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FNTT Season 7, Round 2: Noel Granite vs. sOUTH tEXAS sHAMAN vs. jerrymack

Jill

troll doll

Round Two of the seventh season of Feministe’s Next Top Troll is still underway. Today, vote for your favorite between three winners of their respective Round One brackets. The victor will go on to Round Three, and will be one step closer to winning the crown of Feministe’s Next Top Troll.

1. Noel Granite:

11 cunts all of the same mundane mind set write about the same things over and over again. I noticed how most of you come from lib bastions or moved to lib bastions to show your ‘independence”.You have cats and you like wine and don’t feel photogenic.All the typical lib-wench likes and dislikes. C’mon admit it, how many of you sluts take anti-depressants? I stumbled on your site and then I laughed and I laughed and I laughed. First, learn how an AC works or how water magically appears out of the sink(so you can wash the makeup and cum off your faces) before you tell us all how smart you are. The little girl with the shotgun….don’t you wish. If it ever comes to that my little darlings you will be running faster than anything you ever wrote. Remember, my sword IS mightier than your pens.

2. sOUTH tEXAS sHAMAN

“Pro-choice” my ass. Jesus is watching each of you who would advocate/encourage/allow the SATANIC RITE of MURDERING AN UNBORN BABY, here in the Last Days when supernatural evil is progressively turned loose on the earth (as pre-ordained by the Creator), as per the prophecies. You satanic baby-killers (choice my ass) will stand DIRECTLY before Him (and do even now, as He watches you, every moment: bad Karma, baby), just before you are thrown into hell. ? “Choice” (!?): WHAT CHOICE? –WHAT CHOICE DOES THE UNBORN PERSON HAVE, IF UNLUCKY ENOUGH TO FIND ITSELF IN THE SATANIC WOMB OF A WOMAN SATANIC ENOUGH TO MURDER AN HELPLESS, UNBORN PERSON WITHIN HER, -“LEGALLY”, ACCORDING TO A BARBARIC, SATANIC, LATTER DAY “LEGAL” SYSTEM???!!!
Ask Him: He’s invisible (for now), but you can talk DIRECTLY to Him (to hell with the “legal “system, which is supposed to originate with God anyway, and with satanic organized “religion” and its false priestcraft, which lets this satanic crap go on). Or DON’T talk to Him- THAT IS A “CHOICE” YOU CAN MAKE, ONCE MADE AWARE OF THAT CHOICE, as I have just done here.
Namaste, Ed, South Texas Shaman

3. jerrymack:

In spite of your negative judgment on the Cathy strip, there were many people, myself included, who liked the strip. It certainly would not have lasted this long if it did not have a following. How long do you suppose this blog of yours will last? Not 34 years I will bet you. And in case you are eager to put me down as a moron, I would like to tell you that I was accepted into Mensa. I am not bragging about this, but just providing the information so you may ascribe a level of value to my comments.


47 thoughts on FNTT Season 7, Round 2: Noel Granite vs. sOUTH tEXAS sHAMAN vs. jerrymack

  4. It’s really hard to choose: knowing that water from a sink can be used to wash the cum off my wenchy face, the mix of Buddhist/christian theological concepts, or mensa. I’m leaning towards mensa, but wow, the others are also AWESOME trolling.

  6. I actually just misread “SATANIC RITE of MURDERING AN UNBORN BABY” as “MURDERING AN UNICORN BABY” so that gave it an extra something special.

  7. I voted for Shaman myself because of all the religious confusion but especially because I liked hir use of “Satanic.”

    That said, I definitely just reread the entire thread based on the MENSA comment. Still funny.

  9. sOUTH tEXAS sHAMAN all the way. Noel’s pretty transparently stringing together words just to be obnoxious with no relationship existing between those words and his beliefs. jerrymack, despite protestations to the contrary, is just a moron and if not a liar is a piece of evidence supporting the claim that high I.Q. does not correlate with reasoning ability anywhere nearly as strongly as most people think.

    sHAMAN is a wonderful troll, the only one of the three who’s a proper example of Poe’s law.

  12. All of you SATANIC commenters and your SATANIC COMPUTERS will all go to hell. Jesus is watching you and your SATANIC feminist comments. You stupid SATANIC progressive independent intelligent women!

    Mensa was funny, but the occult powers of my satanic womb has persuaded me the other way.

