In defense of the sanctimonious women's studies set || First feminist blog on the internet

Getting To Know You, Getting To Know All About You

I asked, you answered, then I aswered.

randomliberal/Robert: What…is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Are we talking an African swallow or a European swallow?

Although a definitive answer would of course require further measurements, published species-wide averages of wing length and body mass, initial Strouhal estimates based on those averages and cross-species comparisons, the Lund wind tunnel study of birds flying at a range of speeds, and revised Strouhal numbers based on that study all lead me to estimate that the average cruising airspeed velocity of an unladen European Swallow is roughly 11 meters per second, or 24 miles an hour.”

Roni: What color should I dye my hair?

Don’t. Your hair is gorgeous, the kind of thing us whitey chicks die for.

Chris Clarke: What do you hear right now?

Honestly? I’m listening to Danzig. Bring the shame.

Heliologue: You have a single-use time machine, and, assuming the laws of quantum physics don’t apply and the grandfather paradox is a non-issue, what is the one thing you would change/observe firsthand/&c.?

If I have to choose, I’d choose Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” during the 1963 March on Washington. We need more leaders. Everything else I would want to see firsthand would be so damned depressing I couldn’t handle it.

Shankar Gupta: All-time favorite movie?

I don’t like movies all that much so it’s difficult to pick an all-time favorite. As a kid, my favorite movie was “Empire of the Sun.” This may account for my bad taste in film. Most recently my favorite movies have been “Whale Rider,” “The Ice Storm,” “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” and “Before Night Falls,” in other words, serious movies with complicated characters that make me sob. I may hate them but I still get emotionally sucked in.

media girl: How do you like brunette? I was thinking of doing the same, but I’m hesitant.

I like it! I had to pick a color that wouldn’t amplify the pink in my skin. I scoured all the boxes for non-olive-skinned models with brown hair and got one solitary color, Havana Brown.

The cool thing is that I get less unsolicited advice, though I’ve now been informed that the Bettie Page/dominatrix thing might be a stronger effect. I hope not. In other hair-related news, I’m growing my bangs out a bit. My cowlick tends to make the left side stick straight out of my forehead.

Baubo: What do you consider to be ‘radical’ feminism?

Judging by most public reaction to feminist thought it appears that weilding the label is in itself radical. I think most feminists get labelled radical from the outside when so steeped in feminist language that the layperson is lost in the loaded language and gets an entirely different effect than the one intended. That said, I think feminists like Dworkin and MacKinnon, who had many valuable things to say, had metaphors and euphemisms so entrenched in self-referencing feminist discourse that they are lost on non-academic and/or obsessive-compulsive feminists too. On occasion I reread “The Whole Woman” by Germaine Greer, the book that introduced me to hardline(-ish) feminism, and realize I took far different meanings from the text than I do now that I am older and more versed in the theory. I tend to read these texts with a more critical eye, knowing that this is in part the reason why feminism has had such a hard time becoming an accepted tool to work against systematic oppression.

What is usually considered “radical” feminism is the feminism that is often accused of waging war between men and women. My feminism is more tempered than that, believing that men and women suffer under patriarchal systems and that superficial power based on earnings, gender, color, religion, and social status have little real value to them. This is, in some circles, considered quite radical. I obviously don’t think so.

norbizness: When John Cusack is holding up the boombox to serenade Ione Skye with a Peter Gabriel song in Say Anything, isn’t there a part of you that wishes that the speakers were only loosely connected, and the middle part of the boombox slips out and bonks him on the head?

I’ve never seen it. But yes.

Kyle Hasselbacher: How long is the answer to this question?

It depends. It might be very short or very long depending on the question. Judging from your short question, I imagine the answer would be shortish as well.

mac: What are the nicest and meanest things you’ve ever been told?

Meanest, being told I was ruining my life by becoming a mother to Ethan. That statement filled me with a simultaneous doubt and anger that I’ve never been quite able to shake, primarily the notion that I may have “ruined” Ethan by refusing to be anything other than a mother to him. The sweet irony is that the man who told me that is now a single dad. I hope he remembers that.

