“Hooking Up for Sex: Sluts or New Feminists?” November 12, 2009 Jill Couldn’t make up the headline if I tried.
Why does Tom Wolfe always get trotted out in moments like these? Honestly, dude’s just upset about not being able to humiliate women quite as much anymore. There, I said it. I still remember an “I Am Charlotte Simmons”-themed interview, where he bitterly complained that some young women aren’t afraid of the “slut” label anymore. Gosh, Tom, coming from you, “slut” is practically a compliment, you contrarian, you.
That article contains just about everything I hate about the mainstream media. Meaningless soundbites, false dichotomies, complete lack of nuance, sensationalist caricatures … ugh. And of course, we’re only worried about how hook-up culture affects women. No questions about how KICK-ASS it is for men, amirite?
There was so much egregious bullshit in that article I needed a second glass of wine. Then I printed it out! No lie – at 9 pm, about 15 people are coming over with booze and cake to celebrate my 21st. 21st sexual partner, that is. (Any excuse for a party!) We’ve already made numbered nametags for those folks I’ve slept with who will actually be attending; I’m trying to think of something decorative to do with the article. Does anyone have any ideas?
The thing is, a lot of what these people are saying is going to resonate with a lot of women, NOT just because they are hooking up, but because they do not view sex as female-centered. Rather, it is an androcentric activity that exchanges a male orgasm for overall closeness. Women who do not analyze their own sexual behavior often get caught up in this 18-24 white male movie idea of what it means to have sex — and that rarely includes female pleasure, respect, or even consent.
I notice that according to these “stats” only straight college students (or rather, only hetero-ly paired irresponsible youths…) seem to be involved in this phenomenon. also, where were my 6.9 random college hook-ups? can one collect retroactively?
My favorite line: “Before, guys did this gross kind of sexual behavior, and we said, ‘Boys will be boys,’ but now it’s boys and girls,” So, in the past, males were exclusively hooking up with each other? My favorite things about these articles about the crazy sexual youth of today is that no one ever breaks out anything resembling an objective assessment of how much sex was going on in the past.
Honestly, this article made me very very glad for my college experience — because it was made VERY clear to us during orientation that consent (I almost capitalized that) was a two-way street; that guys as well as girls are involved in the process of consent, and that sex on any level – casual, committed, kinky – requires the knowing consent of both partners. Sure I hooked up with a bunch of guys while in college — each time was a consensual, coherently decided act on both parts. And I certainly never felt like a “slut” or “whore.” What’s good for the gander is good for the goose…
“First, men initiate more of the interaction, especially the sexual action…Second, men have orgasms more frequently than women. Men’s sexual pleasure seems to be prioritized. Third, a sexual double standard persists in which women are more at risk than men of getting a bad reputation for hooking up with multiple partners.” Among other things, isn’t this exactly what feminism seeks to change? I don’t follow how this is cited as an example of the detrimental effects of the ‘sexually-liberated’ feminist movement.
I must admit, I love “Sexual Hook Ups Damned by Chastity Groups, Hailed by New Feminists” as a headline. (Not to mention, “sexual hook ups” could be replaced by so many other words. For example, trousers.)
