In defense of the sanctimonious women's studies set || First feminist blog on the internet

Feministe Feedback: Anti-Rape Resources for Men

Jill

A reader writes in:

This academic year there have been two different rapes on my campus and if two have been reported, then most likely there are more. I want to do some education awareness on campus to make men aware that rape is not a women’s issue, that it will continue until men step in and educate themselves. So, I was hoping people might have some resources on how to educate more men about this problem? Or event ideas which I cold use to make men become involved in this issue. The police sent out a list of things that women should do/shouldn’t do….. but all that does is blame the victim and I want to do something more productive than that. Any suggestion/resources that people know of would be greatly appreciated. Not sure how well the question is phrased, but hopefully it makes sense.

Any suggestions or ideas?

Posted in Uncategorized

36 thoughts on Feministe Feedback: Anti-Rape Resources for Men

  3. I second the Men Can Stop Rape suggestion. They’re great.

    But since we’re talking college campuses, I also really recommend SAFER. They’re a wonderful anti-sexual violence organization that centers around campus organizing, and they’re inclusive of activists of all genders.

  4. I’ve personally wanted to place signs around my college campus that say “The sex was great because she said “yes”.” Underneath that tag line would be a running list of words like “kissing” “holding hands” “making out” “blow jobs.”

  5. i went to a lecture at yale’s campus last week by a group called “1 in 4”; they seemed to be a traveling lecture circuit geared towards teaching young men in handling, identifying, and preventing all types of rape. it was great, and it seemed like they brought their own information for distribution etc.

    i would suggest looking them up.

  6. At my college, we have a program during orientation called Red Light, Green Light. There’s a little skit where our improv troupe acts out some stereotypes about date rape. They play characters talking about a party the night before and discussing how a date rape came about (with alcohol involved) and how everyone involved feels. There’s an MC who interacts with the audience and gives tips for men and women to avoid contributing not just to rape but to rape culture.

    The best thing is that this is the most popular orientation event because it’s funny as well as informative and manages to make an extremely uncomfortable topic easier to talk about. It’s very well attended and does a good job of starting the conversation. I think they use some fairly common rape prevention training tactics.

    We also had a t-shirt campaign: our health office made shirts that said “Sex wanted, inquire within” on the front and “Want sex? Ask first” on the back. They’re very popular and a good conversation starter.

    Those are just what we’ve done here. I don’t know for sure how well they’re working, but it’s a start.

  8. ““The sex was great because she said “yes”. – Jesse at 6:29.

    To you much respect, Jesse – but am not quite loving the phrase wholeheartedly either. It arguably implies that it could have been “sex” at all, rather than rape, and possibly still “pretty good” rather than “great,” had “she” said “no.” But maybe I am wrong and/or being a complete pedantic ass to others’ good faith efforts to do the right thing. So take my reservations with a grain, or wheelbarrow, of salt.

    Might suggest that men attend the upcoming Take Back the Night marches in late March and April; this is not sufficient but may be useful. There may be some use in some of the resources and submissions in the Take Back the Blog online event from April ’07, if not directly, then as food for thought. Best to all.

  11. Several campuses also have peer educator programs that maybe your campus already has, or you could garner support to start up. I’m most familiar with the group that was on my campus in undergrad, so I’m going to include their link. The group is called MEMPSA (Men Education Men on the Prevention of Sexual Assault). If nothing else, it can provide an example of an approach you can take.

    Hope this helps!

  12. @ Bruce. It’s not a perfect idea, or slogan. I’m sure there are many problems with with my poster idea. But I would love, love, love a poster up on the walls that give the idea of explicit consent. For example “stealing” a kiss is not consent. Like the OP, the only posters, and information given to the students is of women knowing how to protect themselves. I just want to see something catchy, large and in a prominent position on the walls of my campus.

  13. One in Four seems like a pretty interesting option, based on what I have heard about Georgetown’s GUMARR (Georgetown U Men Advocating Relationship Responsibility – affiliated with One in Four) from Gtown alum friends. I wish my school had something like that. My school is beginning an affiliation with SPARK, but it’s brand new so I know next to nothing about their programming that is specific to anti-rape education.

  14. When I was an undergrad, our campus had a chapter of 1in4 which is a national (I believe) organization of men that educates other men (and women!) about the dangers of rape and other sexual victimization on campuses. It was a very popular group on campus and they went to all of the freshman dorms every year and gave a presentation. I’m sure they’d have some excellent resources. The national website is: http://www.oneinfourusa.org/

  17. I was recently asked to develop a workshop on sexual communication for the University of Illinois at Chicago … one major goal of mine, for this project, is to work against rape. I definitely believe that frank training on how to talk about sex, value sexuality, determine sexual needs, and respect your partner’s sexuality will partly address this problem!

