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NYT Wedding Announcements, Wealth, and the Frosts

One of the weapons that the Malkinites have deployed against the Frost family is that they must have been really rich, but slumming and choosing to be poor, because their wedding announcement ran in the New York Times.

O RLY?

Funny thing about the Times wedding announcements: they’re often given out not because you’re wealthy*, but because you or someone in your family is notable in some way, that some way often having to do with New York City.

Here’s their wedding announcement.

Let’s take a look:

Mrs. Frost, 26 years old, is a receptionist at the Cat Hospital at Towson, in Baltimore. She graduated from Towson State University. Her father is an electrical engineer at Tracor Inc., a defense electronics manufacturer in Crystal City, Va.

Mr. Frost, also 26, is known as Halsey. He owns Frostworks, a woodworking and furniture-design studio in Baltimore. His mother, Randy Frost, is a quilt artist. His father is the deputy director of design and construction for the City University of New York in Manhattan. The bridegroom’s late grandfather Frederick G. Frost Jr. was an architect responsible for several public buildings in New York, including Martin Luther King High School in Manhattan.

So, Mom’s a quilt artist, Dad’s a civil servant, and Grandpa was an architect who designed some notable public buildings, probably during the Robert Moses era. Woohoo! Oh, he must be rich!

Except, not so much. Architects who design public buildings rarely make all that much, and in any event, even if Halsey Frost took possession of some vast fortune upon his grandfather’s death (unlikely, since it would normally go to his parents’ generation), it would probably have been wiped out paying for the five months that his kids spent in the hospital after the accident, not to mention the ongoing care.

I know someone who had a severely premature baby, whose care in the first few months of her life exceeded the million-dollar lifetime limit on the family’s insurance policy. They laugh at bill collectors and tell them to get in line. Because what else can they do?

In any event, what your parent or grandparent did to get your wedding announcement in the Times often has little bearing on your current financial status. From time to time, I see people I know on the wedding page, and often, their parents were mayors of whatever town they lived in, or state legislators, or in some high level of city or state government, or some kind of nonprofit with outsize contribution relative to the amount of remuneration. Which, again, doesn’t necessarily translate to dollars, and certainly not the kind of money that could pay cash for the kind of catastrophic care that Graeme and Gemma Frost needed.

Mind you, the “He’s got three names, so he MUST be rich” argument really is a keeper.

______________

* They don’t always run your wedding announcement if you’re wealthy, either. My cousin Kevin, much to the shock of the rest of the family, married into one of the wealthiest/most prestigious families in the country (we only found out the bride’s identity long after the wedding, since the wedding invitation had contained no last names. Since Kevin’s branch of the family had been estranged for a while and the wedding was in Florida and the rest of the family in the Northeast or scattered elsewhere, nobody went. It was only after our grandmother died and Kevin’s mom, who’d been divorced from Uncle Jackie, my mother’s brother, called up Uncle Brendan’s ex-wife Aunt Susie, to say that Kevin and his sister Kimmie felt that their last link to the rest of the family was severed with Grandma’s death, oh and by the way, here’s who Kevin married, that we found out. Which, hello, we were stunned, but it kind of meant that re-establishing links with Kimmie and Kevin (which were only severed because Jackie was kind of a controlling asshole) became problematic. Because there’d always be the question of whether we were trying to reconnect with the cousins we really hadn’t seen in 20 years or trying to get at the Xs’ money. Though it might have been useful to have that contact when a friend of mine was caught near their house during a hurricane and could have used a better shelter). Anyway, even though the name of the family would be instantly recognizable to just about anyone in the country, the Times never ran his wedding announcement, despite the fact that he was marrying a big-name heiress.


17 thoughts on NYT Wedding Announcements, Wealth, and the Frosts

  1. Wedding announcements often have to do more with the size and type of city and newspaper more than the people involved. For example, in New Orleans, everyone has a wedding announcement. It’s just unheard of not to. But in California, eh? Who cares? It’s just a wedding and everyone does it differently.

