100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do

60 thoughts on 100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do

1. My restaurant pet peeve: “Of course we’re wheelchair accessible!” Unless you want to actually use a wheelchair to get around to your table. Or use the washroom. Or don’t actually use a wheelchair, but have some mobility issues, and their “accessible” is a wheelchair lift.

   You know, things that actually prevent me and my partner from going to a restaurant.

   But of course, what silliness! Wheelchair users and restaurants! Every one knows they stay in their houses all day, far away from the innocent gaze of the “general” population!

2. OK, my pet peeve is quite simple, really. If I order a mocha, I expect that I’ll actually be able to tell that there’s chocolate in it. If it tastes like coffee, milk and sugar and that’s all it tastes like… Houston, we have a problem.

3. For the most part, the list has some reasonable points, but the tone was extremely off-putting. Servers are not slaves, they are people, and aren’t paid nearly enough to have to act ‘perfect’ all the time. And frankly, some things are a matter of taste and it’s almost impossible to satisfy everyone.

   Sorry, I’ve worked in restaurants and its frustrating how readily some people dehumanize their waitstaff. You can make a hundred million rules, but the attitude comes from the top down. If the boss has little respect for their employees, it will show.

4. Yeah, I find some of them puzzling, unreasonable and/or downright offensive. “Do not announce your name”? Why the hell not? Gods forbid that the server humanize hir self to the customer. Likewise “do not inject your personal favorites when explaining the specials.” Why not?

   Make sure the tables are level? Since when is that the job of the server? They take orders and bring food; it’s not–nor should the customer expect it to be their job–to do that kind of maintenance on the facilities. If the table *isn’t* level, you should mention it to the staff so they can get it fixed, but it’s simply unreasonable to expect them to somehow be able to fix it. Or expecting them to give out free drinks because the wait is long? Not that I’d complain about getting some free drinks every time I had to wait, but the reality is that sometimes restaurants are busy–if you can’t wait to sit, you should go somewhere else, or you should make a reservation ahead of time.

   The general cleanliness and politeness ones are fine, but having worked the vast majority of my life in the service industry has made me really touchy about stuff like that–the fact that I’m serving you doesn’t give you the right to abuse me or act like I’m less deserving of respect than you do (general “you”, not anyone specifically here).

   The attitude of the article seems to be that servers should try to be as much like automatons as possible, and I don’t actually think that’s desirable or fair. So, I guess most of my pet peeves come from the other side–having customers treat me like dirt because I wore a name tag to work.

5. I’m with Kate on this one. Many were in the nature of: “the things you try not to do that you only do by accident? Never do them.” Others were matters of personal taste and I didn’t always agree with. Much of this has to do with tone, and I don’t expect the server at the diner to act exactly like the server at Le Bernardin.

   It just goes to show the persistent problem the NYT has in how narrowly it thinks of its core audience. It’s a self-perpetuating issue, actually. Atrios makes fun of the Times frequently for its class bias.

6. My pet peeve is when I don’t get a menu. I guess people in wheelchairs don’t eat.

   That list was kind of ridiculous, but the “don’t hustle the lobsters!” made me laugh.

7. The list wasn’t bad, but a little repetitive. My own mild disagreements notwithstanding, it could’ve been cut to 20 or 25 without breaking a sweat. Can’t imagine there’s much new ground left to cover in items 51-100.

8. I agree that a lot of these don’t take into consideration the restaurant as a business. For instance, (I’ve worked in six restaurants now) most restaurants have policies regarding substitutions, so if a server refuses to make a substitute, it probably isn’t their choice. They are not making a point to insult a customer who they are depending on to tip. Also, as a server, I appreciate it when customers learn my name (so, why no introduction?) That way, when I am busy taking care of several tables at a time, they can quickly get my attention if they need anything. I find it more convenient and congenial for everyone than finger snapping or Miss! Miss! Also, for the record, in some states servers make almost nothing as wage (SD: average $3.00/hr), so they are eager to make a good impression. However, this is no reason to demean them with an overly-critical attitude.

9. Servers are not slaves, they are people, and aren’t paid nearly enough to have to act ‘perfect’ all the time

   THIS.

