In defense of the sanctimonious women's studies set || First feminist blog on the internet

a white shetland pony in a red cardigan and a brown shetland pony in a brown cardigan standing on the shores of a picturesque waterway in the Shetland Isles

Weekly Open Thread with Fair Isle Ponies

tigtog

These two Shetland ponies wearing Fair Isle patterned cardigans were all over the internets about 6 months ago, but Feministe failed to make a fuss of them at the time, so I’m remedying that lack for this week’s Open Thread. Please natter/chatter/vent/rant on anything* you like over this weekend and throughout the week.

a white shetland pony in a red cardigan and a brown shetland pony in a brown cardigan standing on the shores of a picturesque waterway in the Shetland Isles
Shetland Ponies in Fair Isle knit jumpers | source: visitscotland.com

So, what have you been up to? What would you rather be up to? What’s been awesome/awful?
Reading? Watching? Making? Meeting?
What has [insert awesome inspiration/fave fansquee/guilty pleasure/dastardly ne’er-do-well/threat to all civilised life on the planet du jour] been up to?

* Netiquette footnotes:
* There is no off-topic on the Weekly Open Thread, but consider whether your comment would be on-topic on any recent thread and thus better belongs there.
* If your comment touches on topics known to generally result in thread-jacking, you will be expected to take the discussion to #spillover instead of overshadowing the social/circuit-breaking aspects of this thread.

63 thoughts on Weekly Open Thread with Fair Isle Ponies

  1. I feel like the poster child for Better Living Through Chemicals. It is extraordinary the way pharmaceuticals can kick in and make you feel like a human being again.

    One of the rarely-mentioned perks of having a mental illness is how bizarrely fascinating it is to be “mad”, and to know it. I talked to my psychiatrist a while back about why it is that I can experience severe symptoms of bipolar disorder, including delusions/hallucinations, and yet still know that they are symptoms of an illness, rather than believing them to truly be part of reality. He told me it was because I had a lot of ego-strength, whatever it is that means – I think that I have a well-developed sense of self. Whatever it is, I am trying to think on the bright side about this bloody illness. For instance, I will never need to take psychedelic drugs, because my brain is perfectly capable of hallucinating without assistance! …yay…

    Despite it all, I have managed not only to keep but to thrive in my job this summer. My mentor gave me a lovely compliment today about my work, I began a project of my own design today, and I really do love the work.

    And I am trying to decide whether or not I want to go to a workshop on consent at the local Green party headquarters tonight after work. Hmm.

    2. And I am trying to decide whether or not I want to go to a workshop on consent at the local Green party headquarters tonight after work. Hmm.

      Hope you made it!!!! (if you wanted to, that is)

    3. I admire you. If I stop taking my meds I know what I’m experiencing is illness for a while – a long while even – but eventually the insight goes.

    4. Before giving me my new prescription (Abilify and Tercian), my psychiatrist asked me a number of questions, one of which was if I heard voices at times. I answered half-jokingly that I sometimes heard myself spouting pessimistic stuff, but that I knew it was the “voice” of my social anxieties.

      Combined to what I read about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (base principle: you can’t prevent anxious thoughts to happen, but nothing forces you to listen to them), it gave me the idea of naming said “voice”. I called it Phobos. So, next time I have these anxieties that tell me I’m going to annoy or creep out the woman I want to chat up, I can tell them “Shut up Phobos!” and carry on what I’m up to. At least, that’s the theory: I haven’t had the chance to try it up yet.

      1. Prepare for unforeseen consequences.

        Signed: Stent, a former voice-of-suicide-advocation and current person.

        6. What I was really asking was whether that’s a domestic cat, because it definitely didn’t look like one. And apparently it isn’t! Thanks for the link.

      2. I am always happy to be sent suggestions for future thready cuteness, y’know.

        If I didn’t have serious self esteem issues I would forward you a picture of myself as an example of cuteness. However, if you need something as scary looking as the spider you once posted, my face is perfect!

  3. Li, Barnacle,

    I just wanted to say thanks a lot for the comments you left me on my rant about being/doing genderqueer in a past open thread. I was too anxious to look at it for several days because I didn’t want to read what people had to say, if they said anything, and by the time I did it was simpler to wait for this open thread. But both comments meant a lot to me, seriously. Thank you both.

    1. I’m glad what I said was useful. As a follow up to what I said there about being read as cis anyway, I went to the end of conference party in make-up inspired by looks like this, with pink rhinestones under my brows and gold glitter painted into my beard, and ended up having a number of the cis people at the party ask what my “costume” was (it wasn’t a costume party at all). Someone even asked if I was meant to be a geisha. So, yeah, centreing how people read you as a way of qualifying for genderqueer identity means dealing with a whole lot of stupid on the part of others.

