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Feministe’s Next Top Troll – Vote Early, Vote Often!

Jill

As I mentioned yesterday, we’ve gotten an influx of trolls lately, and they are fabulously entertaining. And while all of the Special Moderation Queue posts are fun, there are just so many caustic commenters in our spam queue right now that I thought a little contest might be better than giving them all individual attention. So here are the contestants and their entries:

1. Tony, who has two comments in the running:

Jeff Fecke is definitely sexier than Republicans and condoms.
Jill, you can prove this by fucking Jeff Fecke and admitting it on your blog. In addition to giving him exactly what he hangs around the Femblogs for, it would motivate every male Republican better looking than Jeff Fecke (i.e. all) to adopt Feminascism.
P.S. Methinks the point was that the *kinds of relationships* in which you are most apt to use condoms are the *kinds of relationships that he finds less-than-Romantic – i.e. “lets go fuck in the bushes.”
PPS. Jill, do we all still have to pretend that you are this like, totally self-actualized super sex kitten who bangs anyone who catches your eye? Because I’d bet my left testicle that you fuck like you have a knotted rag up your ass (not on purpose).
PPPS. You are already fucking Republicans and just can’t figure it out.

Next time y’all throw a party, you really ought to invite me . . .

I think my point, put succinctly, was that Jill has Christmas pussy – despite the Vagina Warrior BS.

And I could find better ass, with a better attitude, on the West Side of the Verrazano-Narrows.

2. Roxy, who puts the “F” in “Bitches”:

i hate this site it is the worst 1 in the hole wide world you f in bitches

3. Alaska Hero, who also enters twice:

Earth to feminasties ……Ever heard of John Locke ?….individual freedoms ? thats what i thought ……..and youve been to college ………….lol lol

Wow , you must be in college ? with your views youll NEVER find a husband ….what country did ‘femi-nazism start …The good ol usa ! and yes western cultures are the basis for all the freedoms that YOU take for granted …youll look good in a burqa baby ………….xoxoxox the hero

4. Tim, who even includes a video to illustrate his point:

Anti-feminists? We preferred to be called “normal people.”

Enjoy being single, childless, desperate and sleeping with your cats in 10 years.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avb2prZvsnY&mode=related&search=

5. Vincent, who, in response to a post congratulating Feministe founder Lauren for her marriage, writes:

So who’s going to be the primary breadwinner in that family? If its her, can I check back in 5-10 years to see if she’s still married, or may be home with the baby.

6. And last but certainly not least, “Milo,” one of the many pseudonyms of Milorad “Dumb Bunny” Buggerov:

Well, as I have noted to you before, there *are* a lot of aging feminists out there, who discovered a bit late that blathering on about empty slogans didn’t serve them well in their personal lives, and now they *do* rely primarily on the company of their cats for love and comfort. Listen, maybe being outre and edgy and pretentiously pompous is fun for now, but believe me, when you hit 31 or so you’re going to look around and worry about your romantic/love prospects. Check with zuzu, she sounds like a single, solitary and bitter cat lady. Oh and I challenge you to let this past your cordon sanitaire.

Vote away, Feministers!

more at twiigs.com…

And for old times’ sake, here are a few classic comments from the Special Moderation Queue. They aren’t up for voting because they’re old-skool, but they could probably teach the newbie trolls a thing or two about (il)literacy, bitterness and stupidity:

There are the MRAs:

I have no problem with women working. Although I do have a problem with paying child support and alimony to ex-wives that no longer put out, or do anything for their ex husbands. It is a waste when that money should go to support the new children and wife in the next relationship. Children should automatically go to the father, and our famous feminist bitches would figure out a way to save the marriage. Perhaps she would cook more, put out more, do the duties of a good wife, more, etc.

Nowadays having the children go to those who can least afford it, is, well a complete disaster. Men are being treated like sperm donors and wallets, I’m sick of it. I want a bitch that is loyal to me, and the family. Not a woman that just needs a sperm donor, or a wallet. To me that is heartless, despite the fact said behavior happens with reckless abandon.

The “anti-PC” racists:

It has come to my attention that the liberal left have distorted the English language by making up non-sensical phrases to describe things and activities that have been easily defined for hundreds of years. The true meanings of these propagandish phrases are as follows:
Embrace diversity-love a nigger, spic, wap, chink, or sand nigger
Empower women-have politicians looking for votes allow the courts to become communistic tools to give women money from fathers getting screwed by the system so they won’t tax the welfare wystem and get handouts with less shame
gay rights-allow fags and dykes to sodomise and copulate without getting castrated or de-cunt lipped
domestic violence-what happens when a husband catches his bitch sucking his neighbors dick
wetland-a worthless swamp that should be used for a garbage dump but liberals want it for “wildlife”
undocumented alien-a spic in the USA illegally
politically correct-what the unhappy commentors to this post will attempt to define so readers will think they are “in the know” and “cool”


The uncreative who rely on the most boring stereotypes:

Considering the fact that you’re feminists and most likely therefore lesbians wearing jean shorts, hiking boots and flannel shirts, who in their right mind would WANT to (your words) “fuck with” you?