Nicest, I don’t know. I’m not good at receiving compliments. The highest compliments to me are the ones with a simple adjective during a time of self-doubt. Timing and intent. I can remember the first time someone referred to me as articulate. Another time elegant (laughable, if you ask me). I’d rather be complimented on my intellect than my looks. If one is to compliment me on my looks, I prefer an even evaluation of the whole. I’d like not to be reduced to my parts, but go right ahead and compliment me on my outfit. I’m vain, too, you know! I still can’t take them even though I remember them forever.

In fact, I remember more of the banal statements that people make than the ones intended to be full of meaning. I think we reveal more about ourselves when we’re being unmindful.

Thomas: Parenting excluded, what are you proudest of in your own life?

Parenting excluded, I know that most of the things I will be proudest of are in the future. I’m proud of this blog and the community that you guys give me, being somewhat socially isolated. I’m proud of my garden this year, and my little family, cats included. Like with compliments, I feel pride for the smaller things.

Manogirl: If you could move anywhere, where would you go – supposing that the whole world is open to you?

For good? Hell, I haven’t thought that far yet. Not much of a self-dreamer here. I honestly love the Midwest and imagine a home base here for me for a long while, even if I move to another city or state. In the meantime, I’d like to do some serious travel. Should I move out of the Midwest, I’d like some coastline.

OTTami: Do pedicures tickle? I’ve never had one.

Yes, and I’m not ticklish whatsoever.

Rosepixie: What is your favorite book and why?

Hard question! I don’t know that I’ve read a book I didn’t like. I could list for days. That said, I am still in love with Jeanette Winterson’s “Written On the Body,” which I read it for class on gender lit with Dr. B. several years ago. It is a high-concept novel about love, loss, and gender constructs. In the beginning the genderless (or -full) narrator laments that love can never be explained without the use of cliche, then Winterson manages to create a loss-of-love story that does exactly that. She relies on anatomy textbooks, of all things, to illustrate the depth of physical and emotional love. Beautiful, wonderful, thought-provoking book.

jam: is there anything better than fresh dark garden dirt squishing between the toes?

Cheese.

Sydney: Would you describe yourself as an idealist or a realist and why?

A cynical idealist. Sometimes I don’t know why, the cynic in me. Somewhere deep inside I believe that humanity isn’t down the toilet yet, that we have real potential as a whole. We do! But the realist in me realizes that most people on this planet are preoccupied with other things: making it through the day, surviving war and famine, navigating terrible relationships, operating under oppressive regimes, and in America, too involved in hedonistic consumer-based culture, to work toward something better for all people, not just a select few and not just for our selfish selves. I’m torn between caring too much and not caring at all. Really.

Adrienne: Have you ever shot a gun?

Oh, lord no. Guns scare the shit out of me. I once had a friend who had a spring-loaded glock. I wouldn’t touch it until he took it apart for me. He instructed me on how to put it back together and once I did, I realized I was holding a damn gun and dropped it.

Yet, I was raised around guns. My father had at least half a dozen around the house and was a champion skeet shooter (no puns please).

ScottW714: What is the meaning of life?

To seek meaning in life.

Sina: What’s your favorite wine?

Wine! Ever since I started dating the French chef, I’ve been sampling a lot of wine. I was intimiated at first — liquor is liquor and beer is beer, but wine is in a whole other category. Because we’re both broke we drink cheap reds that run around $10 a bottle, $15 at the most. I like Lindemann’s Shiraz and the Castle Rock Pinot Noir. Both are decent table wines that you can drink easily. I’m much pickier about whites because I really dislike sweet wines. They smell like cheap perfume. Nonetheless my pseudo-roommate always makes me drink whites. The reds do turn my teeth pink.

On occasion the boyfriend have a wine contest and pick out a bottle apiece based on its packaging and taste test. I always win (because I say so). The last winning wine that I picked out was Red Knot, and it was quite good.

