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Welcome to the Dollhouse: Men and Beauty Products

Back when pretty much the only men wearing makeup were either rock lords or Boy George, I privately came up with the guideline that if any particular piece of grooming was something women generally performed while men generally didn’t, I could safely consider it “beauty work.” Nail polish and leg-shaving? Beauty work. Nail-trimming and hair-combing? Grooming. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a useful guide in helping me determine what parts of my morning routine I might want to examine with a particularly feminist—and mascaraed—eye.

That rule has begun to crumble. Americans spent $4.8 billion on men’s grooming products in 2009, doubling the figure from 1997, according to market research firm Euromonitor. Skin care—not including shaving materials—is one of the faster-growing segments of the market, growing 500% over the same period. It’s unclear how much of the market is color products (you know, makeup), but the appearance of little-known but stable men’s cosmetics companies like 4V00, KenMen, The Men Pen, and Menaji suggests that the presence is niche but growing. Since examining the beauty myth and questioning beauty work has been such an essential part of feminism, these numbers raise the question: What is the increase in men’s grooming products saying about how our culture views men?

The flashier subset of these products—color cosmetics—has received some feminist attention. Both Naomi Wolf of The Beauty Myth fame and Feministe’s own Jill Filipovic were quoted in this Style List piece on the high-fashion trend of men exploring feminine appearance, complete with an arresting photo of a bewigged, stilettoed Marc Jacobs on the cover of Industrie. Both Wolf and Filipovic astutely indicate that the shift may signal a loosening of gender roles: “I love it, it is all good,” said Wolf. “It’s all about play…and play is almost always good for gender politics.” Filipovic adds, “I think gender-bending in fashion is great, and I hope it’s more than a flash-in-the-pan trend.”

Yet however much I’d like to sign on with these two writers and thinkers whose work I’ve admired for years, I’m resistant. I’m wary of men’s beauty products being heralded as a means of gender subversion for two major reasons: 1) I don’t think that men’s cosmetics use in the aggregate is actually any sort of statement on or attempt at gender play; rather, it’s a repackaging and reinforcement of conventional masculinity, and 2) warmly welcoming (well, re-welcoming, as we’ll see) men into the arena where they’ll be judged for their appearance efforts is a victory for nobody—except the companies doing the product shill.

Let’s look at the first concern: It’s not like the men mentioned in this article are your run-of-the-mill dudes; they’re specific people with a specific cultural capital. (Which is what I think Wolf and Filipovic were responding to, incidentally, not some larger movement.) Men might be buying more lotion than they did a decade ago, but outside of the occasional attempt at zit-covering through tinted Clearasil, I’ve seen very few men wearing color cosmetics who were not a part of a subculture with a history of gender play. Outside that realm, the men who are wearing bona fide makeup, for the most part, seem to be the type described in this New York Times article: the dude’s dude who just wants to do something about those undereye circles, not someone who’s eager to swipe a girlfriend’s lipstick case unless it’s haze week on fraternity row.

“Men use cosmetic products in order to cover up or correct imperfections, not to enhance beauty,” said Marek Hewryk, founder of men’s cosmetics line 4V00. Sound familiar, ladies? The idea of correcting yourself instead of enhancing? Male cosmetic behavior seems more like the pursuit of “relief from self-dissatisfaction” that drives makeup use among women rather than a space that encourages a gender-role shakeup. Outside of that handful of men who are publicly experimenting with gender play—which I do think is good for all of us—the uptick in men’s cosmetics doesn’t signify any more of a cultural shift than David Bowie’s lightning bolts did on the cover of Aladdin Sane.

Subcultures can worm their way into the mainstream, of course, but the direction I see men’s products taking is less along the lines of subversive gender play and more along the lines of products that promise a hypermasculinity (think Axe or the unfortunately named FaceLube), or a sort of updated version of the “metrosexual” epitomized by Hugh Laurie’s endorsement of L’Oréal.

