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Ethics violator and rape enthusiast? Put him on the GOP ticket!

Mike Huckabee may be a likable preacher-man, but for all of his joviality and his good Christian ethics, he doesn’t seem too concerned about breaking the law. As Matt Taibbi points out, Huck may be the Republican “third way,” but he’s retained the religious nuttery and the ethical ignorance of the GOP we all know and love:

Mike Huckabee represents something that is either tremendously encouraging or deeply disturbing, depending on your point of view: a marriage of Christian fundamentalism with economic populism. Rather than employing the ­patented Bush-Rove tactic of using abortion and gay rights to hoodwink low-­income Christians into supporting patrician, pro-corporate policies, Huckabee is a bigger-government Republican who emphasizes prison reform and poverty relief. In the world of GOP politics, he represents something entirely new — a cross between John Edwards and Jerry Falwell, an ordained Southern Baptist preacher who actually seems to give a shit about the working poor.

But Huckabee is also something else: full-blown nuts, a Christian goofball of the highest order. He believes the Earth may be only 6,000 years old, angrily rejects the evidence that human beings evolved from “primates” and thinks America wouldn’t need so much Mexican labor if we allowed every aborted ­fetus to grow up and enter the workforce. To top it off, Huckabee also left behind a record of ethical missteps in the swamp of ­Arkansas politics that make White­water seem like a jaywalking ticket.

And of course several of the ethical missteps came out of Huckabee’s religious zealotry. One of his first acts as governor of Arkansas was denying a Medicaid-funded abortion for a developmentally delayed 15-year-old girl who was raped by her stepfather. (Yes, that’s a violation of federal law). His views also compromised the educational opportunities of Arkansas schoolchildren, perhaps because his own intelligence seems to be slightly lacking (see his “humans didn’t descend from primates” comment, and please send him to 5th grade science class).

As president, Huck would support a constitutional amendment banning abortion and would give science a back seat to religion. “Science changes with every generation and with new discoveries, and God doesn’t,” he says. “So I’ll stick with God if the two are in conflict.” Huckabee’s well-documented ­disdain for science was reflected in the performance of the Arkansas school system when he was governor; one independent survey gave the state an F for its science standards in schools, a grade that among other things reflected Huckabee’s hostility toward the teaching of evolution.

Huckabee at most times is gentle and self-deprecating in his public address, but when he talks about religion, he gets weirdly combative and obnoxious, often drifting into outright offensiveness. At one appearance, Huckabee — who’s been known to make fart jokes in front of the state legislature — said he would oppose gay marriage “until Moses comes down with two stone tablets from Brokeback Mountain saying he’s changed the rules.” And he recently scored a rare offend trifecta, simultaneously pissing off immigrants, Jews and the pro-choice crowd when he ludicrously claimed that a “holocaust” of abortions had ­artificially created a demand for Mexican labor.

Admittedly, he is a pretty efficient offense-producer. He’s also greedy as all hell:

Huckabee also has a televangelist’s knack for getting caught with his fingers in various cookie jars. In his first year as governor, Huck used a $60,000 tax­payer fund for personal expenses like dog food, pantyhose and meals at Taco Bell. (One of his sons — also a very heavy man, as his ­father was — reportedly joked that “there’s not a Huckabee alive that can eat at Taco Bell for seven dollars.”) The governor also tried to keep $70,000 in furnishings for the governor’s mansion supplied by a local cotton grower, and used inaugural funds to pay for clothes for his wife. “Mike is first and foremost about Mike,” says Brantley. “He’ll nickel-and-dime whoever he can to line his pockets.”

Huckabee has also been accused of paying himself as a consultant to his own senatorial campaign, allowing special interests to pay for airline tickets for his daughter, receiving a canoe from a Coke bottler and — hilariously, if you’re wont to laugh at the sheer small-town gauche greediness of it all — setting up a “wedding registry” at Target and Dillard’s department stores so citizens could lavish the Huckabees with gifts as they renewed their marriage vows. The long list of desired goodies included twenty-four settings of Lenox “Holiday Nouveau” china, a KitchenAid mixer and a “Jack La Lanne power juicer.” If you didn’t want to pick out something yourself, the Huckabees were glad to take straight cash. “Message from the couple,” the registry noted. “Target GiftCards are welcome.”

The fat-shaming and the classism are not endearing me to Mr. Taibbi, but facts in between are pretty damning. And then there’s the fact that Huckabee released a convicted rapist from prison, despite having been warned by the man’s victims that he would certainly rape and kill again — and indeed, Wayne Dumond did rape and kill again.

Oh, and the reason that “tough on crime” conservatives were so gung-ho about getting Dumond released? Because the high school girl he raped was a distant cousin of Bill Clinton’s, and the daughter of a major Clinton donor.

