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When I grow up

Mr. J

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I want to be a gay icon. Not a lesbian icon like Jackie Warner. She scares me. A gay icon like Kathy Griffin. On last week’s episode of My Life on the D-List, Kathy traveled to Australia with Team Griffin; her mother Maggie stayed at home and cleaned up the condoms Kathy had tossed around her room. Kathy provided the entertainment on the 14-hour gay flight from Los Angeles to Sydney. Once she arrived on the big island/country/continent, Kathy met up with Lance Bass, Margaret Cho and Cyndi Lauper. How cool is that? I need my own Lance Bass. If any newly-gay, former boy band members want to be my friend, give me a ring-a-ding. We can snuggle with tiny kangaroos at an Australian zoo whenever you like.

On a more serious note, in reference to the title of this post, Kathy Griffin is one of the few good role models, for women or otherwise, currently on TV. She runs her own business, and she stays in control of her financial matters. She’s quirky and odd, and her fans love her for her nonconformist attitudes. Outside of the weight loss, elective surgeries, spray tans and hair extensions, that is. There aren’t many women allowed to have their own shows on the television, so I’m happy we have this one for now. If any network executives are reading, make more shows like this, please! You can mine the reject piles from Last Comic Standing for talent. Most of the women on that show who make it to the callbacks are very good.

16 thoughts on When I grow up

  1. I love, love, LOOOOVE Kathy Griffin!!! She’s such a hilariously funny woman, so badass, and doesn’t take any shit from anybody, and always tries to find humor in everything. she inspires me (along with Sandra Bernhardt and Margaret Cho)

    🙂

  2. You should visit New York! It is the official capital of Women Who Want to be Gay Icons. You can’t walk down the street in lower Manhattan without tripping over one, especially during the last week or so.

  3. I like Kathy Griffin in the sense of what she stands up for, but I feel so alone, because it seems like everyone else in the groups I am in find her so funny, but I kind of get a bit annoyed by her humor. I’m sorry, but I’ll just stick to my Lewis Black and my Stephen Colbert and my Mo Rocca, along with comedy groups like in BWE. I seriously like the fact that she’s open for everyone, but I really wish she’d stop hosting so much stuff on Bravo and let an oldie like Tim Gunn do a bit more of it while still giving her the occasional thing to do. =/

  4. I’m also a big fan of Kathy Griffin!

    Though I hesitate to jump on the bandwagon of this post. No one “needs a Lance Bass,” because, frankly, gay men aren’t commodities. To be a (white) hetero woman, there’s an unavoidable privilege/power relationship to claim “her main gay,” or to say she can’t help but trip over “one” because there’s so many. I’m always stunned by the number of self identified feminists I meet that also identify as a “fag hag.”

    Sexism also objectifies men, especially effeminate or less-than-super-butch men. No matter how cute, kitchsy, bitchy, or fashionable the feminist, she does not “own” or “have” a gay man. (though we can definitely have friendships and relationships with many a wonderful gay man)

  6. Mary, it’s okay not to jump on the bandwagon. I agree that gay men aren’t commodities. I’d like a Lance Bass because Lance seems like a truly nice guy regardless. He and Kathy are genuine friends. His same sex orientation, along with the boy band status, are simply colorful, accurate descriptions that liven up my post.

    I think Kathy celebrates her “gays” because they are the men that appreciate her. Straight men, for the most part, aren’t into her because of who she is and how she is. She doesn’t fit into an acceptable female role for them because she’s funny and loud. But many gay guys like that, and identify with her outcast status. She can’t trip over straight guys, because they’re not there. I think it’s less of an ownership thing and more of a, “well, I’ve got my gays, so thanks to them I can continue making a living.”

  7. I don’t want to speak for all the straight men Mr.J is referring to, but we don’t generally dislike women for being funny. As for the loudness thing, it’s more the volume+speed+monotone delivery that gives me a major headache. I don’t think it’s subconscious sexism.