The ads themselves have yet to be released, but the popular video showing the prep for the ad’s photo shoot reveals what L’Oréal is aiming for by choosing the rangy Englishman as its new spokesperson (joining Gerard Butler, who certainly falls under the hypermasculine category). He appears both stymied and lackadaisically controlling while he answers questions from an offscreen interviewer as a young woman gives him a manicure. “That’s an interesting question to pose—’because you’re worth it,’” he says about the company’s tagline. “We’re all of us struggling with the idea that we’re worth something. What are we worth?” he says. Which, I mean, yay! Talking about self-worth! Rock on, Dr. House! But in actuality, the message teeters on mockery: The quirky, chirpy background music lends the entire video a winking edge of self-ridicule. When he’s joking with the manicurist, it seems in sync; when he starts talking about self-worth one has to wonder if L’Oréal is cleverly mocking the ways we’ve come to associate cosmetics use with self-worth, even as it benefits from that association through its slogan. “Because you’re worth it” has a different meaning when directed to women—for whom the self-care of beauty work is frequently dwarfed by the insecurities it invites—than when directed to men, for whom the slogan may seem a reinforcement of identity, not a glib self-esteem boost. The entire campaign relies upon a jocular take on masculinity. Without the understanding that men don’t “really” need this stuff, the ad falls flat.

We often joke about how men showing their “feminine side” signals a security in their masculine role—which it does. But that masculinity is often also assured by class privilege. Hugh Laurie and Gerard Butler can use stuff originally developed for the ladies because they’ve transcended the working-class world where heteronormativity is, well, normative; they can still demand respect even with a manicure. Your average construction worker, or even IT guy, doesn’t have that luxury. It’s also not a coincidence that both are British while the campaigns are aimed at Americans. The “gay or British?” line shows that Americans tend to see British men as being able to occupy a slightly feminized space, even as we recognize their masculinity, making them perfect candidates for telling men to start exfoliating already. L’Oréal is selling a distinctive space to men who might be worried about their class status: They’re not “metrosexualized” (Hugh Laurie?), but neither are they working-class heroes. And if numbers are any indication, the company’s reliance upon masculine tropes is a thriving success: L’Oréal posted a 5% sales increase in the first half of 2011.

Still, I don’t want to discount the possibility that this shift might enable men to explore the joys of a full palette. L’Oréal’s vaguely cynical ads aside, if Joe Six-Pack can be induced to paint his fingernails and experience the pleasures of self-ornamentation, everyone wins, right?

Well—not exactly. In the past, men have experienced a degree of personal liberalization and freedom through the eradication of—not the promotion of—the peacocking self-display of the aristocracy. With what fashion historians call “the great masculine renunciation” of the 19th century, Western men’s self-presentation changed dramatically. In a relatively short period, men went from sporting lacy cuffs, rouged cheeks, and high-heeled shoes to the sober suits and hairstyles that weren’t seriously challenged until the 1960s (and that haven’t really changed much even today). The great masculine renunciation was an effort to display democratic ideals: By having men across classes adopt simpler, humbler clothes that could be mimicked more easily than lace collars by poor men, populist leaders could physically demonstrate their brotherhood-of-man ideals.

Whether or not the great masculine renunciation achieved its goal is questionable (witness the 20th-century development of terms like white-collar and blue-collar, which indicate that we’d merely learned different ways to judge men’s class via appearance). But what it did do was take a giant step toward eradicating the 19th-century equivalent of the beauty myth for men. At its best, the movement liberated men from the shackles of aristocratic peacocking so that their energies could be better spent in the rapidly developing business world, where their efforts, not their lineage, were rewarded. Today we’re quick to see a plethora of appearance choices as a sign of individual freedom—and, to be sure, it can be. But it’s also far from a neutral freedom, and it’s a freedom that comes with a cost. By reducing the amount of appearance options available to men, the great masculine renunciation also reduced both the burden of choice and the judgments one faces when one’s efforts fall short of the ideal.