My favorite line: “Before, guys did this gross kind of sexual behavior, and we said, ‘Boys will be boys,’ but now it’s boys and girls,” So, in the past, males were exclusively hooking up with each other? Maybe they meant “before” as in “in ancient Greece”? Still inaccurate, of course. :p
They argue that women who invoke a new kind of feminism — the right to have sex whenever and with whomever they choose — is demeaning to women. “A popular thing to say among this intellectual crowd, in the ivies and in feminism in general, is to say that sex is empowering and a real woman uses her sexuality in any way she pleases,” said Rachel Wagley, a 20-year-old sociology student who is TLR’s co-president. “It’s blatantly false and a lie that this culture tells to girls for their own benefit.” Gee where have I heard that before? Oh that’s right I hear that from half the feminists I run across every day. Heck, you don’t even have to be hooking-up, just showing your flesh gets the “you’re not empowered, you’re stupid” shaming treatment. As annoying as that is, that this person says ” A popular thing… in feminism… is to say that sex is empowering ” – is even more annoying. It’s totally obvious she’s never been to IBTP or any other of the many sites out there that don’t believe in the “casual sex is empowering” stuff – so how can she even say she knows ANYTHING about feminism if she doesn’t realize that this is a HUGE debate within feminism? If she even googled “sex is empowering” or anything, she’d have known that her theory that “feminism in general” has a hive-mind belief of any kind is simplistic bullshit. Oh but that’s right, she knows, and she meant to co-opt the whole thing – don’t credit radfems with the theory she’s stolen and offers as her own; while simultaneously pushing feminism “in general” into the role of the opponent who wants women to be big-ol-dirty-sluts. Gah. that’s annoying. I don’t care what side of the empower-ful debate you’re on, it’s not cool to have non-feminists claiming feminist theory as their own. —– “England, who set out to explore the dating habits of college students, found they were kissing, having oral sex and sometimes intercourse with “no expectation that either party has an interest in moving toward a relationship.” The horror. NO relationship?! AT ALL?! The absolute horror. “There’s a lot of degrading treatment of some women and it is empoweringly free for other women,” she told ABCNews.com.” I bet 10 bucks right now that next we’ll hear that women who do like to “hook-up” only do so because they have been abused or are victims of incest.
They argue that women who invoke a new kind of feminism — the right to have sex whenever and with whomever they choose — is demeaning to women. They is? (The noun antecedent to “is” is not “the right”, nor “a new kind of feminism” — it’s “women”. “They argue that women {who do this} … is demeaning to women.”)
Once we were either madonnas or whores…now it’s sluts or feminists! How about a feminist-slut-whore-madonna, with french fries on the side?
wait old lady, I thought this article was saying that feminsts are sluts! Whatever, as long as there’s french fries I’m there.
>seize, can I go to that party?! Groggette – alas, it is now over and we are all hungover, but I gladly would have invited this blog. >I bet 10 bucks right now that next we’ll hear that women who do like to “hook-up” only do so because they have been abused or are victims of incest. I think you’re on to something there, FW. There is this major implication in the article that women who want sex are dysfunctional for some reason, whereas men who want sex are somehow incapable of controlling themselves and…this is an okay way for men to be? (That deserves a whole comment of its own.) What you’re really tuning in to this REPULSIVE trend of, “Women aren’t really responsible for their own actions because they’re incapable of such responsibility, so instead of hating on them openly like we want to, we are going to pity these poor, poor women who have been abused into the dysfunction of (insert sin here).” And voila, a concern troll is born.
i was under the impression that sex and feminism were two seperate subjects. I dont know why people keep on trying to link them up. If women want to sleep around thats one thing but say that its a new form of feminism is incorrect.
Dana, I am going to have to disagree with you. Sex and promiscuity are a MAJOR topic within feminism and were once as divisive as the debate about porn. Today it’s kind of accepted that it doesn’t make you less of a feminist if you choose to be promiscuous or choose to be chaste, provided that it’s you that’s doing the choosing. But your attitude toward sex itself is a major part of reclaiming your right to be a woman without feeling ashamed, because society at large tells us that our sexuality is something dirty and wrong that needs to be controlled – and it is society’s negative messages about our gender that we are working so hard to fight, in our own minds and in the minds of others.
I must have had imaginary friends and neighbors in college, because according to this article, there is no such thing as women who freely choose not to have casual hook-ups simply because they don’t feel like it, and who somehow manage to co-exist with women who do the hook-up thing–without feeling compelled to judge them. Hell, in the world of this article I don’t even exist–I didn’t have any kind of anything for the first 3 years of college, and (though I realize this must be hard for these folks to fathom) it had nothing to do with any particular moral stance. I just didn’t meet anyone I particularly fancied. And some of my friends had a lot of partners. And some of them had one. And some had chosen abstinence. The really weird part? Nobody really seemed to give a crap about anyone else’s choices, because it wasn’t really any of our business.
Adding to comment #25…actually, now that I think about things I’ve read by a number of feminist thinkers lately, I think characterizing the sex debates as even “kind of” over was incorrect. Sex is still majorly divisive in feminist circles. Which doesn’t undermine my point at all, but it’s worth being accurate.
