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The Hair Journey.

As I mentioned in my ‘hello!’ post, I started a hair tumblr recently. The short reason is because I wanted to look at pictures of awesome hair. The long reason, well, it’s a little complicated.

I went natural two years ago, after having relaxed hair longer than I could remember. I don’t fault my mom for that at all — she was a working woman with a crazy commute, and my dad’s one attempt at doing my hair resulted in all of my hair being cut off. As a natural hair neophyte, I had all the zealousness one would expect. I pored over the black hair internet, reading hair boards like Naturally Curly and Nappturality, found as many hair blogs as I could, tried dozens of products, and stalked natural hair Fotki accounts whenever I had the time.

But by immersing myself so deeply in the online natural hair world, I soon became the bane of my straight-haired friends. I tried really, really hard to not push nappiness on them, but a simple answer about a hair product I use would inevitably turn into a diatribe about the evils of the perm or how heat straightening causes incalculable damage. I was that nappy.

I was at times a devotee of coconut oil. Then shea butter. Then castor oil. Then henna. I tried them all, with mixed results. I learned the lingo, and went strictly CG for a while (CG being shorthand for Curly Girl, the all-natural regimen developed by British ‘curl advocate’ Lorraine Massey). I became a no-pooer. I was fervent about my curls, and spent hours trying to ‘type’ my hair. I watched 400 Years Without A Comb.

But something happened about a year into my ‘natural hair journey.’ My natural laziness reasserted itself. I lost the wonder at each tiny curl, and stopped deep conditioning, stopped henna-ing, and started occasionally using regular shampoo (well, Trader Joe’s shampoo. I still don’t mess with sulfates). I pared down my product usage, and even though I occasionally branch out to other brands, I generally stick to three. I use two hair products a day, a moisturizer and a gel, whereas before, I was using 3-5. I decided people should have whatever hair works for them, because hey, they’re the ones who have to style it.

And I stopped reading the hair boards and blogs. I think they are invaluable for the newbies out there — they’re the best place to get answers, support, and great ideas. But a lot of angst and anxiety over natural hair still exists, and it’s played out daily online. There are women who think natural hair isn’t natural unless it meets a particular set of criteria (which, by the way, reminds me a lot of the fights over Real Feminism), and there are women who think that straight hair on a black woman is the equivalent of mental slavery. I’m at a point where I can’t deal with all of that. But I do still crave pictures of beautiful hair. It can be naturally straight, naturally nappy, colored, grey, styled, or unstyled. I just want to look at it.

That’s the long version of why I started a hair tumblr.


23 thoughts on The Hair Journey.

  1. Ahhh… as opposed to my own combination of hair loss, the uncooperative nature of gray hairs, the unwillingness to deal with the smell(!) of Dark and Lovely, and a wife who got tired of me using more product than she does. 🙂

    BTW, I’m pretty sure I’m the lightest-skinned guy to ever buy Dark and Lovely. Ever.

  2. It’s often difficult to keep your desire to be different, even for the best of reasons, turn into your own personal crusade. Crusaders are not normally known for being live and let live.

  3. Oooooh! You have some gorgeous photos on there!

    I’m always fascinated when people can do hair. It’s an art form I was just never taught. The other day, my little girl asked me to put hers up in a french braid, and I was all, “Sorry, sweetness. I have no clue how that works.” Sad.

    But very cool pics! That was my point.

  4. Until I was about 30, my hair was poker straight. Through most of my adolescent years, I got perm after perm. My hair was so straight, it wouldn’t hold a perm for long – and curly&big was how a girl’s just HAD to be.

    Then, one day, I noticed my hair was falling off when I touched it, so I shaved off all my damaged, permed, bleached hair.

    I grew up in a very small town (less than 2,000 people – and the largest town in the county). I had to endure a shitstorm, but sprinkled in were comments (whispered, of course) about how brave I was.

    That was actually the turn-around point for my self-esteem.

    When my hair grew back in, I relished in my straight hair – so what if it wasn’t what everyone else had – it was mine. It was me.

    Now, in my mid-thirties, something is causing my hair to turn curly. Here’s what I’ve learned:

    My hair was a symbol of of trying (and failing) to fit in to a community that wasn’t mine. My hair was a symbol of taking my first steps into a world where I set the rules and boundaries for my self-esteem rather than letting someone else dictate it. Now, my hair is just hair. And, that’s ok too.

  5. I remember when I was very young, I had really long naturally curly hair…and oh, how I hated not having the perfect blonde straightness that every other girl seemed to have. My mom used to style my hair in ways that embarrass me to this day, and I never truly learned to love my hair until I had it chemically straightened and cut pixie short (almost buzzed) about a year ago. And now that the curl has come back in, though I have kept it short, I have begun to love it.

    I remember when it was very long, it was impossible to style; too heavy to fit in up-do’s, too frizzy to wear it down, and too unruly to straighten with a regular flat-iron. I am still a little envious of people who manage to keep long hair that makes them feel beautiful, but now I feel ever so much prettier with short no-fuss hair that compliments my facial features much better than length.