Regardless of the success of the renunciation, it’s not hard to see how men flashing their cash on their bodies serves as a handy class marker; indeed, it’s the very backbone of conspicuous consumption. And it’s happening already in the playground of men’s cosmetics: The men publicly modeling the “individual freedom” of makeup—while supposedly subverting beauty and gender ideals—already enjoy a certain class privilege. While James Franco has an easygoing rebellion that wouldn’t get him kicked out of the he-man bars on my block in Queens, his conceptual-artist persona grants him access to a cultural cachet that’s barred to the median man. (Certainly not all makeup-wearing men enjoy such privilege, as many a tale from a transgender person will reveal, but the kind of man who is posited as a potential challenge to gender ideals by being both the typical “man’s man” and a makeup wearer does have a relative amount of privilege.)

Of course, it wasn’t just men who were affected by the great masculine renunciation. When men stripped down from lace cuffs to business suits, the household responsibility for conspicuous consumption fell to women. The showiness of the original “trophy wives” inflated in direct proportion to the newly conservative dress style of their husbands, whose somber clothes let the world know they were serious men of import, not one of those dandy fops who trounced about in fashionable wares—leave that to the ladies, thanks. It’s easy, then, to view the return of men’s bodily conspicuous consumption as the end of an era in which women were consigned to this particular consumerist ghetto—welcome to the dollhouse, boys. But much as we’d like to think that re-opening the doors of playful, showy fashions to men could serve as a liberation for them—and, eventually, for women—we may wish to be hesitant to rush into it with open arms. The benefits of relaxed gender roles indicated by men’s cosmetics could easily be trumped by the expansion of beauty work’s traditional role of signaling one’s social status. The more we expand the beauty toolkit of men, the more they too will be judged on their compliance to both class markers and the beauty standard. We’re all working to see how women can be relieved of the added burden of beauty labor—the “third shift,” if you will—but getting men to play along isn’t the answer.

The Beauty Myth gave voice to the unease so many women feel about that situation—but at its heart it wasn’t about women at all. It was about power. And this is why I’m hesitant to herald men spending more time, effort, and energy on their appearance as any sort of victory for women or men, even as I think that rigid gender roles—boys wear blue, girls wear makeup—isn’t a comfortable place for anyone. For the very idea of the beauty myth was that restrictions placed upon women’s appearance became only more stringent (while, at the same time, appealing to the newly liberated woman’s idea of “choice”) in reaction to women’s growing power. I can’t help but wonder what this means for men in a time when we’re still recoiling from a recession in which men disproportionately suffered job losses, and in which the changes prompted in large part by feminism are allowing men a different public and private role. It’s a positive change, just as feminism itself was clearly positive for women—yet the backlash of the beauty myth solidified to counter women’s gains.

As a group, men’s power is hardly shrinking, but it is shifting—and if entertainment like Breaking Bad, Mad Men, and the Apatow canon are any indication, that dynamic is being examined in ways it hasn’t been before. As our mothers may know even better than us, one way our culture harnesses anxiety-inducing questions of gender identity is to offer us easy, packaged solutions that simultaneously affirm and undermine the questions we’re asking ourselves. If “hope in a jar” doesn’t cut it for women, we can’t repackage it to men and just claim that hope is for the best.

Banning abortion after 20 weeks

An excellent article in the Times about the push to ban abortion after 20 weeks, and how bans are based on mostly made-up “facts” about fetal pain but pro-choice groups can’t fight them because the current Supreme Court is fairly hostile to abortion rights. As a result, women aren’t able to get abortions when they need them:

Last fall, Danielle and Robb Deaver of Grand Island, Neb., found that their state’s new law intruded in a wrenching personal decision. Ms. Deaver, 35, a registered nurse, was pregnant with a daughter in a wanted pregnancy, she said. She and her husband were devastated when her water broke at 22 weeks and her amniotic fluid did not rebuild.