    I will be delivering it for the first time this Thursday, 3-4. 312.413.2120 for more information or to attend. You can also email me [ clarisse dot thorn at gmail dot com ] if you want to see my outline.

  18. there was a club similiar to men can stop rape at my university when i was an undergrad in the late 90s, I can’t recall what it was called, but men joined and would go talk to frats about what is sexual harassment and assault and rape; and would go to freshmen mens dormitory orientation, too.
    one thing they did that I really liked is that in the evenings and on weekends they volunteered to work “walking” shifts, where anyone, male or female, that wanted an escort within the greater campus area (classes and events could run late and it is a HUGE campus) and they would sign in and out as official escort at certain times and who they escorted and what-not, it was really nice (there were also women who would escort in pairs, too, with the group, it was equal opportunity, just aimed at trying to get men to think about it).

  20. I worked at a university women’s center for three years and all I can say is that you can find all the right resources and information off-campus, but if you really want long-lasting sustainable change; if you really want to prevent other sexual assaults from occurring on campus, look to student government, the student newspapers, and clubs on campus to shake itself out of the delusion that any administrator, speaker, flier, or rally will prevent other rapes from occurring.

    The issue on college campuses is a cultural problem, just like off campus it’s a societal problem. For change, for an improved environment for women in higher education, to steer away from victim blaming, and enforcing old stereotypes, look for supportive faculty and advisers to create organizations that target men’s leadership and involvement like MARS (Men Ending Rape and Sexual Assault) and 1 in 4. Focus on high risk populations like athletes and the greek system where reporting is likely to be at its lowest.

    Generate the energy by talking to others who care and form a sustainable group that is made up of both men and women. And, it’s important to note, when one mentions sexual assault or rape, no one listens. If you talk about sexuality and relationships, everyone pays attention.

    Frame education in a positive light – there’s a time and place for people to understand the truth about rape with statistics and Take Back the Night, but on a college campus, program evaluation research has proven that more effective programming and education happens when you help students develop their consciousness around choice, sexuality, relationships, and consent.

  21. I agree with what you’re saying Lisa. I’m a student at a university and part of a group of students that tries to tackle the problem of sexual assault and violence and really want to make a difference in reframing the way we bring about awareness. And your last paragraph is something I really would like to focus on in my group – positive sex education and what clarisse was talking about: sexual communication . I want to know what groups and programs have taken this approach and what has helped so I have a model that could possibly be implemented for my campus too.

  22. This is a subject i’ve become very interested in. I’m just an average joe but i have been thinking about this alot lately. And i’ve realized a few things…

    Colleges and universites are at best apathetic and at worst complicit in regards to increasing rates of rape (same goes for our legal system).

    Men in our culture are deluded cowards who don’t think rape effects them at all. And alot more men than people care to realize have been conditioned to always blame the victim as well as believe the toxic stereotypes of rape victims. I post at a popular sports messageboard which, like many, has sub-sections for different topics. So there are topics about politics, history, science, etc. and there are alot of well read, intelligent members. But once the topic of rape comes up, it’s incredible how so many abandon all logic and common sense and instead spew unfounded and simply evil bullshit. I then realized that this is no accident or coincidence.

    Serious action has to be taken at this point in order to curtail the growing rape rates. If serious action is not taken, it will continue to get worse. I’m not talking about putting up some pamphlets that no guy will care to read or putting on a seminar that no young guy would be caught dead attending. The sad fact is that men in our culture have been conditioned to believe that a strong stance against rape somehow makes them sissies.

    And i cannot see this problem getting any better without men taking a stand, educating themselves, and taking action when they can.

  23. And i totally disagree with making an anti-rape presentation funny. I don’t mean you shouldn’t employ some humor here and there. But it should not be something that leaves people giggling as they leave. I haven’t seen any of the presentations mentioned so i really can’t comment on their efficacy. I’d be interested to see rape statistics comparing colleges that have had anti-rape programs vs. those that haven’t. I hope i’m wrong but i’d bet there isn’t a major difference. It doesn’t exactly help that the college culture itself subtly encourages rape. Go ahead and ask a young male what immediately comes to mind when he hears the term “college girl”. I’ll tell you what you won’t hear: intelligence, emotional depth, educated, etc. You will hear things like: Girls Gone Wild, drunk, horny, etc.

    As far as college presentations, it’s important to implement a socratic method and ask alot of questions to the students so it’s not simply a boring lecture and to let them know they can be as open and honest as can be. And whether people want to admit it or not, it is important that the male students can respect and relate to the speaker. It doesn’t matter what you say. If young males think you’re out of touch, they won’t listen. If they think you’re a nerdy academic, feminine, have no real life experience, or are too preachy, they won’t listen. That’s not pleasant, but it’s true.

