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Weekly Open Thread with Sista Jean McClain and Gaby Moreno

tigtog

Two marvellous voices supported by an extraordinary band feature on this week’s Open Thread. Please natter/chatter/vent/rant on anything* you like over this weekend and throughout the week.

I had the very good fortune to see the Copper Bottom Band live with Hugh Laurie this week in Sydney, so I wanted to share some of it with you all. It was a fantastic night.

So, what have you been up to? What would you rather be up to? What’s been awesome/awful?
Reading? Watching? Making? Meeting?
What has [insert awesome inspiration/fave fansquee/guilty pleasure/dastardly ne’er-do-well/threat to all civilised life on the planet du jour] been up to?

* Netiquette footnotes:
* There is no off-topic on the Weekly Open Thread, but consider whether your comment would be on-topic on any recent thread and thus better belongs there.
* If your comment touches on topics known to generally result in thread-jacking, you will be expected to take the discussion to #spillover instead of overshadowing the social/circuit-breaking aspects of this thread.

95 thoughts on Weekly Open Thread with Sista Jean McClain and Gaby Moreno

  1. Something really horrible happened and I need to share it. I know I said I wouldn’t post here and I meant it but I just don’t really know what other forum to go to. Last time, I promise.

    I was at a comedy club a last night, and the show was headlined by Amy Schumer, a famous comedian who’s spoken out about feminist issues on several occasions. She was telling jokes about her sex life, and then this happened:

    Amy: I’ve had sex like, 34 times. Is that too much? I feel like you all might be judging me. Points to woman in the audience. How about you? How many dudes have you slept with?
    Audience member: Laughs uncomfortably.
    Amy: Come on, we’re all adults. Jesus, you people.
    Audience member: Three.
    Amy: Wow, what are you, from the Midwest? Or maybe the first two times you were raped, and once it was finally consensual you decided to stick with what worked?
    Audience: Uproarious laughter.

    Amy Shumer goes on TV and talks about how rape jokes are terrible. She talks about how women in comedy need to be treated better. There are hundreds of articles by everyone in the feminist world lauding her for her feminism, her humor, and on and on. And last night she called out a random woman trying to enjoy a comedy show and asked her how many times she’d been raped.

    I just feel so fucking powerless. That was one of the worst things I’ve watched one woman do to another woman in public, and it was done by someone who is famous and popular and makes a career out of her ostensible fucking feminism and will never, ever suffer any consequences for it. And there’s literally nothing I can do about it.

    So sorry for violating my self-imposed ban, but I just really had to get this out somewhere and I didn’t know where else to do it.

      1. What the hell?? How is that even funny? That’s horrible and disappointing.

        It’s not funny, (in general ad-libs to the crowd aren’t that funny,) and I also agree that it’s horrible. Knowing as many female comics as I do, and seeing even more out there who ‘joke’ about rape- they generally fall into two categories 1) those who do so in order to confront their fears (quite often not horrible) 2) to compete with ‘the boys’ (always horrible.) It sounds like this is number 2 (pun sort of intended,) though it’s always tough to tell from an out of context quote on a blog,

    2. Horrible, just horrible. And that feeling of powerlessness when you’re witnessing something like that and you know there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Not funny, not OK.

    3. How completely disgusting. It would be horrible for anyone to do that to anyone else, but for someone who claims to despise that very thing?

      If you really did want to do something about it, I suppose you could publicize it by contacting some media outlet that would be interested in reporting it — Jezebel or someplace similar.

    4. Interesting read here about a speech Shumer gave. Some nice stuff in there, but also a story about her having sex with/sexually assaulting someone very obviously too intoxicated to give consent.

    5. What the hell?! I can’t even imagine. How did the woman react? What did you do? I would have frozen up.

  2. In case it was missed on the other thread, again I just want to thank those who are helping us try to save up enough for a down payment. I talked to my landlord again and she’s brushing it off as out of her hands. She and her soon to be ex aren’t speaking, so I no longer hold out hope they’ll give us any time after August 15th, the day our lease is up. I’m so stressed now my eye wont stop twitching, which is goddamn annoying. Either that or I’m so angry my eye won’t stop twitching. Probably both. But it’s still goddamn annoying. I know people usually read my bluntness and sarcasm ( plus my love of swearing) as anger, but mostly I’m just really annoyed. Takes a lot, honestly, to make me truly angry but now I am. I’m fucking furious. Anyway, I’m still deeply grateful.