   What bugs the crap out of me with these lists is that there’s a very simple, albeit not cheap, solution: Define “server” (or “barista”) as a skilled profession requiring a combination of knowledge and skill that not everyone has or is capable of developing, and then pay the members of that profession accordingly, instead of the $2.65 plus tips (in New York state) or $2.13 plus tips (most other states) or, in the case of Starbucks, just slightly above Federal minimum wage, that they get now. In theory, the tips bring a server’s wages to or above the Federal minimum wage, but do you know how many times I’ve been out to lunch with people making six-figure salaries who justify leaving no tip, or a very poor one, for the server on the basis that “they make a salary already?”

   I tip between 15% and 33%–on a handful of occasions I can recall, 50%–and I have never not been the person agitating for a better tip in any group meals I’ve had. And 99% of the time, that agitating has been my insistence that we make a group effort to leave at least 15%. It’s unbelievable to me how many people out there think 8% to 10% is perfectly fine. I’ve heard “you should only leave 15% if the service was really above and beyond” more times than I care to count.

   Things like making sure espresso doesn’t have a chance to cool, making sure all plates are removed at the end of each course and not individually–all this attention to detail defines good service. It’s the little things. But the little things have to be taught, learned, and practiced, and they don’t tend to get passed on in places with high turnover and frazzled or unmotivated employees. We don’t get good service, by and large, in crowded coffee mills like Starbucks or in most mid-range restaurants in the U.S., because neither we as consumers, nor the restaurant owners themselves, are willing to pay fair value for them.

   And, honestly, maybe some of us are incapable of making that adjustment. Maybe we’d find out that we couldn’t afford to hit up Starbucks every morning or go out to lunch and dinner as often if we did pay the people serving us these treats more. Maybe what we’re really saying is we’d rather continue getting sub-par service and then writing 100-item lists complaining about it than pony the fuck up.

   It just goes to show the persistent problem the NYT has in how narrowly it thinks of its core audience.

   That, too. But this is not news. I basically quit them after that article in which some woman whined for three internets pages about not being able to put in her 2-3/4 hours a month at the co-op, and how unfair it was that the co-op fired her. Now she has to pay more for French olives! Oh, boo-hoo-hoo.

10. Although I agree with some of the list (Not touching customers is a good idea. It’s kind of weird and not charming at all), some of them just seem like something done accidentally.

    “33. Do not bang into chairs or tables when passing by.”

    Who the hell would do that on purpose? Obviously waiters will try to avoid running into things because, well, people usually don’t want to.

11. Hmm. I’m with the other ex-servers on this one.

    A couple of things.
    1) Your wage as a server often depends on your “relationship” with your table, so being annoyed that your server introduces him/herself is absurd. Is it because it is harder to tip Mary a measly 8% than Serverbot 008?
    2) I have been docked pay (yes, when you under-tip your server you are actually docking the pay of not only that server, but all support staff save the kitchen, including runners and bussers, who often make just a dollar or two more than the servers’ 2.83 or so, because they are also tipped employees) for things that are entirely not my fault, like the fact that I’m less attractive than the other server in my section, or you don’t like the glaze on the steak, or you’re in a bad mood in general, or you think the music sucks, or the table is not level, or the restaurant is not as wheelchair accessible as it proports to be.
    3) On wheelchair accessibility: Yes, it sucks at many places. I worked in a restaurant for years where the owner refused to redo the bathrooms so that a wheelchair could fit in them. I thought it blew, and I hated that about the restaurant. I couldn’t fix that. All I could do was treat people in wheelchairs just like people in non-wheeled chairs, and apologize for the lack of bathrooms. Instead of penalizing your server, complain to the management, and explain exactly why you will not be giving your business to them in future. I can’t speak for all managers, but every complaint that wasn’t, “You’re a cunt for kicking me out at three AM,” I passed along to the owner, because that was my job.
    4) I asked you if everything was ok. Not because I’m breathing down your neck monitoring your food intake, but because it is really and truly my job to make sure that you are enjoying your meal. This is your chance to tell me that you wanted the steak sides and not the pork sides because you hate brussels sprouts, or you’d like more bread, or your americana was nasty, or the dish is cold or not to your liking, or underdone or overcooked. The other reason I asked you about how you’re doing? Chances are, the table I waited on right before you did not inform me that everything was not to their liking until the end, when they tipped me 4% and I asked why, because I believe I’m entitled to know if it’s below 10%, and they said something about how they didn’t like the pork chops very much.
    5) To the person who drinks an undrinkable Americana every single day, please do your barista a favor and tell him/her that you’d like it remade and this is why. Since the advent of Starbucks, everyone is a coffee snob, and we all like our drinks a certain way. I had one man whose lattes had to be exactly 200 degrees. Another woman liked her soy cafe au lait to be exactly one third coffee and two thirds milk, and no foam. I had a regular one and a half shot latte! Your barista has seen it all, and while it sucks confronting people, most especially as a woman, because women are supposed to be nice all the time, you’re not doing that person waiting on you any favors by martyring yourself over a drink you don’t enjoy.

