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Things to Which I Morally Object

Jill

Since anti-choice Democrats (and Republicans) morally object to abortion care being covered by insurance — even insurance that you pay for yourself, where federal funds are separated out — I am creating a running list of Things to Which I Morally Object, all of which are in some way tangentially funded by the federal government. When these things have their federal subsidies stripped, I will shut up about abortion coverage.

1. Pepsi. Pepsi is disgusting. No self-respecting soda drinker drinks Pepsi. Everyone knows that Coke is more delicious; also, Diet Dr. Pepper.
2. Fox News. Enough said.
3. Everybody Loves Raymond. Not a funny show. In fact, it is possibly the most annoying show of all time, and it stars anti-choicer Patricia Heaton to boot.
4. Dasani. Who possibly believes that is what water tastes like? The only thing worse than Dasani is Aquafina, which is actually New Jersey tap water.
5. High-waisted jeans. No one looks good with a long pancake butt. Also, low-rise jeans; no one looks good with their crack hanging out. Butts are lovely things. Why must we do them such disservice?
6. Aerosmith. Just a terrible, terrible band. The worst, really.
7. John Mayer. Annoying, condescending, and thinks he’s deep. A bad combination.
8. Swedish Fish. Who invented those things? Ugh.
9. Long shorts on men. I really like men’s legs. Love them, actually. And I think it’s an abomination that the go-to male short is the cargo short and other below-the-knee bottoms. Really, dudes, mid-thigh is where it’s at (or shorter, if you have really spectacular gams).
10. Uggs. I have heard that Australia is a great nation — they have lovely accents which instantly make anyone sound like more fun, good ways of spelling things (love those extra “u”s), and some of the cutest animals on the planet. But if everyone else can hate America for unleashing McDonalds on the world, I can have a small bitter spot in my heart for Oz because of Uggs. Why, Oz, Why?

Add your Moral Objections in the comments.

121 thoughts on Things to Which I Morally Object

  2. Coke- b/c it is oh so tasty but has a lot of human rights violation allegations against it which makes me feel like crap when I long for a Barq’s rootbeer which is by far the best rootbeer (even better than A&W).
    Shrimp- I am a vegetarian, shrimp is a meat and a lot of seafood is harvested in an environmentally damaging way. I love shrimp. A shrimp combo from Captain D’s makes my day.
    B.E.T.-new age minstrel show
    Cable News Networks
    Curly fries- they confuse me
    Paleo-Conservatives- they confuse me but I agree with them on enough issues that I occasionally get into Alex Jones documentaries.
    Capri pants and those really long shorts that come to the ankles, also dress shirts- they are clothes that can’t make up their mind
    People who wear their pants around their knees with belts- seriously if you insist on sagging please do not add insult to injury by wearing a belt when doing it.
    School lunches- seriously, hot dogs wrapped in pancakes should not be served at school. Then the same people that okay these decisions will cut P.E. and boohoo bad childhood nutrition.
    Glenn Beck
    Sean Hannity
    Other conservatives who go on and on about how working class they once where,blah blah blah. Much of it being exaggeration, fabrication and denial of their privilege.
    Pit Bull and various other artists whose music gets me moving when wasted but then I hear their songs sober and am like WTF?, many of the things they describe not being anatomically possible for the majority of the female population.
    I’m not even sure which of these do/don’t benefit from federal subsidies but even if they had their subsidies stripped I would still not shut up about abortion coverage.

  6. Oh shit. I love Swedish fish. If only there were some way that Swedish fish could be available to me, but in such a way that you wouldn’t have to consume them! Oh, the unmeasurable cruelty of government subsidies for high-fructose corn syrup!

  7. The idea that everything for women/girls must be pink. I like pink in reasonable doses, but come on, people – a precision tool set does not have to be cute. Seriously.

    TLC and their relentless ZOMG BAYBEEZ programming. Ugh.

    Fox News.

    Not being able to find attractive shoes that don’t have 4-inch stilletto heels or platforms.

    Paying higher health insurance premiums for maternity care that I will never use because I am uncompromisingly childfree.

    Idiots who think that same-sex marriage will destroy the world as we know it because their Gawd sez so.

    Pharmacists who withhold women’s BC prescriptions for the same reason.

    Swiffer commercials.

    Twilight and its assorted sequels and merchandising overload. Bad writing, doormat heroine who cannot exist without a male, stalker boyfriend with cardboard personality. But above all else, VAMPIRES. DO. NOT. SPARKLE.

  8. The really funny thing about Ugg boots is that they’re not a fashion item here in Australia. They’re worn by bogans with flannel shirts, faded heavy metal t-shirts, ancient jeans and a packet of smokes up the sleeve, and are generally considered ugly and hilarious. The joke is on every *other* country who thinks they’re a fashion item. So don’t blame us for making them – blame yourselves for falling for it.

  9. People who eat fish and claim to be vegetarian. Last I checked, vegetables don’t have appreciable amounts of cholesterol.

    Fruit in my chocolate. Why defile chocolate in such a manner?

    Booze mixed with non-booze. It’s like they took a tasty thing and just had to ruin it. Eat, then drink your booze, you baby.

    The fact that college computer science curricula still demands C++ proficiency. Less than 10% of all the recruitment ads for us care about it – it’s time to crack a book on Ruby or Python and give us something we can use!

    Acne into one’s mid-20’s and beyond. WTF?! I thought this was supposed to end!!

  10. Brooke Shields. she’s always trying to sell me something useless.

    The color pink. It just burns my eyes. really.

    Robert Pattinson. dude looks like a douchebag no matter what he’s doing.

    Also Fox News. And anyone that participates in, writes / works for, or watches fox news in any manner that is not ridiculing fox news.

    Hot pockets. jim says it best.

  11. The thing about Dasani is: It’s a million and one times better than Aqua Fina. When I’m at the grocery store or whatever, I purposely seek out Dasani. No because I like it. I don’t. But because it actually tastes more like water than the other option. Also, unlike Aqua Fina, it doesn’t sound like a soda when you open it.