The Expert Feminist:

Look.
I went to Vassar.
That means I know allllllllllllllllllll about the issues you ladies face. And I knew transgender people, so I’m also an expert on that.
And you ladies and sorta ladies are in need of a night in the Mug then my friend’s big ass double in Joss.
Then it won’t seem so bad.

Yeah, I know I’m an asshole, but come on, jeebus.
Since we’re lefties and not total dicks it’s better to try and make us feel guilty for shit we mostly didn’t do than to have no impact caring about the behavior of those who are actually hateful.

And last but certainly not least common, the violent fantasizer:

You know what we need to do?

MURDER FEMINISTS!!

Slit their throats, rip off their tittes and piss down their throats.

That would be awesome.

Aww.

148 thoughts on Feministe’s Next Top Troll – Vote Early, Vote Often!

  2. I would vote for Tim, who said

    Enjoy being single, childless, desperate and sleeping with your cats in 10 years.

    But actually, I enjoy being single, childless, desperate (for a job at least) and sleeping with my cat NOW. Do I really need to wait 10 more years to be happy?

  3. You know, since I’m currently married, I do hope to not be single in 10 years, but I totally don’t have a problem with being childless and sleeping with my cats. In fact, if in ten years I do have kids and don’t have cats, I’ll be pretty fucking pissed off.

    I’m going with Roxy.

  4. You know, Milo really gave Tony a run for his money — I loved the bit about how feminists are going to rue their ball-bustin’, man-repelling ways when they wake up alone at the sad, lonely old age of (drumroll)… 31 YEARS OLD! DUM DUM DUM!

    However, I ultimately couldn’t ignore the siren song of our own dear Rag-Up-The-Ass. Sigh… good times, good times…

  5. Every time the trolls tell me that there’s no possible way that I can be married and a feminist, I just laugh and laugh and laugh. So I had to go with Alaska Boy for the combination of sexism and idiocy all rolled into one pretty package.

  7. Locke also justified slavery by arguing that the body was property and the failure to protect it adequately (read:invent guns and use them) voided an individual’s right to their own body.

    Using that reasoning women should all get strapped to be properly Lockean. Woo hoo, armed feminists!!

  8. “de-cunt lipped??” That’s just, um, wow. I’ve never even heard of that.

    But I can’t vote for that person, and I’m having such a hard time choosing between Tony and Roxy. Alaska Hero, Tim, and Vincent are merely annoying. Milo Buggerov, though, elevates himself just a bit from the crowd. I’m going to have to think about this for a while.

  9. I’m surprised Tim hasn’t received any votes. The fact he posted the video link demonstrates, to me, that he is willing to go that extra anti-feminist mile. Ultimately, however, I had to go with the Hero. While I acknowledge his multiple periods, “lol”s, ALL CAPS words, and general non-nonsensical “points” are all very valid reasons to vote for him, he had me at “youll.”

  10. I voted for Tony since he was the most sane of them, but it seems that Alaska Hero is giving him a run for his money.

    All the other trolls- They are pitiful at flaming.

    Real flamers are at rage.net.

  12. Using that reasoning women should all get strapped to be properly Lockean. Woo hoo, armed feminists!!

    Yes please.

  13. The double entendre of sleeping with one’s cats was the only one that made me laugh, so I had to go with Tim. I didn’t realize the Stawfeminist had added (serial?) bestiality to the resume. Hats off, lady.

  15. I voted for Roxy…not b/c of the similar name, no, but b/c I want a t-shirt”

    Putting the “F” in Bitches
    est. 1983

  18. I think I have to go with Tim, just because he seems like he probably survives in normal society and thinks of himself as “enlightened.”

    Also, seriously, where are the lonely, man hating feminists? I’d like to meet one.

  19. I voted for Hero because the words brought to mind a redneck in a truck with his stomach lying over the steering wheel, a beer in his hand, and piles of porn mags under the passenger seat.

    What a life it must be.

  20. Enjoy being single, childless, desperate and sleeping with your cats in 10 years.

    Considering her current goals and past accomplishments, Jill will probably be able to sleep wherever and however she wants in 10 years.

  21. Using that reasoning women should all get strapped to be properly Lockean. Woo hoo, armed feminists!!

    I can see the reality show now. The finale of season one could be a modern re-enactment of the battle of Crecy at the Peoria PP Clinic. The armed feminists would, of course, be the English.

  23. I liked Alaska Hero.

    you’re feminists and most likely therefore lesbians wearing jean shorts, hiking boots and flannel shirts

    Right.

    I went to Vassar. That means I know allllllllllllllllllll about the issues you ladies face. And I knew transgender people, so I’m also an expert on that.