Ron O.: How do you like your PB & Js? Open-faced or closed? Toasted or not? Other variations?

Ethan and I are quite fond of PB and honey on wheat bread. If not, we go Elvis-style without the bacon fat.

Lisa: I wanted to ask favorite books, but Rosepixie beat me to it. So what would be the perfect way for you to spend the day?

At this point I desperately want a vacation. I want to get in my car and drive somewhere, anywhere. Make it a long drive, all day in the summer, with great music and bad radio. And NPR. When I get there, with a lover or friends or whomever, I don’t want to know anyone there except my travelmate. I want a beach and wine and all sorts of artisan cheeses, and to lay around in the sun like a cat or a whale and get terribly sunburned. Then I want a dress that actually fits me (damned hips) and to go out and do something frivolous. At the end of the day, I want to know I can do it all again the next day.

Stephanie: Are you planning on or would you like to have any more children in the future?

Oh, that question. Some days yes, some days no. Considering my chances of getting HELLP syndrome in my future pregnancies, my logical side says hell no. Get me around a small baby and I get killer womb lust. It will be many years before I have another child, if I can with good health.

louise: JAM–I remember when I was a kid YEARS ago when we went to our grandparents farm in Arkansas and….this is the truth…chicken poop squished between our toes. However, it was not a cool feeling like mud or dirt or soft rain water!!

Mom, that’s not a question.


18 thoughts on Getting To Know You, Getting To Know All About You

  1. Thanks for several good smiles and a couple of laughs.

    Re: Receiving compliments:That is one of the hardest things for any person to do. Men and women both have a problem with this, though they react very differently when presented with one. The man often says, “Yea, of course” while the woman often says, “Not me.” Work on it. You deserve them.

    Re:”cynical idealist” Funny, I consider myself a cynical optimist. I think we’re going to “get there”, but I’m cynical about the path we will take. Sounds similar, but a tad different.

    Re: Wine. A lovely thing. The beauty is that you can never know everything (like cooking). It’s a hobby that can reward you for a lifetime and it needn’t be expensive to enjoy. However, the same can be said for some liquors such as Scotch and Bourbon.

    Congrats on a terrific blog. I’m mostly a lurker, but I enjoy it regularly.

  2. I very much have to disagree with your pronouncement of Radical Feminism. bell hooks describes herself as a radical feiminst. And true that there are some that are labeled as radical feminists by those outside of feminism–for whatever that is worth– but I think that true, fundamental radical feminism and radical feminists, like dear sister bell are those who aren’t satisfied with gaining a foothold in the current power structure, but who wish to see fundamental, radical, structural change in society….. Radical Feminists include myself;-), Angela Davis, bell hooks, Jane Fonda, Alice Walker, oh I very much believe Gloria Steinem, Germaine Greer, god so many to name. But alas, radical feminism believes in true, structural change to bring about a better and more just society.

  3. Brandon, I’m referencing specifically this line: “The traditional Radical feminist standpoint may be expressed as viewing the division in all societies as that between men and women and stating that men are the oppressors of women.”

    I don’t necessarily agree with this definition of radical feminism, though I do agree with the Wikipedia definition stating that radical feminists seek the root causes of women’s oppression.

    I’m more third wave, which borrows heavily from the 2nd radical tradition, but also concentrates on social framing of gender, sexuality, phallologocentrism, and the Self. I think a divide exists in that the third wave seems more focused on the Self than the second wave, but this could definitely be argued against.

  4. My own gun story: Joel and I were about to move down to southern California, and some friends had us and a few others for a going away dinner. And it came out, during dinner, that she had taken up shooting, and now had a gun safe. So, she invites us to the garage to show us the guns (the one and only time in my life I’ve ever held a gun, for maybe one minute). And at some point I realize that all the men in the group have gone back into the living room, and all the women have stayed in the garage to see the guns. (In my case, it was because I really wanted to see how to unload the guns.) Odd role reversal.

  5. After second reading, I sort of agreed with your statement. Alas, I agree. And I think Phallologocentrism is totally what needs to be focused on.

