One thing that always comes up in discussions of Nice Guys™ is the idea that in order to be a “success” with women, one should act like an Alpha Male.
Ah, yes, the Alpha Male idea. It’s a concept readily invoked by Nice Guys™ and evo-psych types, who love to wave in the general direction of the animal kingdom and say to themselves: yes, yes, that is how I should act, and the women will flock to me. Dominant. Aggressive. Chicks dig that.
But here’s the thing: they never really pick a species and stick with it. And if they do, they never seem to have really, truly considered the social structure of the species in question.
F’r instance: the great apes, just to keep things limited to primates, usually referenced because of the genetic similarities to humans. Orangutans, which lead solitary lives, and bonobos, who are matriarchal and egalitarian and who pretty much bonk all day long without aggression, are passed over in favor of the gorillas and, to a lesser extent, chimps.
But the social structures of gorillas resemble your average Colorado City compound — the older, dominant males hoard the females and run off the young males who might pose a threat to the senior males. The chimps are hierarchical as well, with one alpha per troop. Methinks this isn’t what the average horny young man who has convinced himself that he deserves female attention NOW, not when he’s old and gray, and that the secret to getting it is acting like an ass, has in mind.
So, chimps and gorillas? Perhaps not so much. What about canines, then?
Canines, such as wolves, arrange their society in packs, led by alphas. In the case of wolves, there is both an Alpha Male and an Alpha Female; this Alpha Pair is usually the only pair in the pack who gets to mate.
Hm. Doesn’t sound like a very appealing prospect to that Nice Guy™ lookin’ to be a hit with the ladies.
So, what’s a reverse-anthropomorphizing guy to do? Acknowledging that the bonobos might just have something there — after all, they are our closest relatives — doesn’t ever seem to be an option, because that might mean that the Nice Guy™ theory of How To Get Chicks might be all blown to hell.
Well, I suppose that if the Nice Guys™ are determined to do the Alpha Male thing, to study up on how to be a dominant male, they might consider plunking themselves down in front of the National Geographic Channel and taking in an episode of The Dog Whisperer now and then. They may find that their conception of the aggressive, dominant, jerky Alpha Male isn’t what’s going to get them anywhere.