    1. She and her soon to be ex aren’t speaking, so I no longer hold out hope they’ll give us any time after August 15th, the day our lease is up.

      If you did decide to stay, they would have to legally evict you which would take at least several months. Here in New York it can take a minimum of a year to evict someone, but not all cities have such liberal pro-renter laws…

    2. I’m glad to hear that people are helping out, but really pissed at your (former) friend–what kind of person tells a 20+ year friend that there’s nothing she can do, too bad? And yeah, I know, addiction fucks with your brain, she’s not the same person (my grandmother’s assholery was amplified by amphetamine psychosis, though in her case she was a jerk from jump), but for Christ’s sake. So on top of everything else, you lose a friend.

      1. She seems to be assuming they have no control if a judge orders the house to be sold. I keep telling her that if she and the ex are on the same page, explain they have renters and both want to give the renters extra time, a judge would take that into account. It’s like talking to a narcissistic wall.

        1. She seems to be assuming they have no control if a judge orders the house to be sold. I keep telling her that if she and the ex are on the same page, explain they have renters and both want to give the renters extra time, a judge would take that into account. It’s like talking to a narcissistic wall.

          Your presence there makes it so much more difficult to sell the house. You can legally prevent them from showing the house while you’re still resident, which will be a great negotiating point, (e.g. you let them show it in July, you get a 3 month extension on the lease.)

          As I imagined Texas isn’t as tenant friendly as NY and it looks like they can kick you out pretty quickly and easily, possibly sticking you with attorney’s fees…I found this on a Texas Tenants rights site:

          Either the landlord or tenant may terminate a lease at the end of the term without any reason, except in low-income housing tax credit properties. In these properties, the landlord must have good cause to terminate the lease. The landlord may not refuse to renew a lease in retaliation for the tenant having requested repairs within the previous six months or for reasons grounded in illegal discrimination. In the case of termination at the end of the lease, notice is for the same length of time as the rental payment period.

        2. If we could make the down payment, I’d see if we could buy the house. I’m planning on talking to my parents too see about co signing, but at this point their credit may be too bad because of my brother and them bailing his ass out every hole he digs. Our credit isn’t that great, we’re just shy of the minimum you can get a loan with. We’d have more money saved but we’ve actually been trying to pay off old debt to get our credit up, plus my daughter and her family living with us and helping out my parents, it just made saving impossible. Our plan was to get our credit up, then save a down payment then buy the house, but we anticipated being able to rent here until we could. And because of the oil boom, theres no housing. Waiting lists are a year long, the newer places with vacancies are more expensive than we can afford and rental homes are WAY higher than we could afford. The cost of living here used to be the lowest in the state, but this oil boom has made it sky rocket. So far the only affordable housing I’ve found are in neighborhoods you’d want a bullet proof home. Not even kidding. We were the murder capital per capita during the 80s oil boom and we’re on our way to that again. So all I know to do is try to save up the money for a down payment and get those last few points up on our credit. If we can do that, we’re good. If not, I don’t know what we’ll do.

        3. pheenobarbidol, sorry to hear you are going through this — I have been through house-selling and moving a couple of times and I know it is stressful enough without the additional aggravating factors you describe. Here is an idea you might consider, FWIW, noting that state laws, etc., can create complications, I’m just kind of putting the idea out there.

          It would be to offer to buy the house from them on some kind of contract arrangement. Contract sales are different in that instead of the buyers getting a loan from a mortgage lender and the sellers then getting a cash settlement, the sale is between the buyers and sellers with no third party. The contract can be structured almost any way the parties find mutually agreeable, even no money down. Your monthly payments could start building equity instead of just being rent, and in a year or two you could go to a mortgage lender with any cash you had been able to save and also say, we have x amount of equity in the house now; could we get a mortgage?

          Contracts can be a little scary and also can get messy, especially if one of the parties is unstable, which sounds like it might be the case with your friend.