    We sent announcements to our hometown papers and the paper where we lived. Two wanted to charge us to publish it unless we were notables/famous. But my small hometown paper was happy to print it without fee. However, they reworded it. My father was surpprised to read that he was “announcing” a wedding that he’d only just heard about and wouldn’t be attending.

  2. Re: the footnote. My father re-established ties with an uncle and the cousins of that branch after one of those cousins became an astronaut. It was all in very poor taste, but the cousin took it charmingly in stride.

  3. It was all very weird with Kevin. We kept hearing stuff like, “Kevin’s a dive captain in Maui.” “Oh, cool.” “Kevin’s moved to Florida and he’s a charter boat captain.” “Oh, cool.” “Kevin’s a yacht captain.” “Oh, cool.” “Kevin’s getting married and becoming a stockbroker.”

    “WHAT???”

  4. OH, and my grandfather was a well known architect, John Lautner. But he lived in apartments most of the time. He couldn’t afford to buy a home (or at least not a home to his liking). And well, he had a bunch of kids and three wives (not at the same time). When he passed, his children didn’t receive anything of monetary value.

    So… just because someone seems like they have money doesn’t mean they do.

  5. I thought if you had three names, you’re a serial killer or presidential assassin.

    During my first job, as a newspaper reporter, we played softball against the Hartford Courant. A lot of their reporters/players had three names, to the extent that we tried to psych them out my calling out “three-namer!” when one got up to plate.

  6. In any event, what your parent or grandparent did to get your wedding announcement in the Times often has little bearing on your current financial status. From time to time, I see people I know on the wedding page, and often, their parents were mayors of whatever town they lived in, or state legislators, or in some high level of city or state government, or some kind of nonprofit with outsize contribution relative to the amount of remuneration. Which, again, doesn’t necessarily translate to dollars, and certainly not the kind of money that could pay cash for the kind of catastrophic care that Graeme and Gemma Frost needed.

    The rub is that most of the populace does not know the information contained in the above quote from the post. Heck, I didn’t know the above until you posted it.

    With NYT wedding announcements seemingly associated with the wealthy by most of the populace coupled with the associated jealousy/hope they reach that status, it is too easy for the Republicans or anyone else to play off of such visceral emotions…especially when they perceive those listed to be far better off socio-economically than themselves.

    As you mentioned in your post, having family relations with wealth and connections does not always work in your favor…circumstances change and/or your relationship may be estranged/nonexistent.

    For instance, I knew a dedicated hardworking straight-A college classmate from an upper-class family who worked 30+ hrs/week in two jobs along with full load of classes because his parents would rather spend their money on buying fancy cars and multi-million dollar vacation homes rather than support the education of a child with great potential. Though he never complained about his lot, I really felt bad for him at the time. This was especially because his parents’ attitudes were totally alien to what would be considered normal parental behavior towards children with academic promise among family and working class parents of high school classmates.

  7. The thing that is so irritating about this whole kerfuffle is that even if the Frosts were actually stealth wealthy (though managing to keep it a secret from the whole entire world) who irresponsibly refused to fritter their secret glittering hoard of public-architecture-and-quilt-making treasure on health insurance for themselves and their children, that STILL wouldn’t be a good reason for the state to refuse to provide their kids with insurance for care after the car accident. What do the kids have to do with how their parents choose to spend their money, after all? Are people like Malkin suggesting that parents should be compelled to pay for health insurance for their kids? Do they really want to force people to do it?

  8. even if the Frosts were actually stealth wealthy (though managing to keep it a secret from the whole entire world) who irresponsibly refused to fritter their secret glittering hoard of public-architecture-and-quilt-making treasure on health insurance for themselves and their children, that STILL wouldn’t be a good reason for the state to refuse to provide their kids with insurance for care after the car accident.

    The problem is, they really do think that anyone who “wastes” money (this being very loosely defined) is a moral failure and deserves to suffer. Not that the Frosts are wasting money, at all – but lack of financial capacity is seen as their own fault (hence all the ridiculous nitpicking of their finances), and the structure of the system and blind chance never play a role.

  9. With NYT wedding announcements seemingly associated with the wealthy by most of the populace coupled with the associated jealousy/hope they reach that status, it is too easy for the Republicans or anyone else to play off of such visceral emotions…especially when they perceive those listed to be far better off socio-economically than themselves.