12. Also, it is AmericanO. Sorry about the error. TWICE.

13. I have never waited tables.
    But, as a perpetual customer, I would definitely not want to be the person writing that list.
    Picky, opinionated, overbearing.
    Don’t serve anything that looks just “wrong”? Excuse me, but sometimes I like to order corned beef hash (or biscuits and gravy). How can you serve those things, if you never serve food that looks wrong?

    You can’t recommend food orders (or compliment a customer on a choice of food), but you should be recommending wine to them.

    And, would the writer please tell me if my waiter is supposed to pour my white wine for me? There is a rule for red wine, but not for white.

    I can’t tell if the writer is talking about a fine restaurant, or a cheap place. But, if I am eating at a cheap place, you cut the people some slack; if you are at a fancy place, they are not going to offer to let you pour your own wine. They pour it, because that is what they do. And, while the writer complains about how the bottle is uncorked, maybe the waiter should also offer to let the customer uncork the bottle.

    The writer is, in a word, pretentious.

    Sorry for the rant. It is Monday afternoon, after all.
    -Jut

14. This seriously offended me. I used to waitress, but not for all that long, and in the short time I spent as a waitress (compared against the 25 years I have spent as a restaurant patron) it didn’t take long for me to learn that a “100 things Restaurant Customers Should Never Do” list is far more necessary. Here’s a couple to start off–and these have taken their cues right from the original list:

    -#21: Do not get mad at your server for food that is unsatisfactory. S/he didn’t cook it. It’s not their fault. And s/he certainly doesn’t have the power to demand for the cook to do it over if s/he deems it unacceptable before bringing it to the table.

    -#26: Generally assume that the restaurant does things the way most restaurants do things. If you have a demand that doesn’t comply with usual restaurant norms–such as wanting unchilled white wine–it is up to you to request it. Your server is not a mind reader.

    -#35: Do not complain if your server is eating or drinking. S/he may not have anywhere else to go to eat, may be working a long shift with no breaks, and should be allowed to consume whatever s/he needs however s/he can consume it.

    -#33: Leave enough room for your servers to get by, particularly in cramped restaurant spaces.

    -#20 and several others: Do not get mad if your server can’t comply with your request. S/he is an employee, not an owner, and can only do what his/her bosses allow.

    -#32: Never touch a server. No excuses. Do not do it. Do not brush them, move them, wipe them or dust them.

    And in accordance with #s 7, 9, 10, 40, 42, 43 and 44: it seems the author wants a robot rather than a human server.

15. Also, @flakylayers: “I’ve heard “you should only leave 15% if the service was really above and beyond” more times than I care to count.”

    I HATE when people make that justification. I generally apply the opposite rule–only if the service was terrible, and I know it wasn’t terrible because of something beyond the waiter’s contro, will I leave less than 15%. If it was at least adequate, I usually leave at least 20. A waiter has to downright insult me for me to leave no tip at all. (This has only happened once that I can remember, and the server actually did insult my friends and I, accusing us of being drug addicts who were disturbing other customers when in reality we were actually quite calm and quiet during the whole meal.)

    This is the problem with living in a tipping culture–because the patron is directly responsible for the server’s paycheck, the cserver has to bow down in submission to the patron’s needs. This is seriously flawed. The patron should be the one who feels pressure to act politely in return for proper service, not the other way around.

16. Xenu01, I’ve never been a server, although I was a dishwasher. My ex-girlfriend mocked me mercilessly when I was so annoyed at the atrocious manners of our server that I only left a 15% tip. I am so paranoid about penalizing a server for something not his/her fault that I never dip below that no matter how atrocious things are.

    I’m also amused that, whenever I go out and eat or drink with a female friend, it’s assumed that we’re a couple. This January, my friend and I were told by a waiter at a restaurant that we should definitely come back for their Valentine’s special. She and I find it amusing, but I imagine the assumption could upset some people.