    It’s amazing what hair can do for or to a person’s self esteem. Great post!

  6. Hair is tricky. I have hiplength straight hair, and while for me it’s very simple to maintain (brush out twice a day, keep in a non-damaging updo like braids or knotted bun, wash weekly, oil monthly), it’s got a lot of stuff associated with it. People who see me with it loose think they know things about my religion or my feminism. Currently it’s colored. When I start to go grey, I will shave my head and start over. (Cause I think a long braid with dark hair that has white and grey streaks is cool.)

  7. I applaud you for staying true to yourself when others are stuck in “group think.” I went through the same thing years ago when I decided to lock my hair. I caught so much backlash from all of my friends who still had straight hair. But it’s funny how some people can bash something one minute and hop on the band wagon the next. 12 years later, more than half of my friends are locked now. The reason: They said they loved how full and healthy my hair looked once it grew out. Plus they started encountering massive breakage and baldness due to years of perm and punishment.

    Juliette Samuel

  8. My hair has always been really manageable, but boring. Dark, somewhere between thick and thin, and straight but not really straight. Up until about three or so years ago my hair was really long and it’s natural color. Then I cut it really short, experimented with different styles, and about six months just buzzed it all off. It was incredibly freeing not to have to maintain this long hair that was so important “as a woman.” I’m currently sporting an inch-long mohawk and I couldn’t be happier, because now I finally have the courage to do with my hair what I always wanted.

  9. Every summer I cut off around 14 inches of my hair, leaving it just above my shoulders. And every year it comes back just as quickly no matter what I do. It is thick, very very thick, frizzy, and in that unfortunate area between wavy and straight. When my hair has just dried it’s at its absolute worst, standing up as if I were touching a Van der Graaf generator. Throughout the year (yes, regardless of humidity status) I sport a frizzy halo, everpresent unless I’m willing to use hairspray (which I rarely am as I hate the hard feeling). In truth, if I was willing to make more concessions to it – monthly hair cuts, using more products, brushing more than once a day – it might be more manageable but I value sleep and hobby time more than looking good. As is I just throw it up into a bun (tightly secured with roller pins and multiple hair ties) and lust after more manageable hair even as people compliment my hair for all the things that make it such a bane of my existence, though I will admit to admiring it myself in those rare times it does cooperate though in this heat I curse it daily.

  10. I love those beautiful pictures. I’ve always lusted after distinctive hair, but mine is naturally lank enough that I’ve never really been able to manage anything good. It is what it is.

    My hair has always been a kind of barometer of my emotional state. When I’m happy (usually in the context of a relationship), I let it grow, and when things go bad, I chop it off in a huff. Through the end of college and even onward, it never made it far past a chin-length bob. Two years into my current–very happy–relationship, it was down past my collarbone. And then a month ago, in deference to the ridiculous Alabama heat and humidity, I cut it back to my shoulders. The comment I got repeatedly? “I love your hair!… Is everything okay?”

  11. Awesome pics! This post is right on time; I’ve been thinking about my hair all day! Yesterday I made an appointment at a hair salon for the first time in probably five years and I am super stoked. I’ve been natural for 7-8 years and have been keeping it buzzed since I pretty much have no idea how to do my own hair. I’m starting locs next month and I am so flippin excited!

    I’ll be keeping an eye on your tumblr. Thanks for sharing!

  12. Love this! I went all natural last fall and I’m never going back. I’m very low-maintenance when it comes to hair/makeup/clothes, so I love that I only use one product daily and two products weekly–mango oil daily, shampoo and conditioner weekly. I really need better shampoo and conditioner that isn’t filled with scary chemicals, but that’s my only worry. I wear my hair in the simplest of petite Afros (yes, it’s very ’70s). Don’t you just love simplicity?

    For the first few months I felt like I had to compensate with more makeup or more jewelry, but seriously, eff that noise. I’m still punching an army of insecurities into submission, but isn’t every woman?

    P.S. I love that tumblr! Consider me a loyal follower when I start my own tumblr in a couple weeks.

  13. I embarked on my natural journey almost 2 years ago. My decision was based solely on my spirit of noncomformity and because I value my time.

    I have better things to do with my time than sit in your beauty shop for four hours with six other chicks that have the same 9:00am appointment you gave me!

    So, after rocking an extremely short texturizer for 3 years, I decided to let it go and grow. As my hair grew, the relaxer/texturizer grew out along with it.

    The best part of my journey was realizing that my hair wasn’t “bad” after all. And like you, I don’t blame my mother. Straightening the nappy was just the easier thing to do back then. Now I know better.

    The funniest part of the journey has been other women of color desiring to “touch” it…questioning me about how I care for it…some even urging me to “relax” it. It’s not their fault. They haven’t arrived at the same point I have in my life’s journey. And perhaps they never will.

    After all, it is MY journey!

  14. I love this post and I love your honestly. It’s so refreshing to hear someone talk about the natural/relaxed hair this way.