    These trolls are really funny.

  24. Ooh, a poll, complete with radio buttons! Bless your heart, Jill.

    I voted for Alaska Hero because 1) Feminasties. Yeah baby. 2) Bewildering John Locke reference. 3) He is the one most easily morphed into a lolcat.

  25. I am especially disturbed by the threats of violence. Do you get a tone of those? I don’t even know what I would do..

  26. If an explanation of “Christmas pussy” turns up in the moderation queue, could you post it? I, too, am dying to know.

  28. The “f in bitches” thing always delivers on the laughs, but Tony has proven that he’s got the stamina to provide comments notable for their prurient interest in the genitals of strangers in a consistent, if not logical, fashion. Plus, he alerted me to the growing public health concern known as Unintentional Rag-Ass, and that was truly a mitzvah.

  29. I voted for Roxy because, like many have already said, “Putting the F in Bitches” really is most excellent. If only I knew how to silk screen!

    I also echo the query as to what exactly a “Christmas pussy” is. Is it like a Christmas pudding? Was this a clever play on words?

  32. I voted for Roxy because that’s my cat’s name.

    Don’t get why it’s any concern of anyone else’s how someone “ends up”–uh, who cares?

  33. i for one am glad you’re posting these.

    those were pretty funny up till the “slit women’s throats” line.

    so i’ll just pretend like i didn’t read that one and just continue on laughing.

  34. Did anyone have the guts to look at Tim’s YouTube link? I’m curious but I don’t know how much stupidity my blood pressure can handle right now, so I haven’t clicked.

  35. Nicole, I did.
    It’s a clip from the simpson’s showing the “crazy cat lady” character’s past. Apparently, she wanted to be a doctor and lawyer and did. But the strain became too much and she became crazy cat lady.

    Basically a lesson in “she-wanted-too-much-for-a-woman-and-couldn’t-handle-it-and-her-ambition-made-her-crazy” story.

  37. the video is a simpsons clip about marge being a photographer. but it starts with a crazy cat lady who was a formerly successful doctor *and* lawyer. unmarried, obviously.

    my guess is that “christmas pussy” is just pussy you bring out and use occasionally for the holidays, sort of like the nice flatware and wine glasses you use at only christmas. the rest of the year, christmas pussy is packed carefully away, gathering dust. thus, as much as jill wants us to believe that her vagina isn’t gathering dust, tony knows better.

  38. I think “Christmas Pussy” is the kind of pussy that comes but once a year. I could be wrong, though. . .

  39. I love the constant threat that if we don’t settle for assholes we’ll be alone for the rest of our lives (with cats). I can think of many worse fates, say, living with one of these assholes. Not a tough choice to make really.

    I’m thinking maybe that John Locke quote was appropriate in Alaska’s mind b/c he believes women are property, or ought to be. Of course, you never can tell when trying to read the illiterate.

  41. I had to go with Tony, just because those multiple postscripts still crack my shit all up – plus Vagina Warrior!

    However, Roxy DID come in a close second with me. I’m with everyone else that a “Putting the F in Bitches” (est 1983) would rock as a shirt.

    and I also agree with the other judges that Hero is most likely to be a lolcat.

    (and we tried putting antlers on the pussy one christmas, but she ran under the TV then puked in my shoes, so we don’t do that sort of thing anymore)

  42. All of them are misogynist assholes, but since you can only have on vote in real life, I voted for Alaska Hero. His views mirror that of the American Talibans that want to ban all abortions.

  43. They’re all winners, but only one of them puts the “F” in “Bitches.”

    For me, that’s the “hole” contest.

  44. I had to “Put the F in Bitches.” Cause that’s how I role.

    As a lesbian that owns pretty much NO flannal and no hiking boots, I wish people would stop assuming I did. You wouldn’t be able to tell me about with all my hoodies and flip flops from anyone else. It’s actually annoying, cause no one just assumes I’m gay. And really, I’m pretty freaking queer.

    Sometimes, the knowledge that I will, in fact, NEVER have a man in my life makes me happy. Me and my girlfriend will just have amazing gay sex over here in the corner while they watch girl on girl porn while hate criming us.

    Man, my brain kinda hurts.

  45. “You wouldn’t be able to tell me about with all my hoodies and flip flops from anyone else.”

    Is suppose to be…

    “You wouldn’e be able to tell me apart from anyone else with all my hoodies and flip flops.”

    Sorry. Work has eaten my brain.

  46. “I think “Christmas Pussy” is the kind of pussy that comes but once a year.”

    Ohhhh…that makes more sense. I was picturing Christmas Pussy as festooned with tinsel, flocked like a cheap tree, or something kinky involving candy canes.

  48. As a Catholic who’s exposed to all kinds of comments about “Christmas/Easter Catholics” and the like, I figured “Christmas pussy” meant once a year (as per Simon’s suggestion), and the context of the comment makes it sound like that’s pretty much the case. I wouldn’t mind a definitive answer from Tony, though.