Her doctors said that the lung and limb development of the fetus had stopped, that it had a remote chance of being born alive or able to breathe, and that she faced a chance of serious infection.

In what might have been a routine if painful choice in the past, Ms. Deaver and her husband decided to seek induced labor rather than wait for the fetus to die or emerge. But inducing labor, if it is not to save the life of the fetus, is legally defined as abortion, and doctors and hospital lawyers concluded that the procedure would be illegal under Nebraska’s new law.

After 10 days of frustration and anguish, Ms. Deaver went into labor naturally; the baby died within 15 minutes and Ms. Deaver had to be treated with intravenous antibiotics for an infection that developed.

Very few abortions occur after 20 weeks — only 1.5% of all abortions performed in the United States. Most of them are for medical emergencies. But the drafters of the anti-abortion bills are careful to outlaw any abortions other than those to avert death or “serious physical impairment of a major bodily function” of the pregnant woman. Physical impairments that are not “serious” enough, or that don’t impair a major bodily function? Not good enough. Infections that can damage your fertility or your kidneys apparently may not qualify as “serious physical impairments.” The psychological anguish of being forced to carry a pregnancy where the fetus has no hope for survival and the lasting trauma of being legally compelled to give birth to a dead or dying baby definitely doesn’t qualify.

These regulations aren’t saving fetal lives. But they certainly are injuring women.

The Pregnancy Cult

A lady’s story of utilizing the services a “pro-life” crisis pregnancy center to get free stuff, even though she had no plans to terminate her pregnancy. Bonus: Free stuff. Downside: Total assholes.

When I found this online, I decided to scam the pregnancy cult for all they were worth. I went in, faking that my pregnancy was accidental. I took a simple out-of-the-box pregnancy test and was immediately taken upstairs for an ultrasound. For the uninitiated – this is the part where they try to show you the baby’s eyes, toes, lungs, heart, etc in order to convince you to keep the baby. I, of course, had no plans to abort, especially as I was at 24 weeks. My ex-husband sat there with me, uncomfortably shifting in his seat as the Christian music blared in the background. That is when and where I found out I was having a boy.

After a suitable time of oo-ing and aw-ing over the ultrasound pictures, I had a “counseling session.” They gauged my belief in God, which was confusing to them to no end. Then, I was ask – do you feel safe in your home environment. I suddenly had that moment, where I knew this was my way out. I answered honestly – “No, it’s not safe. My husband is a fucking psychopath, and I need out.” This apparently was not the usual answer. I would love to tell you that the church group whisk me away to a safe place and got me and my unborn child away from that monster, but alas, no. I was given a lecture of wifely responsibilities and duties. I was told that I obviously was at fault for not letting him lead, and I was somehow aggressively subjugating his masculinity. I felt defeated, but this still seemed like a small escape to my otherwise closed-in and closely monitored existence.

I was given a schedule. I would come back every week for a three-hour session. I would watch videos on childbirth and pregnancy for an hour and a half, then I would be cornered in a small room with two lovely Christian ladies who would then tell me what a horrible person I was for being in such a marriage where I refused to accept my husband’s ruling with an iron fist. “Spare the rod and spoil the child is meant for the wife as well in some more difficult cases,” they said. I was routinely told that if I did not accept Jesus Christ as my savior I would go to hell no matter how I had lived my life or what good deeds I did. For each session, I would get points. The points led to baby items. I was determined to get a pram (a stroller that is more for infants and kind of old fashioned).

Good rules, pregnancy center. Make all the necessary baby stuff come with lectures about how women should suffer through abuse.

Catholic Pro-Life Warriors Still OK with Women and Girls Dying

How very pro-life of the Catholic Church:

Today marks the opening of a United Nations general assembly “high level meeting” on Aids in New York City that will evaluate the progress of that body’s response to the pandemic over the past five years and set the agenda for the next decade. Serra Sippel, president of the Centre for Health and Gender Equity (Change), declares that “this meeting is where we decide how serious we are about beating HIV, and how serious we are about women’s equality.” If so, the Holy See has left no doubt about their stance on either issue.