    You have to hit them where it hurts. If you want men to listen to an anti-rape speech, you need to challenge their masculinity and explain why rapists are cowards. Because that’s the last thing a young male wants to be considered. You need to explain why the act itself is cowardly, and then why the cognitive dissonance that so many rapists feel afterwards is also cowardly.

    I’ve known a few rapists or would-be rapists (i stopped one from occurring in high school). You can ask them if they’ve ever raped a girl and they will absolutely say no. And they believe that. Because many men feel that it’s not rape if a female doesn’t end up with teeth knocked out of her mouth. Education is important but i also think more action needs to be taken in order to draw attention to this issue (which is basically treated as a dirty secret of our culture). Young men need to not only know why it’s wrong, but why they should care enough to take personal action themselves.

  26. @Silveraeris
    What I would suggest, for optimal use of resources and time, is to consider the dynamics of your campus. Each college and university is different with varying sizes, geographic factors, and student culture. What may work on one campus, may not work on another because of individual college personality and identity (urban vs. rural; small-med-large-very large student body; resources on campus; all female, all male, co-ed; Greek system, etc).

    I’d suggest that you research whether or not your school has a sexual assault programs coordinator, or something equal. Where does a student how is sexually assaulted go? Whomever is in that vicinity may be a good person to talk to about how to best go about your interests and passion.

    It’s critical to stay abreast of the efforts your school has already done and get a sense of what works and what doesn’t work. Many schools apply for the Violence Against Women grant (through the federal gov’t) and will have funding set aside for these kinds of efforts. Look to your surrounding community agencies – are there local rape crisis coalitions? Utilize them to get the best sense of what will be effective for your college.

    I have found that it is persistence in this area that wins. Passion and emotion is critical to getting people together, but organization and consistent pressure will help you to create of sustain something that will stay in place long after you and your fellow students graduate. Leave something in place for those coming after you.

  27. we have a wonderful program at my school, and one of the groups I’m in has been running for a long time. Our website’s got tons of wonderful information and resources, if I remember correctly, like we post our minutes from our meetings, talk about our campaigns, have resources up there, etc.-www.studentsstoppingrape.org. If there are any rape crisis centers around you, they’ll probably be more than willing to help you out 🙂 RAINN’s got a list of RCC’s on their website. Remember, persistence counts, the work itself of fighting sexual violence is very slow (as you probably already know), and don’t worry about starting off big-start slow and build up, otherwise you might get disappointed. A 3-person group can’t do as much as a 20-person group can (so recruitment/advertising might be good to focus on

    Since you’re on a campus, there should be a sexual assault counselor, maybe they could help you find what’s already going on at your school or start something up like a student group

  28. I would like to echo the sentiments regarding the Student Group 1 in 4. The university i work for has a fledgling group just getting off the ground and i attended a presentation they did last week. Maybe there is a fledgling group on your campus too just waiting for some publicity or support?

    My other suggestions would be to get in touch with your Universities Women’s Center (if you are fortunate enough to have one), if not, check with your Universities Health Educator, Counseling Dept, or Victims Support Services. These office are made to be a resource to students and as someone working in higher ed i can say that we rely on student interest and involvement to see change on campus.

  29. I agree with most of what Lisa says, though I don’t think students should really be spending much time on prevention efforts themselves. First, research shows that college students do not respond to training on sexual assault by their peers. It doesn’t work. For whatever reason, when it comes to sexual violence education, students respond to an authority figure, not a peer.

    Second, students graduate after four years, and they are busy. It is very difficult to keep a sexual assault prevention program afloat and of consistent quality through constant student turnover, especially if no one is being paid for their efforts.

    Sexual assault prevention is a difficult, complex field, and the person doing it should be trained and paid full-time. They should be reading all the latest research on what works and what doesn’t, and they should know all about the various prevention programs out there. Personally, I’d add that they should be pretty radical if you really want their efforts to work (one thing I’d note about Lisa’s suggestion to find your local sexual assault coordinator is that often, rape crisis center employees/volunteers lack the kind of radical analysis I feel is necessary for effectiveness–it’s good to contact whoever is in your area, but be aware that people in the field have varying levels of commitment to radical social change).

    I think that the job of students is ensuring that each college funds prevention staff and programming, not trying to provide the programming themselves.

    And SAFER, the group I work with, trains students in the organizing skills that can help them pressure their colleges to fund and implement such programs.

