In defense of the sanctimonious women's studies set || First feminist blog on the internet

Month: June 2009

Cash for Babies

Hey, look, it’s two dudes who will never be pregnant discussing policies that only impact women. Really, New York Times, you couldn’t have found anyone other than William Saletan and the Beliefnet guy to discuss abortion rights and coercive economic polices?

The whole thing is so infuriating I’m having trouble coming up with a coherent response. Steven Waldman from Beliefnet suggests paying women some amount of money to not have an abortion — not just because women who continue pregnancies often undergo tremendous financial strain, but as an incentive for her to give the baby up for adoption. Nowhere does he suggest that maybe we should provide economic support for all women, before and after birth, so that they can choose to maintain their pregnancies and raise a child if they wish; the whole idea is to bribe women into giving birth so that they’ll give the baby to a nice family.

I suppose that’s where there’s always going to be a fundamental disconnect between pro- and anti-choicers. Pro-choicers are concerned with women first and foremost; providing economic support for women probably sounds great to most of us, while providing an economic incentive to give birth and put the baby up for adoption at least strikes me as deeply problematic — Waldman and Saletan even liken it to surrogacy, which is troubling. Many anti-choicers, on the other hand, aren’t honestly all that concerned with women, and consider them more like incubators than people — financial coercion to give birth and give the baby up for adoption, then, is a pretty fine idea. I’m very in favor of abortion prevention, but that’s because most women would rather avoid abortion if at all possible — we’d rather not get pregnant when we don’t want to be; we’d rather not have fetuses with abnormalities that are incompatible with life; we’d rather not have health-threatening pregnancies. There’s only so much we can do about fetal abnormalities and health issues. There’s quite a bit we can do to help women not get pregnant when they don’t want to be pregnant, and to help pregnant women who may want to have a child feel economically stable enough to do so. That’s the common ground between pro-lifers and pro-choicers. Unfortunately, pro-lifers aren’t exactly out there promoting birth control or an expansion of social welfare programs. Their big idea, apparently, is to just pay women if they promise to give their baby up for adoption — but not too much, as Waldman warns, as we would hate to provide an “incentive” for women to go out and have babies for money.

New York Times editors: I can give you a very long list of women who can discuss this issue more thoroughly and more intelligently than Waldman and Saletan, and who also have the special benefit of believing women are people. Call me.

“Women and Trans” Health Care Really Ought to Mean It

I was really shocked, confused and appalled when I saw this. Queen Emily was trying to find trans friendly health care services in Louisiana. Believe me, this is not an easy task even in regions that haven’t been economically devastated by disasters and disastrous government. I have risked my own health more than once because it’s so hard to know if walking into a random doctor’s office is going to result in some kind of problem just due to being trans.

It should have been a relief when she found the New Orleans Women’s Health Clinic, which is partly operated by INCITE! Women of Color Against Violence. INCITE! is an amazing organization. We’ve written about them before, a couple times. I have personally been very grateful for the materials they’ve developed about dealing with violence in our communities without getting the police involved, for their huge wealth of resources for women and communities coping with and confronting violent abuse. I don’t really know what I’d do without them. I even helped write one chapter of their book, The Color of Violence — the chapter about the trans POC movement’s struggle here in New York, which was our statement that launched the Trans Day of Action.

That’s why I was so shocked that they are apparently turning trans women away from health care services. I still don’t understand what could be at work here; I certainly don’t WANT to believe that a chapter of INCITE! is deliberately turning a cold shoulder on some women because they’re trans. Their anti-violence materials that I’ve read are close to what I’d call a model for trans-inclusivity. So I can’t figure it out. It should be said that INCITE! chapters are pretty independent; there is a national umbrella organization but I don’t believe it is run in a top-down fashion. But they definitely are influenced by each other, I would think. So it could be a local problem, it could be related to their partner organization or who knows what. But it clearly needs to be addressed, and clearly there needs to be some transparency and community accountability about how these decisions were made.

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Do Me a Favor…

… all of you people who are thinking about having kids in the future? Think about raising your kids this way. The world would be a better place for it.

This choice isn’t for everyone in every situation. Some places, school districts, neighborhoods, relatives, co-parents, might make this choice a lot more difficult, fraught, or even dangerous. But part of why it’s so difficult, and turns into such a controversial choice, is that there are so few people raising their kids with freedom of gender. It doesn’t have to be a huge deal. There are pockets of society now, communities where it’s no longer outlandishly remarkable that one child hasn’t chosen their gender yet, whereas another child figured out early on that he was a boy (regardless of what’s between his legs) and loves being a boy.

I want those pockets to grow. I want schools to get used to this, so that kids who are growing up with freedom of gender, kids who don’t want to pick one yet, kids who just aren’t ready or who never want to pick one, can all be safe. Especially intersex kids, who more and more are being raised in ways that allow them time to figure out complicated choices about their bodies. There will always be kids like that, some whose families get much less choice in the matter. Won’t you support them by joining in, if you have kids? Schools need to be able to support this. Other families, who are parenting in more conventional ways, need to be able to support this.

