1. I’m not used to writing on a site that gets so many visitors. For those of you that read my tiny little blog, you might notice that the comments are from the same group of people, some that I know personally and some that I feel I have gotten to know. Part of the reason why I didn’t write yesterday is because I suddenly became intimidated by the number of people that read my previous two posts. It shouldn’t overwhelm me, really, because this is a great opportunity, and to some extent, this is what blogging is about. And a part of me hopes that one day W.O.A.C. becomes as large as this community here. Until then, I’m really thrilled to be a guest blogger here – I think it is an important experience.
2. One of the things I noticed in comments on my own site as well as here, in response to the wedding post that I put up, is the notion of women needing to “be themselves” and “make their own choices” and “worrying about what is culturally acceptable”. I want to address this here rather than in another post because it borderlines on being such an issue for me that I don’t want to make it one. I think there many brown women, many women from diaspora communities and immigrant communities, many women who are from working class and poor families, many women who are hard working and hustle everyday of their lives…who can’t necessarily “just be themselves”. Sometimes these women have to pick their battles – sometimes they have to follow their hearts and their dreams and sometimes they have to yell and scream so that people will hear them at the risk of being emotionally wounded and even ignored. But sometimes women have to help their parents and their families. Sometimes they have to keep the peace by performing certain gender roles or holding their tongues. My choice to “be myself” is always going to come at a price – and sometimes, and for other women many times, this price is simply not worth it. So we learn to pick our battles, work through the system. I become weary of the comments and phrases above because it ignores the system and risks putting blame on the victim (not to suggest that women are victims – but rather that we are products of larger institutional systems that need to be looked at). There is so much more to say about this but for now this will have to be sufficient. My thoughts aren’t clear enough to be completely articulate.
3. Self-care is really really hard. So many of my women of color and queer people of color and working class friends become so invested in taking care of one another and in facing the challenges of the everyday, we get exhausted and the thought of taking care of ourselves seems daunting. As someone who has the privilege of accessing healthy food choices, I sometimes get too tired to just make a salad. I get lazy about exercising everyday. Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier if I had a lot of money to buy myself beauty services and gym subscriptions. I need to remember that women of color have to take care of themselves, their bodies, because otherwise what do we have left? We just become empty and then who are we helping and empowering and supporting?
4. Gaining weight is difficult and upsetting and frustrating. Staying healthy is something I need to think about more consciously.
5. Sometimes my posts, my discussion of race&gender, my specifications of women of color, alienate some white people and make them uncomfortable and guilty and defensive. I have encountered this while blogging, in classrooms, and in public. I’m beginning to believe more and more that this is about doing my work. My work right now is to talk about these things because it keeps me sane. Because there are people who leave me wonderful comments that say “I totally feel that way”. Do your work. That’s all there is to say about that. There isn’t really a response to the discomfort/alienation claim – I agree that this is a result of my writing, a result of my voice, a result of being a loud working class woman of color, and a result of someone who is extremely against second wave feminism, rather hoping for transnational frameworks of solidarity.
Tomorrow I will write something good!