For months now, their all-male team has been trying to strip all references to sexual and reproductive health and rights from the meeting’s declaration; gutting all mentions of education and prevention other than marriage and fidelity; and insisting that “families” be replaced with “the family”, as though that monolith even exists or that it provides some kind of magic shield against HIV.

Either the Holy See does not understand, or does not care that their hardline stance is not actually “pro-life” in any sense. They ask that paragraph 60 of the declaration, which addresses research and development for treating and curing HIV, delete all mention of “female-controlled prevention methods”. This despite the fact that female condoms and the very promising looking microbicides now being developed have no relation to abortion and represent the single greatest potential life saver for women worldwide.

Ditto for paragraph 58, which makes the all-important and entirely sensible promise that the UN will “commit to ensuring that national responses to HIV and Aids meet the specific needs of women and girls”. The Holy See, allied with the African Group and Iran, asks for the deletion of the very sentence that spells out what that really means:

“… by ensuring that women and girls can exercise their right to have control over, and decide freely and responsibly on, matters related to their sexuality in order to increase their ability to protect themselves from HIV infection, including their sexual and reproductive health, free of coercion, discrimination and violence.”

Heaven forfend.

Control over women’s bodies > women’s actual lives.

Jailing women who try to commit suicide

Bei Bei Shuai tried to kill herself with rat poison last year. She survived. But she was pregnant, and her fetus died. Now she’s being charged with murder and attempted feticide.

Shaui’s downward spiral began in late December, when her boyfriend blindsided her. It turned out the man who had fathered her baby and promised to marry her, and with whom she’d recently opened a restaurant, wasn’t going to follow through on any of his promises. He was married to someone else—not divorced, as he’d told Shuai—with two children. And perhaps lacking vision or a spine, he decided he didn’t want to give up his estranged family to start a new one. He left Shuai, sobbing on her knees, alone in a parking lot.

When Shuai looked up, she saw a hardware store, walked in and bought rat poison. She went back to her apartment in Indianapolis and ate the pellets. But she was surprised when they didn’t immediately kill her. Frustrated, she got back in her car and drove northeast to Anderson, where several close friends live, though she didn’t go to any of them. Instead, she went to a gas station, where by chance, Sui Mak’s husband, Bing, spotted her. She was puffy-eyed, pale, out of sorts. He convinced her to drive straight to their home and have a meal. Finally, she confided about the rat poison. They coaxed her into the car and drove her to the hospital.

Shuai spent Christmas on the maternity ward at Methodist hospital in Indianapolis. On New Year’s Eve, doctors decided a cesarean was necessary. The Maks’ 14-year-old daughter named the baby girl: Angel. Everyone expected mother and child to make a full recovery, but after the delivery, Angel started to decline. The hospital asked Shuai to sign forms allowing blood transfusions and procedures. On January 2nd, doctors asked her permission to take the newborn off life support. At that point, law enforcement was notified.

The prospect of her baby’s death led to a second breakdown, according to Mak’s testimony, which was relayed by Shuai’s attorney, Linda Pence. “She was fainting and crying, fainting and crying, drifting in and out of sleep. She was completely unstable.” But that evening, with the help of her friends, she decided to take Angel off life support. Shuai “held the baby for five hours straight until she died in her arms,” said Pence. ‘The whole time Bei Bei was crying and screaming, ‘Why couldn’t I die? Why did they have to take my baby?’”

Shuai spent the next month on the hospital’s psych ward, recovering and grieving. By March, she had resumed running her restaurant. That’s when the state locked her up.

Prosecuting a pregnant woman for attempted suicide is an extreme interpretation of the law, and puts pregnant women in a special class — men and women who aren’t pregnant are never prosecuted for trying to kill themselves.