  4. I mostly lurk on here, but have to rant about this with someone other than my family. I was fired from my job last month (first time ever, and came as a total shock). The worst part is that my ex boss fired me for my health issues, and when I filed an unemployment claim, she blatantly and bald-faced lied about the reasons why I was fired so she wouldn’t get hit with a discrimination complaint. And it’s my word against hers, and our discussions about my firing were verbal (which is the other worst part, she fired me, and then asked me to work for an additional week and only I did because I desperately needed the money), so I don’t really have a paper trail. And then our pay stubs and checks were all electronic, and the second I was fired, she blocked me off the payroll website so I couldn’t access my pay stubs (although I was finally able to get the payroll company to let me back in). The company has less than 5 people, so federal discrimination laws apparently don’t apply anyway; although state discrimination laws might possibly which I have to look into. The kicker though, is that she is a freaking doctor. So much for being understanding or accommodating of health related issues.

  5. I’m trying desperately to work on my (non-fiction) book. It’s not going well so I’m completely demoralized. If anyone has advice, it would be welcome. At the moment my strategy is to say fuck it and play some video games.

    1. I’m sorry it’s rough going right now- if it helps, I’ve always experienced highs and lows in any long tern writing project. Something that has worked really well for me is having a writing group, or even a reader. Knowing someone will be seeing my work at a set time keeps me accountable, and I’ve found that getting feedback, even if I don’t necessarily agree with it, helps get me out of my own head and makes me see things with fresh eyes. Good luck!

    3. At the moment my strategy is to say fuck it and play some video games.

      I would buy a book that said that! So it sounds like you’ve got the perfect plan!

    4. Sorry to read about the rough spell. I can sometimes get back on track by listening to a reading of something either excellent or horrible to find the right response to whatever sent me off track in the first place.

    5. @MissWhich,

      That’s a great idea. I had a small group but when things got busy at work a few months ago I stepped back. It might be good to get back in the groove again.

      @A4 and Tony,

      It’s actually a textbook/treatise. Pretty damn boring unless you really love law and or economics. Not social justice related except to the extent I’m trying to debunk neoclassical narratives around legal institutions.

      @FatSteve,

      I think that would be the title of my memoirs. Of course all the pages would be blank because instead of writing it, I decided to play video games!

      @DouglasG,

      Also an excellent idea. Nothing like getting completely ticked off to inspire. Part of my problem right now is I have about 10k pages of legislative history to plow through and is not so much angry making as it is mind numbingly boring.

  6. My contract has been extended, meaning that I’m going to work for at least six more weeks. I’m supposed to work on an Android app and add a whole slew of new features to the current web app suddenly. I really want a break from work because I’ve been working ~40 hours a week while fasting (because it’s Ramadan and I have to fast in order to avoid trouble from family members). It’s so exhausting that I often find myself almost falling asleep on the bus when I’m going back home. And at work it’s not much better – I feel like a complete zombie. I’m surprised (and glad) that I haven’t made any serious mistakes in the code.

    Nevertheless, I’m happy about getting more money, even though it’s just minimum wage. I wish I could actually have the time and freedom to spend that money on therapy sessions, but it will be too easy for my father to find out at this time.

    Spending some of it on makeup, clothes, etc. is also out of the question because I can only put that stuff on in my own room, which happens to lack blinds. For the longest time I was planning to buy that stuff so I could at least try to pass as female while attending my bi-weekly trans* support group (because it’s trans*-friendly), but I don’t even have time for that support group anymore.

    *sigh* I really, really hope I won’t be in this situation next year. I feel so overwhelmed.

    1. Your father won’t even let you go to therapy? That’s cruel. I really, really hope that you can get out of that situation soon. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

      1. [Content note: threats of violence, aggressiveness, violence, ableism]

        He thinks any mental health issue like anxiety and depression can be solved by being more grateful to Allah. I know I’m 19 and so I’m not legally obligated to tell him the reason for seeking therapy, but if I willfully refuse to let him know when he asks me (even if I’m polite), he’ll either threaten to kick me out of the house or threaten me with violence. He has done so in the past – in fact, he did just a few days ago when I told him that I don’t want him to police my eating habits constantly. His anger and physically aggressive gestures scared me so much that I immediately backed down.

