Reader Anne sent me an email yesterday. “I don’t know if you’ve seen this,” she wrote, “but you’ve got some serious competition.”
Because I am evil, and my heart is shriveled and blackened from being barbequed on Satan’s gas grill during Hell’s annual Memorial Day Cookout last year (the devil is notorious for ruining perfectly good cuts of meat. You’d think he’d be better at working with fire, but then again, he is the devil. Disappointing people is his forté), I thought it was going to be a delightful trainwreck. But you know, honestly, it isn’t.
My Beloved’s Garden, owned and operated by Paul and Sherri Berner, is an online sex toy store for conservative Christian couples, and they seem to be trying to single handedly derail the conservative hysteria regarding sexual activity and are making a serious effort to provide their customers with factual information regarding sexual activity as well as heeding Biblical law.
Quite frankly, as we all know, with regards to human sexuality, a lot of the conservative Christian leaders out there like to do a little thing known in the secular world as “making stuff up.” Not so with the Berners. They have an FAQ page where they discuss topics such as anal sex and masturbation, and although I thought it was going to be factually inaccurate and judgmental, they proved me wrong, wrong, wrong on both counts. Even the things they do not agree with on grounds of it being an activity that either violates Biblical law or because it’s across the board disgusting, they manage to be very smooth and level-headed about it.
Now, because their worldview is framed in fundie ideology, there is a certain framework they work within that quite frankly, sucks. There’s just no getting around their hatred of gays and fucked up views on women’s submission. As my girl Twisty says about her radical feminist blog, “It discusses feminism from the point of view that the value of the liberation of women is not itself a matter of debate. Therefore, while opposing viewpoints are encouraged and welcomed, in order to be considered suitable for posting here, these views must proceed from within a framework of feminist theory.”
In order to appreciate what they’re doing, you have to accept that it’s a given that their business is going to be filtered through their fucked up worldview. Despite their unfortunate attitudes vis a vis The Fabulous who walk among us – the gay men and the bitchy broads – they are providing a truly valuable service, and I wish all fundies had similarly positive attitudes.
Honestly, it’s refreshing to actually be able to give them a peer to peer critique. First, get rid of that annoying, aggressive popup ad. I promise you, God hates it, too. Seriously, the website is a business. They’re already selling stuff, it’s the entire reason the website exists. Put the book the pop up is hawking in with the rest of the inventory and get it out of my face.
Second, it’s obvious from their FAQ that anal sex isn’t their bag. Which is absolutely, totally fine. And I can’t tell you how pleased I am that they logically realize that anal sex does not equal gay, and therefore should not be prohibited (there’s that fucked up worldview again. We’re just going to have to deal with it for now.) However, it’s coming across very clear that they don’t really condone it, and although the secular information given is not incorrect, they’re not really doing the anal-curious any favors. I have the same problem with answering technical questions about foot fetishism. Because I felt like I couldn’t answer the question in a manner that was knowledgeable and comprehensive, I asked a New York City sex worker, the superfantasic Audacia Ray, to answer the question for me. And answer it she did! I’m still getting email about that one.
**Tangent – I am of the opinion, and I am quite serious about this, that Audacia Ray is the Cutest Thing Ever. Just look at her. Adorable!**
What was I talking about? Right, they just seem to be spreading a little more doom and gloom in that section than strictly necessary. I probably would have done the same thing with answering the foot fetish question, so I let someone else with a better attitude handle it. Of course, it is possible that they don’t know any cute-as-a-button New York City sex workers, which as you can clearly see, is their loss.
In the interest of fairness, I must tell you they stomped me into the ground with their answer regarding Adult Nursing. I’m telling you right now, if you have a question about this, do not ask me. ASK THEM. I beg you.
You know what else should be required reading? The article they wrote on Domestic Discipline, which is either Biblically sanctioned wife beating or Biblically sanctioned fetishism. Nobody’s really sure which one it is, but either way you slice it, it sucks so it doesn’t matter. It’s a fine, fine article, and the Bermans dissect the entire practice beautifully.
I dunno. Although I’m completely unable to accept major parts of their belief system that structure the way their business is run, (due to the fact that I’m a feminist who finds lesbians to be magically delicious. Whee!) on the whole I was very pleasantly surprised.
P.S. – Did you see how I managed to make it all the way through a post about “My Beloved’s Garden” without making one cheap pubic hair joke? Let me tell you, it was not easy.