Hypocrite of the Week July 10, 2008 Jill Kyle Payne.Sorry Kyle — being a feminist “ally” does not give you the right to assault women and collect child porn.
Yes, he’s an asshole, rapist, and child-porn-lover. Ga-ross. But at the same time, that shouldn’t negate his work. So he has some serious demons. They could have very likely sparked his passion for these issues because they’re just so damn personal. I sort of appreciate how he’s been outed- yet another reminder that even the most righteous of us are NOT perfect!
Oh, that’s horrifying. And of course, it makes me shudder — not only for Kyle’s victims, however many there may be, but also because of the way in which it perpetuates the stereotype that men who work for gender justice (especially around issues of sexual violence, pornography, and so forth) are all “wolves in sheep’s clothing.” I know I’m inclined to moralistic self-righteousness (that’s redundant) when I talk on my blog every five minutes about the importance of “matching one’s language and one’s life.” I sure could stand to find a more winsome and less prissy way of saying this stuff. But I’m so pedantic about it because I know how much credibility matters, above all for men in the movement. Our private lives must match up with our public pronouncements, and when someone like Kyle pulls something like this, he not only hurts the very real woman he assaulted (and who knows how many else), he not only hurts the children involved in the pornography, he hurts everyone who believes that men too have a vital role to play in ending sexual violence.
Wait a minute. Wasnt this incident in the PAST? I dont see any links that said it recently happened. Because there have been male assholes who have done horrible things to women in the past and then became better, reformed men over the years and sorry for their past actions. It’s happened, you know.
Isabel: Yes, it fucking does negate his work. Someone with that on his record has no business counseling people who have just been assaulted.
When I first read about this I did wonder how long it would be before someone decided his real crime wasn’t assaulting women, but rather making men look bad. Hugo, this may be a little too paradoxical for you, but the best thing you could do for the image of male feminists is to be a little less concerned with the image of male feminists. Real credibility comes from prioritizing your commitment to women’s rights above your preoccupation with your own feminist reputation.
Sophonisba, I agree that navel-gazing gets tiresome, particularly for those who have to read frequent updates about it. At the same time, it is important that we demand particular accountability from men who work on women’s issues, not for the sake of “purity” but for the sake of sending a message that men really can reconcile their language and their lives without leading multiple versions of the latter. It’s not about image, it’s about integrity. Note the title of the post: hypocrite of the week. Yes, Kyle’s a rapist pedophile, but Jill rightly targets him for the disconnect between what he professed and what he did. And she’s making a larger point, that good behavior in one area doesn’t excuse bad behavior in another. I’m signing on to that assumption with bells on. If that comes across as minimizing his crime, then I want to reiterate that the real offense was against his victims, not me or other male feminists. But that doesn’t stop me from being outraged at both his hypocrisy and his misdeeds. It’s definitely a “both/and” rather than “either/or” situation.
Hugo- It doesn’t minimize his crime…it minimizes his victim and the huge sense of dissapointment and betrayal Payne has just slapped women, victims, and feminists in the face with..not just male feminists either.
Yes, I agree with Ren here – his hypocrisy as a feminist, not just a male feminist, is what spurs the betrayal for everyone, not just men for him being a male feminist. I definitely think the best thing guys can do is not focus primarily on the effect this has on the image of male feminists – it kind of makes the motives questionable, no?
Also agreeing with Ren and sophonisba. I think the whole point of this is that actions speak louder. The kind of feminists, and the kind of people, whose opinions should matter are those who do not categorize based on gender, race, etc. Assuming feminist are so suggestible that if a certain category of person, such as a green person with three nipples, does something bad, that means all green people with three nipples are bad, defeats the whole purpose of being a feminist. So basically if someone is committed to women’s rights, whether male or female, reasonable people will get that, without any kind of soundbites or PR.
I haven’t really said anything about this case but I feel a need to chime in with the others here… when I think about this man counseling victims of assault and abuse, I shudder. I do think about the fact that he was a self-proclaimed “feminist,” and what that means. I’m not reeling because other male feminists feel like they have lost legitimacy. I’m reeling when I think about the fact that I, and other women, can never trust, REALLY trust another man — no matter WHAT he says, or what he does — even if he’s devoted his fucking life to feminist causes, he’s STILL a potential predator. And that’s something that we can never forget. I mean, yeah, it totally sucks to know that there’s nothing you can ever do to REALLY, fully, 100% without doubt prove yourself as a friend to others. But honestly, women aren’t concerned that much with whether you can clear your name in their minds. We’ve got more than enough to worry about already.