed commenters here. I hope you’re able to get your work situation and everything worked out.

    4. I will miss you also, Donna, and best wishes! I’ve enjoyed your presence in every online space we’ve ever shared.

    5. You’ve only been here for four years? I’ve been lurking at Feministe for at least eight years, and your commentary is as much a part of my mental history of this blog as that of any other contributor. Thank you, and best wishes.

    6. OMG I missed this somehow.

      Donna, I really, really hope your life will turn around and be as amazing and filled with joy and security as you deserve (and you deserve a LOT). You’ve been an amazing influence on me over the years and I hope things will all be amazing and you’ll be back here reporting good news soon!

      Much love and hugs.

      (Could we perhaps keep in touch via email? You have my address, no?)

  4. Science Fiction’s Hugo Awards happened at Sasquan’s WorldCon event over the weekend, and Sad/Rabid Puppies are consequently attempting to make Mount SFF Fandom explode. If you don’t know what any of that means, I envy you. It’s all kinda tedious, you’d be much better off checking out this pay-what-you-want Women-in-SF book bundle

    The Women in Science Fiction Bundle came about when our curator (award-winning and bestselling author Kristine Kathryn Rusch) heard from some young writers that “women didn’t write science fiction, present company excepted.” That’s silly, of course, so she teamed up with StoryBundle to show that women do write science fiction.

    The women writers in this bundle have written or worked in science fiction for a cumulative 240 years. They have written every kind of sf, from space opera to hard science fiction. They’re all award nominees. Some of them are award winners. They’ve written dozens of bestselling novels. Many of the women in this bundle have written Star Trek tie-in novels. Others have written for popular games. And of course, we’ve written in their own universes. They’re here to share their universes with you.

    1. Wait…I thought Sad Puppies failed? I haven’t been following the story closely, though. Do you have a link to a good blog breakdown somewhere?

      1. Sad Puppies did fail–the voters declined to give an award at all rather than give it to one of their slate. Predictably, they’re trying to spin this as some kind of super-secret win and what they wanted all along, but they’re lying.

      2. Apologies for my confusing wording, Little Raven – this year’s Hugo Award electorate strongly repudiated the Sad/Rabid Puppy slates, and as a result there is much raging and frothing and vowing to try again even harder next year, and much spinning of how all the eevul SJWs voted against good writers whose politics they just didn’t like rather than acknowledging that spending several years collectively stroking their white Persian cats while monologuing about how their super-genius exploit of a gameable loophole was going to make the horrible SJWs cry all the tears while their Culture Warrior message fiction authors got all the awards was likely to seriously annoy a lot of people. No Award has been a valid option on the Hugo ballot for decades, and the Hugo electorate would have reacted just the same if someone had used the same exploit to get One Direction or Grumpy Cat on the final ballot and then bragged constantly about it for months.

        At this year’s Business Meeting, two motions to modify the nominations system to at least partly counteract voting blocs/slates were passed, but they need to be ratified by next year’s Business Meeting to take effect. So the Puppies are promising to use the same exploit in the nominations stage even more strongly next year, and do this all again. However, the record number of voters this year will all be eligible to nominate next year, and the majority of the new voters are clearly not Puppies, so their attempt may well fail so long as enough new non-Puppy members also nominate (historically only a small percentage of voters nominate because they don’t necessarily read a lot of works in their year of eligibility).

        Another one of the Hugo rules is that unless a work garners above a threshold percentage of the total nominations, it won’t be placed on the final ballot, so if a high proportion of the new members actually just step up and nominate eligible works that they’ve enjoyed, exactly as the system is supposed to work as a genuine gauge of fandom’s opinions, then the Puppies should find it hard to exploit the nominations in the same way that they did this year.

        [n.b. minor edits above to clarify a few points]

  5. I don’t see a Shameless Self-Promotion Sunday thread this week, but it’s Sunday and would it be ok with y’all if I shamelessly promoted myself here?

    I have a new piece on the problems with the gender norms in Pixar’s new Inside Out. It’s about how unthinking reflection of the status quo in fiction influences our norms about women’s place in work and family, and how Pixar’s (rather thoughtless, IMHO) choice to have the male parent be the one with the new startup in San Francisco reflects Silicon Valley’s bro culture.