It is indeed a misconception that every single woman is out sleeping around. However there are indeed a LOT of women who are and that is what people based their perceptions on. Popular culture and music have a great influence on how people think and how they percieve the world. Too much influence if you ask me. People think that MTV and VH1 is the sum total of all experiences that they can have in the world.
JFM I have a question for you? What are some good books I can read to give me the basics on feminism?
Right there with you JFM. I was one of those slutty slut sluts in college (still am really) and was able to be close friends with people who remained celibate, or only slept with significant others without any of us judging any one else. And hey, we’re all feminists too!
Some of my more ‘Liberated’ friends tend to have a rather condescending attitude towards me or any other virgin. It pisses me the fuck off. I need to get new friends.
Seize: I’m curious why you are using the terms “promiscuity” and “promiscuous” when describing the woman’s part in casual hook ups. In my experience, calling a girl or woman “promiscuous” is a nicer way of calling her a slut (and it’s never used to described boys or men, just girls or women) – heck, the very definition of promiscuous is “indiscriminate in the choice of sexual partners” and “lacking standards of selection.” One can still be discriminate and have standards about whom they hook up with even if they aren’t looking for a long term partner.
Dana- Read Manifesta by Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richards for a third wave perspective. Wendy Brown is a great post structuralist feminist writer/professor. Maybe start with Manhood and Politics: A Feminist Reading in Political Thought. I really like Judith Bulter’s take on feminism and queer theory. Check out Excitable Speech: A Politics of the Performative. For a non-sex positive perspective, there’s always Catherine MacKinnon, with whom I adamantly disagree on most feminist subjects, but she is thoughtful and dedicated to the cause. Hope this is helpful.
ShelbyWoo: I wouldn’t have any problem calling myself a slut, either, though I am sorry if I made it seem that I was considering “being promiscuous” as something only women are capable of; this is clearly not factual, though you wouldn’t know that from the average state of discourse in our society. I meant the term to be descriptive, not judgmental; I think “diverse in the choice of sexual partners” was the definition I was working from, though of course I have to cede to the dictionary. Sorry if it appeared gendered and/or close-minded; I don’t think of “promiscuity” as a bad choice, merely a choice (and my own current choice, for that matter), though if you think the word is irredeemable your point is duly noted.
http://www.danah.org/Ani/Others/Promiscuity.html ……. and seeing the world through another’s eyes is like busting a window in a house of lies and in the end you make up your own mind and there’s wide open spaces and little cornered off places and check ‘em out check ‘em out take your time how far is too far? how much is enough? you gotta test this stuff i mean how you gonna know what you need what you like till you been around the block a few times on that bike i mean how you gonna know who you are what you feel till you feel a few things that just don’t feel real …….
How complicated is it to figure out it’s a question of *choice* – the woman’s choice? Not society’s. Not the man’s (for her, anyway). Not her parents’. Not columnists’. Hers. Whatever she does, this is a free continent. It means nothing more than it does for men.
Arrgh, never follow the link, “don’t get out of the boat! don’t get out of the boat!” But since I did, number one. Tom Wolfe. Naturally if I want information on what girls my daughters’s age are doing in their personal life, the first person I’m gonna think of to ask is a guy my father’s age, who is a professional novel writer, that is, a guy who’s spent his entire career manufacturing fiction. Second, “By the end of senior year, the average college student has had 6.9 hookups…” No no NO NO. No college student, average or exceptional, has ever had 6.9 hookups. The number of hookups any individual college student obviously has got must be an integer. The fact that she presents a fractional number means that she’s not talking about a median or a mode; in other words someone asked n students how many times they’ve “hooked up,” and divided the sum by n. Which tells you that either a.) it’s an epidemic, every last boy and girl on campus has “hooked up” five or six or seven or eight times, or b.) ten percent of the students are wildly promiscuous party animals while the other ninety percent live the lives of monastery-dwellers, or c.) something somewhere between a.) and b.), or d.), the most likely, that teenagers invariably fabricate vivid lies when being interrogated concerning their personal lives, so in terms of facts we have learned nothing at all. I didn’t make it to page two.