17. Oh and one last comment–this list is incredibly classist. The list has an assumption that the servers at these restaurants are all well-accustomed to eating out at these fancy places, and sadly, that is not the case. Adapting to that atmosphere can be intimidating, and (forgivable) ignorance to custom can often be mistaken for stupidity or rudeness.

18. I’ve done my time as a barista in several coffee shops, and as a hostess (and had other service jobs), and had some hard customers, had downright debacles occur, and all I can say is – as long as nobody is swearing or otherwise deliberately antagonizing one another, it’s all cool. If someone wanted a re-do, I’d make it happen. If someone wanted a re-do and acted like a huge asshole, that’s when things would obviously be upsetting for me.

    One of the best things about a service job is when your customer genuinely delights in whatever it is you’re doing. I always enjoyed seeing my customers grin. I feel like this list is definitely specific to places like NY, because having lived down South for 12 years, I found that being cute was often expected. And I have to wonder what Bruce Buschel would make of service in Kiev. His head would probably explode.

    This is a good one, in the meantime:

    2. Do not make a singleton feel bad. Do not say, “Are you waiting for someone?” Ask for a reservation. Ask if he or she would like to sit at the bar.

    Working as a hostess, I’d get a lot of people wanting to have dinner by themselves, and I can sometimes be the “dinner by myself and a good book” type myself, and it’s always a little annoying when anyone acts weird about that. Come to think of it, one of the best things about Kiev is that they never do act weird if all you want is to have a meal and read some Terry Pratchett. 🙂

19. On behalf of all servers I would only like to say this: PLEASE DO NOT SEAT YOURSELVES UNLESS A SIGN OR SOMEONE TELLS YOU TO. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve suddenly realized a few minutes after a party arrives that no one has helped them yet since they sat themselves… Then they act like jerks when they want menus. Well maybe if you let us seat you, you would have received immediate service and menus! Also, don’t let your kids slobber on everything and grab at whatever they want! I’ve seen babies suck on the parmesan cheese shakers before, and the parent was doing nothing to stop it until I said something. I’ve also seen way too many kids grabbing at the coloring mats we offer and blocking me from being able to get the damn menus and silverware, thus delaying their service. And don’t even get me started on the people who get upset at me for the restaurant running out of things…

20. “Why exactly should a patron be the one who feels pressure to act politely in return for proper service? I mean, obviously everyone should be polite, but the customer is paying for a service; that service should be proper.”

    True enough. I guess what I really meant is that there should be no hierarchy; the server should not perceive the customer as a boss. The server has a boss, and that isn’t the customer, and sometimes matching the customer’s wishes goes against matching your real boss’s wishes. In other words, working in this industry can sometimes feel like a battle between satisfying the various people who pay you. And the stress doesn’t help.

    I didn’t mean to suggest that the customers should be catering specifically to the server’s needs–that would be ridiculous, though I realize it sounded like I meant that–but I do think a customer should be grateful for proper service, rather than dangling money in front of a server’s eyes to demand it. I would much rather live in a world where servers are properly paid and don’t rely on tips, but since that’s not the world we live in, I tip my ass off.

21. I don’t work in the restaurant industry, but I do work at a nightclub/music venue where I bartend regularly. I’m not sure how it works elsewhere, but I have to declare a minimum of 8% of my sales so the IRS doesn’t get on my ass. I usually claim 10% to be safe. On slow nights when nobody tips, I technically “lose” money because I have to claim more than I actually made (after I tip out my barback 25% or more of my overall tips). If I didn’t have to claim, I wouldn’t be so angry when people don’t tip. I live by this rule; if you don’t have money to tip, you don’t have money to drink.

    But I agree with most of the things on this list, even as a bartender in a high volume venue (even though our club has had a reputation in the past for being rude). I try my best to follow a lot of these rules even though I am behind the bar. I just hate that there are certain customers who assume certain things about me because I work in a nightclub. I hate pulling this card–but I am college educated. Don’t assume that people who work in the industry are people that couldn’t get “real jobs” and that we shouldn’t be treated with the same respect that one gives to other people at any other job. I work there because I love meeting people and starting conversations as I serve their drinks, I love the music and I love that our club basically puts on a party for people that need a release from their 9-5 jobs, even if it’s for one show a year.

    It’s all about respect, no matter if you’re ordering drinks/food at a high scale restaurant, a neighborhood joint or a vender on the street. If more people followed that, it would make all of our lives much easier.