    And I thought I knew every single sexual vulgarism there was. I’ll bet Tony doesn’t know what a Cincinnati Bowtie is, though.

  50. What’s a “Vagina Warrior?” That’s part of the context of “Christmas Pussy.”

    You can read “Christmas Pussy” as either once a year, or freely given away.

    And “Vagina Warrior” could either be aggressively sexual or aggressively non-sexual.

    The problem with these madonna/whore fucktards is that you never know what it is they hate.

  52. I just had to go with Milo. While the “f” in bitches has a certain t-shirt cachet, the cordon sanitaire and placing 31 as the upper age in unwed feminists was just too precious.

  53. LOL! The cat thing cracks me up. It’s a no brainer to choose a cat over a human asshole. Cats and dogs for that matter are lower maintenance, better company, friendlier and much smarter. lol

  54. I’m a feminist and I’m in a loving relationship. Not all men are anti-feminist assholes, fortunately. BTW I just discovered this blog and it rocks!

  55. I think that “Vagina Warrior” = having the audacity to be more than a vagina.
    And I can’t stop thinking of Christmas Pussy as some kind of mystical St. Nick phenomenon, like waking up to find the cookies have been eaten. Like, you wake up and voila! Christmas pussy, right there in your wooden shoes! With tinsel, and candy, and those little gold coin chocolates!
    I think it would really add to a vaguely Dutch St. Nick’s celebration.

  57. Also, ya’ll totally need to Cafe Press some feministe tshirts like so:
    Feministe:
    Putting the “F” in Bitches since 200x.
    Who’s with me?!

  58. My vote goes to Alaska, if only because “Earth to feminasties” totally sounds like something Derek Zoolander would say. And the strung-out ellipses are just their own special kind of obnoxious. Plus, you have to be a creative soul to argue that the US was founded by feminazis. It’s a three-phase rocket to amazing.

    Jill, you’re fantastic for actually implementing this…

  60. I’d take a cat over an asshole husband any day.

    And I’m allergic to cats.

    Fortunately I’ve been married for 16 years to a guy who actually encourages my independence and development, and hence, my feminism. Right now he’s down cooking and cleaning for his parents, since his mother is sick.

    So I didn’t have to go with an asshole after all.

  61. I voted Tim, because he either only watched the first 20 seconds of that clip or has no grasp of the concept of irony. The Marge part did not help his point in the least.

  62. Enjoy being single, childless, desperate and sleeping with your cats in 10 years.

    Close, but not quite.
    I enjoy being married, currently childless, not desperate, and sleeping with my cats, dog, husband, (and occasionally books or laundry). I also like long walks on the beach (or park) and candle lit (vegan) dinners in case you were wondering.

  63. I voted for Roxy, because the complete lack of spelling or grammar and particularly “Putting the F in Bitches” is purely funny, whereas the others tend to depress me more.

    Also, I read “Christmas pussy” as meaning fucking someone you don’t really like (for instance at a Christmas party), for some reason. It’s neglecting the fact that “getting some pussy” is the male perspective – or is it lesbian Republicans that are involved? Using condoms? – but asking for a coherent point of view is probably asking too much.

  64. i went ahead and voted Tony. i’ve got a soft spot for him because he thinks that rosemary’s baby is documentary.
    he also claimed that his mother burned him cigarettes because of the evils of feminism.
    he, like a christmas pussy, is a gift that keeps on giving.

  66. Listen, maybe being outre and edgy and pretentiously pompous is fun for now, but believe me, when you hit 31 or so you’re going to look around and worry about your romantic/love prospects.

    I’m 31 and I stopped looking around three years ago. Some guys (admittedly, only a few) actually like women with minds of their own, imagine that.

  67. I voted for Tony, due to the cross-blog reference to Jeff. He really has done his feminist and pro-feminist blogger research.

    It’s an impressive commitment of time and energy. I mean, if you’re going to be a prick, at least be the best prick you can possibly be. Put some real effort into it, you know?

  70. Although I LOVE the “F” in Bitches, and Tony’s knotty-ragass commentary never fails to amuse, as an over 31-year-old feminist, I feel compelled to go with Milo.

    I was actually happy to turn 40 this year, which I suppose, in Milo’s schemata, makes me 3 steps away from embalming. No fear though my brilliant little sisters, 40 is fun, sexy and wonderful! Finally done with all the post grad hoop jumping, established and well past the age of giving a shit what imbeciles think. There are plenty of intelligent, strong spirited men AND women around to share one’s life and bed with.

    Children? Got em 🙂
    Cats? Allergic to them, sorry. Is there an alternate plan? OhmyGOSH they make fake down blankets, what about non-allergic cat substitutes for over 31 feminists??

    And am I the only one that thinks “The Twelve Days of Christmas Pussy” needs to be a pop-up book?