  13. Hmmm…. South Texas SHAMAN should check out Deut. 18:9:

    “There shall not be found among you anyone who makes his son or his daughter pass through the fire, one who uses divination, one who practices witchcraft, or one who interprets omens, or a sorcerer.”

  14. jerrymAACK! for not only (unintentionally?) rhyming his name with Cathy’s most famous exclamation of dismay, but also because of his calm confidence/assurance that name-dropping MENSA automatically makes one an authority on such matters and adds “value” to one’s writing.

  15. Dammit, these are getting difficult!

    Had to go for Noel, though. “Blah, blah… SLUTS!… Blah, blah… WENCHES!” We all have cats! We all live in “liberal bastions” where we feel ugly! Reading stuff like this is what stops me from missing my hot but psychotic ex.

  16. Oh, yes, the sOUTH tEXAS sSHAMAN. Because, you know, the spittle. Oh, yes. The sPITTLE. tHE sATANIC sPITTLE.

    tHAT, aND tHE mIXING oF hINDU, sHAMANIC, aND cHRISTIAN iMAGERY.

    FTW.

  17. South Texas Shaman: If you can kindly direct me to where you buy your corn whiskey (which no doubt has a rattle snake pickling in the bottom of the mason jar) I would be greatly obliged.

  18. I liked Shaman’s reference to “satanic organized ‘religion.”’ I have a sneaking suspicion he might have been thrown out of a church or two. Or more.

  19. Reading stuff like this is what stops me from missing my hot but psychotic ex.

    Did you just use psychotic as an insult?

    Ableism=NOT COOL

  20. The Shaman, all the way. Good round, but the laughs are many and varied. I really do like that a womb can be 100% satanic, but a woman only has to be “satanic enough” – every time I reread it, there’s a new giggle that I missed previously.

  22. sOUTH tEXAS sHAMAN.

    First, we have the lower-upper-case-reversed moniker coupled with the SHOUTING.
    And then we move on to the, uh, theology discussion.

    For starters.

  23. sOUTH tEXAS sHAMAN

    For the total trifecta of trollish aWESOME.

    1) Religious attach paired with spiritual confusion on the part of the speaker. Namaste.

    2) TEH CAPS! OHMIGOD!!!!1!!! tEH cAPS!

    3) Satanic wombs. Cuz I’ll tell you, once a month, I totally agree with this guy.

  24. Definitely Shaman, because it is so wonderful how he goes from spittle-drenched all caps vitriol about EVIL SATANIC UNNATURAL BABY MURDERERS and then is all “hey, namaste, dude” at the end.

    Like: YOU WILL ALL BURN IN HELLFIRE YOU UNSPEAKABLY EVIL WITCHES, I bow to your form.

  31. Ooh a tough choice. Shaman temps me with his incoherent ranting and SATANIC wombs is hard to pass up.

    Noel is just too hate-filled and spiteful, but I like the bit about cats blah blah and not feeling “photogenic”.

    Jerry wins for the petulant tone and the “Mensa, so there!” gauntlet.

  32. I went with Mr. Mensa on this one. The first guy was very very concerned about our hygiene and mental health (both important issues), the second guy was clearly concerned about our satanic uteri (a likewise serious topic) … and the last guy wanted to talk about Cathy. Which is, um, slightly less dire… 😀

  34. PrettyAmiable: That said, I definitely just reread the entire thread based on the MENSA comment. Still funny. PrettyAmiable

    It just makes my ears bleed again…ah, the memories 🙂

  35. “lib-wench”! “my little darlings”! If Noel weren’t so hateful, he’d have a great future in comedy. I am SO signing off as lib-wench from now on.

  37. I picked jerrymack because while most commentators here seem to have no problem rightly condemning slut-shaming and anti-choice rhetoric, the original thread concerning jerrymack’s comment brought out a lot of ableist nastiness from others here.

    That’s a problem. Jerrymack’s ridiculousness brought the bigotry in some of you to light. Hir trolling led to many people here disrespecting an already terribly marginalized group of folks. That needs to be acknowledged, and for that I think jerrymack more than earned the Top Troll moniker.

  38. I can’t argue August’s point, as I wasn’t there.

    Therefore, based on this (and this may be “The Group of Death”, as all the contenders are so strong) I have to go with sHAMAN.

    TeH CapS SHOuting!

    Weird mixes of religious imagery.

    And, of course, Satanic Wombs.