I’m hoping to try, if and when I get to raise children. I don’t expect it to be easy, from what other parents tell me. People react with astonishment or hostility if you don’t tell them “is it a boy or a girl?” and instead answer “oh, we don’t know yet, the kid hasn’t told us yet.” On that Swedish news site, there are lots of accusations that this will cause the child mental illness or that it’s tantamount to child abuse. Some other parents get afraid that “gender confusion” will harm or confuse their child too, as if it’s the chicken pox. But I still think it’s worth it. After all, some people would say that letting me raise my own children would be abusive just because of who I am. After all, what if I have a kid and they’re like me — a different gender than what the doctor decided on by glancing between their legs? I couldn’t possibly do right by a kid by pushing them into a pink box or a blue box, even gently. And look, you — you reading this, and thinking about how you probably want kids one of these days, maybe soon — if you have a child, there’s always a chance that child will be intersex, or trans. It’s worth thinking about, especially since it’s often not that easy to tell if a kid is trans.

Ann at Feministing asks “Given that the parents expect Pop to choose one side of the binary eventually, what’s the point of ensuring that Pop’s early years aren’t gendered?” Well, it’s so that Pop can make a choice, right? What’s the point of not pressuring a woman to have an abortion or have a baby, I mean she’s going to do one or the other, right? Plus, Pop might choose a gender, or a mixture of genders, that doesn’t go with what Pop’s body looks like. That would usually never happen if Pop was given an “ordinary” gender upbringing. In other words, if Pop is trans, getting to choose this way early on means that Pop would never have to deal with the conflict with everyone else’s coercive feelings about their gender that almost every trans person has to deal with or absorb as a kid. And that stuff sticks with you for your whole life, believe me. If Pop isn’t trans, which frankly is more likely, then the parents expect Pop to gravitate towards a gender like most kids would, no big deal.

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March a Mile in My Shoes

It’s Gay Pride time here in New York City. Specifically, did you know that today is the 5th Annual Trans Day of Action? It’s a tradition we started / revived in the queer/trans people-of-color community around here for several reasons.

First, because we felt the need for another annual landmark to celebrate the lives and struggles of living trans people, in contrast to the somber, autumnal Trans Day of Remembrance. Second, because of an old tradition from decades past: gay pride parades that wanted to be “respectable” forbade trans people from marching on Sunday, so trans folks started their own march-in-exile on the Friday before. Third, because every year there is a lot of bullshit going down that threatens the lives and well-being of trans people, especially those who are marginalized and endangered by poverty, racism, disabilities, criminalization, unjust incarceration, homelessness, immigrant status, and much more. You can read the current list here, which is what the TDOA march was about today.

Here on the internet, there are a bunch of much more symbolic, less immediately-material issues bubbling up that have really been annoying me. Not as much as the city government here discriminating against trans people applying for welfare, but still very annoying in that internet way. Since I’ve built up a backlog, I thought I’d share them with you. An overview first, and more thoughts further down.

First of all,t the (now-defunct) websit Tranny-Alert.com. That’s right, Tranny Alert. Let me just quote their mission statement.

Your site for all things tranny. Tranny spottings. Tranny news. Tranny everything! We are all trannies, all the time. Our site cannot survive without your submissions! Spot a tranny or suspected tranny around town? See a hot tranny mess? Observe a guidette in New Jersey with tranny style? Notice trannies on TV/Radio/Billboards? Find yourself at a Lady Gaga concert? WE WANT TO KNOW!

So it’s like a celebrity-spotting blog, except they take pictures of random trans women on the subway and publish them. Guess what they just Twittered this afternoon? “omg trannies are marching in union square right now is anyone with a camera in the area?” That’s right, it was the Trans Day of Action march that I mentioned earlier. Seriously, I hope some cameras explode in some trans-stalking faces.

UPDATE: The protest against the idiotic transphobic spew of tranny-alert.com seems to have resulted in their Facebook page being deleted, and their website either being taken down by Blogger, or removed by the owners. Congratulations, online agitators!

Second, the incredibly bigoted failure of this stand-up comedy bit by Iliza Shlesinger, the first woman (and most recent person) to win the Last Comic Standing reality series.

And finally, the increasingly common trend of everyone under the sun using the word “tranny” all the time. We’ve already talked about what’s most obvious: how it’s not OK for Christian Siriano and other non-trans to toss this term around for cred, especially with negative connotations. It’s a slur, folks. More recently, I came across a couple brilliant pieces of writing by iphisol and cedar (part 1 and part 2) about why it’s not really OK for anyone but trans women, who have been historically slurred with this term, to appropriate and throw it around like it’s hilarious hoppin’ party time. I agree with them.

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Friday Random Ten

Haven’t done one of these in a while, but here we go. Set your MP3 players to “shuffle” and post the first ten songs that come up.