  71. Yeah, I voted for Milo.
    31 = “aging” made me laugh out loud.

    It also supports my theory that many trolls are inexperienced teenage boys.

    (A couple of years ago at the ripe old age of 32, my high school friend and I reviewed my high school year book in which she wrote, “someday when we’re really old, like 30…”)

  72. Oh, and this one is a charmer

    Slit their throats, rip off their tittes and piss down their throats.

    The Golden Shower violent necrophiliac. Always a Joy.

    I think Tony’s knottyraguptheass award should go to him.

  73. With all due respect, sometimes its hard not to be a troll here.

    I still remember a post where a F2M transgendered blogger complained that nurses at her hospital made a “big deal” about “a man getting a hysterectomy” and how society needed to stop treating trans-people like freaks. I totally sympathize but I HAD to troll – because someone had to point out that when a nurse finds out that a male patient is about to have his uterus removed(!), he/she damn well better make sure that it’s legit and not a mistake that is about to lead to a case of serious malpractice! Do we really want hospital staff to NOT double-check before they cut people open to remove organs they are not even supposed to have?

    Oh well, passionate people are interesting but inevitably produce a few howlers.

  74. With all due respect, sometimes its hard not to be a troll here.

    I still remember a post where a F2M transgendered blogger complained that nurses at her hospital made a “big deal” about “a man getting a hysterectomy” and how society needed to stop treating trans-people like freaks. I totally sympathize but I HAD to troll – because someone had to point out that when a nurse finds out that a male patient is about to have his uterus removed(!), he/she damn well better make sure that it’s legit and not a mistake that is about to lead to a case of serious malpractice! Do we really want hospital staff to NOT double-check before they cut people open to remove organs they are not even supposed to have?

    Oh well, passionate people are interesting but inevitably produce a few howlers.

  75. Gotta go with Alaska. Normally such flagrant ellipsis abuse would just irritate me, but the self-satisfied “that’s what I thought” — as if simply invoking the phrase “individual freedoms” constituted a legitimate, nay, *irrefutable* argument — literally made me laugh out loud.

    Seriously, folks, we’ve been bested. He knows the name of a noted philosopher (even if he seems somewhat unclear on what that philosopher argued). We should just surrender to his superior, manly brain.

  76. I think it’s funny that they are so worried that we will be sleeping singly, or with cats.

    Methinks there’s some projection going on there, and they are secretly afraid that THEY will be sleeping alone.

  77. Goodness, they’re all so wonderful!

    — From the original ‘F’ in ‘Bitches’. Er, something like that.

  78. mobiusedge:

    And am I the only one that thinks “The Twelve Days of Christmas Pussy” needs to be a pop-up book?

    I am SO with you. *_* Or like, an advent calendar…. ^__^

  79. Advent Calendar! Definitely!

    I’ve now been distracted all afternoon by the imagery of hot lesbians in short cut-off jeans wearing extra soft flannel…

  81. With all due respect, sometimes its hard not to be a troll here.

    Picking one handle and sticking to it instead of switching names in an effort to get past the mod queue is a good place to start.

  82. I had no hesitation in picking Milo just for the fact that he used the classic “I dare you to post this” maneuver. Plus, being 35 and not realizing I was supposed to be either married or miserable by now, I’m not sure what to do… Marry any asshole that might deign put his mighty cock in my wrinkly vagina (which is all scarred because of all the warrioring it has been through) or just give in to despair because I just can’t be happy without a man to please. And finally, finding out that I should pity poor Zuzu. I’m soooo sorry for you, Zuzu. We’re pretty much in the same boat, so I guess I’m sorry for me, too.

    And honestly, I’m just glad I’m not in a room with one of these righteous fighters for our happiness… They probably wear Axe or Tag, and we all know that no woman would be able to resist that. I’m getting all naked just thinking about it!

  83. Alaska Hero wins for sheer incoherency, as well as the fact that I think he might have been thinking of John Stuart Mill, which we be hilarious for additional reasons. But Tony was a close second:

    …it would motivate every male Republican better looking than Jeff Fecke (i.e. all) to adopt Feminascism.

    A combination of the words “feminism”, “narcissism”, Nazism” and “fascism” perhaps?

  84. With all due respect, sometimes its hard not to be a troll here.

    Picking one handle and sticking to it instead of switching names in an effort to get past the mod queue is a good place to start.

    Snap!

  86. Will Christmas Pussy replace Friday Cat blogging?

    Ha. Maybe I’ll use our ad money to start buying tinsel…

    I have a feeling our hits would go way up.

  87. 31’s old? Good Grief, I’m freaking ancient at 36! I had to vote for Milo, just in thanks for the heads up.

  89. when a nurse finds out that a male patient is about to have his uterus removed(!)