22. I think someone needs to write another article for the NYT: 100 Things Restaurant Patrons Should Never Do. It’s clearly necessary, and would likely be much less pretentious and annoying than this list (though I do agree with some things on the list for restaurant staffers).

    Everyone else has already said what I’d say about not taking your issues out on your underpaid server, so all I’m gonna say is this:

    Jill, is your barista really adding water ON TOP of the sitting-beyond-its-lifespan espresso?
    No, no, no.
    As a barista and a coffee snob, this makes me cry a little.
    The proper americano should be (fresh) espresso shots poured OVER hot water.
    (Though it’s not as bad as I’ve seen once: a barista pouring hot water from the tap on top of black, grounds-filled espresso. Sigh.)
    Tell that barista how it’s done. It’s just not right that you should have to suffer through a bad americano.

23. I don’t understand the one about not “announcing your name”. If I”m serving a group of people wouldn’t it be helpful for them to know my name so they can have something to address me by if they need something? I personally hate being called “Miss”
    My biggest pet peeve is when people don’t tell you if something is wrong with their experience in any way, if I”m asking “How is everything”? it’s because I genuinely want to know and if something is wrong I will try to fix it, whether it involves getting the A/C turned down, sending your order back to be prepared to your liking or getting a manager. When I”m out at dinner I typically use this opportunity to order another drink or ask for condiments so I don’t have to search for my server and interrupt their service of another table. But it irks me when people act like all is well and then leave a crappy tip because it leaves me wondering where I went wrong.

24. If your barista lets your espresso sit they are not doing their job and you have every right to ask for a redo. If you want to be more delicate about this, just say you can taste the difference. ( espresso that sits too long goes bitter. )

25. I can’t believe Jill approvingly posted this article in the first place, much less in the midst of a fucking recession. I mean, its not as if I needed more evidence that I have nothing in common with affluent, well educated types who just happen to share some of my same political views.

    I think people who enjoy those articles wouldn’t recognize adversity if it was a pile of warm shit that they just stepped in.

26. It is not a relationship of equals; one person is serving, waiting on, another. It is a professional relationship, pleasant, but not friendly. Miss Manners points out, over and over, the problems we create by confusing the professional and the personal.

    Meanwhile: I don’t want ever again to be told that the alcohol has been “cooked out” of a sauce or dessert. This theory has been disproved, and I don’t want to have to discuss allergies or alcoholism with a server (yes, this has happened).

    And, on another level of getting overly personal, when one person orders dessert and his/her companion does not, I don’t want to be presented with two spoons. This puts the person ordering dessert in a difficult position. People who want to share a dessert can ask for an extra spoon.

    And please, please, please don’t comment on what I’ve eaten or not eaten or ask if I’m “still working on that?”

27. i’m a foodie but i never cared too much about service. in fact i knda like anti-service. one of my favorite restaurants is sushi yasuda in NYC, where one must sit at the sushi bar. master yasuda is a performance artist and he calls the shots. he’s sort of like the soup nazi of sushi. he’ll tell you what to do and you must earn the right to sit at his station.

    one time a woman dared order a california roll. yasuda told her this isn’t that type of place. she protested and got the silent evil eye. the customer is always wrong.

    great chefs should be diva’s, imo. we are their subjects.

28. Really Susan? Servers are mind readers huh? I should just know you are still eating or not. You may think that you give excellent cues when completing finished with your meal, but everyone that eats at restaurants are different. For example, turned down fork on plate most of the time signals one is done with their food. A woman at my table did that, but I still asked if she was done to be safe because Ive seen people actually smack a server’s hand away. She was so offended that I asked her because she was still eating. Some people take huge breaks while others scarf their food down without ever pausing. So please explain how I am supposed to magically know. Also, most of the time extra spoons are requested and if you dont bring one when it is not the other person is offended. Here’s a great rule of thumb when out dont seat the small stuff, because it’s not all about you sometimes. Mos servers try their best to please their guests, but it is impossible to know everyone’s preferences without prior knowledge to your specific preferences.

