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Will you all hate me if I start signing blog posts with “Jill, Esq.”?

Jill

I’m not technically a lawyer yet because I haven’t been formally admitted to the Bar, but I did find out on Friday that I passed the New York State Bar Exam(!!). Which explains why I’ve been MIA all weekend (there was lots of wine involved). Now I’m one step closer to joining the ranks of the most-reviled profession in the world. And despite the fact that everyone hates lawyers, I am very relieved and very happy, because that is one hard test and mama has some serious bills to pay.

Anyone know any good lawyer jokes?

53 thoughts on Will you all hate me if I start signing blog posts with “Jill, Esq.”?

  1. Hurrah, Jill! Welcome to the club.

    Lawyer joke from my MPRE class: You cannot sleep with your clients. You’re only allowed to fuck them once, and that’s called a billable hour.

  2. Mazel Tov! Isn’t the NY Bar the hardest (or one of the hardest) i the country? Good show!

    PS any lawyer jokes I have pale in comparison to fizz’s (that was brilliant!)

  4. You know why most lawyer jokes are so short? Because everybody else is stupid and jealous. Congrats!

  5. Congrats! At least one of my dear friends also passed the NY Bar this time around (I haven’t heard from the second one who subjected herself to the ordeal). I survived Michigan’s and just applied for Indiana’s – job requirement; I’m not trying to collect all fifty. 😉

    …And suddenly I realize I know no good lawyer jokes. Must. Remedy. Now.

  8. Congrats!
    So, in the Afterlife, there is a fence that keeps the souls from crossing between Heaven and Hell. On the Heaven side, St. Patrick cares for the fence, and on the Hell side, Lucifer himself has to do it, because the other demons are too lazy. St. Patrick notices that, once again, the fence on the Hell side is crumbling, and souls are able to escape Hell and infiltrate Heaven. So, Patrick tells Lucifer that if he doesn’t do something soon about the Hell side, Patrick will have to sue him.

    Lucifer laughs and laughs. “Do you really think you are going to find a lawyer on your side of the fence?”

  11. congrats! (now hurry up and get your paperwork in)

    What’s black and brown and looks good around a lawyer’s neck?

    A Rotweiler.

  14. Congratulations, Jill!

    With reference to the joke about a bus-load of lawyers going over a cliff, I sincerely hope that you’re one of the empty seats! 🙂

    Em

  17. Q: Anyone know any good lawyer jokes?

    A: Glenn Reynolds!

    Wait, that’s a law professor joke. Congratulations!

  18. I’m almost always a lurker, but congratulations! I also took the NY Exam and passed, thank goodness. Wasn’t the Friday website fiasco FUN??

  19. Mabruk!

    I only know one, very old and very tired lawyer joke.

    What do you call a group of lawyers chained together on the bottom of the ocean?

    A good start.

  20. What’s involved in actually being admitted to the bar? Does it involve candles?

    I think there’s some sort of blood ritual, actually.

    Wasn’t the Friday website fiasco FUN??

    Oh it was just fabulous. It took me four hours to get on the site. Since this happens every year, you’d think that the NY Bar would have figured it out by now.

  22. welcome to the club!! when I took the exam, I remember saying out loud, several times, during breaks, that if I didn’t pass I would have to find another profession, because there was no way in hell I was sitting through that stress again.

    The worst though, was that back then, they published everyone’s names at the same time (none of this delayed publication so you can find out first by yourself). And we were all still on dial-up. So I finally was able to get to the page for the second department, and my name wasn’t there, causing me to almost have a heart attack at 1 am. Then I remembered that I had filled out a change of address in the interim between taking the exam and the results, checked the first department list, saw my name and started breathing again.

  23. Q: Anyone know any good lawyer jokes?

    A: Glenn Reynolds!

    Wait, that’s a law professor joke. Congratulations!

    norbizness, you messed up the punchline. We all know the answer is Ann Althouse.

  31. This one’s so old that you’ve probably heard it, but:

    What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

    One’s a slimy bottom-dwelling scavenger and the other’s a fish. Yuk yuk yuk.

    Congrats!

  34. Jill,
    Congrats. Since I got my results (in September–sometimes Kansas doesn’t completely suck), I’ve not only started signing everything Sean, Esq., I now insist that people use it when addressing me verbally.

  39. A hearty congratulations! Well done, Counselor!

    As for the lawyer jokes…don’t you have to know some good ones to pass the bar? 😉

    Side note: as an atheist, I bet I’m more reviled than any lawyer is! And we atheists need lawyers to defend us from the religiarchy!

  40. So this engineer dies, see, and goes up to meet St. Peter at the pearly gates, and St. Peter looks up the engineer in his big book of sinfulness and says, “Oops, looks like you were too sinful, you gotta go to hell.” So the engineer goes to hell, and Satan gruffly welcomes him, in his way–oh that Satan, gotta love ‘im–and the engineer settles in for the long haul.