          The incentive for them would be savings on a lot of the selling expenses such as realtor fees, repairs that people might demand after doing inspections, etc.

          My parents actually did this to buy the property I grew up in, but it was not Texas so this idea may be completely impractical, just thought I would throw it out there. I wish you the best of luck.

        4. Yeah I already asked her about a lease purchase and she claims she can’t do it. Which means she just doesn’t want to, so won’t.

        5. I see both sides all the time in my LL/T work, which is a huge part of my practice:

          The tenant is certain that the landlord is just being a greedy, narcissistic asshole. Because of course the tenant is only asking for what’s fair and right and just. Why is the landlord trying to turn them out? Why is the landlord uncaring, heartless, kid-hating, and cruel? Didn’t the tenant agree not to complain about the broken screen? Didn’t they mow the lawn for free? Didn’t they pay rent for the last three years? Aren’t they entitled to better treatment? Shouldn’t they get to stay?

          Simultaneously, the landlord is certain that the tenant is being a self-righteous, entitled asshole. Because of course the tenant is entirely ignoring the landlord’s needs. Didn’t the tenant stay for years without a rent increase? Don’t they know that the landlord did them a favor in renting below market rate? Don’t they know that the landlord needs the money for ___? Didn’t the tenant promise to leave?

          And so on.

          I mean, you’re saying “…the newer places with vacancies are more expensive than we can afford and rental homes are WAY higher than we could afford” and you seem to think that supports you staying there, right? I can almost guarantee that they think the exact opposite, because that situation implies (to a landlord) that you have already benefited from below-market rents and are now trying to “squeeze” them for more. You think your friend should demonstrate friendship by letting you stay;your friend probably thinks you should demonstrate friendship by not refusing to leave.

          I’m not saying you should move out–I tend to represent tenants, so I’m basically on your side by default. But the chances are that your perspective is skewed (as is hers.) Finding a solution that will work for both parties (if one exists) will probably require you to try to put on your friend’s shoes, and also the reverse. You may want to try mediation, if it’s available. It is in my area, for free or close to it.

          In the end, though, my advice is simple though unpleasant: If someone doesn’t want you living in their house and if you don’t have a lease, then in the end you’re going to need to leave. The fact that you “don’t have anywhere to go” is your (horrible, life-altering) problem and not theirs. Similarly, the fact that they “can’t pay the mortgage” or “can’t fix the roof” or “need money for medical bills” is their (horrible, life-altering) problem and not yours. If you can’t mediate you should probably prepare to move out. Fighting the move-out will gain you time in the short term but will scare the heck out of any future landlords. Good luck.

        6. I mean, you’re saying “…the newer places with vacancies are more expensive than we can afford and rental homes are WAY higher than we could afford” and you seem to think that supports you staying there, right? I can almost guarantee that they think the exact opposite, because that situation implies (to a landlord) that you have already benefited from below-market rents and are now trying to “squeeze” them for more. You think your friend should demonstrate friendship by letting you stay;your friend probably thinks you should demonstrate friendship by not refusing to leave.

          You’re ignoring the stress involved with being friends with this person (an addict.) That is actual work, and deserves recompense in terms of reduced rent.

        7. A lawyer, what is the point of your comment? Do you really, truly believe that you’re telling pheeno a single thing she doesn’t already know?

          For example, this condescending statement:

          my advice is simple though unpleasant: If someone doesn’t want you living in their house and if you don’t have a lease, then in the end you’re going to need to leave.

          Please point to anything pheeno said that suggests to you that she isn’t well aware of that fact. The entire thrust of all her comments shows that she knows this damn well! Duh!

          A simple “do you think your former friend would be willing to try mediation?” would have sufficed.

          We’re getting close to giraffe time here, I think!

        8. The fact that you “don’t have anywhere to go” is your (horrible, life-altering) problem and not theirs.

          Sure, why should pheeno expect better treatment from a friend of 20-odd years than from some blood-sucking management company? If you had, you’d know that she has every moral right to be pissed at her erstwhile friend.

          Did you actually read pheeno’s comments about this situation or did you just charge in to dispense your lordly wisdom?

