Is sex work a feminist act? Not in itself, no, IMO. Any job is feminist in the limited sense that women working and supporting ourselves is feminist. But unless a type of work actively promotes women’s equality, I don’t think it’s affirmatively feminist. It’s not antifeminist either, though, unless it involves coercion of unwilling participants or marketing a typically very temporary career to those who otherwise might choose options offering longer-term security.
But hey – there are still plenty of feminist lessons to be learned.
The club I worked at in Vegas in ’99-2000 is called the Magic Carpet. Or, that’s what I call it in the various “stripper stories” I have at my blog. If you’re a Vegas aficionado, you can probably figure out which one I mean. Hint – we had male strippers on the second floor.
So without further ado, here are the Lessons:
Lesson #1:the Madison Ave/Vogue body ideal is not even the patriarchal culture ideal.
While pretty much every stripper had shaved legs, shaved armpits, makeup and stripper heels, and most appeared fit, there was substantially more variance in weight, height, race, and breast size than in mainstream magazines. While a strip club is not a mecca for body acceptance, women who are 30 pounds heavier than models of the same height do just fine. I’d have to put confidence and appearance equally tied as top indicators of success as a stripper, even in the most hoity toity of clubs.
Lesson #2: Many men with privilege or a high-level position enjoy being told what to do, and being in a thong while you’re doing it is only a small part of why.
It’s relaxing not to have to think, especially if one is usually expected to lead. Being confidently directed while being kept engaged is the best way to develop a “regular,” whether it’s a strip club customer or a job contact. I have dealt with partners at law firms whom I let boss me around, and partners whom I call on their shit and suggest that they will do what I ask them to do if they want to succeed. Even if they think I’m kind of a bitch, it’s usually the latter whom I wind up placing and who refer me to others. The former usually waste my time, want me to work for free, and forget my name.
Lesson #3: Women have an advantage in sales.
And not just in selling dances. Men are used to being sold to or negotiated with by other men. Whether it’s at the auto mechanic or in the boardroom. Even feminist men often expect men to be tougher. So when they succumb to you, they’re more likely to see it as a win win. They did you a favor, or got a little more flattery than they’d get from another guy, or feel good that they made it easy for you. They often won’t understand that they were sold. (Well, maybe when they get the nasty message from the credit card company in the VIP room when they go to pay for the eighteen dances. But by then it’s too late).
That’s why law firm clients love negotiating fee agreements with me. They’re pretty sure they are getting a screaming deal. Right up until they get the invoice anyway. But by then it’s too late.
Lesson #4: Women have an advantage in marketing.
It’s generalizing (what isn’t?) but by and large, women listen better. Hell, we have to, we sometimes can’t get a sentence out while on the job (or sometimes at home) without getting interrupted, at least initially. So we get good at it. And so we pick up stuff. In a strip club, this is magnified. Often, in a bikini club (topless but not bottomless, like the Magic Carpet), there’s alcohol involved. And the customer knows he’s unlikely to see you again (outside the club) and thinks you’re unshockable anyway. Asking questions, showing no surprise (“You, me, and Brad Pitt, with my golden retriever watching? HOT!” or “Used thongs? Well there’s been a lot of demand this week and I’m almost all out. Right, two left. $50 each? I couldn’t … $100? OK, but only for you”).
This is definitely applicable to non-naked work. The Magic Carpet message is: CEOs and other kinds of bosses, even (especially) are vulnerable. Just listen and find out where. Write it down. Then use it in your marketing. Don’t be intimidated by rank. Many times that’s right place, right time. Imagine the guy in his lap dance chair, waiting for you to figure out what he wants. He’s usually willing to tell you.
Lesson #5: People (especially men) think you’re brilliant if you admire something about them that nobody else notices.
Take your 40-50-ish typical white male exec. He’s used to being admired for his business success or cleverness. In the strip club, that doesn’t matter except to the extent it dictates how much he can afford to pay you. Best bet is to figure out something obscure. Maybe he reads ancient Greek literature. Maybe there’s a progressive cause he gets involved in. Maybe he runs 10Ks or hikes. Or secretly writes feminist sci fi. There’s usually something there for you to pick up on. And once you do, you’re pretty much in charge.
Whether you’re in retail, law, business, academia, hospitality, admin, whatever – there’s usually a middle aged white male in charge. Even without booze or thongs, over time he will typically confide to the person who is listening, at which point cognitive dissonance sets in and that person takes on additional power.
Lesson #6: Women are just as capable of focused professional ambition as men – if not more so.
Pat Buchanan said:
“Rail as they will about ‘discrimination,’ women are simply not endowed by nature with the same measures of single-minded ambition and the will to succeed in the fiercely competitive world of Western capitalism.”
Spend about ten minutes in a strip club and you’ll realize that is false. At the Magic Carpet on any given weekend night, there are about twenty women on the floor who could give lessons to Sun Tzu and Machiavelli.
You could probably find a couple of women like this on the trading floor or in a courtroom or at a union demonstration. But the strip club is unique in the concentration of such women. Why? I’m open to suggestion on this one. My thoughts are that possibly, the Madonna-Whore complex that pervades gender relations more easily allows women this kind of aggressiveness in sexual matters. Or that the strip club is typically a purer venue of capitalism than other job sites.
But bottom line, there’s no reason why this level of focus and ambition (without being an asshole) cannot extend to other job environments. From what I saw of and learned from my Magic Carpet colleagues, I have no doubt that if this were the case, we would be deadly at all levels of employment.