Kathleen Parker suggests that David Zucker (director of Airplane!, The Naked Gun and Scary Movie 3) deserves a Nobel Prize because his latest film makes fun of Michael Moore. Are conservatives really that desperate for something funny and entertaining that also reflects their political ideology? Are the Left Behind books just not cutting it anymore?
Here’s how Parker describes the film:
As the title suggests, the story line is based on Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. Ghosts of the past — George Washington (Voight), Gen. George S. Patton (Grammer) and John F. Kennedy (Chriss Anglin) — squire America-bashing filmmaker “Michael Malone” around to see how the world would look if America hadn’t bothered to fight any wars.
Malone, brilliantly played by Farley, has joined forces with a left-wing group, MoveAlong.org, to ban the Fourth of July. He also has been hired by terrorists to make a propaganda film to help recruit a diminishing supply of suicide bombers.
And you thought suicide bombers weren’t funny.
The joke begins when two would-be terrorists enter a New York City subway station and are met at a security checkpoint by two NYPD officers. Just as they’re about to be searched, in rushes a squad of ACLU attorneys with a stop-search order.
“Thank Allah for the ACLU,” says one of the terrorists — and we’re off!
The vignettes keep coming so fast, it’s hard to keep up.
One memorable scene has “Rosie O’Connell” appearing on The O’Reilly Factor to promote her new documentary, The Truth About Radical Christians. The documentary shows two priests who hijack an airplane and storm the cockpit brandishing crucifixes. Next, we see two nuns festooned with explosives boarding a bus as passengers shout: “Oh no! Not the Christians!”
Another standout has Patton’s ghost showing Malone a modern-day plantation full of happy cotton pickers who thank Malone for being such a humane slave owner. Malone staggers at the sight only to learn that this is his plantation and these are his slaves — thanks to anti-war sentiment that prevented the Civil War.
In a line that filmmakers are still debating whether to cut, a smiling Gary Coleman finishes polishing a car and tosses his rag to someone: “Hey, Barack!”
No, he didn’t say that. Yes. He. Did.
And for spreading this message, Parker says, “maybe Zucker deserves not an Oscar, but a Nobel Prize.”
I need to go rinse the dumb out of my brain now.