I can’t quite figure out if it’s the class itself, the attitude of some of the guys in the class or the way the article is written that leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
NEW YORK (Reuters) – Ben had a rough Friday night picking up women on the Hotel Gansevoort’s balcony after being coldly rejected by two attractive blonds.
The 23-year-old documentary filmmaker, who asked his last name not be used for fear of ridicule, suffers from an acute case of “premature ejectulation” — ejecting himself early from promising conversations with women for fear of rejection.
Such was the diagnosis from the coaches of “Charm School Boot Camp,” a three-day crash course on seducing women that Ben and five other men paid $1,600 apiece for in early August.
“If I were to look at it objectively, I would feel really good about it, and then just leave,” Ben said.
Right now, I’m leaning toward the article and/or the school being the creepy ones. Ben here has a problem he’s trying to fix. I’m sure we all know guys who are really, really wonderful but inexplicably unsuccessful with women. I can’t vouch for Ben’s wonderfulness, but it sounds like he loses confidence when he’s talking to women, or just pre-emptively takes himself out of the game because he’s been rejected so many times. And given that guys are socially conditioned to do the pursuing (and women are socially conditioned to wait for the pursuer to make the first move), a lack of confidence in this area is going to mean that Ben spends a lot of time alone. (Shy or unconfident women have less of an issue with this, because sexually confident men can always seek them out. They’re in a position of turning down unwelcome advances, not making them.)
But, ew, is this really a course on seducing women? I’d be fine with it if it were a course on flirting or improving social interactions, or what have you, but the idea of the school itself or the reporter characterizing it as “seduction” makes it sound like the goal is to pick up women and dispose of them like Kleenex.
I’m also a bit leery of the idea of taking guys who are socially awkward and feel pressured and sending them off to the Hotel Gansevoort. Pretty swanky for a practice run, and probably a bit high-pressure. But, I guess if you pay your $1600 to seduce women, you want a bit of that “Sex and the City” aura. However, I wouldn’t be surprised if there weren’t a Nice Guy™ or two in the class who got shot down and blamed it on the stuck-up golddigging bitches. Or maybe it’s the reporter with the Nice Guy™ issues, what with the “cold” rejections and the seduction and the pickup lines.
Check the reporter’s description of the course against the description given by the founder of the school:
Ben is not the only man with crippling fears when it comes to chatting up women. That’s why Charm School, run by an Ann Arbor, Michigan-based company called Charisma Arts, has no problem finding men who need intense guidance and fieldwork approaching women at places like bookstores and bars.
“People think we’re teaching guys with no confidence who are bad with women,” said Charisma Arts co-founder Wayne Elise. “We teach guys how to be themselves in a very unnatural environment, how to cold approach strangers and make them comfortable enough to open themselves up.”
Sounds like someone found his hook and is working it to death despite a lack of supporting quotes.
Social skills are important, and people don’t always pick them up (NPI) on their way to adulthood. If Elise’s description is accurate, it seems like these skills might carry over to other contexts — in other words, it doesn’t sound like they’re simply cranking out a bunch of Leisure Suit Larrys.
The Charm School’s lesson plan stays away from canned lines and instructs men to think on their feet when talking to women, to put their insecurities aside and react naturally to a women’s subtle cues, said Johnny Saviour, 21, a Charisma Arts instructor.
The class starts on Friday afternoon with the instructors going over Elise’s attraction theory. They then practice the theory by approaching each other as if they were women, and they do word association exercises to get their minds tuned into keeping a conversation with a woman rolling.
After a night approaching women at a bar or club, the instructors hold a debriefing the next morning and go over what the participants did right and wrong. Then they head out again to hit on more women.
Okay, first: Johnny Saviour? For real?
And again, the reporter’s voice creeps in: they go out to “hit on” more women.
I wonder if these word choices reflect a contempt of men who feel they have to resort to such lengths as well as an attitude that the only measure of “success” with women is to leave a string of one-night stands behind you? Surely, this guy seems to be sneering, if these guys were Real Men, they’d be dragging women off by their hair!
Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case, and if the subjects were quite aware of the reporter’s contempt — at least as aware of his contempt as of that of the men back home whose reactions they fear — not one of these guys gave a last name for fear of humiliation.
Ben and the five other participants, ranging in age from 21 to 43, met with their four coaches Saturday at a McDonald’s near Union Square, the morning after a deflating evening of hitting on women at the Gansevoort.
Sam, a stocky, recent college graduate from Boston with shaved head and thick chain around his neck, said he is tired of sleeping with “drunk chicks” and wants to learn how to properly “pursue and attain” the women of his choice.
Tim, 23, a New York piano tuner, said his new full-time job makes it hard for him to meet women.
“This was something I was willing to splurge on,” said Tim, who also did not want to give his last name. “I live in a city with millions of women, and I want to meet some of them.”
Ben said that despite his lack of luck with women on Friday night, he tried to “learn a little from each interaction.”
Well, I’m sure a course that sends its students off to mingle in bars is going to do a lot for Sam’s drunk chick problem. And is it me, or is that “thick chain” bit a little ethnic/class snobbery? But, again, the editorial voice: they’re “deflated” because they struck out. But Ben at least sounds like he’s getting something out of this, so good for him.
Ben next moves onto a bookstore, where his attempts to strike up a conversation with nearby women do not bear fruit. But again, check the characterizations:
“A lot of guys defeat themselves right away,” Saviour whispered, looking on. “If he thinks she’s not interested, he’ll clam up. That’s exactly what happened.”
To get Ben back on track, Savior has him talk to a male store clerk so he can interact with another person without pressure. Soon, Ben approaches another woman but she too walks away without noticing him.
“I feel a bit shaken up,” Ben said after his latest rejection. “There is information coming from a lot of different places. I feel a bit like a pickup artist.”
So, how exactly is it being rejected when the woman didn’t even notice he was there? I guess in this guy’s world, the women are all exquisitely tuned to every movement of the man, and therefore, any failure of the woman to submit to the attentions of the man is a rejection. And he’s never, ever been rejected in his life, he swears.
Next up: Drunk chicks from Jersey! Sam’s gonna be so happy:
By the early hours of Sunday at a crowded rooftop bar on Fifth Avenue, Ben finally has a confident glow. Other Charm School students are partying on the fringes of a drunken bachelorette party full of New Jersey women.
The story at least has a happy ending, with Ben having mingled and built up his confidence by being himself while interacting with women in a somewhat structured way.