  30. If you haven’t already, I’d strongly recommend you read the book Yes Means Yes, just to get into your head some interesting ideas about what an ideal rape-free culture would look like, and what that means for men. I think most men (and many women) have never thought about the idea of enthusiastic consent. Even as an educated, pro-women’s rights female in my first year of law school I’m embarassed to say that I thought requiring the woman to say “yes” affirmatively was silly and unworkable, and that silence was consent. I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of guys are operating under the same framework. Also, I’d recommend that you get in contact with campus police about changing those suggestions to be less sexist. We had the same problem at my school (University of Iowa). The police sent out this absolutely infuriating e-mail warning women never to do laundry or get into an elevator alone, for example, with nothing about how men shouldn’t, you know, *rape women*. Very frustrating.

  31. I see a few people have mentioned programs instituted by the college where people, especially victims, can go, for support. I’m sure there are colleges with great programs. But i’ve also heard some horror stories. I’ve heard bad things from professional journalists as well as detectives who are experts in sexual assault. I stood there as a detective told a young victim that she was smart for not going to the school first. Eventually, she did though, and like many, realized the school couldn’t possibly care less. Now let me say i’ve heard this about a couple prestigious universities and realize that it may well be different for other schools.

    But there have been cases where victims go to the school first, and this ends up being a big mistake. Basically, they end up taking advantage of the victim by telling her the school will take care of it. Sure, they may help her out as far as seeking therapy, entering programs, etc. But their main goal is to make sure that the victim does NOT under any circumstances press charges or bring negative attention onto the school. As i said, this is a form of complicity.

    College rapes could end in a matter of months, or even weeks, if people were brave enough to do what needs to be done. I’ve known plenty of bad guys; rapists, murderers, drug dealers, sociopaths, etc. And let me tell you… a snarky slogan or funny little sketch isn’t exactly going to get the job done. Making this issue humorous is a bad idea.

    Just look at other struggles in our nation’s history. Look at the workers’ struggle or slavery. They did what had to be done. They didn’t make light of their plight in order to make things a bit less tense. That’s just frivolous. They did what they had to do. You get a few brave people to do what they SHOULD do. That attracts media attention. Others follow their lead. And watch as the rates dwindle.

  32. To what Ashley said about the complexity of prevention work – agreed – it is ESSENTIAL to have a hired, professional, and committed individual to do this kind of work at the college level. There are a few exceptions, but unfortunately, most univ./colleges view this work as a sidebar and don’t give it the primary resources and funding it needs.
    And, to be clear, I was putting this forward in advisement for students involvement, but the responsibility needs to two fold – from students and from the institution. How reporting is handled, the college judicial system and protocol, to hiring qualified professionals resides in the hands of administration.

    Rape prevention on college campuses is multifaceted and needs to be considered at all levels for it to produce change. Most of this work, though, is projected to women’s centers (or something similar) and is not considered a campus crisis for all to take initiative.

    Another point of agreement I have with Ashley is that it absolutely needs a radical commitment and ideology to social justice. Unfortunately, most institutions of higher ed do lip service in this department, but student activism can never be overestimated!

  33. College rapes could end in a matter of months, or even weeks, if people were brave enough to do what needs to be done.

    If we just had the pure force of will to do what needs to be done we could end college rapes swiftly! All we need to do is…what? Have the courage of your jackboots and come right on out and say what you mean. Advocating violent vigilantism with a nudge and a wink stinks not only of cowardice and authoritarianism.

    I think the bigger problem with what you’re suggesting, Marz, is that you’re attacking a symptom without considering the precipitating factors. Rape is a complex crime that comes from a lot of different drives, perceptions, and attitudes coming together to allow a perpetrator to convince himself that he has the right. A big part of that is how society views and treats women. Another big part of that is how society tells men to deal with problems. Society tells us that women are weak and in need of protection, but included in that message is that women are inferior. The same thing that whips up a protective instinct in you lets a rapist see a woman as inhuman enough to be an object upon which he make take out his competing sexual and aggressive drives. Society also tells us that men ought to respond to problems with force, because strength (and, by extension, dominance) is a condition of worth. You take that message and talk about being ‘brave enough to do what needs to be done,” a rapist hears that might makes right.

    In both cases what you have is a proposed response to campus rape that accepts the social messages which incite it. You take the focus from the victim, you devote resources to (likely male) revenge, you respond to aggression with aggression. You reinforce those social values which served to foment the crime in your response. You do this because you believe that an act which is essentially about violent dominance will somehow be curbed if you are violent and dominant enough to scare the inferior beasts away. What you fail to consider is that you’re just training better beasts.

  34. Pingback: Rape: A Pro-Choice Crime? : The Raving Theist
  35. Pingback: Not Rape - Not a Difficult Concept « Irresponsibility

Comments are currently closed.