“Indiana does not prosecute people for attempted suicide,” said Indiana University law professor, medical doctor, and former state representative David Orentlicher. “So now this prosecutor is saying, ‘If you’re suicidal, you better not get pregnant, because you might get thrown in jail.’ That to me is a very important constitutional problem.”

And it’s a very scary proposition, though it isn’t new. Women have been prosecuted for child abuse or feticide when they miscarry; pregnant women who are addicted to drugs have been charged with trafficking drugs to minors; and pregnant women have been forced to deliver via cesarean section under court order. Some states also require doctors to report if a pregnant woman is taking drugs — a law which sounds reasonable on its face, until you think through the logical outcome: Women who are addicted to drugs just won’t seek medical care, which means they won’t get treatment for their addictions and won’t get basic pre-natal care. Cases like this one present the same issue for women with mental health problems — if you’re pregnant and contemplating suicide but talking to a doctor means you might get thrown in jail, you aren’t going to seek help.

It seems obvious that the endgame of this fetus movement is to recriminalize abortion, and these are the grounds on which pro-choice groups oppose such laws. But Paltrow argues that it’s a mistake to think in such narrow terms—that doing so “has ignored how these laws would be used to hurt pregnant women themselves.” Feticide laws are used “as a legal basis to deprive women of their personhood,” she said. “It’s not just reproductive rights. It’s not just the right to privacy. It gives the state authority to say that, while other human beings will have health problems that will be treated through a compassionate health-care response, pregnant women alone will be imprisoned without bail for not being able to guarantee the outcome of their pregnancy.”

All of which makes the state of Indiana—and Alabama, Texas, South Carolina, and some 30 other states with feticide laws—seem cruel if not unusual for imprisoning a woman who happened to be pregnant when she tried to kill herself. I posed this notion to Marion County’s Rimstidt, but he didn’t get it: “You mean the fact that she killed her baby with rat poison is cruel?”

Remember that time I received multiple emails from someone telling me to quit killing dogs babies?

from [redacted]
to [me]
date Wed, Mar 30, 2011 at 4:53 PM
subject Heard on Medved. How many?

Greetings Ms. Filipovic,

I just heard you on the Michael Medved show. I ask, in all seriousness:

How many abortions have you committed; that is, how many times have you hired someone to kill the ultimate underdog, the most vulnerable person in the world, the defenseless infant growing in your womb?

Again, I ask in all seriousness, as I’m convinced that your radically disordered Weltanschauung is fundamentally related to your commissioning the slaughter of at least one of your pre-born children (along with your use of abortifacients like “the pill” etc.).

By the way, do me a favor. No matter how ridiculous, how absurd, how repulsive it seems to you at the moment, overcome any resistance and say this, right now, three times:

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

You did it. Thank you. Now, please continue to say it three times after you wake up every morning and three times every night before you go to sleep. It’ll be hard at first, I know. No matter. Continue…. At some point, you may wish to read this great work by a great Saint:

http://https://www.tanbooks.com/index.php/page/shop:flypage/product_id/829

Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum,

Jackson K. Eskew, Esq.

“”It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.”

-Mother Teresa

“A country that legalizes the murder of its own children is doomed.”

-Dietrich von Hildebrand

______________________________________________

from [redacted]
to [me]
date Wed, Mar 30, 2011 at 5:00 PM
subject Corrections

Hello again, I need to correct two things from my first message I sent to you. Say this:

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

I forgot that last word.

And here’s the correct link:

https://www.tanbooks.com/index.php/page/shop:flypage/product_id/829

Cheers.

______________________________________________________

from [redacted]
to [me]
date Wed, Mar 30, 2011 at 5:03 PM
subject Last correction!

NOW here’s the correct link:

http://www.tanbooks.com/index.php/page/shop:flypage/product_id/829

Sorry. This email program is really annoying.

“Pro-life” anti-abortion laws mean that women are denied abortions and watch their babies die.

The law worked as it was intended.”