    Actually, Inside Out’s Gender Stereotypes Are A Major Problem

    I hope you like it!

    1. I’m glad you added the disclaimer at the top, because I really really love that movie. But, I see where you’re coming from with the parental roles. Thanks for bringing that to light!

  6. So much this week. My sister told me about her suicidal thoughts, plans, and timeline on Tuesday. She’s in LA, by herself. While I and my mom are here in Austin and our other sister is in NYC. I mobilized the family, and we got going trying to help her out – therapist, finding a treatment facility etc. This was also the time my (therapist) mom decided to share with second sister and I that she thinks baby sister has borderline personality disorder. Read the signs, and yeah. She doesn’t just have 4 or 5 out of the 9, she has all 9. She checked herself into an ER yesterday, and has been in the psych ward all day. She will most likely be coming back to Austin for inpatient care. And now, the psych ward she’s in is a very upsetting place for Liz, and I’m starting to wonder if she shouldn’t have gone to the ER (at the urging of her own therapist). Not sharing this for advice, just to vent and to say that I am so worn out with emotional and logistical labor. Very very depleted.

    But, at least I was able to post the article I had mostly written before this came to a head – a long form piece : Self Confidence and The Impostor Phenomenon from a feminist pov. I’m really proud of it, and I hope you enjoy reading it.

    1. Hi Katie,

      Last year, I was in a psych ward. I don’t know if this will comfort you or your sister, but mine was exceptionally flawed. One kid there who became a buddy of mine had diabetes. He had to get his blood sugar taken multiple times a day, and at one point came bleeding to a group therapy session because the nurse told them they ran out of band-aids.

      Read that again. We were in a hospital. How the fuck did they run out of band-aids?

      And of course, you’re in a psych ward, so you can’t even point out how ridiculous and maddening that is (what if he had something contractible?), because irrational anger is a sign of a million mental disorders, and you know that the nursing staff won’t say, “Well, yeah, her anger is legitimate, because they’re in a hospital and I refuse to do the bare minimum at my job.”

      But I absolutely don’t regret going.

      Like I said, I don’t know what the deal is with your sister, but I had the option of waiting another two weeks for a psychiatrist to become available or to take a five day voluntary trip in order to start getting treated right way. The things I saw were sadly gross and often heartbreaking (and the weirdest will-to-live came from just wanting to hug other patients), but a year later, I can tell you that I’ve never been healthier. My fingers are crossed for your sister – I hope she can say the same thing a year from now.

  7. At 8 am EDT Friday, August 28. 2015, my great grandson was born weighing 8 pounds,
    7 ounces. Mom and baby are well and do home later today.

    1. Congratulations to you and your family, Tom. Is he the first child in that generation, or will he be joining some second-cousins?

      1. He is the first child of my oldest granddaughter. Her sister age 20 is in the Air Force and not getting ready for a family any time soon as of the last talk we had a month ago. And the youngest is only 12. So I hope it’s awhile for her. But there are all kinds of possibilities down the road.

  8. Can someone take a few moments to update me on the self-promotion sunday links? I miss those. I realize a previous update may have that info and I just can’t find it.

    Thanks,
    Sue

  9. I just wanted to say a quick hello to everyone! Have just stumbled across this site, and can see I have a lot of reading to do – looking forward to it, and hope to chat with you all soon!

    2. Looks like my mom’s belly after her emergency hysterectomy. Then it got infected and I watched as the staples popped out and flew impressively across the room, and got to assist the Dr as he took gauze and scooped blood clots out of the incision. You’ll have a gladiator scar to show off your badassness.

  13. This weekend I’m adjusting to living in a petless house for the first time in decades. Our elderly pusscat suddenly deteriorated, the vet found a huge growth in her chest cavity that left her struggling to breathe or eat and was starting to affect her heart as well. The day before she’d still been snuggly and meowing loudly for food, jumping up on countertops to demand water from the tap and staring down any other felines that dared to come through her cat flap.

    We held her while the vet sent her to sleep. I still can’t believe she’s gone.

    2. -hugs- I’ve lost 2 furbabies in 15 months. My corgi, Finnigan, died in June while I was away from home that weekend.

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