Huckabee also lied about the information he had about Dumond. (Didn’t someone get impeached a while back for lying about something much, much less serious than rape and murder?).

He’s ignorant and foolish. He shows total disregard for women’s lives, but has quite a soft spot for rapists. He’s a liar. He has no moral or ethical compass, and tries to compensate by talking about God a lot.

In other words: Huckabee isn’t a new kind of Republican. He’s the same old shit.

Thanks to D.N. Nation for pointing me to this story.


14 thoughts on Ethics violator and rape enthusiast? Put him on the GOP ticket!

  1. okay– wait— can I POSSIBLY be reading this right?

    Oh, and the reason that “tough on crime” conservatives were so gung-ho about getting Dumond released? Because the high school girl he raped was a distant cousin of Bill Clinton’s, and the daughter of a major Clinton donor

    WHAT!?!?

    This is truly disturbing. Anderson Cooper (who I love) did a piece about Huckabee the other night and it made Huckabee seem almost likeable. Playing bass guitar to “sweet home Alabama” and talking about helping the poor…. WHY DID THEY NOT BRING THIS US!??!? THIS IS CRAZY

  2. Very quickly, why I’ve always thought that “Bush Derangement Syndrome” was a load of bull:

    1) Obvious strawman. Disliking White House policy =/= Hating the Preznit.
    2) Stuff like this. Protesting Bush =/= Apparently being just fine with a relative of Bill Clinton being raped.

    I mean, mercy.

  3. Oh, and the reason that “tough on crime” conservatives were so gung-ho about getting Dumond released? Because the high school girl he raped was a distant cousin of Bill Clinton’s, and the daughter of a major Clinton donor.

    So short-sighted political vindictiveness trumps public safety. Ok……. 🙄

  4. Huckabee is the worst Republican candidate I’ve ever seen, even worse than Ron Paul. He’s the worst of both worlds (for me at least), combining lots of stuff I hate from your side (like being cool with expansion of Federal power to do whatever seems like a good idea), and all the stuff I hate from my own (like all the douchebag super-morality enforcement). He’s everything (policy-wise) that’s awful about our current CinC, but more of it. Independent and undecided voters are freaked out by Republicans because they are perceived as too religious. So, maybe nominating a fucking Baptist minister might not be such a hot idea.

    I’ve voted Republican in every national election since I was old enough, even when I didn’t like it that much. Never cared for W, didn’t think much of Bob Dole as a politician, and I’m from PA, where Arlen Specter is barely a Republican and Rick Santorum is a fucking asshole. But I refuse to vote for Huckabee, even if, as is likely, Hillary is running against him. Him and Ron Paul are the only two really in it that make me say that.

  5. .bass guitar to “sweet home Alabama” and talking about helping the poor…. WHY DID THEY NOT BRING THIS US!??!? THIS IS CRAZY

    Well to be fair I googled Huckabee and the only newssite to have a headline for this story was cnn.com. and it is on the front of their politics page. Yay for that, but overall the press has totally dropped the ball not on just this but all the crap with Rudy and the NYC cops chaueffering his then mistress around on the tax payer’s dime. I really think the press is so terrified at being dubbed “left” that they refuse to cover well substantiated scandals about right wing politicians (unless of course said politicians get busted by an undercover cop in a bathroom stall and the press is forced to cover it). Somehow Huckabee and Guliani’s documented corruption isn’t deemed news but ridiculous rumors of Obama being a “secret muslim” can run in a national newspaper like the Washington Post.

  6. Gentle Fellow Readers, take note not to breathe too deeply around articles written by ueber-hipster oft-gonzo-reporter-dude M. Taibi lest you be overcome with nausea.

    While occasionally lucid and amusing, Taibi sprinkles on an extra heady dose of misogyny after-shave on most days, compromising any potential occurrence of the above mentioned lucidity and amusingness.

    Having said this, I do agree with his and your general consensus that Huckabee’s buffoonery is both hilarious and terrifying.

  7. Just an aside: while “Sweet Home Alabama” is a catchy song, it was written in response to Neil Young’s criticism of racism in the South…not necessarily the most endearing choice of songs to begin with.

  8. Just an aside to Katy’s ‘Sweet Home Alabama-bashing aside: The biography of Ronnie Van Zandt states that those close to the author of SHA, while pondering why Van Zandt often wore Neil Young T-shirts in album covers and concerts, concluded that he was giving the finger to the yahoos in the crowd who didn’t pick up on the humor and irony in the song’s lyrics. Sorry, the biographers words, not mine.

  9. I really think the press is so terrified at being dubbed “left” that they refuse to cover well substantiated scandals about right wing politicians (unless of course said politicians get busted by an undercover cop in a bathroom stall and the press is forced to cover it).

    Every large media outlet is owned by a bunch of Republicans.

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