Nebraska fully outlaws abortion after 20 weeks, even in cases where the baby will not survive after birth and the pregnancy is doomed. Danielle and Robb Deavers had such a pregnancy, and wanted to terminate it so that their baby wouldn’t suffer. They couldn’t, and Danielle had to continue the pregnancy and give birth. Then, they watched their baby die.

Danielle Deaver cradled her daughter, knowing the newborn’s gasps would slowly subside, and the baby would die.

Her baby tried desperately to inhale.

With her husband, Robb, at her side, Deaver sobbed, gently kissing her daughter’s forehead and hoping her baby wasn’t in pain. That fear – that the baby would suffer before its predestined death – compelled the couple to seek an abortion. But a new Nebraska law that limits abortion after the 20th week of gestation prevented her from getting one. The Iowa Legislature is considering a similar law.

A nurse at Mary Lanning Memorial Hospital in Hastings instructed the couple to closely monitor their daughter’s breathing so when it stopped the staff could accurately record the death.

The clock ticked.

At 3:15 p.m. Dec. 8, 1-pound, 10-ounce Elizabeth Deaver – named in memory of Robb’s grandmother – made one final attempt to breathe.

Her life struggle, 15 minutes outside the womb after 23 weeks and five days of gestation, was over.

“Our hands were tied,” Danielle Deaver said. “The outcome of my pregnancy, that choice was made by God. I feel like how to handle the end of my pregnancy, that choice should have been mine, and it wasn’t because of a law.”

“Pro-lifers,” including one Republican sponsoring a similar bill in Idaho, say this is a good outcome, and exactly how the bill is supposed to work:

“In life, amazing things happen,” Massie said, noting examples of when unborn children have beaten the odds of a dire medical prognosis. “I know it may be a one in a bazillion snowballs’ chance, but if I were that snowball, I’d want that chance.”

Amazing things do happen. And so do torturous, horrible and cruel things. What happened to the Deavers is the latter.

A fetus will “testify” about abortion bill

Oh wow. I would LOL because, seriously? But this is actually pretty fucked up:

A fetus has been scheduled as a legislative witness in Ohio on a unique bill that proposes outlawing abortions after the first heartbeat can be medically detected.

Faith2Action, the anti-abortion group that has targeted Ohio to pilot the measure, called the in-utero witness the youngest to ever come before the House Health Committee at nine weeks old.

Faith2Action president Janet Folger Porter said the intent is to show lawmakers who will be affected by the bill, which is opposed by Ohio Right to Life and abortion rights groups as unconstitutional.

An aide to committee Chairman Lynn Wachtmann said a pregnant woman will be brought before the committee and an ultrasound image of her uterus will be projected onto a screen. The heartbeat of the fetus will be visible in color.

“The youngest ever.”

(Until I show up swinging a bloody tampon. YOU THINK YOU’RE YOUNG, FETUS? MEET A FERTILIZED EGG. BAM. OWNED).

Jill Stanek thinks punching women so they have black eyes is hilarious

LOL the GOP is punching people in the face. Hilarious.

That link goes to a cartoon of a man armed with a GOP-labeled boxing glove. He stands next to a woman with a black eye whose name tag says “Planned Parenthood,” and men with black eyes whose name tags read “Unions” and “NPR.” A man with a “Wall St.” name tag is smiling and unhurt. It’s a cartoon by a liberal commentator, who is illustrating the fact that the Republican party is attacking Planned Parenthood, unions and NPR in the name of budget cuts, while letting Wall Street off unscathed.

Stanek says, “Excepting the liberal bias in this first one, I like the Black-Eyed PP…”

Of course she does. This is the woman who feels sympathetic to a fictional serial killer because he’s “pro-life” (lolz), and says that The Godfather II is a pro-life movie because Michael Corleone hits his wife after she tells him she had an abortion — and “That spontaneous slap was the reaction of a real man who a woman had just told she aborted his baby.”

But sure, nothing about the anti-choice viewpoint is founded in hostility towards women. No undercurrent of misogyny at all. No desire to see women harmed.