        9. pheeno, having “known” you for, what – 10 years? Since the John Kerry election debacle, I think? I would love it if you’d email me at gmail. I still remember our late night internet discussions about “Pepsi Thief.” Please email me for help. tinfoilhattie at gmail

      2. Donna L May 12, 2014 at 6:57 pm | Permalink

        A lawyer, what is the point of your comment? Do you really, truly believe that you’re telling pheeno a single thing she doesn’t already know?

        Since you have seemingly concluded I’m being condescending and have mentioned a giraffe, I am not sure whether that’s a good faith question, but:

        Maybe, yes. Statistically it’s likely.

        Most of my clients (usually tenants, though sometimes landlords) spend the vast majority of their time talking to sympathetic family members and friends. They often have support and are less likely to have objectivity. Many of them (not necessarily pheeno) have LITERALLY not had a single person be very blunt or push back, but have only had folks be entirely supportive. The same is often true for the opposing parties, unless they hire someone.

        Like I said, I have quite a bit of experience in this–LL/T work is a good hunk of my practice and has been for years. I have multiple cases in my office at any one time I also teach it; I also do volunteer mediation for LL/T issues.

        In my specific experience, over a variety of LL/T cases and clients and courts: bluntness helps more often than not. More people need it than don’t. More people solve their problems through bluntness than through one-sided support. Perhaps it won’t help for pheeno, or perhaps it will; I hope it does.

        But frankly the concept of “don’t say anything unpleasant” is not usually a long term success for either side, and especially not the tenant. Otherwise you end up taking advice from folks like Fat Steve, and end up surprised when things go to shit later on.

        1. Things have already gone to shit, asshole. I’m not mad because they’re selling the house, I’m mad because my friend put fucking a crazy meth addict over her husband, her children,and her friends,and as a result of her bad choices, her husband, her children and her friends are experiencing consequences, but SHE is not. She’s getting her divorce, she’s now shacked up with a new boyfriend, has no parental responsibilities and now her life is perfect. And if anyone so much as hints she hurt people, she starts in on the narc anon platitudes then changes the subject to how awesome her new fuck buddy is. Again since you need it spelled out – her drug choices and choices of fuck buddies has screwed up other people’s lives and SHE DOESN’T CARE. Further, my comment about the housing situation isn’t in support of me staying, its to impart the goddam urgency of saving the money to either buy this house or another house. And we have a lease, asshole. Had you not jumped in during the second half of a conversation, you’d have known that. You’d also know exactly why you’re an asshole.

        2. And just to drive it the fuck on home- I don’t expect to stay past our lease. I DO expect the person who has been my best friend since we were 12 TO GIVE A GODDAMN ABOUT ME. Is that fucking clear enough for you, you smarmy little jerk?

        3. I already feel self conscious and guilty over asking people for help, but I sure as shit don’t need some random no body on an internet blog to stomp in and proceed to shove his head up his ass before condescendingly lecturing me on things I already know. Jesus jumped up christ.

        4. Otherwise you end up taking advice from folks like Fat Steve, and end up surprised when things go to shit later on.

          a) I can’t actually imagine pheeno making a life decision based solely (or even partially, in the most minute way,) on my advice.

          b) In this specific case, I was speaking from experience, but I also said that anything I knew from experience as a renter in NY was probably meaningless for a Texan due to the states/localities having different laws. I would be shocked if you disagreed with that.

        5. FWIW, a_lawyer’s lofty assholery just reminded me to donate!

          I hope things turn out ok for you, and I wish I could donate more. I’ve had way too many junkie “friends” pull way too much junkie shit on me and my family, only to want cookies for getting “clean” but staying the same self-absorbed jerks they were while high, so I know exactly that feeling when people ask you “Well, aren’t you being too hard on them? They’re getting clean!” and all you want to do is yell “getting clean doesn’t get me back the 2 grand they owe me!” or something similar!

        6. pheeno, my wish for you (besides that you reach your goal) is that you could not feel self-conscious and gulity. Nobody “has to” donate, and as someone who is able to, I would like to say it is my pleasure to do so! You have been there for me in many ways.

    3. Is your dog a border collie?

      Also, as a recovering alcoholic/addict with over a year of sobriety, i think you have every right to be outraged at your “friend’s” behavior. If she doesn’t care or even acknowledge the hurt and wreckage she has left in her wake, her recovery is bullshit. Hope things get better for y’all sooner rather than later.

