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Morning Absurdity

zuzu

So, I’m out walking Junebug this morning. It snowed a bit yesterday, mixed with rain, so everything’s a bit icy. I normally walk her around the block in the morning, but there are too many people who don’t clear off their sidewalks, so I took her in front of the building next door, on our usual night route.

And I got stopped by a dog-shit cop.

Flashing light and unmarked car and everything. He leaned out and said, “Excuse me! Did your dog just defecate and you left it there?” I said no, she just peed. He persisted in accusing me of leaving a pile of shit there because he’d seen Junebug squat near a pile of dog shit.

Yes, at 8 in the morning, I, a grown woman, had to lead a grown man — a cop — to the pile of dog shit in question (which I hadn’t even seen until he’d pointed it out) and discuss the characteristics of said pile of dog shit. Why, officer, it’s frozen, and dry, and far too big a pile of shit to have come from my little dog. That’s at least a German shepherd shit. And look! Here are my dog’s tracks on the other side of the tree, and the little spot of pee where she marked another spot of pee from a prior dog.

Then I got a lecture about the importance of cleaning up my dog’s shit, with several references to the plastic bag in my pocket and the number of complaints in the neighborhood recently.

Just another sign of the gentrification of my neighborhood. I’ve lived here almost five years and this is the first time I’ve encountered a dog-shit cop in an unmarked vehicle.

Poor guy, getting put on dog-shit detail so that the yuppies moving into the neighborhood don’t have their property values depressed.

18 thoughts on Morning Absurdity

  1. Was he a real, honest-to-god NYC policeman or some lesser order of police? He must really have pissed off someone to be stuck with patrolling pooches on their rounds.

    Seems like a poor use of police resources, which I thought were supposed to be overtaxed by terrorism and crime issues.

  3. You couldn’t make up something that ridiculous if you tried (well, I don’t think I could, anyway). I’m just thinking how entertaining, though aggravating, it would be if this sort of thing went to court, complete with photographs of the offending piles (with ruler in picture for size), photographs of the accused dog’s butt (comparison), expert testimony on the characteristics of fresh and not-so-fresh dog dung. “CSI:Anal-Retentive”.

  4. I think Arlo Guthrie already covered that, Ledasmom, with the 27 8×10 color glossy photos with the circles and arrows and the paragraphs on the back of each one to be used as evidence against us.

  5. I come from a small town. We burned our trash outside as-needed, and pets of cat size and larger roamed free. I recall my driving instructor emphasizing that the dog chasing the car down the road should be ignored because he’s been chasing cars longer than I’d been driving them, and he knows what he’s doing (i.e., do not swerve to avoid the animal apparently on an intercept course with your tires).

    Now I live in the suburbs of Chicago. The level of regulation frequently makes me think that the folks around here must be really really bored and far far too interested in the behavior of their neighbors.

  6. The regulation of picking up dog shit isn’t a bad idea when one lives in a densely-populated area where many people use the sidewalk, and many people feel it is their god-given right not to pick up after their dogs. I’d just never encountered an actual dog-shit cop before.

  7. I’ll bet that’s not the job you get for being really popular with the chief of police.

  8. I’ll bet that’s not the job you get for being really popular with the chief of police.

    Oh, I don’t know. With dogged perseverance, it’s the kind of position where you could really clean up.

  13. I’m just thinking how entertaining, though aggravating, it would be if this sort of thing went to court, complete with photographs of the offending piles (with ruler in picture for size), photographs of the accused dog’s butt (comparison), expert testimony on the characteristics of fresh and not-so-fresh dog dung. “CSI:Anal-Retentive”.

    I regret to tell you, here in Austraya, we have actually had DNA testing of dog poo. I am not joking. I’ll try and dig up a reference for you.

  14. Much further uptown and with no current pets in residence, I’ll bite – did you get a ticket, or given your exemplary skills in exposition of exculpatory evidence, did said poo-detail cop you off with a warning?

  16. another reason to believe that America is on the upside. We have the time to worry about dog feces. Nevermind everything else our police forces could be worrying about, there’s dog crap that needs picking up and by their god in heaven they’ll see to it that it’s not left laying idly about. ^_^

  17. Ledasmom —

    …You couldn’t make up something that ridiculous if you tried (well, I don’t think I could, anyway)….

    Oh yes you could — I’ve seen you.

    On the other hand, I *don’t* think you would have surpassed Helen’s revelation of DNA-testing of poop in OZ.

  18. Actually, I’m thinking of the case where the dogs ate their (already dead) owner, and her heirs complained that, well, her ring was missing. . .

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