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FNTT Season 7: the Chicks, man. Chicks. round

Jill

roast chicken in a bikini

Background on Feministe’s Next Top Troll is here. Today we bring you trolls who are flummoxed by the behavior of crazy-thinking, irrational, estrogen-addled ladies. As a warning, some of these comments contain sexually violent and rape-related language that may be triggering.

Vote for your favorite below the fold.

1. youreally@suck.com

You should all be ashamed of yourselves. You’re pathetic, and what’s wrong with the feminist movement today. You marginalize people because of your own insecurities, and supply endless ammunition to social conservatives by acting exactly like the straw feminists they accuse you of being.
And yes, this applies to the mods who will read this and delete it as much as the odious posters on this more or less well meaning blog.


2. myna lee johnstone

So we have the 2 ladies, A and B:
A says the condom broke
Did she say: Stop! Stop!??
Then the account with lady B, dressed up in pretty PINK sweater and perching in front row, hanging about in groupie style, willing to provide her service to a guy who is somewhat of a celebrity and attracted to him partly because of this and probably mostly because of this. Seems as tho she played a role of temptress as
well.Intent always seems to come into laws.
What was her intent?
And…. did these ladies carry condoms with them,their choice of brands?
Like, let’s get liberated!

3. Howie Feltersnatch

Chicks need to be a little freer with the poontang and not get so uptight about taking the log to the beaver and we wouldn’t have these problems.

4. blah@the.net:

This is rubbish! You cant seriously believe those women.

Rape is evil. I agree with that. But how convenient easy it is for women to destroy a mens life by accusing he has forced her to sexual intercourse. Just tell, you need no proof.. everybody believes you. men down.. you win.
ever heard of a way men can destroy a women legally this easy?
its like in medival times, when men accused women to be a witch.. hej she got burned. everythings fine, life goes on.
today a women says he raped me… he gets burned by he media and is screwed. why is it you have to proof your innocence? it should be the other way around.

I believe in Assange

PS: He raped a women while she was sleeping? this is so unlikely.
noone can tell me she wouldnt notice someone´s doing her, because she sleeps. this is totally BS

5. Dempseyjonez:

This article has a great, funny premise and I understand that the tone you were going for, but it is far too verbose. Get out that blue editing pencil Jilly; guys dont like chicks to yap too much either.


33 thoughts on FNTT Season 7: the Chicks, man. Chicks. round

  1. I thought seriously about Howie… Howie, dudes just need to be a little smarter about male privilege and negotiating the sexual side of relationships, and then we wouldn’t have these problems.

    But in the end, I gave it to blah, because I, too, know how fucking EASY it is to destroy a man’s life by claiming he raped you. Oh, wait, is that victim-blaming and rape-apology I hear?

  2. I had to vote for Myna because she informed me that I need to update my wardrobe to reflect that PINK sweater is the new short skirt in the asking for it department.

  3. Damn, this is a tough round.

    youreally@suck.com = points for wrapping up by describing Feministe as a “more or less well meaning blog.” this might be the weakest parting shot EVER.

    myna lee = points for assuming PINK = asking for it. those pretty princess bedrooms they design for girl children just took on a whole new meaning.

    howie = points for coming up with what might be the most unappealing and nonsensical euphemism for heterosexual intercourse I have ever read.

    blah = points for failing to use spellcheck and for believing women can prevent rape even in their sleep.

    Dempsey = points for pure dickhead condescension. “Jilly”? “Far too verbose”? Gee … thanks for the style tips! Why aren’t you writing for this blog instead of me … oh, wait. That’s why!

    In the end, I voted for Howie to pay him back for turning me off penetration for the rest of the day.

  4. That picture… is so disturbing. o.O

    Anyway, I went with myna because…. that comment makes no sense.

    But I was tempted by blah, for this

    noone can tell me she wouldnt notice someone´s doing her, because she sleeps. this is totally BS

    uhm WTF. Yes she WOULD wake up–but before she does and tells you can keep going, YOU ARE RAPING HER.

  5. It was going to be myna, but this line by blah@the.net

    PS: He raped a women while she was sleeping? this is so unlikely.
    noone can tell me she wouldnt notice someone´s doing her, because she sleeps. this is totally BS

    won me over. Because it’s only rape if you don’t notice amirite?

  7. blah….hands down.

    I like how he compared the colonial days witch burnings with that of accusing men of rape and equating them to be one in the same. Yes, women/girls being BURNT TO DEATH on a pole is JUST LIKE being accused of rape, for men.

    I also enjoyed its statement that one should have to prove one’s guilt instead of one’s innocence. “I am GUILTY I SWEAR!!!….believe me!” Yeah, right.

    The spelling was a nice treat too.

  10. I have discovered that these comments usually fall into one of two categories. Either they’re completely serious and quickly degenerate into semi-coherent rants, or they try to provoke by making purely inflammatory, smart-assed statements that are never meant to be taken without a grain of salt.