    I think the “general populace” probably doesn’t think much about the NYT wedding announcements. My grandmother, for instance, was a little confused about why my brother’s wedding wasn’t going to have an announcement in the Times, because he lived in New York, after all. She assumed that the Times wedding announcements worked like the ones in her local paper. I think that the percentage of the actual American electorate that would draw conclusions about the Frosts based on their NYT wedding announcement is actually pretty small. It just includes a lot of people who talk about politics on the internet.

    If you know how class works on the East Coast, there are some pretty clear indicators that Halsey Frost comes from a culturally, if not economically, elite background. (I mean, the guy’s name is Halsey Frost, and his kids are named Graeme and Gemma. The second I saw the kids’ names, I thought “either these people are British or there’s something going on here.”) But it’s completely irrelevant when it comes to SCHIP. They need the program, and it shouldn’t matter if their grandmother was Edith Wharton. And I don’t think the latte liberal, class warfare stuff is going to work here, just because I don’t think that most Americans are that sensitive to that kind of class indicator. If they were, they’d care more that George W. Bush went to Andover.

  10. It was all very weird with Kevin. We kept hearing stuff like, “Kevin’s a dive captain in Maui.” “Oh, cool.” “Kevin’s moved to Florida and he’s a charter boat captain.” “Oh, cool.” “Kevin’s a yacht captain.” “Oh, cool.” “Kevin’s getting married and becoming a stockbroker.”

    And then it was…. “and she’s OLDER than him by at least a decade!” and “she already has children!!” and then the inevitable “well that must mean he intends to be a ‘kept’ man” or “smart guy! he bagged himself a rich one!”

    Charming family, ours.

  11. I’ve never had a clue about such things, and had no earthly idea how people got their announcements in important places like the NYT, so this thread has been pretty educational for proles like me. Thanks!

  12. If you know how class works on the East Coast, there are some pretty clear indicators that Halsey Frost comes from a culturally, if not economically, elite background. (I mean, the guy’s name is Halsey Frost, and his kids are named Graeme and Gemma. The second I saw the kids’ names, I thought “either these people are British or there’s something going on here.”) But it’s completely irrelevant when it comes to SCHIP. They need the program, and it shouldn’t matter if their grandmother was Edith Wharton. And I don’t think the latte liberal, class warfare stuff is going to work here, just because I don’t think that most Americans are that sensitive to that kind of class indicator. If they were, they’d care more that George W. Bush went to Andover.

    Sally,

    Funny you mentioned the workings of class on the east coast as that was where I was born and raised…though my family was economically working class and we lived in a working class neighborhood. As a scholarship at a respectable private midwest college (Oberlin) where the of the student body came from upper/upper-middle class families with a large chunk of that portion coming from the east coast I had a good vantage point to observe both sides of the dynamic. Whether the students were elite on the basis of cultural, economic, or a combination of the two, many of the ones I’ve encountered had patronizing and dismissive attitudes towards those of a lower socio-economic class…though they tend to disguise this well most of the time.

    One way I experienced this patronization was when they attempted to subtly imply they were more socially sophisticated and aware by being politically active and being “well educated” by attending private schools like Andover, Phillip Exeter, etc. Ended up angering several of them in one class when it turned out I outperformed them in the classroom. Fortunately, there were also those who realized how wrong they were and adjusted their attitudes. I am still in touch with a few of the latter group currently.

    One way this was manifested was in the poor town-gown dynamics. When I was there, the town was going through an economic downturn and the vast majority of employment was through the college. This combined with the great gap of political views and economic/cultural capital created an ugly dynamic where the college students largely stereotyped the townies as right-wing backward uneducated hicks (Yes, they did use such epithets) and the townspeople in turn, stereotyped us Oberlin students as upper-class loony left deviant communist freaks (Translated from the many hurled epithets hurled towards us by the local townspeople).