    I don’t really find that exclamation point worthy. Trans men exist. And some of them/us have uteruses. And guess what, if you are about to go under anesthesia and the knife, it kind of would rather be more of an ease on your mind if nurses weren’t like “why is there a man getting a hysterectomy!” it wouldn’t be that hard to correct that, just a trans-sensitivity workshop or two.
    But you’d rather troll because it’s so hard not to. poor, poor you.
    ps: don’t think we didn’t notice that “she” in reference to a guy.

  92. Eeeeekkkk! What a fun little poll! But dammit, it’s so hard to choose: “Roxy” with “her” incoherent, grammatically horrible post, and the way she identified the silent “F” in “Bitches” (dammit, how did they found out?!); ah, Tony and his grand bitterness; and the Alaskan Dimwit with his poor knowledge of history and civilization and excessively long pauses (………….).

    It’s so hard to pick just one!

  93. Check with zuzu, she sounds like a single, solitary and bitter cat lady.

    Boy, somebody at Feminist Central really screwed up. Zuzu only has one cat. And it’s a dog.

  94. Thanks to the short-sightedness of you femi-nasties, Tony is currently being robbed of the title that should so rightly be he by that pretender to-the-throne Alaska Hero. C’mon, people. Christmas pussy? Knotted ass rags? ” I could find better ass, with a better attitude, on the West Side of the Verrazano-Narrows”? Alaska Hero is a mere child compared to The Tone.

    And just to add to the new lyrics of 12 Days of Christmas Pussy:
    …Seven Fs in Bitches….

  96. I’d bet my left testicle

    I can’t decide who to vote for, they’re all so good, but if Jill wants to collect her winnings (and it’s obvious to everyone but Tony the terminally desperate virgin that he’s lost this bet) I’d be happy to give her advice on the procedure. The suprapubic route is generally considered superior to the trans-scrotal.

  97. I like Milo the best. While the reasoning is flawed (ummmm … what’s wrong with being 31 and childless/ single with cats?), s/he doesn’t come off as an illiterate …

  98. After re-reading Tonester, I voted for him on a different computer.

    Classic.

    (il)literacy, bitterness and stupidity

    That’s what we’re looking for.

  99. Voted for Tony, ’cause he’s obviously so concerned about Republicans getting laid. (I agree, Linnaeus, much too much protesting.)

    I also love how condoms are obviously something used only in non-romantic relationships… awww… someone’s not getting their spontanteous way… >^.^

  100. These guys are soooo pissed that some women might live their lives without needing to marry them – because they know there’s no way their personalities alone would keep a woman around.
    We can take care of ourselves; we spend our time with men we actually LIKE. Boohoo for the trolls who prefer to hold their women hostage financially.
    Do they really think the choice between a.) partnership with an entitled, sexist asshole & b.) a single, fun, free life spent with one’s *cats*, friends, family and men is a difficult one for feminists? Not that there isn’t another valid choice – marrying or committing to an enlightened man. But they think all enlightened men must be gay, I guess.
    I’m torn about my vote.

  101. With all due respect, sometimes its hard not to be a troll here.

    Well, you won’t have to try at all, because your ass is going so far into moderation you’ll be able to huff your own farts.

    BTW, people: “West of the Verrazano-Narrows” is Staten Island. Given that Tony goes by “Tony Palmyra,” and Palmyra is upstate, that tells me that he’s not really all that familiar with the geography of the Outer Boroughs, and perhaps thinks that he’s talking about New Jersey.

  102. I love how all these comments are basically just variations on the same two “insults”. I think you should combine all the names for the Top Troll award, since none of them are saying anything unique or original.

  103. I think Tony has the best chance at staying power.

    I am 33, and though I am currently awake, there is a fat calico cat sleeping on the couch next to me. She just opened an eye. I think that means hello.

    There are a couple of plaid flannel shirts and some hiking boots in the closet. Oh, and the pants I am wearing RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE as I watch the Red Sox beat up on the Indians are plaid flannel! Okay, they are lavender, but good enough.

    I’ll try to go be unhappy now. I was unaware that I was supposed to be. Thanks for letting me know.

  105. I love this person’s comment (#76)

    “I think it’s funny that they are so worried that we will be sleeping singly, or with cats.

    Methinks there’s some projection going on there, and they are secretly afraid that THEY will be sleeping alone.”

    Where did anyone get the idea that sleeping alone or with a cat is a bad thing?

  106. Voted for Tony as his two comments seem to illustrate a peculiar state of mind where the use of insults would result in a friendly receptive response…on what planet does this actually work??

    Out of curiosity, is this blog offering a prize to the winner of the Top Troll contest? 🙂

  107. Where did anyone get the idea that sleeping alone or with a cat is a bad thing?

    Srsly. I wish I could get my damn cat to sleep with me. He’s going through an aloof “teenager” period, and refuses to cuddle. Hmpf.

  108. mobiusedge, some people swear by hairless cats for people with allergies, since they have much less dander.