    I morally object to like 99% of television. I swear that it just keeps getting worse and worse.

  12. Lots of pushback on Swedish fish, and for good reason.

    Things I object to:

    Off-center toilet seats – these are a danger and an annoyance.

    Answering “How’s it going?” with “It’s going.” – THIS DOES NOT ANSWER THE QUESTION

    Libertarians – I mean, honestly.

    Edward Cullen – But only because Pete Doherty is basically done as a cultural icon of any kind at this point. He is far worse.

    Chocolate on my fruit – why defile fruit in such a manner?

    Rape & incest exceptionalists on abortion – This is even worse than straight anti-choice beliefs. Those can be explained in terms of believing a fetus is a full human child with all the attendant rights and privileges. If you are an exceptionalist, though, you can’t possibly believe it’s actually a child. Therefore, you just hate it when women choose to have sex and want to punish them. Well, anyone who thinks that is politely invited to eat shit and die.

    Hair band music – these are not ironically okay, either. Intentionally subjecting yourself to bad art is stupid and not fun.

    REALLY short Betty Page bangs – Sorry, I have no reasons besides intuition, but if I learned anything in philosophy classes, it’s that moral intuition matters, too, just as provable theory does.

    The death penalty – literally nothing defensible about this.

    the blink HTML tag

  13. Excuse me? You morally object to Aerosmith? Are you nucking futs? Steven Victor Tallarico is a national treasure!!

    Ahem.

    1. AM talk radio.

    2. FM commercial radio in the midwest (trust me folks. it sucks bigtime)

    3. subsidized sports stadiums, whether in cities or on college campuses. nothing against sports, mind you—just let the investors pay for this shit, not the taxpayers.

    4. the war in Afghanistan. the war in Iraq. Guantanamo Bay. KBR, Xe, and every other mercenary and/or war profiteering outfit.

    5. every single stinking sonofabitch on Wall Street that got bailout money.

    1. Excuse me? You morally object to Aerosmith? Are you nucking futs? Steven Victor Tallarico is a national treasure!!

      I MORALLY OBJECT TO THIS.

  15. I morally object to Jon Gosselin and bad weather.

    Eat, then drink your booze, you baby.

    I also morally object to this, because vodka is the perfect drink to have with food. Especially salty food. Mmmmmmm. Caviar on hard-boiled eggs and a shot. I’m there, baby.

  16. Morally objects to ALL shorts on men, after 18, it should be only pants.

    To Vera Bradley bags and Ralph Lauren Polos, thus along with the Uggs, The Uniform of the Sorority Sister.

    Kevin Trudeau infomercials.

    RED BULL. Nastay.

    Waiting several more months for LOST to come back on.

  17. I morally object to:
    Christmas before Thanksgiving
    Christmas carols on a classical music radio station
    Cable news concentrating on giving us viewers’ opinions
    The church I used to go to (not going to name names, but the head honcho wears red shoes)
    Coke- Pepsi tastes a lot better
    Celebrities (a.k.a. People you never heard of and don’t care about)

  18. Reality TV, particularly ZOMG BABEEEEES flavored
    Anti-science nutters
    Root beer
    Xmas before Halloween, except at craft stores (because making stuff takes a while)
    John, Kate, and their 8
    Quilted overpriced purses
    Formal shorts

  20. Reality TV.

    Bottled water in general.

    Muffin top. You know what I mean.

    Having to cross the border for sugar soda and candy instead of corn syrup stuff.

    Leggings worn as pants. Even on people I would otherwise find hot.

    Guiltily I must admit, I love the men at the ballet for their tights 🙂

  21. I love John Mayer, Aerosmith, AND Swedish Fish.

    Fortunately this feeds into my moral objection of assuming all feminists/isms are EXACTLY THE SAME.

    And as for less serious things?
    Black olives

    Green peppers

    People asking me “are you sure?” when I just told them something I think/believe/did. Trust me, I’m sure.

    People thinking that there can be “a cure” for cancer. It’s not one big monolithic disease that can be magic-bulleted away, people. And we’re working on the littler cures…

    Corn in salsa

    Perez Hilton

    Niche memoirs

  22. People thinking that there can be “a cure” for cancer. It’s not one big monolithic disease that can be magic-bulleted away, people.

    I’m morally opposed to this too. An actual cure for cancer would probably also grant eternal life.

  23. I am morally opposed to:

    CROCS. Jesus fucking god do I hate those things. I don’t care how comfortable you say they are. They are hideous.

    Dan Brown, Nicholas Sparks and Stephenie Meyer. They are horrible writers and have dumbed the world readership down. Seriously, those are not good books. They are very poorly written.

    The Duggars. Every single last one of the spawn and their yet to be born spawn. Enough already.

  24. Poetry about being a social outcast in high school with the theme “No one understands my pain”

    Ads for freecreditreport.com

    Opie Curious beat me to it, but I must reiterate: the HTML blink tag.

    Gratuitous killing off of characters on Battlestar Galactica

    Graduate school acceptance rates

    People who think slavery “wasn’t all that bad” (I don’t care if you claim X&Y were “nice to their slaves;” owning another human being as property is never okay!)

    Relatedly, slavery 😛

    That manufacturers of underwire-free bras seem to have forgotten about 32B

    The fact that St. Louis people think “St. Louis-style pizza” is real pizza. And edible.

    People who claim religious superiority because they interpret the Bible “literally,” which to them means reading “a beast rise up from the sea, with seven heads and ten horns…and like unto a leopard, and his feet were like a bear’s” and saying that it is literally a man from Europe.

    The Wizard of Oz.

  25. …Leggings aren’t meant to be worn as pants? But… they’re opaque and you put them on your legs. And they’re warmer than regular pants! (See, I have these awesome knee-high lace-up faux leather boots, and they require either tights or leggings, or possibly jodhpurs, so as to avoid concealing their awesomeness. I don’t always feel like wearing a skirt over them…)

    And I love low-rise jeans! When I sit down in regular jeans, the waistband always feels like it wants to strangle me. Wearing low rise jeans and a belt solves the problem. I have no idea why — it might have something to do with my waist-to-hip ratio being rather smaller than retailers usually stock jeans for, at least in my experience (30″ waist/41″ hips).