    We don’t automatically bring straws to tables at the restaurant I work at. Not my rule it is that of the owners. I had a woman who asked to speak to my manager after she paid her bill and that was her complaint. She never even asked my for a straw if she had I would have brought one right away. Even if she thought I was supposed to bring one to begin with why not just say I think you forgot my straw when I was at the table atleast six different times. So guess what even after her complaint and she knew that straws were at the requst of the guest she didn’t tip me at all. I lost money not even just with the IRS but I lost money on that exct table, because we tip out 2.5% of total sales not our tips so even if I get nothing I give the hosts and foodrunners money from that sale. So please don’t sweat the small stuff and give your server the information to fix a problem while they still can.
    Oh jill where I work you dont have the choice to wait untill all guests are done and pck them p together. That is typically only reserved for fine dining restaurants that have server assistants. It would be a bit impossible to grab eight dishes at once for one person. I have done six successfully and that is a stretch. Once again it is personal preference becasue some guests are irritated if you don’t get it right when they are done and others are beyond irrate if you do. That’s why I ask.

29. I don’t know who made this list but I prefer my plate be out of sight as soon as it is empty. The longer it stays in front of me the more likely I am to put my elbow in it or something like that.

30. “It is not a relationship of equals”

    Whoa.

    I think that says everything we need to know about people who think servers should be mind-readers who can usurp their bosses’ policies and do everything themselves even if it isn’t their job.

31. Also, “servers,” not “servants”

32. It was said before, but I really wanted to reiterate this (since I worked at a Starbucks for three years): Please, please, please ask for a re-do! Not only are you paying too much for a bad cup of coffee, but that barista will never make your drink correctly if you don’t tell them that it was made improperly in the first place. Not only that, but the baristas at Starbucks are massively super duper trained not to let shots sit for ten seconds. They are trained, in fact, to poor them the second the crema is done pouring, so that’s just unacceptable, in addition to the fact that they are massively super duper trained that an Americano gets water first, then shots. It might be just a service job to some people, but I take pride in my work, and I wanted the drinks I made for people to be perfect. That included the super persnickety customers who insist upon a grande in a venti one pump sugar-free vanilla no foam 200 degree two and a half splendas latte. I want it to be just exactly what you asked for.

33. Whoa… that should say “pour.” Apologies for all the typos.

34. Wow. Just, wow. I think “100 things restaurant patrons should never do” or “100 things restaurant patrons should be aware of about the restaurant industry before they leave a shitty fucking tip” would be more useful. I’ve never even been a server, and this list pisses me off.

    Not everything on the list is horrible, but the whole thing reads as a classist, condescending reprimand – you are not properly servile enough! Fuck that.

    I guess I just don’t even see why this list needs to exist. Sure, I’ve got restaurant pet-peeves, but none of them are all that horrible. And I’ve got pet-peeves for the grocery store, the post office, the DMV, my landlord, the liquor store, my phone company…

    Which is not to say I don’t think restaurant pet-peeves shouldn’t be talked about here – I totally hate it when the basic ingredients of dishes aren’t listed on the menu, because then I can’t really make a decision until I get a chance to ask the server, which I’m sure is annoying for them, too. But I deal.

    And if I ever find myself worrying about whether or not the wine bottle touches my wine glass while being poured (No 30), I’ll just count my lucky stars that it is something I actually have the time to worry about. And then I’ll leave an awesome tip.

35. Servers/ex-servers represent!

    As a just-above-minimum-wage food service drone, I’ve got to say, some of these tips are excellent (#5, fixing crooked tables; #12, never touching the rims of glasses), but a lot are repeats and quite a few are…misguided. For example, #7, “Do not announce your name. No jokes, no flirting, no cuteness”—I suppose in a classy joint like the author’s, stoicism will come off as genteel rather than detached. But, for me, cuteness is self-preservation. If I come off as a perky, sweet li’l corn-fed girl working her way through her first year of university (in actual fact I am naturally grumpy and several years older than I look), you’re slightly less likely to get on my case because I accidentally overcharged you thirty cents, and demand a refund even though it’s the middle of the lunch rush and there’s a line out the door. And I will lay on the charm with a trowel because those paltry tips add up and $20 a week or so may not seem like much to you, but it’s a lot to me.

    Rules for customers:

    1. Please don’t text or keep talking on the phone while you’re ordering. It’s just plain rude. It means a lot to hear a customer say on the phone, “Oh, I’ll call you back in a minute,” and then talk to me like a human being.

    2. Don’t throw or toss your money at me. What, are you afraid you’re going to catch proletarianitis?

    3. Be aware that, while you are an important customer, you are not the ONLY customer. Keep in mind that you might be in someone’s way. Don’t freak out because I grabbed a pastry you didn’t ask for, or skim milk when you asked for soy; I am working on an order for someone else. You know, a customer besides yourself. Don’t butt in line.