        He always tells me that, as long as I’m under his “care”, I must obey him unconditionally when what he’s asking me to do isn’t contrary to Islam. And as he always tells me, “I would never ask you to do anything that’s bad for you.” Of course, only he has the final say in determining what is bad for me.

    2. I wish I could actually have the time and freedom to spend that money on therapy sessions, but it will be too easy for my father to find out at this time.

      Could you lie and say you’re going to the therapist to reconnect with your religion, or something similar? I’m 45 and I still lie to my parents.

      1. That excuse won’t fly with him, I’m afraid. He’ll just tell me to see an Imam or Mullah at the local mosque instead.

    3. All I can say is – you’re obviously impressing the people you work for, since they’re extending your contract while you feel like you’re in zombie mode. Put the money aside if you can; you may not be able to buy the stuff that would help now, but (and I think this has been mentioned before) if you’ve some sort of ready fund, that can only be a good thing for when you do get away from your father.

  7. DePizan, I’m a onetime medical worker who was fired from my last medical job-in a peds office-for a month-long anibiotic resistant strep throat. If the firer is in a solo practice, you can complain to the local medical society and even to the auxiliary, since these are ethical violations and not legal issues. As an unemployed worker, you may qualify for legal aid if a violation of state and/or federal law exists. They do not, AFAIK, do purely civil cases. Of course, you can gossip like crazy, hit the Internet, and dig for dirt. My firer owned a second company which was hiring illegals and the local union was expressing its unhappiness on talk radio. I handed them everything I had on the firer and the info enabled their successful negotiation. I didn’t make a penny on it, but the endorphin high lasted for weeks.
    Anyone else puzzled about the news release concerning two marijuana growers who were keeping a teen slave in a cage? They have been booked on multiple drug-related charges but the wire service report says-get this-that neither California nor the local jurisdiction have filed any charges on the enslavement or rapes.

    1. Anyone else puzzled about the news release concerning two marijuana growers who were keeping a teen slave in a cage? They have been booked on multiple drug-related charges but the wire service report says-get this-that neither California nor the local jurisdiction have filed any charges on the enslavement or rapes

      I looked it up and all reports seem to say that they will indeed be facing those charges.

      I guess they have been arrested on those lesser charges to start with since it started out as a drug investigation. They seem to have found out about the kidnapping quite late in the process. Eg

      The feds say they were already investigating the grow operation when the LAPD called Lake County authorities, alerting them that Balletto had kidnapped a girl who had been reported missing in Los Angeles and that she was being held in Clearlake against her will.

      This is all quite recent, so they probably just have not had time to file these charges

    2. My firer owned a second company which was hiring illegals

      Can you not use this terminology to refer to undocumented workers? Thanks.

      1. Can you not use this terminology to refer to undocumented workers? Thanks.

        Perhaps she’s just bad at spelling and was referring to sick birds.

    3. Oh, thank you for that, I hadn’t thought of going to the boards about it. Will definitely look into it.

  8. mostly a lurker here, but hi all!
    I’m petsitting for a friend of mine and last night her dog got sprayed by a skunk. so THAT was a nice treat! I scrubbed her with a vinegar-baking soda-detergent combo that’s seemed to do the trick? but this morning I keep thinking I’m still smelling skunk. does anyone have any methods for removing skunk spray from a pup?

    also, my ex recently learned about the Bechdel Test, and last night sent me a text after he’d watched Bridesmaids for the first time: “I am in no way saying this as a criticism, but Bridesmaids seems to not pass the reverse Bechdel Test. The named men don’t speak to each other about anything other than women! They probably could have fleshed out the male characters more.”
    *facepalm forever*

    1. “reverse Bechdel Test”

      well, that’s certainly setting the bar low.

      For the skunk smell, you have to use that combo repeatedly. It will break down the oil, but if the spray was allowed to dry it is basically impossible to remove and will have to go away on its own.

      1. Eh, I don’t know. I have a list of movies (short, but still a list) that don’t pass the reverse Bechdel. I consider this a sign of some tiny improvement in the grand scheme of genderfuckery.

      2. thanks, Chataya!
        I’ve given her a few baths with the mixture and it seems to be working, and I also found a dog spray that’s supposed to help so I’ve been spraying that liberally too. seems to be doing the trick! pup’s right pissed at me though, ha.

        and I don’t even with “reverse Bechdel”. I was like “No, honey, that’s called ‘regular movies’.”