  26. I morally object to:

    All non-competition reality shows

    Snuggies (did you know they make Snuggies for dogs?)

    Jodi Picoult’s novels

    That comedian with the puppets. So not funny!

  27. I have it on Austrailian authority that wearing Uggs out of your house is roughly the australian equivalent of wearing bunny slippers out your front door or socks with sandals.

  28. Two things, both food related since Jill said everything that needed to be said about Pepsi in the initial post.

    1. Fat free cream cheese, sour cream and ice cream. If it has the word cream in the name, it should have fat, period. Just eat it and move on.

    2. Vegan shepherd’s pie. They used to serve this in my college dining room. I don’t object to the recipe, but if it’s vegan, it’s got nothing to do with shepherds.

  29. Dan Brown, Nicholas Sparks and Stephenie Meyer. They are horrible writers and have dumbed the world readership down. Seriously, those are not good books. They are very poorly written.

    Agreed. I hate it most of all when someone I like starts talking about how much they love the Da Vinci Code. My blood pressure spikes from the effort involved in not screaming “But he’s a TERRIBLE WRITER!”

    I morally object to the sucky, squidgy noises that are used to remind us that people are KISSING on TV or in movies. I know that they’re kissing. I didn’t realize it involved vacuum suction.

  30. I am morally opposed to redbull without vodka, jackhammering on Saturday mornings, the nonfiction of Tom Clancy, beauty pageants, Jerry Bruckheimer, swing voters, coffee shops that close before 10, contrarianism and torturing people.

  31. Radio stations that call themselves “Fresh” but serve up canned music and canned announcer voices (not live djs). Radio should be live. Give me real local DJs.

  33. 1. CROCS–so agreed!
    2. Peanut butter. Why??? (NOTE: I’m German)
    3. The military-industrial complex
    4. Pink exclusively for girl-babies
    5. Gas-guzzling cars
    6. Rush Limbaugh

  34. Pets in clothing. I might could maybe make a Halloween exception.

    Salsa without corn. (Lindsay is wrong on this one.)

    The United States Senate.

    The military/industrial complex – we were warned by someone who should know, and failed to heed.

    Bill Donohue. I have no idea if I spelled that right, and I don’t want to taint my search engine with his filth.

    The Westboro Baptist Church.

    Blue laws.

    “Office of Faith-based Initiatives.”

    All former Presidents named Bush.

    War crimes committed by my own government.

    Nuclear weapons.

    Special legal status for religion. Pay your taxes, and go down to the justice of the peace to get married like everybody else those currently allowed to do so.

    Maine. And California. And the other 30+ states that have officially enshrined naked bigotry in their laws or constitutions.

    And that reminds me – the initiative process. Mob rule hasn’t been a good idea since we started running in mobs big enough to matter.

    Sarah Palin. Also.

    And if there’s really such a thing as a formal short (see above), then I object too.

    I also object to the prohibition on shorts for men. They are appropriate for amusement parks, exercise or athletic events, the beach, and certain forms of labor.

  35. I forgot to say that I also object to the Da Vinci Code. Partly because it’s a badly written book, and partly because the guy’s name wasn’t Da Vinci, it was Leonardo. Da Vinci isn’t a name, it means “from Vinci”.

  36. Sarah Palin. Someone please make her go away.

    Montana Department of Livestock. Perhaps they and the vapid bitch that’s first on my list could go to a secure, undisclosed location with evil Dick Cheney and stay there indefinitely.

    Salsa with corn.

    Fox News

    Fake progressives.
    Fake vegetarians (just ’cause you don’t eat red meat unless it’s free range and organically “grown” doesn’t mean you are a vegetarian)

    Stevie Nicks
    Cosmos
    Cigarettes

    The wars in Afghanistan and Iraq
    The US’s involvement in removing democratically-elected leaders while supporting dictators.

    Stupid people (totally funded by the government to drive the rest of us insane).
    People who blame writers for dumbing down readers. Sometimes, you just need something for entertainment–we can’t read Kafka (ugh) and Dickens all the time. We’d need even more drugs.

    Libertarians. They somehow manage to be even more myopic and annoying than Republicans.

    Politicians who try to control my reproductive choices.

    Politicians who try to control other people’s freedom to get married to whom they choose.

    East-coast haters.

    I would like to vote for men wearing sarongs instead of shorts. They look damned fine in them.

  37. I am morally opposed to anyone who talks about my mother without ever meeting her. My single teenage mother.

    I am morally opposed to anyone who comments on what I do or do not eat, in public or private. Today, I want a salad. Tomorrow, I want the Baconator. I don’t care what you think about that.

    I am morally opposed to layering clothes that cost 50$ a piece. Really? I have to wear a camisole, shirt, another shirt, a jacket, and a coat? Why can’t I have one warm, comfortable shirt?

    I am morally opposed to banana candy and lemon candy both being yellow. This is DECEPTIVE ADVERTISING. Also, as any comic book reader well knows, yellow is the color of an evil lantern corps.

    I am morally opposed to anyone who suggests Batman is a hero but not a Superhero. He is CLEARLY a superhero!

  38. Anybody (of any political stripe) who makes lofty declarations about What Feminism Is (and is not).

    Health Insurance Companies.

    People who think that Developmental Delays mean that children are not intelligent.

    People who refuse to get their kids much needed services for their children with Developmental Delays because they don’t want their kids “labeled”.

    People who don’t understand the difference between a common cold and the Flu.

    People who consider themselves experts on X or Y because there was an episode of Law and Order about it.

    People who try to make laws about shit that has absolutely nothing to do with them.

    Abercrombie and Fitch.

    American Apparel.

    Fanboys.