    Upside: enjoying the company of cats, who must by nature be feminist or something since cats piss so many people off to the extent that they wish a becatted life on others. An outside observer, say a space alien learning about our culture, would see that the people concerned with human rights and general fairness for everyone like cats, and the real jerks don’t like cats, and would thus conclude that cats are pretty awesome indeed. Nothin’ wrong with that. Also, you can wear black trousers without getting hair on them.
    Arguable: One might say that hairless cats are goofy-looking, weird, and wrinkly.
    Downside: hairless cats tend to leave oily spots on furniture, and if you live in a cold climate, might require little sweaters in the winter.

    Join the rest of the feminists and our cat army! We’ll rule the world. And when we rule the world, trolls will be given homesteads on Monster Island.

    (Is it sad that the only goal I have in life is to make enough money to afford to live in a place that will let me have cats? My other goal is world peace, but guess which one I’m betting on.)

  109. As I said to my vagina just the other day, come back with your shield or upon it. They grow up so fast! :sob:

  110. I had to go with Tony.

    P.S. I did so because I think knotted-ass-rag is one of the funniest things I have ever heard.

    P.P.S. – I also consider myself a Vagina Warrior (I will fight like hell to defend glorious vaginas from all unwelcome trespassers).

    P.P.P.S. I’m hoping the award will encourage Tony to define what exactly Christmas pussy is.

    P.P.P.S. I admire his frequent use of post scripts.

  112. I think, christmas pussy means a pussy that is ONLY there for decorative purposes and not for REAL use!
    Real as defined by the genuises like the boys quoted above!

  113. I voted for Tony. He seems more literate than the rest and that in this age of Republican funded schooling, is to be commended, this includes his originality in terminology. Kudos Tony for recognizing that the mighty Vagina Brigade is out to strip you of your manly power! His creepy misogyny seeping out in comments about who Jill fucks, when, why and how is classic troll behavior through the ages, long before there were computers, men worried endlessly about where the Mighty Vagina might go next.

    Also his mixing of politics with sex is interesting. Apparently like so many Republican politicians have revealed, he seems to see politics as a giant fuck-buddy club.

    And this comment tells it all:

    Next time y’all throw a party, you really ought to invite me . .

    He really admires Jill and wishes ardently that we’d have him around, really have him around us and hates us as he knows no sensible woman would do such a thing.

    A classic troll in every sense.

  114. Enjoy being single, childless, desperate and sleeping with your cats in 10 years.

    Haha, well if the alternative is sleeping with one of these lame assholes, I’ll take my cats (and my dignity, self-worth, and life goals that don’t include birthing asshole-spawn) any day.

  115. I think the “Christmas pussy” was a lame-ass attempt to riff off the term “Christmas cake”, which is a sexist insult for women over 25. (Get it? Nobody wants to eat it after the 25th?)

    I’m willing to take some Hanukkah pussy for the team, though. In the spirit of ecumenical outreach to hot lesbians and all.

  116. Hey, I’ve got some Hanukkah pussy for you, with a side of potato pancakes.

    Hey blnkfrnk, thanks for the hairless kitty advice. Something about stuffing a cat into a sweater is more than I can do…with a straight face anyway. Speaking of, there’s so many ways to twist your (very kind) comments.

    Let’s just say I have an aversion to hairless pussies, both feline and otherwise. Something about it screams “Put a merkin on me!”

    In other news, it’s raining in LA. YAY!

  117. Roxy really has a way with words (or parts of words). “F in Bitches” is great, but I liked “1 in the hole world” too.

  118. I had to go with Tony… Just so entitled it’s scary, and I was thrown by christmas pussy too..

    I think it’s something to do with only putting out once a year. I dunno I would like to hear what Tony meant personally..

    LOL

  119. Sweden is closer to gender parity than any of other nation and

    At the present time, the number of single people is one of the highest in the world.

    Meaning men have to give women a reason to want to be with them as opposed to need to be with them.

  120. As I said to my vagina just the other day, come back with your shield or upon it. They grow up so fast! :sob:

    I think I just peed myself.

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  122. Alaska Hero wins, for the irony value of a guy who clearly has no knowledge of grammar or punctuation resorting to the stock “ever been to college” crack… guess hes never been to… college…

  123. I’m willing to take some Hanukkah pussy for the team, though.

    That would be where, instead of lasting 8 seconds as it usually would, your orgasm miraculously lasts 8 days? Sounds fun but rigorous.

  124. That would be where, instead of lasting 8 seconds as it usually would, your orgasm miraculously lasts 8 days?

    Yes. And then you spend the rest of the year feeling guilty about it.

  125. Hmm. I voted for Tim, but after reading some of the comments, I think I may take up the challenge to print some tshirts that say “Putting the ‘F’ in Bitches” in the next month, while I have access to printmaking studios. I’ll send out a picture if I get a chance to actually do this!

