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The best comment section you will read today

Jill

I don’t usually point folks in the direction of right-wing comment sections, but man, this one over at Hot Air about access to emergency contraception is amazing. Background: A federal judge ruled that the law making emergency contraception (referred to variously as Plan B, EC and the morning-after pill) only available without a prescription to young women 17 and over was arbitrary and capricious, and not grounded in any scientific or legally tenable basis. Cue right-wing freak-out. The always incredibly astute and never hysterical AllahPundit started the post off by worrying about the hordes of 13-year-old Plan B addicts trolling pharmacies at midnight looking for their fix (“You don’t want your 13-year-old running around town at midnight looking for a pharmacist on duty just to get hold of some Plan B, do you?”). In other words, “It’s 11pm. Do you know where your kids are? Because they’re probably running around town looking for a pharmacist just to get hold of some Plan B for huffing. D.A.R.E.” Then, of course, the genius commenters joined in. These are all actual comments from Hot Air; I could not make this up if I tried:

Yes, NAMBLA — the North American Man-Boy Love Association — really benefits from preventing teen pregnancy.

So you’re telling me that a medication that’s safer than aspirin but needs to be taken in a timely manner should be relatively easy to get, while purchasing a machine that kills some 20,000 people every year and was created for the express purpose of causing major bodily harm and death should require a background check and some identification? Ugh, liberals.

Don’t you guys read Nostradamus? Because he was all, “At the point where you let girls prevent pregnancy, the whole world will end.”

Obviously the only thing keeping 11-year-old girls from having fun, consensual sex was the lack of non-prescription access to Plan B. Right?

Did you know that cold medicine for children is now illegal?

I don’t totally understand what this means or how you would use the morning-after pill as a weapon or why you’d use that when there are so many bunnies in the world to boil, but since Glenn Close is over the age of 17, I think the time for this line of concern has passed.

Also illegal: Peanut butter sandwiches. But liberals want tots to use contraception. Because… tot pregnancy is a major social problem? Liberals want to force you to eat almond butter?

Mandatory Plan B. Every day. I don’t see why that wouldn’t happen, given that hormonal birth control has been on the market for decades and that’s mandatory.

OMG you guys what if they are???

Ugh I hate it when my five-year-old walks into the pharmacy and gets Plan B from the pharmacist. Kindergartners! Can’t take your eyes off of them for a second, you know?

Can’t wait for the episode of Intervention featuring the Plan B addict who uses the pill for a “quick high.” Expecting lots of childhood photos of a busty young woman, juxtaposed with contemporary footage of a sad-flat chested EC junkie.

Thank you, Hot Air. You made my day. And the liberal case for more investment in education.

31 thoughts on The best comment section you will read today

  1. Oh that was quite a find Jill! You had to go to Hot Air to get it, but I for one thank you for putting yourself in harm’s way for my amusement.

    1. Here I was, wondering why my five year old was acting so strangely…NOW I know what’s up. Guess we have to put him on a steady diet of Jesus and unplanned pregnancy to save him!

      2. This is why the kids are not allowed to roam the neighborhood alone, the Walgreens is just down the block!!! We must protect them from breaking open their piggy banks and buying up all the Plan B to pop like candy!

        It’s dizzying, isn’t it, all the things we have to worry about as parents?

    2. I’ve always wondered what a Plan B high was like; maybe I’ll buy some from my local pusher who hangs out at the playground near where I live.

    3. Man, the Plan B I took felt like nothing–it must have just been a sugar pill. I knew that pharmacist looked shifty when she rang me up.

  4. So, we shouldn’t have Plan B available to teens because it is unsafe, but they should just go ahead with pregnancy and birth, because that is totes safe. No risk there.

    I had a WTF reaction to a lot of these comments, but I don’t have a clue what the comment about “maybe the Muslims are right?” means in this context. Anyone?

      1. Eh, now I prefer Anon21 and Estrogena’s interpretations, but it wouldn’t surprise me to see an ignorant commenter take even the most strained attempt at trying to smear all Muslim’s with Muhammad’s behavior.

    2. I took it as: “Maybe the Muslims are right that a more openly violent and oppressive patriarchy is the way to go, what with these Western women getting all uppity.”

    3. “The Muslims are right” in this sense means that we need to keep all women covered head to toe and well away from any man not related to them by blood. You know, so they don’t have sex.

  5. Emolee, I think “the Muslims were right” comment was meant to suggest that the 9/11 attacks were justified due to our unchecked immorality.

  6. What is with all the specious arguments in the name of rhetorical flourish, anyway? But will nobody think of the baybees and kindergarteners, what with all their unfettered access to Plan B?! It’s a government conspiracy to indoctrinate our children into the ways of promiscuity and secularism! And the Godwinean reference to Muslims and their sooper sekret agenda to take over the Gubment always seems to pop up as well.

    I reallu do try to stay away from the comments section of most online media, but sometimes it’s impossible not to rubberneck my way into them. I always end up stumbling away, feeling offended and somewhat dirty, and in desperate need a stiff drink of brain bleach and a shower to erase the experience from my psyche.

  8. I had a condom break once, and it was a huge relief to both of us that we had access to Plan B. I think it furthered my addiction to not being pregnant.

  9. You know you’re getting immune to right wing craziness when what you find most enraging is someone using the name “seven percent solution”. If you are going to reference Sherlock Holmes at least try to use a little logic and maybe think twice before weighing in on a discussion about a legal medication when your user name references cocaine.

  10. The cold medicine and peanut butter comments do have *some* ground… There are a lot of places these days where cold medicine (at least the good stuff) is behind-the-counter stuff and restricted from direct purchase from minors due to concerns over its abuse. And peanut butter has been banned from some schools due to the danger of extreme allergic reaction. (Mosly just struck from cafeteria menus, but there are places where it’s outright not allowed on the grounds.)

    1. The peanut butter thing is totally real, but the commenter should have spun it in favor of the argument:

      Peanut butter gets banned because the kids with allergies might share with their nut peddling cronies and die.

      THEREFORE

      Plan B should get banned because kids with teh baybies might share with their equally promiscuous pill-popping playmates and become not pregnant.

      ERMAGERD

      They might have also been referencing the racial component of the sandwich spread.

    2. On the “cold medicines for kids: BANNED” issue, in 2007, pharmaceutical companies withdrew their over-the-counter cough and cold medicines sold for use by children under 2, after the FDA said they were not safe or effective.

      The American Academy of Pediatrics says that over-the-counter cough and cold medicines “are not effective for children younger than 6 years and their use, and misuse, could cause serious, adverse side effects” (see their webpage on “Withdrawal of Cold Medicines: Addressing Parent Concerns”).

      (Now it does seem to me that getting pharmaceutical companies to withdraw medications that are neither safe nor effective is the FDA doing its job, but then I like almond butter, so what do I know.)

  11. The majority of rapes are perpetrated on teens, and most never report it. These commenters are Akins voters and clones. I want to take Obama and Sibelius aside and shake them till the sh** leaves their brains for more appropriate territory.

      1. Ima send the neighbors kid out at midnight to score me some. I’ve always wanted to fly!

  13. Jill, I’m gonna sue you for pain and suffering because I kept facepalming myself so hard I got bruses . . . . .

  14. Thanks, needed this today…..love so many of the responses, too, made my day….my stomach hurts from laughing, and smiling, too….love the following response to your post, among so many others. A real keeper.

    “Peanutcat – April 7, 2013 at 2:59 pm | Permalink | Reply
    Jill, I’m gonna sue you for pain and suffering because I kept facepalming myself so hard I got bruses….”

    The logic & opinions expressed…I’ve just become speechless.

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