  39. Oh, and I just thought of something to which I morally object: the light rail ticket machines in the nearby big city. (I live in a cow town. We just got a Target last month. It was a big deal.) They don’t take bills, credit or debit, only coins, and tickets are $2.50 apiece. Really? Who carries $2.50 in quarters around with them all day? What kind of way is that to run a business?

  40. Comments on feminist websites which are full of ableist and sexist language (sorry to spoil the party).

    Rape and incest exceptionalists. Opie Curious has it spot on.

  41. I morally object to everything that involves getting out of bed, particularly during the morning. If it involves putting on real clothes and opening the front door, it’s just inexcusable.

    Of course, we all make compromises…

    But really, what’s wrong with Swedish fish? (Other than the way they stick to the molars and require inelegant digital scraping.)

  42. Jill, I’m morally opposed to your stance on Swedish Fish. (FACT: red Sour Patch Kids? Are Swedish Fish with sour sugar on them. It’s delightful.)

    Also, I’m curious as to your gendered opposition to long shorts–do you just not care about them on me because you don’t want to ogle my gams? (I’m crushed.)

    Crocs.
    Yogurt, particularly strawberry, particularly eaten in my immediate vicinity.
    Non-sparkling bottled water.
    People who think teachers, librarians, or other equally vital professionals are overpaid.
    Abstinence-only education.
    Dan Savage.
    How much supermarkets jack up prices on artichokes and pomegranates.

  43. Muffin top. You know what I mean.

    I morally object to sizeism and body-shape policing, as exemplified by the above comment.

  44. “Why can’t I have one warm, comfortable shirt?”

    Ack! Do you not watch Survivorman? Layers save lives! You sweat, you die!

    On that theme, I morally object to Bear Grylls.

    And! I morally object to Red Delicious apples, which are a clear symptom of humanity’s depravity if ever there was one.

  46. Let’s split the difference and agree that Aerosmith was tolerable for the first five years of their existence; the last thirty-one, not so much.

  47. I morally object to threads like this, which inevitably devolve into people gleefully indulging in their classism by bashing the Horrible Things The Lower Sorts Actually Like Non-Ironically.

  48. I morally object to sizeism and body-shape policing, as exemplified by the above comment.

    I object to your language policing.

  49. “Dan Brown, Nicholas Sparks and Stephenie Meyer. They are horrible writers and have dumbed the world readership down. Seriously, those are not good books. They are very poorly written.”

    Can I add to this? I morally object when someone who knows I am an avid reader freaks out because they find out I haven’t read Twilight or the Davinci Code. When they get all, “What? You haven’t read Davinci Code OR Angels and Demons? Oh my god, whatever you’re reading now, stop it and read those books! How can you call yourself a reader if you’ve never even read those books?”

    Maybe I just would rather not waste my time, sillies.

  50. …Leggings aren’t meant to be worn as pants? But… they’re opaque and you put them on your legs. And they’re warmer than regular pants!

    Come to Ukraine. You can wear your leggings as pants, and no one will bat an eyelash. You can pair them with sparkly boots, and nobody will bat an eyelash. You can pair them with sparkly boots and a plunging neckline and blue mascara, and nobody will bat an eyelash.

    I morally object to hangovers, in the meantime.

  51. Answering “How’s it going?” with “It’s going.” – THIS DOES NOT ANSWER THE QUESTION

    That’s the point.

    I, in fact, morally object to people asking me “How’s it going?”, because if I felt like talking about how it’s going, I probably would have told you already.

    I morally object to Insufferable Music Snobs. Music is very much a matter of personal taste; you can think a band has really profound lyrics, was incredibly influential, was deeply original, did quality work, and *still* never want to hear them in your entire goddamn life because THEY SOUND LIKE CATS IN HEAT SCREECHING to you, and the opposite is true for the sexist, racist, lowest-common-denominator cookie cutter crap that you can’t help but sing along with. You are not a better person because you actually enjoy the music of the Influential Hipster Bands, and many Insufferable Music Snobs make the mistake of confusing “music I don’t like” with “music that is objectively of low quality”, anyway.

    I morally object to the fashion police. If I want to go out my door with shoes that you think are hideous, so what? You don’t have to wear them.

    And I morally object to people writing a jealousy kink into fanfic about my favorite slash couple, because I hate jealousy in fiction and obviously the entire world is obligated to pay attention to my opinions when they produce their creative works. 🙂

  52. I apologize if this doesn’t format correctly, but:

    GallingGalla 11.13.2009 at 7:58 am

    Muffin top. You know what I mean.

    I morally object to sizeism and body-shape policing, as exemplified by the above comment.

    Well, a size 2 girl in size 0 pants has a muffin top. It’s not really about what size you are at all — it’s about being so obsessed with your size that you are wearing pants that don’t actually, uh, fit you. So I am going to go ahead and object to muffin top, too, in part because it’s so much more comfortable (and practical!) to wear pants that fit.

    I also morally object, in no particular order, to:

    1) PayPal

    2) linguistic imperialism

    3) metaphoric use of things like “rape” (including pretty much any conversational use I’ve ever heard of “in the ass”)

    4) shorts on adults (for aesthetic reasons), but until men can go out in skirts in public without a second thought, I’m going to accept that it does get hot.

    5) baseball caps on anyone over the age of 18 (douchebag frat boy, I’m looking at you) for any purpose other than playing, coaching, or watching baseball.

    6) war

    7) …well, I guess I can’t really keep going after that last one, huh?

  53. My “moral” objections:

    Hollywood movies about British/English/anyone else’s history that make the Americans the heroes.

    English folks disparaging anything genuinely culturally English (except soccer) and at the same time hating everyone foreign as well – hating foreigners does not a culture make!

    British politicians thinking the USA must know how to deal with (violent) crime – presumably on the notion that since the USA has so much of it, they much be experts at stopping it, or something.

    Lists of “moral objections” that are more a matter of taste than of ethics!