  128. Hey, I usually sleep alone with my cats.

    But it’s because my husband works nights and my daughter doesn’t co-sleep anymore. Does Tim still hate me?

    Despite this, I voted for Milo, for the ‘I bet you won’t post this’ bit. Boy, was he wrong.

    Also, this has to be my favorite way of dealing with trolls, ever.

  129. I would vote for Tim, who said

    Enjoy being single, childless, desperate and sleeping with your cats in 10 years.

    But actually, I enjoy being single, childless, desperate (for a job at least) and sleeping with my cat NOW. Do I really need to wait 10 more years to be happy?

    Tim acts like being single and having cats is supposed to be a BAD thing. I’m soon to be married and I have two cats that I love and for the most part treat like they were my babies. The whole “cat lady” archtype as being a negative is merely a crutch for people like Tim who can’t seem to handle the fact that some women remain single and childless by CHOICE

  130. Hey, I usually sleep alone with my cats.

    But it’s because my husband works nights and my daughter doesn’t co-sleep anymore. Does Tim still hate me?

    Despite this, I voted for Milo, for the ‘I bet you won’t post this’ bit. Boy, was he wrong.

    Also, this has to be my favorite way of dealing with trolls, ever.

    I sleep with my cats too, especially when my fiance is away on business and they’re very cuddly and love to snuggle in the morning. They’re great company when I’m just lounging around reading or checking up on stuff online. In fact my 8 week old kitty is sitting on my lap as I type this!

  131. i loved Brenda’s comment (with your shield or on it!)
    i’m with zuzu, i think i peed my pants when i read it.

    i know i woke my boyfriend up – i was laughing so hard i choked!

    i’m gonna vote for Tony – consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. i feel very bad for his little mind; it must be lonely, surrounded by nothing but bile and testosterone

  133. Clarification: I am really NOT advocating that one trolls the other side of the political/social divide. We do not like it done to us; we should not really return the favor. That would be wrong. The News has been so depressing lately, a sense of humor is always appreciated. Many thanks …

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  135. Now that you have censored me, please show the decency to explain why. I am sure that Dept. of Agriculture report shocked the sheeot out of u.

  136. I’ll go for Milo, for originality, entertainment value, and learning. Not only his “dumb bunny” phrase is a quite well-crafted monument in condescension and paternalism, and pretty dumb-funny, but the post quoted here made me discover that the French phrase “cordon sanitaire” is used in English. Good for my English vocabulary.

  137. Check with zuzu, she sounds like a single, solitary and bitter cat lady.

    She’s not a bitter cat lady. She also has a dog. 😉

  138. I’m totally voting for Tony. He’s completely incoherent and that just cracks me up. I mean “Jill has Christmas pussy – despite the Vagina Warrior BS”? What does that even mean? Brilliant.

  139. . An outside observer, say a space alien learning about our culture, would see that the people concerned with human rights and general fairness for everyone like cats, and the real jerks don’t like cats, and would thus conclude that cats are pretty awesome indeed.

    OK, I gotta say…I don’t like cats. My mother doesn’t like cats. We’re both feminists, we’re both leftists, we’ve both been active in what used to be called the struggle. I like to think that neither of us are real jerks–at least, not compared to the likes of Tony!

  140. I’m willing to take some Hanukkah pussy for the team, though.

    That would be where, instead of lasting 8 seconds as it usually would, your orgasm miraculously lasts 8 days? Sounds fun but rigorous.

    Don’t forget “Ramadan pussy,” where you don’t get any for 30 days are so and come out of it claiming to feel cleansed and reborn. In other words, it’s pretty much the only kind Tony gets.

  141. Voting for the guy who bets his testicles, Tony. I figure he’ll keep doing that, forgetting he only has two, and if we wait awhile, he finally won’t have any testicles at all.

    And then, watch what happens: He’ll blame feminists for that too!

  143. I voted Alaska Hero. He was the most contradictory and illogical of the six (actually that was probably Roxy, but the Hero trips over himself a couple times, making him that much more entertaining). He needs to actually read this blog before he shoots his mouth off here.

    And on the subject of Tim’s video URL: because cartoons are exactly like reality! Sigh.

  144. I don’t care for most children, hate cats, have a wonderful relationship…and I’m a feminist! I think I like my life better than the haters like theirs! And if we’re stereotyping, I think they might get the short end of the stick…

  146. I voted for Tony because of (a) his apparent expertise in things anal (i.e., a knotted rag up the ass on purpose) and (b) the visual suggested by “You are already fucking Republicans…” I picture neocon Neandertals attempting to memorize passages from Dworkin as they prepare to court Jill. 😉

    But I’m really worried that my feminist girlfriend is going to be out of the mainstream as described by these great wits! Do I have to split up with her, induce without-a-man desperation… and buy her a cat? Or should I just try something with a knotted rag?

    A loofah?

    Falafel?!

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