      TT

      1. No, I have a corgi, a catahoula, a mastiff mix and a white german shepherd anatolian mix.

  3. Today was an episode of being yelled at, screamed at, and insulted by my step-dad for being “lazy”. I couldn’t even get out of bed for the first half of the day because I was so frightened and hurt by his words. I got a major anxiety attack. He has apologized now but I’m tired of this and now I have decided to move in with my friends in Santa Cruz within about two weeks hopefully. (His yelling is definitely not the only reason – I have many other reasons for wanting to leave.)

    1. I’m glad you’re moving. It makes me so angry reading about your step father’s behaviour, after what you’ve had to deal with. You deserve so much better.

      1. He’s being a lot nicer now, but I’m still anxious around him because I can’t just “get over” someone yelling at me angrily – the memories stick around for ages and frequently trigger anxiety. It sucks because I actually like my step-dad – I don’t want to end up hating him, too.

        1. It’s not a weakness to not be able to get over being yelled at; I hope you know that. I’m glad you like him and I know how uncomfortable congitive dissonance can be but I have learned there are people you can “like” in as far as most interactions go without liking them as a person at all.

          Maybe it’s my bias as someone who is equally sensitive due to years of verbal abuse but he doesn’t sound like a (n emotionally) safe person.

          I’m glad your mother has presumably found someone who treats her well but the way he has treated you sounds so not OK, doubly so in the circumstances.

          Looking forward to you moving. I really want this to go well for you.

  4. This is what I get up to when the wife’s away (making fun little videos…I know, incredibly boring, compared to what some other married men get up to on a Friday night when their wife is away)

    Anyway, this was me having a bit of fun with After Effects:
    I Wanna Destroy You

    and this is me having a bit of fun with the Dutch Language:
    Sweet Caroline

    1. Just out of curiosity, how is it that you speak Dutch? Was part of your family from the Netherlands?

      1. Just out of curiosity, how is it that you speak Dutch? Was part of your family from the Netherlands?

        My grandfather was from Leiden, before the Nazis invaded, but he died the year I was born (I’m named after him,) and my grandmother was Austrian (and she NEVER spoke German except referring to certain foods.)

        My language learning stems from when I lived in Amsterdam in the summer of 2005 and took Dutch lessons. (I used Rosetta Stone before the trip and during for practice- definitely\ recommend it) However, I wouldn’t say I can ‘speak’ dutch. I have mastered the pronunciation, which is hugely important with a language like that, but I can’t carry on a conversation. Now when I go back to visit NL I will go into a restaurant and place my order in Dutch, sounding like a fluent speaker, at which point they ask me a simple question about my order, and I’m like all confused and blurt out ‘Kunnen wij Engels spreken? (can we speak English?) To which they reply ‘natuurlijk’ (of course.) Although one or two times I have gotten a waitress who slows down and walks me through the Dutch, in a kinda friendly kinda flirty but kinda treating me as if I’m a child (but nice) way.

  5. I’ve overbooked myself this weekend.. Getting pictures done with my girls since our last family portrait was six years ago. Also, I get to meet my cousin for the first time, which is cool. My uncle found out about a year or so ago that he had a 36 year old daughter (which puts her between my age and my sister) He’s been in contact with her and now we get to meet her as well.

    It’s pretty cool. I didn’t have many first cousins growing up.. My other cousin on my moms side was born when I was fifteen, and my cousins on my dad’s side, who were much closer to my age, I didn’t see after the age of 12, due to my uncle’s acrimonious divorce.

  6. I just came from visiting a co worker who is in the hospital recovering from blood poisoning. Another co worker came with me. He’s doing well but, it will be about a month or so before he can work again. His son was with him as well. It was a great experience for all concerned and we all feel better for making the visit.

    1. I hope your coworker makes a swift and complete recovery. Hospitals are always so unpleasant, I’m sure ze was glad of your visit.