  55. * Dave Matthews Band (though more specifically, DMB fans)
    * anthropomorphic food mascots: creeeeeepy.
    * bacon-flavored vodka: bacon alone is pretty gross (though that seems to be a minority opinion) but liquid bacon? My stomach turns just thinking about it.
    * testosteroney comic nerds that can’t accept that a woman might know a fact or two about superhero comics
    * wine snobs. I’m sorry, but I’d rather pay my phone bill and buy a six-pack than taste the “oak undertones and light chocolate notes” of Super Awesome Vintage Wine for the same price.

  56. 4. Dasani. Who possibly believes that is what water tastes like? The only thing worse than Dasani is Aquafina, which is actually New Jersey tap water.

    Ermm… Maybe that’s because Dasani is actually Sidcup (UK town on London outskirts) tap water?

  57. Tights worn as pants

    Finding t-shirts that are only, like, $8 each, but when you pick them up, it turns out you have to buy three of them to keep from being obscene

    Writers who say “she proclaimed” or “he despaired” or “they murmured” but NEVER JUST SAY “SAID” (I’m looking at you, Stephenie Meyer)

    PeTA

    Comedians who depend on props and funny voices

    Sitting at the table with people who think they’re being pretend-mean to the waiter, but the waiter doesn’t realize they’re joking and no one else in the restaurant does either and everyone thinks you’re voluntarily spending your time with those putzes

    Boots worn over jeans – My calves are big enough that it’s hard to find boots that fit comfortably over my jeans, so no one else should get to wear them. The only moral boots-over-jeans are my moral boots-over-jeans.

  59. People trying to import Thanksgiving to England, we have our own holidays and one about the slaughter and abuse of a whole civilisation because they were considered savage is not right. (we also have our own demonising festivals such as bonfire night when we burn a symbolic catholic)

    People who buy bottled water to drink at home, there’s a tap there, use it. And if you don’t like the taste buy a filter jug.

    Hipsters, no i don’t want to see your thong or arsecrack thank you very much.

    Coca Cola, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HFZ3cH1UAI

    People who think that saying “you look thin” or “have you lost weight” is a compliment unless you actually are trying to lose weight

    This recent hoohah around Gordon Brown writing a letter to a mother of a soldier killed in Afghanistan. A) he didn’t spell it wrong B) he hand wrote a letter when he didn’t have to and only a few years ago you would have only got a telegram from the MOD C) if you’re gonna insult him because it was done in felt tip remember that the man has one blind eye and one with only 30% vision and if he doesn’t use a felt tip he can’t bloody see it
    Give the man a break

  60. #165) Floor-length jean skirts. There is nothing that says, “I’m a religious fundamentalist” like a floor-length jean skirt.

  61. 1. Bottled water in general. It’s bad for the world; if water purity is such a big issue for you, get a damn filter and a nalgene (BpA fReE!!!) and be done with it.
    2. Large subsidies for commercial farms.
    3. Moral opposition to hunting.
    4. The concept of straight-edge (hate-edge). You don’t want to drink or do drugs? Awesome. There is no need for you and your crew to go out in your fake letter jackets and beat the crap out of and act condescending to people that do.
    5. Mustard.
    6. Babies.

  63. * bacon-flavored vodka

    I morally object to people who never before saw fit to inform me that there is such a beverage.

    I also morally object to people who think it’s at all acceptable to offer me unsolicited and condescending “expert” (read: “generally less informed than my own personal knowledge”) medical advice when it comes to managing my health.

  64. I’m morally opposed to all of your moral oppositions against people wearing certain clothes. People can wear whatever they want.

  65. 1. people who think that 80s style was so good that it needed a second go around
    2. “How much supermarkets jack up prices on artichokes and pomegranates.” –Right on
    3. Peta
    4. This video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zvTRQr7ns8
    5. people who say they’re scared of the South (southern US)
    6. fashion mullets
    7. fashion flannel
    8. ‘feminists for life’ and other publicly accepted oxymorons

  66. Dan Brown, Nicholas Sparks and Stephenie Meyer. They are horrible writers and have dumbed the world readership down. Seriously, those are not good books. They are very poorly written.

    What bothered me was that the movie ended up being upstaged by the soundtrack.

  67. Icewyche- + 1 to the Swiffer commercials. The Swiffer itself is not an abomination, but that babycomeback mop songy dance thing? STAB! STABBITY-STAB-STAB!
    Sara Pulis- your conflation of vegetarianism and veganism
    offends me. Eggs and butter?
    Erin H- +1 to that puppethugger.
    karak- I am simply morally opposed to all banana flavored candy. And green apple (green should be LIME people, LIME). And peach. PEACH IS NOT A FLAVOR!!11

    Also:
    Big Ten football. Yes, I said it.
    All shoes that cost over $50. Particularly the chinese-foot-binding feeling ones.
    Religious Evangelicals. Atheist Evangelicals.
    Sarah Palin leaving alaska for any reason. And the corollary- moose hunting that does not involve arming the moose.
    Grown dogs weighing less than 20lbs, or with a higher pitched voice than mine.
    Racist judges, and the states that elect/appoint them.
    Racist mascots.
    Bacon pancakes.
    Places that do not serve breakfast all day.
    People who have Missed The Point that so-called moral objections to abortion are frequently on the grounds of taste.
    People dogmatically telling people what pregnancy is like.
    People dogmatically telling people what any particular medical condition is like.
    People dogmatically telling people what women/men/cis/trans/gay/straight/ambisextrous/*insert category here* people are like.
    People who do not vaccinate their kids for measles (barring medical counterindication).
    The Bible.

  69. Stores that do not carry wide width shoes below a size 7. Which is every store in San Antonio, it seems like. I wear a 6WW, and even that is tight. So ordering shoes off the internet is horrible- I return easily 9 out of 10 I order. But that is my only choice. D:

    The Gosselin saga.

    People who seem to think I want to listen to their music at red lights, even though I’m two lanes over and have my windows up and radio on. VOLUME CONTROL.

  70. People who judge other people’s clothing choices.

    Comedians who get cheap laughs at the expense of marginalized people (and I can’t think of one who doesn’t apart from Eddie Izzard).

