Vagina Dentata Intellectual November 20, 2007 Jill Apparently someone made a biopic about my life and no one gave my any royalties. Bastards.
Yep, they can give you a nasty nip, those things, if you’re not careful. Mine bit the postman this morning. And you really don’t want to hear the noise when it eats popcorn… The fear of castration, hmm?…
You know, it’s not so much the biting as the chewing which really hurts. By the way, I didn’t know Sundance had “stupidest movie idea ever” as a winner category.
Oh, come on. Vagina Dentata as male nightmare–not so weird or a new idea. I’m waiting for the drinking game to accompany the film before viewing, however.
Well, it would appear from the website for the movie that it’s tongue-in-cheek. Personally, I think it looks like a horror remake of Deep Throat. I mean, c’mon, instead of a clit in her throat, she has teeth in her vagina. Suh-weet!
I’m reserving judgment. The trailer is god-awful, but what I’ve heard about it tracks with the IMDB entry — it’s supposed to be more pro-woman than the trailer would suggest. For example, I rather like how it sounds based on this review: Our heroine is Dawn (Jess Weixler), a goody-two-shoes high-schooler who belongs to a Christian group obsessed with sex — with not having it, specifically. They wear “promise” rings as a reminder never to do the deed until they’re married, and they talk about the subject constantly. Obviously, such obsession with not doing something can only lead to one thing: doing it. But before we get to that point, Dawn suffers a lot of confusion. The kids at school make fun of her for being a crazy virgin. Her school’s sex-ed class uses textbooks in which diagrams of the female organs are censored, while the male diagrams are left alone. The teacher can barely stammer out the “V” word. Her mother is ill, leaving her with no strong female role models. Her stepfather (Lenny von Dohlen) is nice enough, but her stepbrother, Brad (John Hensley) is creepy, oversexual, and menacing. Dawn hangs out with other chastity-minded teens, including a nice boy named Tobey (Hale Appleman). He finds it difficult to control his passions, though, and one day he and Dawn start to cross the line. She regains her resolve and tells him to stop; he doesn’t stop; he forces himself on her; and the teeth in her vagina bite off his willy. Let that be a lesson to you! Like I said, it could all go terribly wrong pretty easily, but I’m holding out hope.
I certainly hope you’re right, Jeff. If they don’t mess this up, it could be both screamingly funny and very feminist. But it would be very easy to mess up. Taking it seriously for a moment, I have to ask the two questions I asked over at Pandagon: 1) Vaginas are pretty harmless things. Very tough, but not much for offensive weaponry. The few I’ve encountered personally have all been quite friendly, though I suppose that’s because their owners liked me. Where does all this fear of them come from? 2) An orifice with teeth already exists. One that comes with powerful jaw muscles and actual moving joints. Men stick their penises into this orifice all the time. Eagerly. Sometimes even when the owner of said orifice and teeth doesn’t want them to, which I only bring up because it fits the theme of the movie. Why would this be so much more frightening?
An orifice with teeth already exists. One that comes with powerful jaw muscles and actual moving joints. Men stick their penises into this orifice all the time. Eagerly. Sometimes even when the owner of said orifice and teeth doesn’t want them to, which I only bring up because it fits the theme of the movie. Why would this be so much more frightening? Because those other toothed orifices don’t spit out babies, making them nowhere near as powerful and mysterious. And, you know, scary.
Because those other toothed orifices don’t spit out babies, making them nowhere near as powerful and mysterious. And, you know, scary. So – if I may be so crude – the very real capacity of a mouth to genuinely bite a dick off or at least mangle it very badly is discounted because there’s no mystery to mouths – men see mouths every day and have mouths of their own, so they know what mouths are all about – while a harmless pussy is feared because “who the hell knows what goes on in there?” Cripes. You know, you’re probably right. Even if a guy discounts the actual danger posed by a blowjob because it’s a “submissive” act, there’s still no logical reason to consider PIV to be more threatening. It is a strange thing to discover that you just don’t understand how your own sex thinks.
I always hear two songs in my head when I see “vagina dentata” — either “Kokomo” by the Beach Boys or “Hakuna Matata” from The Lion King. I can’t say which is worse, because they’re both pretty annoying.