The Friday Video, of course, has to be Michael:

1. The Pogues – Fairytale of New York
2. Radiohead – Myxamatosis
3. Pissed Jeans – Need Smoke to Make Myself Disappear
4. White Denim – Paint Silver Gold
5. Tom Waits – Black Box Theme
6. The Dirty Projectors – No More
7. Angus & Julia Stone – Just a Boy
8. Regina Spektor – Apres Moi
9. Neutral Milk Hotel – Two-Headed Boy
10. Jens Lekman – Into Eternity

Posted in Uncategorized

I’m Not Like Other Guys…

Michael Jackson has died, like Jill already pointed out. This is a continuation of my thoughts from that discussion about the influence and tragedy of Michael Jackson’s life. Hopefully (and with your help) with all the necessary nuance.

I feel like this is a good day to watch Thriller again, don’t you?

Michael Jackson – Thriller [1983] sélectionné dans Clips

I have been thinking and reading about abuse a LOT lately, because of events that have been happening very close to home. Maybe that’s why I can’t help but read this short, musical film as a narrative about abuse, and the ways that abuse perpetuates itself.

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Do you remember the time

I don’t remember a world without Michael Jackson.

I was born in 1983, a year after Thriller came out. It was still the #1 album on the Billboard charts when I was born. As a little girl, my neighbors — older girls who I worshipped — let me listen to their MJ albums; when I was a little older and went to Disneyland and saw Captain EO, they gave me their old Michael Jackson posters, since they had long ago moved on to George Michael. I saw the Thriller video at a friend’s house years after it came out, but still found it terrifying — and wanted to watch it again and again. When I was eight or nine, a close family friend was stricken with brain cancer; she was six or seven, and best friends with my little sister. Her older brother and I were born three days apart, and our moms had been friends during their pregnancies. She adored Michael Jackson, and toward the end of her life, her parents bought her a karaoke machine so that she could sing his songs with her family. She died when she was eight. There are a few MJ songs that I can’t hear without thinking of her. I wasn’t allowed to watch MTV as a kid, but the older neighbor girls (who by this time were old enough to babysit me) convinced my parents to let my sister and I watch Black or White, arguing that it was a positive message that we should be exposed to. Not long after, we spent most of a family vacation watching the television coverage of Michael’s child molestation charges. None of us had any doubt that he did it, and I have a very clear (and strange) memory of my mom theorizing that maybe Macauley Culkin was somehow involved. Through middle school and high school, Janet began to eclipse Michael as my favorite Jackson, but I still bought HIStory and thought the Scream video was one of the cooler things I saw on MTV. When I went to college, I bonded with the woman I would live with for the next four years over a shared love of Michael’s music — or more specifically, a shared love of memorizing every move from his videos. My affection for the Billy Jean dance carried over to future friendships, and my current room mate and I still break into it whenever that song comes on — it’s common enough occurrence where we took to calling Billy Jean “our song.” In law school, I went to Egypt to see someone I was involved with, and we spend eight long hours driving across the Sinai, sharing his ipod and listening to Michael Jackson albums.

I don’t believe that Michael Jackson was a great person; I think he probably did molest children, or at the very least had inappropriate interactions with them. He had serious and fairly well-documented psychological issues; “man-child” seems to be the favored description, and it’s pretty widely accepted that he had the psycho-social development of a boy. He was an abuse victim, and very possibly an abuser. His childhood and his own suffering certainly isn’t an excuse for the choices he made as an adult, but it is important context when looking back at a life that was tragic, damaged and damaging to others. I don’t think any of that should be overlooked or whitewashed. But as Holly points out, “I don’t think we have to have outlandishly complex thought processes in order to hold multiple, conflicting things about Michael Jackson in our minds. We’re human beings, we have really powerful brains capable of complexity and nuance.” Natalia’s post addresses some of that complexity, and she’s right about holding onto the music rather than the musician. For me, in my life, his music was important. I loved it, even while I found the man sometimes repulsive but mostly sad — and I found the man sad even while recognizing his profound influence on racial and gender presentation.

There are a lot of posts up around the internets today about Michael Jackson. This one at Juan Cole’s place, about Michael, Islam and the Middle East, is one of my favorites. And this one about Michael Jackson’s influence in Albania is also a must-read.

It’s not that I’m “grieving,” or that I’m heartbroken over the death of a larger-than-life musical icon (“celebrity” feels too small a word), even though I’ll admit that my voice cracked a little when I poked my head out of my office to tell my supervisors at work that MJ passed. It’s more that, possibly more than any other artist, Michael Jackson provided a soundtrack for some of the more personal and notable points of my life. I still love his music. I loved hearing it blasting from car windows and stereos while I walked down the street yesterday. I love listening to it as I write this post. For that, I will miss him.

Oh MJ.

He was certainly a fraught character. I’ve been a life-long fan of his music, and despite his many shortcomings and flaws, I still love his songs. He made an indelible mark on pop music, and was nothing short of an icon. While Thriller is the landmark MJ video, this song is particularly touching:

Oh MJ, I will miss you.