  7. It’s Mothers’ Day here in Australia, and this is now the second Mothers’ Day since my Mum died. I miss her so much.

    3. I’m so sorry, tigtog. Reminders like that can be so sad. Today is the anniversary of the car accident my parents and I were in when I was 20, which resulted in my mother’s death, and what with Mother’s Day being tomorrow here in the USA, it’s been a very difficult day for me. I still miss her very much too, even after all these years.

      Things have also been difficult because my father has been very ill — he’s back home from the hospital, but has been very disoriented since Thursday, and doesn’t recognize his own home, where he’s lived since 1959. Even though he still recognizes people. A week ago, he was discussing Chris Christie with my son, and listing all the people from my parents’ law school class who became judges and Congressmen. Now, he sits in the bathroom for hours on end thinking he’s in bed. And the hospital sent him home with some “oh, old people get like that in hospitals; he’ll be fine when he gets home” comments.

      But I got to see a good friend for a while this afternoon, and my son is with me tonight, so both of those have helped a lot.

    5. Thanks for the sympathies everyone. I know I’m hardly the only motherless one on Mother’s Day, but it’s still rather new for me. I spent some time looking through old photo albums, which helped. Then I went to band practise and sang some blues, which helped even more. Best wishes to the other motherless folk.

  8. I got the referral from my doc to another doctor who can help me get on meds to manage the ptsd symptoms that have been triggered by my leg injury. Unfortunately, the doctor is out of town, so I’m waiting to hear from him. Hopefully I’ll get to see him soon, and hopefully he’ll be able to put me on something that will help. Preferably before I say something to someone that I can’t take back. Yesterday I screamed at a bicyclist who ran a stop sign, and nearly took my friend’s head off for saying something about how he likes watching women’s tennis, because he likes seeing the pretty women without makeup on.

    Today would be my sister’s birthday. She passed away in 2008 from cervical cancer that had spread to her spinal chord.

    And I’m trying to work up the motivation to call my mother, but I really don’t want to, because in my current state of mind, I’m not sure I could prevent myself from telling her how badly she failed as a mother.

    Yeah. Sucky.

    1. PeggyLuWho, I hope the referral gets you the meds you need ASAP. Chronic pain alone can make the most easygoing person snappish, let alone the added complications of coping with PTSD.

      My sympathies for the loss of your sister (fuck cancer!). And I’m so very sorry that your mum isn’t being a source of support for you through all this.

    2. I’m sorry, Peggy, sorry for all of the pain you’re enduring, both physical and emotional.

      Chronic pain is a real b–let me think of a better word. Chronic pain is just fucking miserable, is what it is. And I know well the pain of anniversaries of the loss of someone you love. I hope you have the support around you to help you through this. And pain meds.

  9. I know people have been having really hard times, so I’ve gone back and forth about posting this, but I figured finally I would…so, I guess this is a content note about good news, in case anybody is in the kind of mood where they just can’t deal (and no judgment from me–I’ve been there).

    I’ve had a really good week. A really good week.

    Copies of my book arrived in the mail and it’s beautiful! It’s almost a shame, because it’s so gorgeous that someone might pick it up and be interested…except that it’s an independent academic press, so only private university libraries can afford it. But it exists in the world, being beautiful!

    On top of that, my newest story, a novelette called “Among the Thorns” came out on Tor.com! The cover art, but A&E Balbusso, is so stunningly beautiful that I don’t know what to do with my happiness. This story actually has its roots in a Feministe discussion! A couple years ago, I was asked to write a fairy-tale retelling for an anthology at just around the time there was a discussion about the Grimms’ anti-semitic fairy tale, “The Jew in the Thornbush,” in one of the comment threads. That got me thinking that somebody should tackle a reply to or re-envisioning of that tale, and hey, why not me? So thank you to everybody for sparking off this story; it didn’t work out with that anthology, but I’m absolutely thrilled to have it on Tor!

    Finally, the nominations for the Shirley Jackson Awards were announced, and not one but two of my stories are up for awards! I love these awards so much, I attend every year, so this is pretty damn awesome! I mean, I’m up for the same award as Tanith Lee! I grew up adoring Tanith Lee! It’s pretty amazing.

    So, a pretty good week for me. I’ve got some problems, but pretty petty stuff, so I can’t really complain right now.