  6. It’s true, you do have an envy-inducing garden. I wish I had the space and the time to have such a garden. But there are no assurances that the plot of land behind my apartment building in the city isn’t tainted with lead. So, experiments with tomatoes and peppers on the sun porch it is, then.
    Your wine tastes and mine are very similar… I also can’t stand sweet wines, red or white, or very dry wines, or whites with that terrible “buttery” mouth-feel. Yuck. I love a good powerful and spicy Cabernet, or a powerful and a little funky Shiraz. White wines are trickier: I tend to stick with steely, mineraly Pinot Grigios or Pinot Gris, especially from Oregon, if you can get them. But with a French chef on hand, you’re already way ahead of the game, I’m sure.
    Don’t you love men who cook? Yummy.

  7. Combining your love of gardening and choices for moving, my advice is to keep north of I-70 (at least through Illinois, Indiana, and Ohio). As you go south, the quality of the soil gets pretty bad. Here in Brown the soil varies between clay and rock and people who garden (also known as “feeding the deer”) often have soil brought in.

  8. Canopy: Yes, but at this point I haven’t given it too much thought. First things first.

    Sina: Men who cook rock! I like to cook but I cook simply, the less ingredients the better. The boyfriend makes some wonderful things for me at home, way better than the stuff he serves in the bistro.

    B.D.: I’m working on the compliement thing. I find that if a compliment makes me feel squidgy a smile or a simple “thank you” will do, but sometimes even that is hard. My tendency is to temper compliments with jokes and I shouldn’t do that. The complimenter feels put off.

  9. Have you tried any reds from Renwood vinyards? Bargain priced and full-bodied… very nice!

    Expect your mixmania! email tomorrow!

  10. Wine: Look for wines by Fat Bastard. They’re less than $15 and very good. Cotes du Rhone is one of the few French wines, mostly I go for Italian reds. Except for Beaujolais which is my favorite and often less than $10. Until a few years ago I balked at spending more than $8 for a bottle of wine because I was convinced that quality and cost didn’t always go hand in hand. I’ve now had enough wine that I can tell the difference sometimes, but I still stick with wine under $10 if it’s red and under $20 if it’s white as much as possible.

    Compliments: When I started therapy in 2000 this came up and my therapist told me to practice simply saying thank you, even if I didn’t believe it. It was hard, but now I’m able to do it and I’m even able to believe it most of the time. I still get uncomfortable sometimes, but making this one thing has changed my comfort with my body more than anything else I’ve done.

    Hips: Honey, tell me’bout it. It’s the main reason why I really wanted to increse my sewing skill in high school.

  11. jam: is there anything better than fresh dark garden dirt squishing between the toes?

    Cheese.

    *swoon*

    anytime you wanna stand around barefoot in a garden eating cheese you just let me know…

  12. You’d probably like “Say Anything.” It was one of John Cusak’s late 80s flicks, and it also has a fun performance by Lili Taylor, one of my favorite actresses. Cusak plays a kid who’s graduating from high school but doesn’t want to go to college. He has a crush on a smart girl, played by Ione Skye (whatever happened to her). Lili Taylor sings darkly funny songs about a guy who broke up with her. In my hazy recollection, 15 years after the fact, it’s a film about the intensity of late adolescent yearning. Good acting, not a bad script (though fluffier than any of the ones you’ve mentioned except High Fidelity, either, written by a very young Cameron Crowe.

  13. Well, he wasn’t “very young.” He was 32. Normally, you would have called him very young when he wrote “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” (he was 24), but Crowe was much younger than that (high school) when he was writing for Rolling Stone and Creem.

    I also liked Lili Taylor in “Mystic Pizza” and “Dogfight.” I am always surprised when people refer to her as homely, as I find her sort of exceptionally great looking.

  14. a good line from Say Anything (John Cusack responding to his girlfriend’s father asking him what he’s going to do with his life):

    I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed; or buy anything sold or processed; or process anything sold, bought, or processed; or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don’t want to do that.

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