    Oh yeah, and Jill: go right ahead and call out that barista who can’t even make an Americano. BE that asshole who asks for a re-do.

36. The tone of that list felt icky to me too. That said, there are two things that I can absolutely, 100% agree with: no touching, and always bring back the change when a customer pays cash. The last server who got no tip from me, actually the only one I can remember, thought it was somehow appropriate to touch me frequently on the back and shoulders, and lean over the table in such a way that her hair fell across the back of my neck. This continued even after I asked her to stop. Creepy and totally inappropriate.

37. “Know before approaching a table who has ordered what. Do not ask, “Who’s having the shrimp?””

    I’ve yet to hear a convincing argument for why anyone gives a shit about this one.

38. As a frequent restaurant goer, I’m always pretty embarrassed when someone gives an awful tip. And I consider an awful tip generally only 10-15% depending on how the person has been. There are times when I have to go above my part of the tip so that I’m sure the server knows that they’re appreciated.

    They’re a server, not a servant, as someone said. They’re people just like us and frankly, sometimes have the worst job.

    It’s up to you if you want to tell me your name or not, but I tend to enjoy knowing it. And “do not tell me your favorites”? Screw that, I want to know if you have tried something and enjoyed it. It may not mean I’ll get it… but one of my favorite waitresses gushed over the food, and went on to tell how much they loved the food. That’s the reason they got a job there. Because of her, I got better food and more food than I would have normally, and I was thrilled.

    This list… sure, it has some nice things, mostly common sense, but get the stick out of your butt, Mr. Buschel. If an actor had you restricting them from having any personality, name, or anything, they wouldn’t be able to have a different Hamlet at all. And I pity anyone who works at your restaurant, because you have 5o more things on your list, and I just can’t wait to read about them. -eyeroll-

39. Agreed with those who have pointed out this is seriously classist.

    While I rarely eat in restaurants, I hate it when I’ve asked “Could you please tell me what on the menu is completely vegan?” only to get a response like, “Nothing, sorry.” You’re a restaurant, presumably you have a variety of non-animal food ‘components’ in your kitchen, and I can’t be the first vegan ever to grace your establishment. Please suggest a particular dish that may be modified, or tell me you’ll consult with the chef. Worse yet, please understand what ‘vegan’ means, and what ingredients come from animals; don’t tell me it’s vegan if it’s really fried in oil with chicken, made with animal stock, etc.

    Also, when the food arrives, please stop assuming that the vegan dish belongs to one of the thin girls at the table.

40. Xenu01, what the hell? The question was “What are your restaurant/food industry pet peeves?”, and Anna responded with “My restaurant pet peeve:” [accessibility stuff]

    What she very much did not say was “So I dock the server’s tip when the restaurant isn’t as accessible as the management says it is”. Why unload all over her specifically?

41. Seriously, Jill, tell your barrista to remake it. It doesn’t make you a jerk. Believe me. I worked at Starbucks as a supervisor shortly after I was discharged from the military. 10 seconds is longer than a shot should sit as a standard. Chances are the barrista has heard worse. Company policy is that if you don’t like it they will re-make it. I have had customers swear to me that they wanted very wet cappucinos, not lattes, when, according to their specifications, that is exactly what they were ordering, or that their Americano was too cold (you can not make the water any hotter…seriously, WTP?). It’s not a big deal…the shot should have layers when it is used, and that is what you should get.

    My personal pet peeve are people who act like your server is a slave. A person is not the sum of their job. Full stop.

42. “Know before approaching a table who has ordered what. Do not ask, “Who’s having the shrimp?””

    I’ve yet to hear a convincing argument for why anyone gives a shit about this one.

    Hear, hear. Some people really need to find something better to do than pick at imagined breaches of pointless rituals of obsequiosity. There’s one major base rule: treat each other like human beings. Once you accept that, the majority of the proscriptions in this article are unsustainable.

43. Just a really quick comment about tipping.
    I really disagree with the whole “If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to eat out.” thing.

    I live in NYC and for years I rented a room with no access to cooking facilities. I was not even allowed to have a microwave or a toaster. I didn’t even have access to a refrigerator. However, I had to make due because I was underemployed and unable to afford a better place to live.

    In this situation, I HAD to eat out. And, most of the time, I was financially unable to tip. Often, my finances were balanced so precariously I had JUST ENOUGH to get something small to eat, and a glass of water. I know many other people that were in, and still are in situations like I was. So, I guess what I am saying is I’m a little offended to hear that because I didn’t tip, I shouldn’t get to eat!