    2. Copies of my book arrived in the mail and it’s beautiful! It’s almost a shame, because it’s so gorgeous that someone might pick it up and be interested…except that it’s an independent academic press, so only private university libraries can afford it. But it exists in the world, being beautiful!

      Congrats…I know you’re kidding but having a book cover you’re proud of, will be something you have years from now, so who cares if a few non-academics are bored? The first time I had a TV writing credit (on an episode of Monk,) every line I wrote had been excised, but my parents saw my name on TV, and all of a sudden it didn’t matter how much I contributed.

      1. My former mother-in-law went there, about 10 years after it opened in the late 1930’s. Before Queens College was there, it was originally a home for delinquent boys. (Supposedly a reason, if not the reason, that there’s no nearby subway connection!)

      1. P.S One of my favourite short stories (or is too short to be a short story?) is Angela Carta’s The Werewolf. I remember it giving me the creeps when we studied the Bloody Chamber for A-Levels in sixth form (when I was about 16). I was very ill in the first year, and had to retake that year, and remember being seriously annoyed/even distressed that the new teacher didn’t read any ambiguity in the text at all… So I changed to Sociology 😉

        1. “The Werewolf” is awesome. I love that last line: “The child lived in the house. She prospered.” I would argue that you need to read all the Little Red Riding Hood stories together–“The Werewolf,” “The Company of Wolves” and “Wolf-Alice” to get the full effect. Each one presents an option…

        2. That’s the line I kept arguing about with my teacher! 😉 And yes, I think it’s awesome. I’ll make sure to catch up with those stories over the summer. I’m planning on having a fiction spree, after a period of heavy writing!

    5. Congrats, EG!

      Your book on feminist psychoanalytic theory sounds awesome, and I really like the cover as well. I’d totally read it if I could.

    6. That is so exciting. And I agree the covers are awesome – I am super picky and hate most covers too. 😛

    8. Thank you all so much! I’m very grateful for all the support and congratulations; it means a lot.

    10. Congratulations!!! I had the pleasure of reading your story in Queen Victoria’s Book of Spells a while ago, and it was absolutely phenomenal. You are an incredibly talented writer and I look forward to reading more of your stuff!

    11. One thing EG didn’t mention is that the Nebula Awards are being presented on Saturday evening at their annual banquet (it’s in San Jose this year). Her wonderful Burning Girls is up for an award in the novella category, so I’ll definitely be sending good thoughts her way this weekend!

  10. [This is intended to replace two comments in moderation with too many links! Dear moderator: you needn’t bother approving them]

    My four-fold congratulations to you! This is all so incredibly wonderful, and so well-deserved. I hope you get all the awards, for everything.

    EG, I had completely forgotten about the discussion of “The Jew in the Thornbush” on Feministe, and the fact that that’s what gave you the initial idea of writing your story. I found the thread; there are a number of comments mentioning the original Grimm story. The thread is at: http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2012/07/13/feminist-princesses/

    1. And I happen to think that EG’s new story, Among the Thorns, is every bit as wonderful as the two for which she’s received Nebula and/or Shirley Jackson Award nominations.

      (The very appreciated dedication at the end has nothing to do with my opinion, which is entirely objective.)

  11. I hope that living with my friends will at least provide me the opportunity to “disappear” from the family and take a break from guy-mode for a while. Maybe I will finally feel comfortable feminizing my voice once I’m at their place since all of them are trans. I feel much more comfortable doing that around other trans people because they’re far less likely to laugh at me.

    Then again, maybe such an opportunity would be meaningless in the larger scheme of things. I can only do so much to alleviate my dysphoria while I have family members manipulating me into not even coming out; I know that the other family members I come out to are going to tell me that I can’t transition because the stress I might cause for my grandparents will make their health problems worse. They sure are good at manipulating me, no matter how strange their reasoning may sound to other people.

    1. I can empathize with the whole “family members manipulating you into not coming out.” It puts you between a rock and a hard place. No matter what you choose there will be conflict and emotional chaos. My family strongly believes I shouldn’t come come out out of respect for my mother’s bigotries.

      I would never tell someone to come out.However, its true that to live a happy adult life eventually LGBT people have to come out.