  41. This one was pretty tough. I like the equating feminism with being depressed and needing medication, but the SATANIC WOMBS and religious hysteria completely won me over.

    It’s nice to know that even though I’m a happy atheist, my womb is sentient enough to choose its own religious affiliation.

  42. Noel Granite’s and sOUTH tEXAS sHAMAN’s comments are full of typical troll tropes and thus strike me as cliché. jerrymack, however, brings something new to the discourse with Mensa. I am always charmed by a man who mentions his own high IQ, because sometimes intelligence is hard to convey in writing. Kudos to jerrymack!

  44. William: South Texas Shaman: If you can kindly direct me to where you buy your corn whiskey (which no doubt has a rattle snake pickling in the bottom of the mason jar) I would be greatly obliged.  (Quote this comment?)

    Now that’s just some good eatin’ there.

  46. Jerrymack was already out in front for me because his trollery was so much more subtle and original than the other two (violent rhetoric & religious wackaloonery, respectively). MENSA was just the snort-inducing icing on the cake.

    VOTE JERRYMACK!!!

  47. The way I see it, this contest is between Noel Granite and South Texas Shaman. Jerrymack isn’t even in the same leaugue! I’m voting for Noel. The above is hardly his best work. He is capable of so much more. I know because I am a friend of his and have received many much more inspired and mindboggling messages. Below I am posting a longtime favorite of mine. I think anyone reading it will have to agree, Noel Granite is most deserving of the award. Here goes:
    “Nice lefty spin you pill popping imbecile.We insource jobs alot more than we outsource them so go ahead and crank up the regulations on other countries and see
    what happens,moron.Funny how you socialist cry
    > > > that
    > > > > we don’t embrace the international community
    > yet
    > > > now
    > > > > you cry about Americans losing thier jobs
    > to
    > > these
    > > > > same countries,sounds like the same BS you
    > and
    > > > your
    > > > > dirtbag greens scream about with your so
    > called
    > > > > worries about the American soldier who you
    > > > couldn’t
    > > > > give a fuck about.
    > immediately to the bottom of the worthless pile
    > > > and
    > > > > left thier to think how she has the nerve
    > to
    > > tell
    > > > > people how to live and think from the pages
    > of
    > > the
    > > > > NYT.Keep your fucking laws out of my
    > wallet!I
    > > > laugh
    > > > > as
    > > > > you throw around the “brilliant” verb as
    > some
    > > > > feckless
    > > > > individual speaks 4 languages and
    > understands
    > > the
    > > > > nuances of a upstroke of a
    > paintbrush,typical,
    > > as
    > > > > long
    > > > > as one libs pats another on the back with
    > what
    > > > they
    > > > > consider an accomplishment in thier world is
    > all
    > > > > that
    > > > > matters.By the way your precious Nobel
    > prize
    > > > another
    > > > > invention of liberal elitism(Peace prize to
    > > > > Arafat?!)was actually given to an economist
    > who
    > > > > thought tax breaks should be larger.It’s fun
    > to
    > > > > watch
    > > > > your favorite little socialist countries
    > > struggle
    > > > > with
    > > > > their inane tax plans,thier unemployment
    > > > > double,triple
    > > > > ours.It’s such common sense to help
    > corporations
    > > > and
    > > > > small buisness’s,because they HIRE
    > > people,elitist
    > > > > artists hire NO ONE!Listen you have been
    > > > surrounded
    > > > > with a liberal mindset and one hell of a
    > cushy
    > > > life
    > > > > so
    > > > > you have an excuse but for the people who
    > try to
    > > > > survive and do the best they can,they
    > shouldn’t
    > > be
    > > > > punished with your airhead ideals.I’m
    > telling
    > > you
    > > > > now
    > > > > any commentary you throw at me I will have
    > a
    > > > > response
    > > > > that is carried with a knowledge that is
    > well
    > > read
    > > > > and
    > > > > studied,just not by the leftists you swear
    > > by.This
    > > > > is
    > > > > an election built on beliefs,nothing
    > > more,nothing
    > > > > less
    > > > > and your selfish,whiny, elitist and even to
    > an
    > > > > extent
    > > > > racist(hate the way that word has been
    > beaten to
    > > > > uselessness by the left)views are not best
    > > served
    > > > > except for the privledged couch potato who
    > > doesn’t
    > > > > have a clue.
    > > >

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