    From witnessing this dynamic in college and from visiting other states, I found that a lot of people tend to conflate cultural and economic elites as one and the same. Conservative polemicists like Michelle Malkin, Rush Limbaugh, and Ann Coulter have effectively used this tendency to conflate to use the stereotype of the “latte liberal” effectively to further turn many in the rural south and parts of the midwest against the democratic party. This is underscored by a political ad I remembered seeing in a political analysis program a few years back where one elderly couple basically said they would never vote for a “bunch of sushi eating, latte drinking, (throw in many other stereotypes of upper-class snobbish liberal elites)”. From what I saw, that ad would have been quite effective in garnering support for the Republican party from the Oberlin townspeople who were resentful of the mostly socio-economically privileged Oberlin college students.

    While your point is well taken that if this stereotype is effective that they should also hate socio-economically privileged conservatives like W, some of the factors for this include the strong Republican PR machine combined with W’s contrived public persona as a “regular guy”. Also, there seems to be a perception I’ve heard from many conservative and moderate/centrist co-workers and conservative polemicists of liberals being “do-gooders” and thus, should be held to a higher standard. Though I agree this is nonsense, this adds the effective tool of hypocrisy to the arsenal of the conservative polemicists. However, this tool can also be effectively turned on the user as shown by the numerous Republican and Christian fundamentalist scandals of late.

    These factors play a part in how the Republicans have been remarkably effective in minimizing and deflecting class warfare scrutiny away from them. It is a great contrast to what I saw in the 2000 election when I remembered hearing plenty of critics decry his excessively privileged and sheltered background which they felt made him ill-suited for the responsibilities of the Presidency.

    I will agree that the “latte liberal class warfare stuff” won’t be nearly as effective in this election….though I believe this is more due to the Bush administrations’ numerous policy blunders that are becoming increasingly harder for the American people to ignore.

  13. Argh. I just noticed I forgot to put the word “townies” in quotes. This is important as that word is considered offensive among the townspeople in my college town. My apologies.

  14. exholt,

    no offense taken, as we WERE backward uneducated hicks, but you want a second opinion on

    Whether the students were elite on the basis of cultural, economic, or a combination of the two, many of the ones I’ve encountered had patronizing and dismissive attitudes towards those of a lower socio-economic class…though they tend to disguise this well most of the time?

    You’re circling around a really important point, I think: It has not been my experience that the contempt felt by the members of the cultural or economic elite for the rest of us is at all disguised. Any more than the contempt expressed for the do-gooder liberal latte-sipping vegans by my uncle the organic soybean farmer is disguised.

    The common thread is contempt, and it’s been taking our national politics for a ride for so long I’m not sure where we’ll be when contempt finally runs out of gas.

  15. no offense taken, as we WERE backward uneducated hicks, but you want a second opinion on

    Whether the students were elite on the basis of cultural, economic, or a combination of the two, many of the ones I’ve encountered had patronizing and dismissive attitudes towards those of a lower socio-economic class…though they tend to disguise this well most of the time?

    You’re circling around a really important point, I think: It has not been my experience that the contempt felt by the members of the cultural or economic elite for the rest of us is at all disguised. Any more than the contempt expressed for the do-gooder liberal latte-sipping vegans by my uncle the organic soybean farmer is disguised.

    In that quoted sentence, I was speaking only of my upper-class private school educated social activist college classmates. Though most cultural and economic elites don’t hide their contempt for the “lower classes”, those classmates were actually very good at hiding it. That is unless one interacts with them regularly enough to notice the slipups from an increasingly patronizing attitude towards “less sophisticated” classmates, a casual remark, and/or rantings about the perceived shortcomings of the “townies” in a “safe” environment with fellow college classmates. These slipups would continue even after a few students raised repeated objections to them.

    Larger point, however, is well taken. 🙂

    Also, most of the local townspeople I met and interacted with were not necessarily the uneducated backward “hicks” many college students stereotyped them to be. Though I’ve had a few scary encounters with a few racists and the random assholes you meet in every group, most of the townspeople were willing to be friendly with the few students who took the time to interact and get to know them through local volunteer projects and/or patronizing the local establishments. Nevertheless, they resented the contempt they felt from the student body as well as the college’s overwhelming dominance on the local economy.

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