    The fad for being scared of clowns and hating mimes. Whatever, clowns are harmless and mime is really hard.

    The parts of US entertainment culture that parlay women’s self-hatred into buying stuff. I’m really ok with my neckline, thanks for trying to find something else for me to hate about my body.

    People commenting about how “good” I’m being when I eat certain things or go to the gym. Whatever, I like kale and exercise helps with my emotional issues. I’m not doing it for you.

  71. I put on a pair of really old jeans of mine — from the early ’90s the other day. My wife shrieked and forbade me from every wearing them again.

    I object to t-shirts designed to convey effortless snobbery — the sort sold at ANF with names of fictional stores or schools, gently pre-distressed. Oh hell, I object to Abercrombie overall.

  74. Crocs. Unless you are a nurse, because you can autoclave them.

    Glen Beck

    People who don’t use their blinker when turning.

    The endless Disney channel sitcoms. I have a 12 year old and seriously, I want to put a bullet in the TV whenever “Zack and Cody” comes on. Fortunately I’ve cowed her into submission on that show. That’s good parenting!

    People who think not wiping their child’s nose makes them a carefree, unfussy parent. It doesn’t. But it will give them impetigo!

    Katy Perry.

    People who get their panties in a twist over birth control accessibility for teens. I’m going to have bowls of condoms on my coffee table like pretzels at a bar!

  76. 1) Cheetos, or any other styrofoam nugget-snack covered in processed cheese dust.
    2) Stealing.
    3) People who are rude to service people just because they can be, but likewise, people who think tipping is an innate right. Golden rule baby, golden rule.
    4) Coach purses. Any bag that requires me to sell my organs on the black market to afford and has most likely been constructed by a person that can’t even write their name yet, is just not worth my time.
    5) Bridezilla. The fact that these women have the audacity to act like that…AT LEAST YOU CAN GET MARRIED!
    6) The overuse of medications.
    7) The “reinvention” of 3-D movies. THIS IS NOT A NEW TECHNOLOGY HOLLYWOOD! TRY HARDER!

  77. I object to people telling me that is so deep, and complex and I must read it! This includes an English/history teacher in High School recommending “The Da Vinci Code”.

    I object to Dan Brown in general, especially his almost transcendent lack of research. (Calling Islam a language? Seriously?)

    I also object to the rabid hatred that the fans of fluff works sometimes get. Yes, Twilight is horrible, and I wouldn’t use it to line a litter box. But if someone finds it enjoyable, so what? They aren’t hurting anyone.

    I object to disaster movies. My friends have found that attempting to watch one with me in the room leads to cries of “but it doesn’t work that way! every five or so minutes.

    I object to pseudo-science and anti-science.

    I object to people using “autistic” as a synonym for insensitive, uncaring, or selfish.

    I object to charging fifty dollars for jeans that already have massive holes in them.

    I object to the entire fashion industry, for reasons that could fill a book. so i won’t list them here.

    I object to (read- “hate with the passion of a thousand fiery suns) the phrase “for your own good”.

    I think that about covers it for now.

  79. Insofar as Swedish Fish are concerned, is it the actual texture and taste of gummi snacks that you find unappealing, or is it only the Swedish Fish candy?

    Does anyone like the little gummi bears, the original gummi bears from Germany? Does anyone know what I’m talking about? They’re made by Harbro or Haribo or Haibro or something like that.

    Gotta love those–even though they all get stuck to your teeth.

  80. Haribo gummy candies! Yes! I travel 3 hours to get those things!

    Gummy candies are something that I support with the full force of my convictions. Dessert in general, actually. Most important meal of the day.

    But keep the bacon vodka, thanks.

  82. I found something else I REALLY object to: Reebok and their new sexified Easytone shoes commercials. Talking boobs, rolling around on satin sheets (in booty shorts and sneakers, no less), “88% of men will be speechless”, and a cameraman obsessed with the inhumanly skinny model’s ass. Can’t they even sell WALKING SHOES without turning women into sex objects?

  83. The fact that St. Louis-style “pizza” is allowed to be called pizza.

    Gratuitous and pointless TV character deaths.

    People who think slavery is sometimes okay (“but my ancestors were nice to their slaves…”).

    The reductio ad Hitlerum. (I actually include in my syllabi that I take points off if students use this).

    Ph.D program acceptance rates.

    “Literal” interpretation of the Bible that holds that “a beast rising up from the sea, with seven heads and ten horns…and like a leopard, with the feet of a bear” is, literally, a human man from Europe.

    Medicine side effects.

    “Epilepsy? Oh, my next door neighbor’s cousin’s dog had that…”

    Latin.

  87. Big time fan, rare commenter.

    Oh, Jill darn it-I saw this headline and thought “yes” – rip on evil government spending.

    But your list is “tangential” at best. The government supports Pepsi? As in, what-buys it for the commissary? So?

    Things I don’t want my tax money to pay for :

    ~WAR-especially ones that are based on LIES.
    ~FOOTBALL STADIUMS–especially when taxpayers vote against them and legislators do it anyway, like in Seattle.
    ~BLACKWATER and other mercenaries who operate outside rules of law and common decency

    That’s just for starters.

    PS Nobody “morally” objects to Uggs, only aesthetically.

    Yeah, I know; it’s hyperbole and meant for fun. But you know it will appear on some right-wing blog under the screaming headline: “Evil Feminists Think Fetuses are less Important than Pepsi” or some such rot. I am weary of that kind of thing.

    A real missed opportunity IMO.

    1. Well, Maribelle, sometimes I get tired of being serious all the time and I need a mental break. Hence stupid, silly lists and Lady Gaga videos. And I can’t construct my posts based on how right-wing bloggers will use them.

  88. Jill,

    I certainly don’t accuse you of not being serious. I have been ruminating on this topic for so long in my head, that’s all. I guess this is a clear case of “time to get my own blog” and not ask others to write the subjects that are on my heart.

