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why do I fuck thee? let me count the ways

All 237 of them. Although they simplify the hundreds into 4 meta categories, researchers Cindy M. Meston and and David M. Buss have attempted for the first time to catalogue all of the reasons that humans have sex. (You can read the original article here. WARNING: PDF) By breaking motivations for sex into 4 huge categories (physical, goal attainment, emotional, and insecurity), Meston and Buss endeavor to explain the complexities of what was originally thought to be a pretty simple question. Researchers long assumed that there were three basic reasons that people have sex: to reproduce, to experience pleasure, and to relieve sexual tension, but no more. Their list includes things that seem incredibly obvious (I was attracted to the person) to the things that never would have occurred to me (to give my partner an STD). And some of them seem really, really redundant. What’s the distinction between “I was sexually aroused and wanted the release” and “I was ‘horny'”? Or “I wanted the pure pleasure” and “I wanted to experience the physical pleasure”? Hell, what even really distinguishes those four? I have no idea.

As it is, the article has some significant rejoinders to conventional wisdom. For example, the authors refute what one might call the gold digger myth: that women have sex to obtain resources and to sink their claws into an unsuspecting man’s wallet. Men were far more likely than women to admit to having a sexual relationship for purposes of getting a promotion, a raise, or a favor. They were also far more likely to cite the importance of proverbial arm candy in explaining why they were having sex.

While Tierney focuses on the points that either confirm or deny conventional wisdom, I find both the authors’ explanations of their results and possible sources of error to be the most fascinating part. (I mean, was I really supposed to be surprised that people do have sex because they feel obligated to do so? Or because they want to express affection for a partner?)

A gender-role perspective might explain this finding in terms of differences in the gender appropriateness of sexual constraint (i.e., females should be more restrained than males). If having sex (and lots of it) is something that society and evolution* have deemed successful men do (i.e., agentic, powerful, competent), then acting in this manner would be consistent with societal expectations for men. For women, however, endorsing reasons for having sex other than love, commitment, and reproduction would be inconsistent with societal expectancies. Thus, in order for a woman to do so, and to report doing so, she would necessarily need to be less concerned about social dictates and this might reflect an underlying cold and dominant personality style. In support of this explanation, disagreeableness (a trait linked to coldness and dominance) was strongly associated with each of the subfactors for having sex.

As with all self-report studies about sexual behavior, there is always the question as to whether or not your respondents are being truthful or conforming to expectations, and I think this part of the authors’ analysis is spot on. Questions about sex are loaded with cultural expectations and it can be difficult to get people to admit that they’re not within the acceptable range of behavior. The authors go on to point out that women who score higher on personality tests for disagreeableness and unconscientious are more likely to report more sexual partners, which at first makes it sound like only mean and irresponsible women have lots of partners, but really just illuminates the fact that if a woman doesn’t care what people think, she’s far more likely to buck expectations.

As far as reporting issues go, I am also concerned about the article’s discussion (or lack thereof) of rape. The article uses the word rape one time in the body of the paper and the term wasn’t included in the survey itself. (There were several choices: “I was afraid to say no due to the possibility of physical harm”, “I was physically forced”, “The person demanded I have sex with him or her”, “I was pressured into doing it”, “I was verbally coerced into doing it”.) Further, when talking about rape, the authors specifically only mentioned the two responses which address physical harm or threats. Given the overall significance of rape, particularly in their study population: mostly undergraduate and graduate students, I would have thought that this point required more inquiry.

And then there’s this, which made my stomach turn:

Men showed significantly greater endorsement of having sex due to physical reasons, such as “The person had a desireable body”; “The person was too hot (sexy) to resist”; and simply because the opportunity presented itself: “The person was available”; “The person had too much to drink and I was able to take advantage of them.

(Emphasis added)

It’s a little jarring to read an admission of rape in a scholarly article, but there you have it.

*One: this shouldn’t be phrased as a hypothetical. Two: evolution doesn’t “deem” anything. It’s not an agent.


11 thoughts on why do I fuck thee? let me count the ways

  1. At least my personal favorite (it’s fun) was in the “top 10” for both men and women. I cannot imagine sex for any other reason, frankly.

  2. It’s interesting to me that “emotional” and “insecurity” are two completely different categories in this study. Insecurity is an emotion.

  3. Good observations, though this bit still doesn’t sit well with me:

    Thus, in order for a woman to do so, and to report doing so, she would necessarily need to be less concerned about social dictates and this might reflect an underlying cold and dominant personality style.

    Less concerned about social dictates, yes. Therefore “cold and dominating”? Especially when those two words (used to describe women) are particularly loaded?

  4. Therefore “cold and dominating”? Especially when those two words (used to describe women) are particularly loaded?

    Yeah, I wasn’t a fan of how that was phrased. I have more than a sneaking suspicion that what counts as cold and dominant for women is different than it is for. (And even if it’s evaluated on the same terms, the implications of being such are radically different for men and women.)

  5. I remember seeing on Yahoo! a couple of weeks ago a study that they did that found that two personality types had the most sex: the cold/dominating type and the very warm and friendly type. I think the theory was that the first type has a lot of sex because they view it as a conquest, and the second type has a lot of sex because they view it as a way to get closer to someone they like (not necessarily in a romantic/”true love” way).

  6. Mnemosyne, I’ve always assumed those two categories in observing the way people approach sexual encounters and, for convenience, designated them the Byron’s vs the Shelley’s.

  7. oh lord, i just put in inappropriate apostrophies, my pedant credentials have been shattered.

  8. What’s the distinction between “I was sexually aroused and wanted the release” and “I was ‘horny’”?

    It depends on usage doesn’t it? FWIW, I notice a gender difference in this usage among my friends.

    My male friends and I typically use “horny” to mean “I need sexual release and can be ready to do so at a moments’ notice” whereas my female friends typically use “horny” to mean “I want the release, indeed, I’m already wet, even if I still could use a bit more foreplay before I’m wet enough for any sort of actual sex”.

    *

    two: evolution doesn’t “deem” anything. It’s not an agent.

    Speaking as (quasi-religious) biologist: thank you! The pseudo-evo-psych and social Darwinist crowds who act as if evolution is an agent (a designer, if you will, designing organisms and behaviors that are not just the way things are but the way they ought to be) are no different than the “intelligent design” crowd: one crowd says the intricacies of life evidence an intelligent designer (whomever designed my GI tract was an idiot, FWIW and, I know, TMI) while the other says evolution is the designer. But it’s the same diff.

    It’s wrong-headed science and, if you ask me, bad theology as well.

  9. Orlando, I assumed you were using the apostrophes to indicate possession (Byron’s way and Shelley’s way.)

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