Is it just me or is the word “slut” so 1990? None of the guys I know call the girls they “hook up” with sluts. They have half a brain to realize that that makes them “sluts” too. They’re just two people who want to hook up. What annoys me about these articles is that they never talk about “why” there’s a hook up culture more so on college campuses as oppose to high schools, workplaces, gyms etc. I think if they asked the “why” then they’d realize it’s not about sluts or feminists, but it’s about a unique phase of one’s life….which not be much different than their life after college. Geez.
It is indeed a misconception that every single woman is out sleeping around. However there are indeed a LOT of women who are and that is what people based their perceptions on. Don’t be so sure. There are a lot of people who are “basing their perceptions” on lies and suppositions. Because what’s a great thing to call a girl you don’t like to tarnish her reputation? A slut. It doesn’t have to be the truth. Hell, I was informed I was “promiscuous” by a supposedly intelligent adult during my first year in law school (she had been running around telling people that two of my classmates and I had clearly been sexually abused as children, because we were “externalizing our pain” by being “promiscuous”). This was news to me! I hadn’t fucked a damn soul all year; turns out she’d constructed my “promiscuity” out of whole cloth, based solely upon a remark I once made about a classmate’s ass as he leaned over a pool table, which entailed what use I might like to put said ass to. I can only imagine what a joy she was in high school, when that kind of thing is much more damaging.
Is it just me or is the word “slut” so 1990? I’m thinking “hook-up” is so 1990, because I certainly remember hanging around the dorm about then, and a bit earlier, complaining that guys didn’t want to go on dates, they just wanted to hook up. Mind you, “hook up” had a slightly different connotation than the panicked media gives it today; it could mean anything from casual sex to just running into each other intentionally at the library.
Hell, all I had to do to get my mom to start telling everyone what a dirty slut I had become was … to … not have sex. I was just hanging out with men a lot. Which is hilarious, because my mom’s big wish in life is that I would become a giant, raging slut. So I think there was a big of wishful thinking embedded in her telling other people this. The one thing that bothers me about the “hookup culture” is that it shapes the view that “western women are all whores.” Living in Asia, the one thing that bugs me above all else is how guys will assume I am just a hooker because I’m white, and hey, white girls “hook up” and give away sex all the time! (And yes, I’ve been asked how much I charge. I mean “hooker” in a pretty literal “prostitute” sense.) If I try to just meet guys to hang out, it is assumed I will have sex with them. I told a guy I wasn’t interested in relationships or sex and an hour later he asked if I wanted to go to a hotel. It’s terribly confusing, because from what I’ve observed, foreign women are far more sexually conservative than the locals, but PERCEPTION is what matters in this case, not reality. And western women are all Paris Hiltons–who herself may not be as promiscuous as she’s been painted–who dress in scraps of cloth and have sex with whomever asks. I’m just lucky that in this culture it is unusual to bother women in public (it happens, but like … once a week on average). Can’t say the same for some of the men from other parts of Asia and Africa who live here and treat me like I’m wearing an invisible sign advertising blowjobs. I don’t know if the hookup culture is as prevalent as articles and Oprah would indicate, but the rest of the world perceives that it is true, and it is harmful to those of us living in the rest of the world. :/
FW: funnily enough, it seems like this all originated in the second wave’s attempts to ban porn. They allied with the equivalent Christian movement to achieve this, and that’s where the Christian campaigners picked up these feminist arguments in the first place. Seize: yeah, old old nasty trend, right? Of course, even though the women in question are supposedly “victims”, they’re somehow still simultaneously perceived as scum. Which probably says it all. Now that I think about things I’ve read by a number of feminist thinkers lately, I think characterizing the sex debates as even “kind of” over was incorrect Not so much over as… irrelevant, from what little I can tell. They’re still going on, it’s just most people don’t care about them anymore. In fact, it looks like feminism is fading as an ideological movement with anything resembling leaders, in favour of something more individualist. (Plus, the anti-sex feminists have abandoned the whole “ganging together with baseball bats to attack lesbian BDSM clubs and their patrons” thing, which is at least a small victory.)