    I was always polite to my servers, and I still am. I tip what I can, when I can. I frequent the same places over and over. When service is good, I pull the server’s manager aside and say so. (I actually WANT my servers name so I can refer to them, by name, when I do this.) I treat the people serving me with respect, smile, ask them how their day is. Miraculously, even though I am a notoriously bad tipper because I have no $$, I still get very good service.

    We all do the best we can.

44. This post is so classist. As someone who took a lot of abuse working as a server, it really disgusts me to see this kind of thing on Feministe. Very disappointing.

    I can’t stand when people accuse baristas of not knowing how to make their drinks. I was an exceptionally skilled server, and had to go through a pretty rigourous training at each new workplace (three of them, to be exact). So what I’m saying is: I knew my shit. And even if I made a drink absolutely perfectly, someone was bound to complain about it. We, as servers, learn that the people complaining are usually only complaining to make themselves feel more important.

    ~Morgan

45. @ Amanda in the South Bay

    Why is it so terrible that Jill linked to this article during a recession? Do you believe that eating out during a recession is immoral?

    I didn’t see the list as demanding servile behaviour; in fact, it reduces the patron-waiter interaction to the bare necessities–which to me seems less obsequious than having to charm a tip out of the customer. I agree with “don’t tell me your name”, but I think it may be a cultural thing. In Europe no one tells you her name or tries to charm you, and I found it off-putting when I came to the States. It’s a false sort of friendliness, like the salespeople who ask how my day is going when I know they don’t really care, or neighbors who ask how I’m doing without waiting to hear the answer.

46. @shannon, there are places that don’t assume tipping, fast food, grocery stores for sandwiches… I dunno, just NOT tipping does cost servers. Not just doesn’t give them income they expected, but they are required to tip out THEMSELVES to other staff regardless of whether or not any money was left by the customer, and the government also taxes it, whether or not it was left. I dunno… personally I’d never eat out if I couldn’t afford to tip even if that meant a bit more boring peanut butter and jelly sandwiches…

47. I also think it’s classist to have standards for professionals, which is why I spend my workdays commenting on blogs.

48. Like I said before, servers, I love you guys, but please don’t assume I want a booth just because I have a service dog. Also, don’t try to feed or water him. he’s fine, I promise.

49. But the only reason for that is because men like them shame women into believing that they are not supposed to want sex! Women are supposed to want to “make love.” They are not supposed to fuck.

50. Shannon you get good service because the servers don’t want to be fired. They have to give good service regardless of what you tip. I’m sure the places you frequent the servers know your reputation as a bad tipper and they cringe when they see you. obviously they wouldn’t tell you that because they want to keep their job. They all probably silenting hope you are not in their section for the night. Yes you cost them money by not tipping like others have said. Once again, you have other options. If your bill is 20 dollars the server has to claim about 2 dollars to the IRS and they also have to pay the other staff about 50 cents. Fifty cents is not alot of money but why should they be in the negative at all for you wanting to eat there and not tipping? A four dollar tip would be appropriate on a twenty dollar bill. just fyi

51. “I’d never eat out if I couldn’t afford to tip even if that meant a bit more boring peanut butter and jelly sandwiches…”

    YES jemand! Tipping should be FACTORED IN TO YOUR BUDGET FOR THE MEAL. If you want the $15 item, but only have $15, then get the $10 item, unless someone offers to pitch in a few bucks for you.

    Ugh…the next time I go out with a group of people, and we’re all pitching in cash at the end of the meal and everybody says “Well my meal was 19.99” and they throw in a 20, I will scream. People, your meal is 19.99 plus tax, plus tip. Have some decency. Don’t make your friends tip for you just because you don’t give a shit about your server’s salary. (Yes, the tip is *part of his/her actual salary.*)

52. I waited tables for three years, so yeah, I disagree with a lot in this article. But at the same time, I have to say, I really hate what tipping has become in Canada over the last few years. For some reason, our view of an acceptable tip has kept rising in accordance with the U.S.’s despite the fact that in most provinces, servers earn minimum wage at the very least. So restaurant prices factor in paying a full wage to all the staff, and now customers are expected to pay an extra 20% minimum on top of that. Ironically could afford to eat out when I was a server, but I haven’t been able to since.

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