    But after a while, he’s like, “Satan. This place sucks.”

    And Satan’s like, “Yeah, I know. It’s hell.”

    And the engineer is like, “Well, look, this can’t be fun for you, ruling over the damned in this, ah, hellhole, if you’ll pardon the pun. Plus, who says that just because we’re forbidden from eternal salvation we can’t enjoy the afterlife? I think the big G is giving you the short end of the stick.”

    And Satan’s like, “Dammit, you’re right! But what am I going to do about it?”

    And the engineer’s like, “Satan, remember, I’m an engineer. Get me a couple workers and we’ll have this place back on its feet in a few weeks.”

    So Satan calls in some workers, and within a few weeks, hell is THE place to be. They’ve installed central air, for starters, and put in some air fresheners–no more fire & brimstone shit–new restaurants are popping up all over the place, the entertainment is off the hook. And God looks down and realizes that down in hell, people are having a fabulous time, and he loses it. He yells, “SATAN!”

    And Satan’s like, “What? You’re interrupting my high-def Sopranos marathon.”

    And God’s all, “Um, you’re the ruler of HELL, remember? I get heaven. I get fun and happiness. You get misery and pain.”

    And Satan’s like, “Oh yeah? Make me.”

    And God’s like, “Why you–fine! I will! I will make you! I’ll–I’ll sue you for breach of contract!”

    And Satan laughs and says, “Sue me?? You can’t!”

    And God says, “And why not?”

    And Satan says, “Because–WE’VE got all the LAWYERS!”

    congrats, jill 🙂

  41. Congrats! 🙂

    Two lawyers met at a cocktail party late one night.

    “How’s business?” asked the first.

    “Rotten,” replied the other. “Yesterday, I chased an ambulance for twenty miles. When I finally caught up to it, there were already two other lawyer hanging on to the bumper.”

  42. Awesome! I’m not a bit surprised. Welcome to the club!

    From the files of law firm life, here are a few things I wish women lawyers had shared with me:

    1) Law firm retreats or holiday parties: don’t assume because your firm has an employment that defends sexual harrassment suits that partners won’t get drunk and grope female associates.

    2) You may have heard stories that male partners take clients to strip clubs (and bill them for that time). And that they often ask or intimidate female associates into going along, who may not wish to go. Don’t assume these are ancient, quaint pre-Title 7 tales.

    3) Bonuses. (a) Find out what top male associates your year make. Even if you have to be obnoxious to do it. (b) Find out what their hours are and if they’ve generated any business. Don’t be surprised if the answer to (a) is “more than yours” and the answer to (b) is “less than yours.”

    4) There are female partners in your department (and if there aren’t, call your local headhunter and switch firms once you’ve put in a year and gotten good reviews). Befriend them. Even if they aren’t as fun or hip as the male partners because they don’t have wives (well, maybe they do, but it’s less likely) at home taking care of their second shifts so they can drink and party after work. They’re the ones most likely to help you out.

    5) Live below (well below if possible) your means. Law firms may be your future, they may not, and if it’s the latter, you want to have some cushion for Plan B. (You may know lawyers who didn’t and who did stuff like strip in Vegas to get that cushion. They didn’t get this advice, and the parts of it they did get, they didn’t follow).

  45. Congrats. Everyone hates lawyers, at least until they need to sell their house on contract, write up a will, or get out of a fix with a bad landlord.

  46. Congratulations.

    Did you read what Octo wrote?

    Good.

    Now go read it again.

    Especially the part about living within your means. There are a lot of unhappy, trapped lawyers. There are a few lawyers who love their work. (Me. I love my job.) The latter are mostly folks who put themselves in a position to build a practice they liked and believed in, and not to stay on where the comp was the best.

  47. Joe Francis is in some legal trouble again, so he looks up that hotshot new lawyer in the yellow pages and gives her a call. She answers her own phone, as she is cool like that.
    “Jill S. Preston Esq.”

    “Hi, my name’s Joe Francis and last night, through no fault of my own, I ran over Hillary Clinton’s dog in my Hummer while drunk.”
    “Sounds like you could you use a good lawyer.”
    “I sure could, what are your rates?”
    “$100,000 for three questions.”
    “Isn’t that kind of expensive?”
    “I guess so. What’s your third question?”

  48. Mazel Tov!

    I suppose others may already know this, but what type of law are you planning to practice? Or do you just need a job, like, yesterday?

  49. I actually (luckily) have a job. I’m doing general litigation at a firm — it was never my life dream, but I actually like it quite a bit so far. And it does help to take a bite out of the $200,000+ that I’m in debt, so life dreams will have to wait.

    And Octo and Thomas, you can bet I am living within my means to get those loans paid off ASAP.

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