    I voted for Dempseyjonez because here we have a classic subterfuge setup that starts out like constructive criticism, but then reveals its author’s real intentions as it moves directly to condescension. One could make an impressive chart of rhetorical and logical fallacies just by examining trollish comments.

  11. wow – really-horrible-round, apparently… close race, but i vote for blah. the “witch” hunting analogy and the rather confusing “i do not believe that you do not notice someone raping you whilst being unconscious, therefore, you cannot be raped whilst being unconscious because you would notice, being conscious” were too good to pass. *shudder*

  13. This is one round that I cannot participate in, sadly. The troll comments regarding Assange and rape are just too triggering for me to be able to step back and mock.

    Frownies ;_;

  14. Myna, because I kept thinking, “This is the worst screenplay pitch EVER”, but I have a feeling she could work a straight-to-video release out of it.

  15. Wow, Howie’s just given me the best-worst euphemism EVER. And of course, the beautiful, “rape wouldn’t be a problem if women always said yes!” logic.

    I voted for blah for three reasons. 1) Massive victim-blaming and, “OMG ruining men’s lives!” spiel, 2) semantics (I usually take “believe in” to mean “believe exists,” not “believe”), and 3) because I tend not to notice things when I’m ASLEEP.

  16. Most of the rounds this season were highly entertaining, but these trolls are just horrifying. I don’t even think I can vote this round.

  19. Oh, wow. I’m torn between “dressed up in pretty PINK sweater and perching in front row” and the witch burning analogy. They’re both just so odious. I guess I’ll go with blah, though. The witch hunt analogy was just too nonsensical.

  20. blah for this:
    “its like in medival times, when men accused women to be a witch.. hej she got burned. everythings fine, life goes on.
    today a women says he raped me… he gets burned by he media and is screwed.”

    Right, because you can just move on from being burned alive at the stake. At least when a man gets charged with rape he isn’t put to death.

  21. All horrifying…went with Howie cuz he was the only one who made me laugh. The others…I’m just not gonna dwell on I guess.

  22. I’m going to have to go with blah, simply because they were stunningly honest–burning a woman to death on false accusations of witchcraft is not nearly as bad as accusing a man of rape. Who knew?

  23. Myna, for the PINK sweater comment. But if I had noticed Howie’s chosen surname, “Feltersnatch,” he would have won for the beaver/log euphemism.

  24. I’m giving love to yousuck because the whole “maybe some people are well meaning” had just that trollish eau de passive-aggressive that I couldn’t resist.

    Also, the others just pissed me off and I couldn’t laugh at them.

  25. Oh my gracious me! This is one contest that has to be a five-way tie for ludicrous-ness!
    1) neo-feminism is pathetic and I am a sucker for being called pathetic! I marginalize others because I am insecure! Every word is gold.
    2) myna know exactly what “attracted” the victim to the rapist.
    3) because a “log” is a poop in my book. plus we all need to loosen up for manz. And bonus for use of “poontang” I think i just vomited a little.
    5) tell me again how men want me to sit down and shut up, tool.

    But the winner is blagh for HEJ! I mean really– HEJ!
    Hej! Hej! LOL!!! Hej! I can’t stop typing it! HEJ!
    Hej.

  27. when men accused women to be a witch.. hej she got burned. everythings fine, life goes on.

    Blah, because without his mansplanation, I would not have known that after being burned at the stake, “everything is fine, life goes on.” Huh. All this time I thought being burned at the stake actually killed women. In a horrible manner.

  28. Blah, for covering all the major troll bases.

    WTF is hej? Not a letter-on-the-keyboard away from any 3 letter word that comes to mind, nor an extra letter, or even one missed letter out of three.

    Women’s actual lives being less important than a legal problem a man is statistically way-more-likely-than not to overcome PLUS the idea that people are REALLY in control of the situation when they’re unconscious? Plus the idea that it’s easy and convenient to accuse someone of rape? Pure gold.

    Very thankful that this round was as full of OMG, could an actual human being possibly say that, even completely in jest and mocking the worst of the worst, as I expect from Feministe trolls. FNTT contests should be full of “let me tell the kyriarchily privileged in my life how thankful I am that they’re human beings and NOT LIKE THAT,” while alternating between reaching for the brain bleach and laughing hysterically.

    Excellent round.

  29. Hmm. It’s hard to decide…

    Myna, for the notion that wearing PINK means that you can’t be raped. All along I was thinking that green was the magic color that denotes consent. Damn!

    Howie, because I need mental bleach to get the log/beaver euphemism out of my head. Also for the idea that if women would just put out more, guys wouldn’t rape.

    Blah, for likening rape to the witch trials and the notion that a woman can’t be raped if she’s asleep.

    I think I’m going to go with Howie, for the use of “poontang”.

    *shakes head*

  32. Holy shit, I HAD to go with blah for saying then EVERYONE BELIEVES a woman when she says she was raped. OH REALLY NOW.

  33. Howie’s gotta be a POE. Nobody describes sex like that, not even frat boys.

    I went with Myna because s/he has a sort of female-sounding name, which just makes the rape apologetics that much more horrific.

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