    As for her material, the whole ‘my life and people I’ve met’ kind of thing really works better in print for me although having seen Henry Rollins’ stand up a couple of years ago I’m well aware there’s worse out there.

  8. I love Kathy Griffin and I don’t even mind the weight loss/surgeries/spray tans because at least she’s totally open about it and acknowledges the probably unhealthy psychology behind it.

  9. I love her SO MUCH. I love her style of humor as well, it reminds me talking on the phone to a friend. I always watch her show and I really would love to see her live. And what Ruth said.

  10. I’m sorry, but what exactly is your problem with lesbian icons? Or do you just not want to dirty yourself with the icky wimmins? I’m also with Mary.

  11. I don’t have a problem with women in general or lesbians in specific. Some of my best friends are . . . um . . .

    But for reals, I was distinguishing between “gay” and “lesbian”, because some people see them as the same thing. I would love to be a lesbian icon, too. Like Ellen or Rosie or Katharine Hepburn. I’m strong and funny and talented. But Jackie Warner needs to work out (hee!) her issues before I can name her as a role model.

  12. I have to agree atheist woman and Mary. Gay men are not commodities. Its also very frustrating that there aren’t more feminist lesbian icons. Why do feminists rarely want to be lesbians in their next life? Beth Ditto seems to be the only lesbian thats feminist approved. blargh, I’m just frustrated. Kathy Griffin rocks though.

  14. Mr. J- your reponse to both “Mary” and “aetheist woman” are just personal opinion/commentary fluff. Please note that I am not downputting the importance of voicing an opinion. But rather both comments to which you replied brought up valid concerns over your choice to denounce lesbian icons as “ew” and fetishize the gay male who every girl wishes to own. I think there are quite a few of us out here in feminist-internets-land who would appreciate a well-thought out reponse with substance as to why you chose those words, phrases, and examples that perpetuate harmful stereotypes.

  15. kate, I didn’t denounce all lesbian icons as “ew”. Here is the introduction of this post:

    “I want to be a gay icon. Not a lesbian icon like Jackie Warner. She scares me. A gay icon like Kathy Griffin.”

    As I stated in my previous comment, I was distinguishing between the adjectives “gay” and “lesbian”, because Kathy Griffin is an icon for many gay males. She isn’t as big in the lesbian community. I also used Jackie Warner as a comparison because she and Kathy both have summer reality shows on Bravo. Also, the two of them had a crossover episode where Kathy goes to Jackie’s gym to train. Jackie doesn’t scare me because she is a lesbian, or because she is a lesbian icon. She scares me because of the lack of responsibility and the lack of fairness she displays on her show, Work Out.

    I could add, “Not a lesbian icon like Jane Lynch, who cracks me up and steals the show in whatever project she stars in.”

    Or, “Not a lesbian icon like Jodie Foster, who did a great job starring in and directing Little Man Tate.”

    Or, “Not a lesbian icon like Leisha Hailey, whom I love in those Yoplait commercials, even though no one needs that much yogurt, and who had been my favorite character on The L Word until Alice started being rude to bisexuals and transgendered people and then outed people on her talk show.”

    I never said that I wanted to “own” Lance or any other gay man. I said “I need my own Lance Bass”, meaning as a friend, not as an indentured servant. I have adored Lance Bass since *NSYNC’s first Disney Channel special in 1998. I didn’t know he was gay then, but I still wanted to be friends with him.

    This post has a gay theme because that’s what the episode was about: Kathy taking a gay-themed flight to Australia for gay Mardi Gras, which featured gay icons Cyndi Lauper and Margaret Cho, with appearances by Carson Kressley and Xanadu‘s Olivia Newton-John.

    When Kathy Griffin does a show about her rise to lesbian icon status, I will still want to be like her.

  16. Ah, this is refreshing. I love reading comment threads like these where peer review and critical thinking still happens. Feministe is an oasis for me compared to the real world where people are constantly throwing idiot bombs.

    Anyway, back to the point of the post, I love Kathy Griffin, too! I wish I was one of her main gays, although I’d have to teach her that not all gay men want to go shopping and interior decorate…

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