    Thanks for responding and (because I often think it but never tell you) thanks for being out there every day and fighting the good fight.

    1. Thanks for the response, Maribelle. Sorry if I came down hard on you — I’m just tired of getting criticized every time I post something silly (even though I know you weren’t being critical, exactly). It happens all the time, and I’m not sure what to do to allow light-heartedness in this space. The constant requirement of seriousness and perfect starts to weigh a little heavy after a while, and I’m just frustrated and tired by it. So my response was less about your comment and more about a personal growing frustration. Apologies it was directed at you in a short snippet, and I really do appreciate your kind response.

  89. I object to people who object to St Louis style pizza.
    I object to not being allowed to be silly.
    I did not know about bacon vodka till just now, so now I object to it.

  90. Fun list!
    *hangs head in shame* I love Angles and Demons and The Da Vinci Code even though I know the writing is horrible, but I have a fondness for bad literature. I also love Aerosmith, so I guess I morally object to those moral objections:)

    I morally objhect to
    Film snobs-can’t stand people who feel intellectually better because they only watch obscure aret house films
    internet trolls-they are annoying
    Mornings
    parking at my University-there is none yet you have to pay $20 for a parking pass
    that I am a procrastonator
    Mens Rights Activists

  91. I agree with every single item on your list, AMAZING!

    Also:
    Manga (especially of the really nasty anti-feminist variety)
    Islamophobia
    The United States Military
    the concept of military
    George W. Bush being free
    Karl Rove “”
    Dick Cheney “”
    Mountain Dew

  92. If we must do vodka, just bring the Ciroc Nemiroff.

    Fixed it for you!

    Seriously, I morally object to French vodka. I love France, but no. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

  93. ooooooh I forgot one bacon flavored chocolate! Juust the thought of bacon and chocolate makes me gag!

  94. I also morally object to the phrase “Who’s your daddy?” Especially in any kind of sexual context or when domination is implied. Grossness.

  95. A lot of the stuff that has already been mentioned.
    Non-vegan stuff (that could almost be worth, say, 50.)
    War
    Thinking that programming is simply USING computer programs
    Memorization
    Book banning
    Braces (if no one used them, no one would care, right?)
    People saying “the reason why is because”

  96. How could anything be wrong with Ciroc? P. Diddy endorses it.

    Just kidding. Just kidding.

    But I will check into the Nemiroff, as long as I don’t have to take out a second mortgage to buy a bottle.

    Jill: Personally, I enjoy your “silly” posts sometimes. It helps break up the rigid tone of a blog that’s forced to deal with serious issues. And I believe your readers enjoy it as well.

  97. Answering “How’s it going?” with “It’s going.” – THIS DOES NOT ANSWER THE QUESTION

    Look, it’s only because I don’t feel comfortable doing either of the following: bombarding you will all the shit that’s bugging me RIGHT NOW or lying to your face. I’m intentionally avoiding the question, dammit. (Apologies for ranting.)

    Evil stuff:
    1. Axe commercials (no fragrance can mask the smell of asshole)
    2. My land(over)lords
    3. Jim Harbaugh
    4. Award show writers
    5. The unironic use of “post-racial”
    6. Voice-keyed automated phone systems (the smug-sounding voices they employ)

  98. Diamonds – the possibility of purchasing a blood diamond is still prevalent since smugglers are able to fake a diamond’s pedigree. But, even if the worth the industrialized world puts on diamonds was not responsible for the torture, maiming and death of many people I still object to them because they are a rip off. Diamonds really aren’t that rare and the only reason they are worth anything at all is because the big diamond companies only release a certain amount so the market can’t be flooded. Also, I object to the idea that the number one way a many can prove he is worthy of being married to you is by presenting you with a shiny rock. You would think he personality and demeanor would be more important.

    People who are “famous for being famous” – You’re famous for jack shit. I don’t know how I know about people like Heidi Montag and Tila Tequila, but thanks to pop culture osmosis, I do and it drives me insane. These people have done nothing to earn their celebrity other than act like twits on television.

    Abstinence only education – my school had this. We also had the highest teen pregnancy rate in our district. Go us!

    Manufactured sounding vocals in pop songs – is it really that hard to find a woman who is attractive and can sing as well? Why is any attractive blond who can lip synch given a recording deal? It’s not like everyone has to sing like Mariah Carey, but I hate the robot sounding singing so much.

  99. Bratz dolls – my little prostitute more like.
    Pink for baby girls – even when you beg relatives not to while you’re pregnant “Oh we thought you didn’t mean it”.
    Men with skinny legs in shorts – unless you’ve got rugby player’s legs, stick to longs.

  100. To all those who object to bottled water: Of all the cities and towns I lived in, none of them had good tasting water. That, and ever try water that has sulfur in it?

    Stuff directly supported by tax-dollars that I morally oppose:
    -(Male-only) Sports programs without riders that say they can’t zero out another departments in order to increase the football/soccer/basketball/baseball’s budget to get them nice cushy greyhound buses for every fricken away game and steak…
    Seriously, they need riders on school funding for that kind of BS. Science Olympiad team for my home school was cut out completely from the budget. Girls’ teams (from all districts) forced to beg outside the county’s Wal-Mart to even pay for new equipment or a trip for ice cream.

    -Universities who advocate for and encourage female engineers but snub and harass females in computer science and computer information systems

    – My states system who will let a man go who is $2,500 (if not more) behind in child support payments which the mother of the child initiated charges, while the system is attacking and taking the driver’s license away from a woman who is only $1,000 behind in payments where the state initiated the chargers. The child was given up to the father by the mother’s request for the well-being of the child because she lost her job and was having difficulty obtaining another. At the same time, by losing her driver’s license, they suspended her food stamps.

  101. People who have Missed The Point that so-called moral objections to abortion are frequently on the grounds of taste.

    A lot of it is taste.

    I think I morally object to people who are vocally anti-vaccine for no good reason.

  102. 1) Rainy weekends

    2) New England fashion (look into colors, people!)