    3. That was actually one of my favorite things about Bridesmaids, that Maya Rudolph’s fiancé/husband had absolutely NO character/personality/he barely even spoke most of the movie. I don’t know why I like that so much; I think it really just drove home that this is not a WEDDING MOVIE; it’s a movie about women and female friendships. And then the only two other major male characters were John Hamm (the hilarious asshole) and Chris O’Dowd, who was sweet and awesome but very much a romantic interest type character. So in conclusion, yep, I think we need more movies that don’t pass the “reverse bechdel test.” And in fact if there were actually a close to equal number of movies that don’t pass reverse bechdel as ones that didn’t pass bechdel, the bechdel test wouldn’t be quite so important as it is now, because equality.

      1. I know, right? It wasn’t a wedding movie, it was a movie that had a wedding in it!

        And in fact if there were actually a close to equal number of movies that don’t pass reverse bechdel as ones that didn’t pass bechdel, the bechdel test wouldn’t be quite so important as it is now, because equality.

        and yes to all of this. that’s what I tried to explain to my ex. he had never seen a movie before that didn’t pass the “reverse Bechdel” and was really uncomfortable with it! and with how there wasn’t a “male lead”, so to speak. he’s yet to move on to “this is why the Bechdel Test became a thing, and wow men really are considered the default for humanity! Let’s fix that!” and is still at “But why couldn’t they flesh out the male characters more? They’re important to the story!”

        1. I’ve invented my own test called the Shrek-del test. Basically it involves two movies where there are more than two Shreks as primary characters and the two talk to each other. So far Shrek 2, Shrek 3 and Shrek 4ever are the only films to pass the test (The original Shrek didn’t even pass because it only had one Shrek in it.)

  9. Anyone else puzzled about the news release concerning two marijuana growers who were keeping a teen slave in a cage? They have been booked on multiple drug-related charges but the wire service report says-get this-that neither California nor the local jurisdiction have filed any charges on the enslavement or rapes.

    I have not heard about this case, and in a way I’m glad a google search of “marijuana growers woman in cage” came up with nothing on the case. Seeing your description of the case worries me that the authorities are more worried about the marijuana than the rape. Even the description of them as ‘two marijuana growers’ is a bit loaded as it would be if they had described them as ‘two Jews’ or ‘two cross dressers’ (i.e. bringing in a descriptor which is irrelevant to the crime, but implies that people in that group are more likely to commit that crime.)

    Despite not finding out about this case, my google search was not entirely unproductive- found this article which just epitomized what is wrong with our laws- look at the picture of what this woman was arrested for- growing some of the greenest and most beautiful plants one could hope to see- yet she is facing multiple felony charges. This is the same sort of (non) thinking that prioritizes drug charges over rape/kidnapping charges.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/08/nyregion/scarsdale-ny-woman-is-charged-as-marijuana-farmer.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

  10. So, I’m reading about climate change and it’s absolutely terrifying.

    http://thinkprogress.org/climate/2009/03/22/203850/an-introduction-to-global-warming-impacts-hell-and-high-water/

    http://thinkprogress.org/climate/2008/04/26/202588/is-450-ppm-or-less-politically-possible-part-0-the-alternative-is-humanitys-self-destruction/

    Every so often, I read about climate change, freak out for about a month, and then turtle up and ignore it for many, many more months. Then I go back and read about it again.

    One of the articles I read said that, starting now — 2013-2015 — is a crucial time. Like, what we do or don’t do now is going to set the trend for how we deal with this mind-blowingly massive problem.

    Honestly, I don’t think our brains have evolved to be able to deal with this. It’s too big. It’s so much easier to deny it, to throw up our hands and say, “Welp, we’re all gonna die, so I better enjoy this toboggan ride to hell.” (/stealing shit from The Simpsons). The amount of systemic and individual change in lifestyle involved is so massive. Meanwhile, our brains are built to deal with the immediate — far off things are difficult for us to plan for and deal with emotionally. Capitalism is built to make money this quarter and fuck the future.

    What I’m saying is, we’re really, really fucked. I see no indication that the world at large is going to deal with this. (I’m not saying no one is dealing with it, I’m saying the world at large, especially the Global North and the class-privileged people that live in it (like me!). How many people with cars want to give up their cars? How many people with laptops want to give those up? How many people with A/C that can afford to run it want to stop running it? Shit, I don’t. How many people are playing Candy Crush Saga and reading about The Royal Baby and are paying zero attention to this?)

    On the slightly bright side, I live in Maryland, and my governor outlined a plan to reduce emissions.

    Also, those ponies are cute. So. Um.

    1. To be honest, I can’t get that worked up about the possibility of humanity’s self destruction. Having seen what I have of humanity, that is.