“The most alarming cautionary tale for men since Fatal Attraction…” Come again? Because men will stop raping for fear that the next woman they attack will have fangs in her cunt, just like men stopped cheating when they had the fear of a knife-wielding Glenn Close put into them. Right. Someone has delusions of grandeur, that’s all. Either male viewers are not rapists and they don’t need the message, or they are and they’ll ignore it. And isn’t it great that even when the lead is a woman, it’s still All About Teh Menz?
No one else is horribly disturbed she was being examined by a male gyno alone? Isn’t there some sort of law that requires another female to be present in situations like that? Correct me if I’m wrong, but wow. As if that trailer wasn’t squicky enough.
I always hear two songs in my head when I see “vagina dentata” — either “Kokomo” by the Beach Boys or “Hakuna Matata” from The Lion King. Vagina dentata What a wonderful phrase Vagina dentata Ain’t no passing craze!
No one else is horribly disturbed she was being examined by a male gyno alone? Not really, no. Depends on the doctor, really. First exam, I’d want a nurse present, but if I’ve seen the guy before and he seems professional, he’s just a doctor looking at my anatomy. Isn’t there some sort of law that requires another female to be present in situations like that? There’s not a law that I know of, but most places do have a nurse in the room as a matter of course. Frankly, it’s more for the doctor’s protection than it is for yours, sad as that is to say.
Because men will stop raping for fear that the next woman they attack will have fangs in her cunt, Well, there actually is a fanged device that’ll do the job, though it tacks on rather than bites off. Here’s a more illustrative picture. I can already imagine ads riffing off the movie… Speaking of which, I’ll go see it only if it includes loud, badly overdubbed chomping sounds.
It seems that the Rapex condom has been delayed in coming to the market for a variety of reasons, so for now, vaginal dentata is still nothing more than legend.
I wonder how the chompers would react to a lesbian? Would they try to bite her? Where? I imagine they might lose the tip of their tongues…. The question is… would the vagina dentata break it’s teeth on a dildo or vibrator? Just brings all sorts of questions about brushing and flossing and dental care. You’d have to have a new specialty, the Gynedontist.
okay dude that is like the MOST METAL IDEA FOR A MOVIE EVER… bruuutaaalll!!! i now have a new favorite movie and i haven’t even seen it yet… i can’t wait to hear the soundtrack.
And isn’t it great that even when the lead is a woman, it’s still All About Teh Menz? Heh. I didn’t notice that until you mentioned it. Good point. What I did notice & liked immediatey was that in the one flash where you catch a glimpse of a tooth & it looks oh-so-much like something pulled from a Shark. Mwoo. Hwoo. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Vagina Dentata are frisky, and, like rodent teeth, unless used, they can overgrow. Vibrators are helpfull, but chew toys are more effective.
So, wait…. This is an actual ad for a *REAL* movie? Jeebus, I thought it was a well done parody. As for vagina dentia, I can only assume that its a phobia that only affects the super manly, ultra terrified, type conservatives. Like all the other “OMG castration fear!!!” crap. The amount of vagina hatred/fear on the right is completely baffling to me.
The fear of vagina’s confuses me. My girlfriend works with a bunch of 17 year olds who like to “brag” about their sex lives. Last night they were talking about how vaginas smell (*rolls eyes*) and my girlfriend listened for about 10 minutes before one of them made a smart comment to her (they all know she’s gay) and she just smiled and sayed “I think Megan is delicious.” They all three freaked out. Cause ya know, the idea that anything down there is enjoyable for anything besides shoving their dick is scary. I really HAVE to see this movie. I LOVE really bad horror movies. And really, I won’t cry to hard when a rapist gets his penis CHEWED OFF. Question… does it swallow what it bites off? And HOW?
They all three freaked out. Cause ya know, the idea that anything down there is enjoyable for anything besides shoving their dick is scary. Well, yeah. Because actually relating to a woman as a human being with needs and desires of her own is, like, totally gay. No, I can’t explain how some teenage guys decide that a guy pleasing his girlfriend in bed is “gay,” but that’s how it stands. V. v. bizarre.
Perhaps you should contact Camille Paglia for those royalties. Roy Lichtenstein learned of the myth from a class Paglia taught (“egads!” cries the crowd) and went on to make the movie. The blog post linked to above says the movie has a sort of science fiction vibe, which definitely makes it seem more promising.