  12. I’ve been having a tough week (I just took a long vacation from my family and had -stupidly- assumed that since I had changed for the better over the last ten years, they probably did too, and my best friend abandoned me when I needed to talk about the vacation which included threats of physical violence), but I wanted to share this.

    I went to my great aunt’s house for the first time in my life last week. I’d met her in person only once, when she was in the US for my brother’s wedding when I was eight. I’ve had a lot of resentment for the family left behind in Poland. I’ve only ever known my immediate family who were, as you can guess by my brief mention of my vacation, fairly abusive. It’s severely negatively impacted me to know that there’s no one who actually cares if I live or die in this world. It’s heartbreaking, and lonely, and every new bond I’ve formed since leaving home has been tainted by this insecurity (see, for instance, my best friend who doesn’t care that I’m having suicidal thoughts right now). Where were my extended family members when I was a child, struggling with depression and anxiety, and primarily motivated in life by the need to escape?

    My great aunt, who is 91, had a picture of me up in her tiny two room apartment. They don’t have a computer, and both my great aunt and great uncle are hard of hearing. My great uncle wrote down my address because they want to write to me in New York.

    There’s something deeply unfair that I only connected with them when they are both in their 90s, but I can count only three times in my life that I felt loved and special, and this was one of them.

    1. I’m sorry that so many people have let you down–particularly your best friend. And I feel for you, about not having enough time with your great-aunt and uncle, but I’m glad to know that they’re giving you the love that you deserve to have.

      1. Don’t be sorry – that one moment still brings tears to my eyes. Whenever people gave me optimistic judge-y nonsense about how someone out there cares about you, I would come down with a big case of the eye-rolls. This is the first time I’ve actually been able to believe it. Maybe I won’t ever hear from them again, but I snapped a picture of their mantle with my picture on it on my phone.

      1. Speaking of, I can’t find your gofundme link – I thought it was on this thread. Where was it posted?

  13. We have 2100 dollars saved! 1400 of ours and 700 from donations! That’s almost halfway there. Theres a real estate place here that does their own owner finance. 5000 can get you a decent house, so I feel very optimistic.

    1. Oh and a second option we’ve discussed is if we have to, once we have 3000, we can buy an rv. Though 4 adults and an infant won’t be comfortable ( not to mention the dogs) its a roof.

  14. I am so, so worried about the Australian Federal Budget. I already struggle to make ends meet (as do all the other ‘dole bludgers’ I know who usually all do some combo of work, study, and child-rearing), and these new cuts are going to make it that little bit harder. It is hardly sharing the pain if the poorest members of society are taking a cut of at least 5% of their income, with that to increase as inflation rises now that the pensions are no longer pegged to it but rather to the CPI, while high income earners get a one-off increase.

    The Liberals are so incredibly brazen about protecting big business and the mining sector. I feel like their close relationship with Kerry Packers (which heavily influenced the last election by totally controlling the media output regarding the major parties) has made them even more arrogant than usual, and they feel they can make any decision they like and there will be no repercussions.

    Ugh. HULKRAGESMASH!

    1. Eugh, I’m sorry. My partner read out an interview about the new budget yesterday and it just makes me want to scream. (I’m in NZ.)

      Our politics are following yours; I’m so despondant about the outcome of this election, and hate feeling so powerless while so many people are completely fucked over in our country/our closest neighbours. 🙁

    2. A sizable chunk of the people with psych disabilities I know (including me) reported suicidal ideation on budget night in response to the announce welfare and pension cuts. If the cuts get through, I’m worried about how I will actually live.

      For those outside Australia, our Government is planning on making job-seeker support just flat unavailable for 6 months of a year (the six months after you initially apply, and another 6 months after you’ve spent 6 months on the payment) for people under 30. As far as I can tell, if people can’t find work they’re just expected to die.

      1. OK, I didn’t know it was THAT BAD. I actually cannot conceive of this. How…? Fuck.

  15. Some random dude on my friend’s facebook post tried to turn a conversation about sexual harassment and body policing into a Donald Sterling conversation. When I called him out for derailing, he flipped out, then proceeded to conflate social pressure to not be racist with sexual harassment.

    Anyway, long story short, my week is complete, because some random dude on the internet has told me to go fuck myself. Another satisfied customer!

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