    3) Che Guevara

    4) Expensive organic/local food (I can’t afford to eat my principles, stop berating me dammit)

    5) Jeans that don’t fit my big ass and short legs

    6) People telling me “don’t worry honey, you don’t look Hispanic!”

    7) Booth and Bones still not together

  103. -Caffeine! (Except in chocolate). Unfortunately, med school is not very accepting of people like me…or the rest of America, really…
    -Jenny McCarthy and her anti-vaccine cronies
    -iTunes changing the pricing of their songs from .99 to 1.29.
    -jackasses who try to ask complicated questions in class and then you realize they don’t actually know anything but are just trying to sound smart
    -Cancer
    -Abstinence-Only Sex Ed: have you ever tried to teach college students who went through AOE? Its depressing. I met someone who told me she thought VD was the name of a disease.
    -Puppy Mills
    -“business casual” clothing. I hate slacks and skirts. If I could, I would wear my pajamas everywhere.

  105. “Butts are lovely things. Why must we do them such disservice?”

    I second that, Jill!

    Back on-topic:

    1 – Auto-tune, that cheesy digital sound-processing effect used on songs like Cher’s “Life After Love”. If he or she really can’t carry a tune, then he or she shouldn’t be making records!

    2 – Traffic cops. I don’t completely object to ’em. When they’re doing their job, making driving safer for us, I like them. But lately it seems like they’re just playing “gotcha” so the state can raise revenues without raising taxes.

    3 – Oldies radio. It’s not 1965 anymore, OK? Play me some DJ Spooky instead!

    4 – The Democratic (and Republican) Party. The former for the Stupak amendment, the latter for the war(s) and the economy

    5 – TV. Is it me, or is television more inane and banal than ever?

  107. Seriously, I morally object to French vodka. I love France, but no. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

    I’m with you here, Natalia.

  108. I morally object to the increasing use of the word “lead” as the past-tense of “lead.”

    It’s LED, people. Think about it.

  109. Here are some things I morally object to and what I want the feds to cease funding for:

    Coca-Cola. They misled us about the VitaminWater product. And besides, Pepsi tastes 10,000,000 times better than Coca-Cola.

    Blackwater. Look at what they have done in Iraq.

    Domino’s. Just mention the word Tom Monaghan and you’ll know why.

    Fox News.

    CNN.

    The Recording Industry Association of America. They are proposing the performance tax that would muzzle local radio stations.

    pants on men when the high temperature is 85 degrees or WARMER. men should be required to wear shorts when it is above 85 degrees outside.

    The Real Housewives of New York City. GE has shown no signs of getting rid of Bensimon eight months after her arrest of domestic violence, so that is why I’ve put this one in.

    Glenn Sacks and his ilk.

    The TEA partiers.

    Radio stations that shorten songs for time purposes.

    People who drive even one mph OVER the speed limit.

    Bob Jones University in Greenville.

  110. I morally object to the commercials portraying the green M&M as a sex object. It’s a fucking M&M and even it has to be have long eyelashes and wear heels.

    Jill, I LOVE silly posts now and then!! Thank you!

  112. “Answering “How’s it going?” with “It’s going.” – THIS DOES NOT ANSWER THE QUESTION”

    Expecting people to tell you how it’s actually going, when perhaps it’s none of your business.

    People who ask how it’s going, and then sigh and flee when you do tell them how it’s really going.

    Also: I morally object to having my high-waisted pants objected to. It’s the only kind of pants I can wear without serious discomfort. Coincidentally it’s also the only kind I can wear without looking like my pants are 12 sizes too small. Fancy that. I must be no one.

  113. I think I morally object to people morally objecting to my wearing clothes that make me comfortable. I don’t wear shorts very often because I have a skin condition that results in very large, very bright red splotches on my lower legs (well, all over, but they’re worst on my legs). When you can promise me that people will stop staring at me like I’ve got the plague, I’ll promise to wear shorts more often. Until then, I’m going to stick with pants, because I don’t actually like being stared at very much.

  114. I morally object to indoor heating in the winter that is SO HOT that I need to strip down to a tank top – especially if it’s YOUR STORE and I came in wearing my WINTER COAT. But I’m not fond of it in office buildings, either – if it’s winter out, heat the buildings so that I’m comfortable in my sweater in your office, ‘kay?

    I morally object to air-conditioning in the summer that is SO COLD that I have to put on a coat IN MY OFFICE BUILDING – over the tank top I wore outside. The one that I wear INSIDE, in the winter. If it’s hot outside, it probably shouldn’t be so cold indoors that I can see my breath puff. (I will also cut more slack, honestly, for the AC. I come home to my 66-degree house and TURN ON THE AIR so that I can breathe. Lungs-R-Us thank you for your support. And it’s easier to put layers on than to delayer; once you peel your skin off, you start to stick to your seat. However, if I’m cold in your building in the summer, people can build igloos in your lobby. I’m just sayin’.)

  115. seconded. Also, people asking me “how’s it going” when I can tell they really don’t care.

    Also seconding the moral opposition to DMB

    in no particular order, I morally object to:

    1) bad sex

    2) living in an apartment building in which the bad sex had by my neighbors cannot be drowned out by music from my my inferior MacBook speakers

    3) [in that same vein,] upstairs neighbors who play hockey on their hardwood floors at 4am

    4) people saying “I’m pro-life! pro-choice people piss me off” during conversation about abortion, and then in the same breath, “Oh but I do believe abortion should be accessible for women who need it, I mean, you never know about different circumstances.” Hey! That makes you pro-CHOICE!

    5) birth control commercials! woo, I can control my PMS and spotting! but what about the babies I don’t want to have?!?

    6) the question “What are you doing after you graduate?”
    6.5) the question “What are you going to do with a history degree, teach?” I already know I can do nothing with a history B.A., stop rubbing it in.

    7) people who take themselves too seriously

    8) Jenny on the L Word!

    9) people who have the tools to take initiative and stand up for themselves, but don’t.

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