    I got a relaxer when I was about ten. A couple of years ago, I stopped getting relaxers at the encouragement of my ex-boyfriend. (First and only black man in my life to think natural hair was beautiful). My hair was beautiful and looked so healthy and I could flat iron it if I wanted to wear it straight.

    But wow. It was so eye opening to see who had what to say. It wasn’t what I expected. The only negative comments I heard were from black men. Not all of them had negative comments of course. It was actually pretty disheartening.

    It was perfect for me because in the summer I would prefer my hair non-straight (because of the heat and humidity) and in the winter I prefer it straight because it’s low maintenance (wrap). But I went to a hair stylist who didn’t know what she was doing, and then I switched birth control which affected my hair. Now it’s mildly relaxed. I found a good stylist that can do my hair with or without a relaxer (she prefers not to use them on my hair) and the relaxers she has are mild enough for me. Not sure what I’m going to do next.

    Alex- It’s amazing what conclusions people draw about you from your hair. I will confess to having done that myself, assuming extremely long hair was a religious indication.

    Dawn- My friend just told me about shampoo and conditioner at Trader Joe’s. I’m not sure what it’s called but it’s supposed to be natural and really good.

  15. I’m not sure if this is appropriate for this particluar discussion, and if not feel free to delete 🙂

    But there is so much politics behind hair, and black women/Woc might feel more comfortable going natural if people weren’t so hostile about it. I interned at a finance company when my hair was natural and the boss (old white misogynistic asshole) made it a point to tell me at the end that I “just didn’t try hard enough to look like everyone else in the office.”

    The only other people in this brokerage office were white men and 2 white women. I’m not entirely sure how I could have looked like them, even if my hair was straight. I’m not even sure he was referring to my hair because the statement was just so irrational. I asked for clarification on this statement but got none. And I have a mixed background so I didn’t even really have an afro. The message is that anything but straight and/or silky is unnaceptable in corporate America.

  16. I love this post. I started coloring my hair blond between 8 and 10. Then dealing with the roots ensured that I didn’t go back for a REALLY long time. I cut my hair from a bob to about 2 inches all over at age 20, keeping the blond a little longer. Once my roots got long enough to cut out the blond and still have hair, I let it go. Forever. Now, my hair is still VERY short, but it’s also very natural. My natural color is a dark blond that I always hated on as dull and boring. But now I love it. It’s actually not dull at all; it’s just not what I was socialized to find pretty (super skinny, fake tan, blond, you know). With a little age and maturity, I now embrace naturalness like never before. I only wear mascara to work (which is a stretch after not wearing makeup for over 2 years), and I kinda feel sorry for those who don’t see their own natural beauty. It’s there — in all of us.. even the hair. =)

  17. I love this post. I went natural only two weeks ago after having a relaxer since I was 4 years old. So I am in that ‘looking at every website, freaking out about products stage’, but all this focus is not really me and I am finding it a tad exhausting. Still, I do hope that I keep my eyes open to see all the different styles, beauties that exist with every hair type under the sun.

    I never thought I’d feel more beautiful with a little curly afro, but I do. That is exciting.

  18. I hang out on a forum for people who are growing their hair long, and it seems like more people than not have a story about fighting their hair, trying to make it look like everybody else’s, and how unhappy it made them. Maybe we just don’t hear the stories that run “I permed/relaxed/dyed my hair to make it look like a magazine cover, and I loved it!”, but it seems to me that fighting your hair is just an exercise in miserable futility.

    I’m still waiting for the day authenticity comes “in”.

  19. Thank you for this post! I have had a love-hate relationship with my hair for as long as I can remember. I got my first relaxer at 8, shaved it off and went natural for the first time at 16 and have been growing it out and cutting it all off again on and off since then. Other people’s attitudes toward my hair have often played an important role in how I, myself, feel about it. Finally, however, I’m reaching a point where I just don’t have the time or energy to incorporate other people into something so deeply personal. Currently, I’m rocking a bizarre quasi-Chelsea with baby dreads and a fake fringe. I love it, and that’s all that matters.

  20. I understand that this issue is more complicated for black women because you have to deal with white cultural expectations in a different way than I do. But as a blond white girl, I can still partially sympathize. For years, I wouldn’t leave the house without straightened hair, and it took at least an hour and a half of my time every morning to wash, condition, blow-dry and straighten my long hair (and every hour counts when it’s the difference between 5 or 6 hours of sleep!) before school. If only I could get those lost hours of sleep back! After moving to Texas, I realized there was no way I could maintain super-straight hair, because every time I walked outside I sweated and my hair turned wavy again. I hated it at first but it was one of the best things to happen to me…now I only blow-dry and straighten my hair on special occasions and I’m comfortable going outside with wavy hair. I have another blond white friend who refuses to let anyone see her without her hair looking “perfect” (ie, perfectly straight and dry) which seems to be a relic from her Catholic school days. I’m glad I don’t get so worked up about my hair anymore…it’s not like anyone seems to have noticed the difference, anyways (which is probably one of the cultural differences…I THOUGHT I’d get a bunch of crap for not measuring up to the “perfect” hair standard, but I didn’t. Other commenters have noted that they DID actually get crap from people.)

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