      1. Hey, don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge misanthrope, but there’s going to be a lot of suffering. Especially suffering among the people that have done the least to cause the problem, due mainly to the grinding poverty they’re already living in. If you can’t afford the stuff that’s putting CO2 in the atmosphere, then… well, you’re not part of the problem by definition.

        I’M BRINGING SO MUCH CHEER TO THIS THREAD.

      2. Especially suffering among the people that have done the least to cause the problem…

        And non-human life too.

      3. To be honest, I can’t get that worked up about the possibility of humanity’s self destruction. Having seen what I have of humanity, that is.

        It’s what happens to all the other animals that distresses me.

    2. Mmm, I do the same thing. Read about climate change, freak out, then mentally back burner it because it’s just too much. There was a Rolling Stone article not too long ago that made me boggle, then despair, because whatever’s done at this point to save the planet is inevitably going to be inadequate. Capitalism makes global warming something to sweep under the rug and ignore because it might cut into profits, the “Left Behind” types don’t even care because hey, Jesus will come back, or if they don’t think “yay Jesus!” they think climate change is a big lie because God promised never to flood the Earth again. And then there are way too many people like me who are too busy and daunted to actually try to do anything about it. Even if I weren’t, it’s not like my efforts would matter anyway. Because the problem is just too big. Even though I know that this “it’s too big” attitude is absolutely part of the problem. The only thing I’m doing is investing in a generator so my family isn’t cold and hungry for a hot meal during the next climate-change-related superstorm that puts the power out for two weeks.

      I read a while back that a growing number of people report climate change as a source of depression, especially as related to the plight of polar bears who swim and swim and swim and die of exhaustion because they’ve lost their ice floes and they can’t swim forever, or they swim and die because they can’t find food, and I totally get it.

      Everyone lol’ed at Newt Gingrich and his moon base, but if we want humanity to survive we might actually want to get on that. Not that I really think it would matter, or that it would be a pleasant way of life living in a moon colony, or that humanity should or deserves to survive. We are a pretty terrible species. But life is (or can be) too beautiful for me love the idea of human extinction. Plus, all the poor animals. And for some reason I feel sure the cockroaches are going to survive, which bugs me a lot more than it should.

  12. One of the rarely-mentioned perks of having a mental illness is how bizarrely fascinating it is to be “mad”, and to know it.

    And one of the most frustrating things is to see it all clearly and know what needs to be done, and then have other people decide how your life should be run, without consulting you, making you sicker and sicker. The only thing I could do in the end was walk away. I spend all my time alone. Things are much better that way. Maybe in a few years I’ll see if there is someone actually capable of speaking to me, but I’m not in a rush.

  13. This week, I’m very frustrated with some members of my family – no matter how many times I give them a calm, lengthy, detailed explanation of how their concern-trolling (not sure if using right, seems appropriate) about me going to therapy is not helpful and is in fact extremely hurtful, no matter how many times I’ve explained in detail my piss-poor experiences with therapists, I still hear no end of Maybe You Just Haven’t Found the Right Therapist and These Are the Things You Should Be Telling a Therapist.

    I had something longer written about the details of my piss-poor experiences with therapy, but in short, every one of the five therapists I’ve seen created an extremely toxic environment for me and caused much more harm than they helped. I’ve made it perfectly clear to my family that 1) I’ve learned I cannot trust therapists, and 2) the last experience was so awful I refuse to see another any time soon, and my family just does. not. get it.

    You know, sometimes when sharing a personal story about struggling with something in my experience, I would just like a hug or some words of support, not advice. And I feel like this particular kind of “advice” is steeped in privilege in a way I have trouble putting into words. |:|

  14. My whole world is turning upside down. I feel like everything I thought was right is wrong and wrong is right. I’m a new feminist, and I’m trying to become an atheist/agnostic. My boyfriend of a year is gaslighting and thinks I’m obsessed, going off the deep end, creating a hostile environment, etc. etc. I can’t be honest with him about how I feel about faith. I’d really like to not have to break up with him over this… I haven’t slept all night because everything is so complicated and confusing and stressful. My mom says it’s growing pains. My foundations are being shaken. Everything about what I think and believe is changing drastically, and it’s hard to find refuge and support when the person closest to me can’t accept my new perspective.

    1. I don’t have any terrific advice, but I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time with it, and that the people you really care about aren’t helping.

      You’ve probably already thought of this, but do you have any friends who are agnostic/atheist whom you could talk to, or even a non-agnostic/atheist friend who’s open-minded and would be willing to just listen?

Comments are currently closed.